Choices We Make
By
Sharim
RATING: M (Just in case. Nothing really descriptive of gory or
bodgy,
but just in case)
WARNINGS: Heavy Duty Angst, minor-character deaths and just a
teeny,
tiny little bit of bad language, but hardly any
CATEGORY: Angst; Sam/Jack; Romance, AU, Drama(?)
SPOILERS: First and Second
season. Nearly all the episodes are
mentioned because it is an alternate timeline of the SGC.
SUMMARY: An alternate
timeline of the SGC, starting from before the
very first Stargate movie until about the end of season 2.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis. Others, please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of
Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko
Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes
only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright
infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and
story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without
permission of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A creative
in my english class gave me the germ of
an idea for this, so the whole first section (With Jack) is what I
wrote for my english, tailored to fit this story though. Okay, the
english piece was a version of this, but basically, this one goes
to
Mrs. Laning for making me do that stupid creative (which I
actually
got A's for!!) Hugs to Suds
and Jo Raven!! You guys rock! Oh yeah,
CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcomed, but I don't need flames cos I
don't
smoke.
*******************
Choices We Make 1: I Love You, Goodbye
I Love You, Goodbye
Performed by Celine Dion
(Used without permission. Sorry, but I LOVE her music)
Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their
heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's
something I can't do
*******************
The words jumped up off the page, a jumble as usual. Sara covered
her
mouth with the back of her hand as another yawn took hold of her.
She
blinked tiredly, putting the novel down and leaning back into the
couch as she yawned yet again, stretching this time and closing
her
eyes.
Jack watched her with trepidition. She was going to kill him, but
he
figured he might as well enjoy watching her catlike movements as
she
stretched. She'd always reminded him of a cat, with her golden
hair
and honey coloured skin, the way she seemed to float over the
ground
when she walked.
She stood up slowly, working the kinks out of her back. Jack had
taken long enough, she was going to bed now, it was way past a
normal
bed time. Mind you, the last time she'd gone to bed at a sane hour
was a long time ago.
"Hi," he said it softly, his voice low and slighly
apologetic.
Tiredness fled as she spun around, her eyes relieved to see him
standing in the shadows. He almost smiled when he saw the smile
creep
into her eyes, but the curve on his lips froze as her eyes
suddenely
blazed at him, anger stiffening her into a rigid line, her hackles
raised.
"Hi," she repeated, anger evident in her curt voice.
"Yeah, hi." Jack repeated, feeling like an idiot.
"That's all you can say? Not even a sorry." He watched
with a morbid
fascination as she pulled herself to her full height, a rather
short
height, but still imposing when she was like this.
"You wouldn't listen, even if I did say sorry." It was
the truth,
both of them knew it.
"You could at least try," she hissed, unsheathing her
claws as she
glared at him.
"I'm sorry Sara, really. I would have called..."
"But it would have endangered the whole mission," she
finished off
for him. "Don't you think you could a try a different excuse
once in
a while?"
"Sara, I'm not making an excuse, I'm telling you the
truth."
"Yes, I think you are, only I've been to dense to listen to
it
earlier," the fight suddenely seemed to go out of her voice,
defeat
darkening her eyes to a dull grey.
"No Sara, I'm not saying that!" he shook his head,
stepping towards
her.
"Don't!" Sara's voice cut like a whip. "Please,
don't." The plea was
wrenched from her. "I'm tired Jack. I'm tired of always being
second
to your job..." she smiled sadly.
"You're not..." He trailed off. It was the truth and
they both knew
it.
"Yes, I am. We both are." she sighed, her shoulders
slumping.
"No, I love you and Charlie!" he stated firmly, his
voice breaking
ever so slightly.
"I don't doubt that. You love your work more though."
"That's not true Sara!" he denied it hotly, pointlessly.
"It is, and we know it," she shook her head,
determination in her
eyes.
"No, it's not. I love you guys more than the Military,"
he said it
softly, his rigid back and perfectly positioned feet not moving as
the words slid from his lips.
"Would you give it up? Would you hand in your resignation
tomorrow,
to be with me and Charlie?" There was silence in the room,
only the
sound of the old, tired grandfather clock ticking broke it.
"I didn't
think so," the corners of her lips pulled down ever so
slightly in a
rueful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Sara..."
"Don't Jack. I told you, I'm tired. I'm going to bed
now." They
watched each other warily.
"Can I at least see him?" Jack asked softly, in control
of his
emotions, the military mask on his face not letting his emotions
show
through even a crack.
"No." Sara shook her head. "If you can't be there
all the time, I
won't let you be there at all."
"Sara, he needs me. He needs his Dad." Jack said it
softly, steel in
his voice.
"I know. He needs his Dad, not a part time father. That's
what you
are Jack, a part time father and a full time Colonel." She
shook her
head sadly.
"But..."
"No. You're going to hurt him enough as it is, I don't need
you to
hang around here playing with his emotions and only seeing him
when
it suits you." His shoulders slumped and lines seemed to
appear
around his eyes.
"I'll leave in the morning." He swallowed harshly,
trying to dissolve
the lump forming in his throat.
"You can't, can you?" She wasn't mocking, her voice was
sincerely
sympathetic for once.
"Can't what?"
"You can't even allow yourself to cry." The pity in her
voice hurt
more than the words themselves.
He watched her mutely as she turned around slowly and left with
her
back straight and her walk determined. She'd survive, she always
did.
Jack closed his eyes tightly, forcing the lump down and out of his
throat. Sara had always been stronger than anyone thought.
He moved towards the door like an old man, his hands shaking as
her
pulled a cupboard open and took out some blankets and a pillow.
They
smelt old and musty. He was old and the couch was hard and lumpy.
*******************
"Dad!" Charlie's voice rang with delight as he stopped
in the middle
of the lounge room.
"Hmmph." Jack grunted, trying to force his eyes open.
"You're home Dad!" Charlie cannon balled onto the couch,
wrapping his
tough little arms around his father's neck.
"Hmm." Jack returned the bear hug, savouring the little
boy smell
clinging to Charlie.
"I hit a homer Dad!" Charlie announced proudly, sitting
back so that
Jack could sit up.
"Wow. A homer huh? When did you do that?" Jack rubbed
his eyes,
trying to focus on his son.
"Yesterday. Coach said I was doing real well and might even
be on the
team next term!" Charlie bounced on the couch.
"Don't bounce on the couch Charlie, you'll wear out the
springs."
Sara's voice reached them. Jack looked at her. Dark circles under
her
eyes spoke of a sleepless night.
He looked just as bad as she did, Sara decided. The lines around
his
eyes and suddenly sagged appearance couldn't just be attributed to
a
bad night's sleep on an old couch.
"Morning," he risked it, watching her hopefully.
"Morning," she was just as wary as him, unsure how to
take it from
here.
"Mom, can I show Dad my new ball?" Charlie asked
suddenly, jumping
off the couch and running out of the room.
"You'd better tell him." Sara sighed.
"How?" Jack asked softly.
"I don't know. You can talk to him, he adores you."
Sara's eyes
filled slightly with tears.
"I love him Sara." Jack said simply.
"Not enough." She shook her head apologetically.
"But..."
"We talked about this last night Jack. It's not going to be
fair on
him to have a Dad that only sees him when it suits him." Sara
said,
anger in her voice.
"I'm sorry Sara," he sat on the couch and watched her.
"Me too," she agreed gently, turning away before he
could see the
tears run over her cheeks.
"I should have..." Jack started.
"No, don't go there." Sara stopped him, her back turned
towards him.
He could see her shoulders shaking slightly as she hugged her
waist,
trying to stop the tears. His arms itched to hold her and comfort
her
but this time he couldn't. It was his fault she was like that and
there was nothing he could do to change it.
"I'll start packing my things," he clenched his teeth as
he stood up.
"So you're not going to go to court?" Sara sounded
cautious.
"No." Jack shook his head. He couldn't do that to them as
well.
"Thank you." She whispered it softly, he barely heard
it.
"I love you and Charlie." Jack said quietly before he
turned and left
the room.
Sara watched him walk out of the room, his military march
betraying
his hurt and confusion. She still loved him too, but too much had
changed.
*******************
Gritting his teeth Charlie threw the ball in the air with one
hand,
deftly arranged his hands on the bat and whacked at the ball as it
fell back to earth. The ball caught the bat with a satisfying
thwack
and sailed into the wooden fence dented with hollows where it had
previously landed.
"You're getting good at that." Charlie turned around to
see his Dad
walking towards him slowly.
"Are you leaving again?" Charlie asked, fear in his
voice. He knew
that walk. When his Dad started walking like the Colonel he was,
Charlie knew to expect the worst.
"Yeah." Jack admitted, not sure what to tell Charlie.
"When are you coming home again?" Charlie asked softly.
Something was
different this time, and it scared him.
"I'm not." The words cut through his soul, but Jack had
to say them.
"Why?" Charlie demanded, anger pushing away his tears.
"Because your Mom and I think it's for the best." Jack
closed his
eyes so he wouldn't have to see his world fall around him as he
uttered the words. He was a coward.
"Why?" Charlie stepped backwards, away from his Dad
whose face so
full of pain.
"I'm not a good father Charlie. I'm not a good husband and I
don't
want you to turn out like me," Jack whispered, staring at the
ground.
"You are a great Dad, you're the best!" Charlie denied
it, raising
his big brown eyes up to Jack.
"No, I'm not Charlie. I didn't even see you hit a
homer." Jack forced
the lightness into his voice.
"You always do that!" Charlie screamed for no reason.
"Do what? Not see you play?" Jack asked, not denying it.
"NO. Make a joke of everything!" Charlie yelled at him,
his tears
spilling down his cheeks.
"I don't Charlie. This isn't a joke." Jack wished it
was.
"I don't care if you don't see my games," Charlie
whispered suddenly.
"I do." Jack stated simply.
"But I don't want you to go," Charlie hugged his dad
fiercely. Jack
knelt down and out his arms around his son.
"I love you Charlie." Jack told him, cupping the small
face in his
hands.
"Then don't go." Charlie cried, not letting go of Jack's
jacket.
"I have to Charlie. I'm not good enough for you or
Sara." Jack
whispered the words softly.
"Yes you are," Charlie sniffed.
"I'd watch your games if I was good enough," Jack
murmered against
the soft brown hair.
"I'm gonna stop playing if you go," Charlie threatened.
"No. Don't do that. You've got to be strong for your Mom and
for me,"
Jack told him sternly.
"But what if I don't want to be?" Charlie asked quietly.
"You will be Charlie. You're too much like your Mom not to be
strong," Jack allowed a slight smile to cross his face.
"Will I see you?" Charlie asked eventually.
"I don't know. It's up to your Mom," Jack admitted,
hoping that Sara
wasn't going to kill him for that.
"Do you hate Mommy?" Charlie asked suddenely.
"No. I don't hate her," Jack shook his head slowly.
"Then why are you going?" Charlie asked, confused.
"I'm not good enough for your Mom, Charlie. She deserves
better than
me, and I'm going to let her find someone," He tried to
explain.
"But she loves you. She always stays up really late when
you're away
and won't leave the phone just incase you ring," Charlie
tried one
more time.
Jack winced as the words cut through him. Sara knew he couldn't
ring
her when he was away. He knew why she was always waiting at the
phone, just in case the one phone call she didn't want to receive
came through. He must have put her through hell.
"No Charlie, she wasn't waiting for me to call," Jack
shook his sadly.
"Then who?" Charlie demanded, suddenely tired and heavy.
"It doesn't matter Charlie," Jack felt tired again.
"Just remember
that I love you, okay?"
Charlie studied his Dad in silence, noticing the grey hair for the
first time and the lines around the brown eyes. His dad was old.
"I
love you too." Charlie whispered, hugging him again. Jack
pulled
Charlie tightly against him, just holding him.
*******************
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
*******************
Sam opened the letter slowly, forcing her hands not to shake as
the
white envelope slowly parted beneath her eager fingers. Taking a
deep
breath she closed her eyes and unfolded the letter. Gathering her
courage she opened one eye to take a peek and nearly laughed out
loud. Upside down. She had the damn letter upside down!
Grinning to herself now, most of her nerves dissipitated, she
quickly
righted the letter and straightened out it's folds. Okay, this was
it. Steadying her hands again, she slowly started reading the
official black and white print. She could feel the tension
building
as her eyes took in the lines of meaningless text, greetings, well
wishes, formalities...
Her pulse quickened.
Thanks to your invaluable knowledge and expertise, as well as
persistance, the Stargate program is now officially a reality. In
a
week's time a team of Military Personnel will travel through the
Stargate and explore the world on the other side. Due to your
involvement and singular knowledge and the physics of how the
Stargate operates, we would very much like for your presence to be
one of the members of the team....
Sam let out a muffled squeal of excitement, her eyes glowing. A
reality. She was going to space! Holy Hannah! Oh...wow!
Incredible!
Unbelievable! Her dreams! Reality! Exploring another world!
Her thoughts crashed to a halt as her eye caught sight of the ring
on
her finger. Jonas. What was Jonas going to say? Oh, this could not
be
good.
*******************
'Come on Sam, pull yourself together.' She eyed the door to their
apartment nervously, unable to help the nervous shivers running
all
over her spine. Since when was she scared of Jonas? She was a
Captain
in the USAF, thank you very much. Perfectly capable of defending
herself against anyone. Except Jonas.
Another shudder ran through her.
Oh, he was not going to be happy. Not at all. Sam looked back
longingly at the mailbox in which she had just dropped her letter
of
acceptance. Why had she gone and done that? She'd had a whole week
to
reply.
For, she realised grimly, exactly this reason. So that Jonas
couldn't
talk or scare or beat her out of it. Once accepted, she was in.
Whether he liked it or not. Tough.
Squaring her shoulders, Sam defiantly plastered a smile on her
face
and got out of the car, refusing to let the bitter taste of fear
in
her mouth spread throughout her body. Oh, this was not good. Not
good
at all.
"That you?" Jonas sounded reasonably calm, Sam realised
with relief.
"Yeah." She answered him hesitantly, stopping only to
lock the door
behind her. Changing her mind, she unlocked it again, unsure just
what made her do it.
"What's taking you?" He grouched, and she pushed the
door to their
living room open.
"Hi." She smiled at him brightly, hoping against hope
that this would
go well.
"What's up?" He was alert, her false smile falling
horrendously flat.
"I uh...I got transferred today." Sam stuttered. Well,
okay, so that
wasn't the *complete* truth, but it was pretty close to the mark.
"You got transferred?" He asked her slowly, narrowing
his eyes.
"Yeah. To Colorado..." She trailed off, recognising the
look in his
eyes with fear.
"I thought we were engaged to be married." He said
calmly, not moving
an inch.
"We are." Sam swallowed, glancing involuntarily down at
the ring on
her hand.
"So how are we going to married if you're on one side of the
country
and I'm on the other?" Jonas pointed out logically, his eyes
like
little chips of ice.
"You could come with me..." Sam suggested lightly, a
half smile on
her face, hoping for some relief.
"Pardon? You seem to be forgetting, Samantha, that I'm in the
Airforce too."
"I know that, Jonas, so why can't you remember that I'm also
in the
Airforce?" She snapped, losing her temper.
"Because when we have kids..."
"Kids? We're not having kids now, Jonas. A few years away,
maybe, but
not now." Sam shook her head defiantly.
"I thought the whole point of being married was to have kids
together." Jonas shot back, rising slowly to his feet. Sam's
eyes
widened slightly in fear as she saw him wobbling slightly.
Drinking.
He'd been drinking...again.
"No it's not, it's to be with the person you love." Sam
felt a jolt
go through her as the words fell from her lips. The person you
love.
"You're not exactly going to be with me if you're in
Colorado, are
you?" Jonas snapped, losing his control.
"Jonas...I don't have any more choice about this than you
do..." Sam
tried to defend herself, stepping backwards to try and escape from
his advance.
"Yes you do. Resign." He spat the words at her, his
breath reeking of
alcohol as it stirred the hair on her face.
"No." She refused to back down. "This is my dream,
Jonas. I'm not
giving up my dream because you can't accept that fact that it's a
part of who I am!" Sam yelled at him.
"Don't you dare yell at me!" Jonas hissed, his hand
snaking out and
slapping her before she could react.
"Why? Or you'll just hit me again?" Sam retorted,
cradling her
stinging cheek with her right hand, feeling the bitterness rise in
her throat. "Well, Jonas, here's some food for thought, you
can't hit
me if I'm not here, can you?" She made her decision.
His fist came out of nowhere and struck her head while she was
struggling to remove the ring from her finger. Falling to the
ground,
Sam yanked the ring off and threw it at him, triumph etched onto
her
face as she finally broke free of him.
"I don't need you, Jonas." She told him, standing up
again and
holding onto the wall for support.
"You can't even defend yourself against me!" He hurled
at her, his
hand closing over her arm and pulling her back to him.
She could have easily knocked him out, raised a hand in
self-defence.
But, she realised with dismay, Jonas was right. She couldn't do
anything to him. Helplessly, frozen she stood as his hand
connected
with her jaw again. Stars exploded in her vision as he backhanded
her
with the same hand.
"You slut! You selfish, fucking bitch!" He yelled at
her, pushing her
away from him suddenly.
She stumbled backwards, her body connecting solidly with the
doorframe behind her. A dull crack shuddered through her head as
it
banged against the sharp wood.
Staggering dully to her feet, Sam looked vacantly at Jonas. She
saw
his bloodshot eyes, his hands with traces of her blood on it from
the
lips his hits had split, and she threw up.
Ridding herself of the sickness inside of her, Sam glanced idly at
Jonas again and then straightened herself, ignoring the high
pitched
buzzing at the back of her head.
"Good bye, Jonas." She said softly and turned around to
walk out of
the door.
*******************
I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only
Doing this for you
I don't really want to go
But deep in my heart I know this is the
kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'd be the one
that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
*******************
"How could you?" Sarah demanded, her eyes blazing at him
as she spun
agitatedly on her heel. "How could you do that? After all
that we've
done for you..."
"Sarah..." Daniel closed his eyes, holding his head in
his hands.
"No, I don't want to hear it Daniel." Sarah's clipped
tones stung
him. No one wanted to listen to him or take what he had to say
seriously.
"I had too..."
"Damnit Daniel, you've just thrown your whole career
away!" Sarah
screamed at him, running her hands through her hair. "And
probably
everyone else's as well!"
"Sarah!" Daniel snapped, losing patience. "Those
are my theories. I
can't go around spurting out some other half formed theories if I
don't believe them!"
"So you really believe that there are aliens amongst
us?" Sarah asked
sarcastically, tiredness showing in her eyes.
"No...not necessarily amongst us." He said softly.
"So what do you want me to do Daniel?" Sarah sighed,
walking to the
other end of the room and leaning against the door, her hands
resting
on her stomach.
"I don't know, Sarah." Daniel looked at her sorrowfully.
"You don't
believe me, do you?"
"No, I don't." She agreed softly.
"Then I guess it's over." He closed his eyes, unable to
hide his
tears.
"What are you saying?" Sarah hissed, but not coming
closer.
"It's over, Sarah. We can't have a relationship if you don't
believe
me."
"So because I think your theories are insane, we can't get
married?"
Sarah nearly laughed.
"Yes." Daniel looked at her, seriousness in his eyes.
"You think my
theories are insane, and that I'm insane for believing them. You
think that I'm insane, full stop." He said gently. "Not
yet, maybe,
but in the future..." He held his hands up helplessly.
"So what? This is it then? We just end it...like this? After
all this
time?"
"I'm sorry, Sarah." Daniel apologised.
"What about Stephen...the Professor?"
"You're all better off without me. My ideas will probably
ruin your
reputation. It's better that we cut off all ties like this and
just
end it now." Daniel lay back on his bed, staring up at the
roof.
"You're just going to accept it like that then?"
"What else is there to do, Sarah? Nothing I say or do is
going to
convince you that I'm right, and nothing you say or do is going to
convince me I'm wrong."
"The let's agree to disagree." Sarah suggested, tears
springing to
her eyes.
"We can't, Sarah, don't you understand that? This is the most
important thing in my life right now, just like your career is to
you." Daniel said softly, pointing out the truth in their
feelings.
"But..."
"I know." He agreed, pained because of the loss of their
relationship. "I still love you, you must know." He said
gently,
getting up and walking towards her.
"I know. I still...I love you too." She swallowed
slightly and gave a
wobbly smile. "Friends then?"
"Yes." He hugged her softly, savouring the feel of her
hair against
his cheek. "You better go now. Stephen and the Prof. wanted
to leave
soon." He let her go reluctantly.
"What about you?"
"What about me?" He sounded surprised.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know, I really don't know. I'll find a dig or
something to
work on for a while...I don't really need civilization at the
moment." He attempted a sad smile.
"Call me, huh? Let me know how you're doing." Sarah
stopped at the
door.
"I will." He promised. He waited as she opened her mouth
to say
something, uncertainty flashing through her eyes for a second.
"Yes?"
He waited.
"No...it's nothing. Just look after yourself, okay? And not
too much
coffee."
And then she was gone.
*******************
Oh I could say that I'd be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye.
*******************
Jack glanced with a dull disinterest at the paper on the desk in
front of him. Once again his thoughts slipped to Sara and Charlie?
Where were they? Sara had sold the house off and given him 1/3 of
what she'd received for it. He'd tried to give it back, but it was
as
if she'd vanished from the face of the earth and taken Charlie
with
her.
God, he missed Charlie so much.
Blinking, he looked back down at the mission briefing in front of
him.
"Busy, Jack?" Kowalsky poked his head around the corner
and studied
the man sitting at his desk.
"No." Jack said shortly, raising his empty eyes up at
Kowalsky.
"What's up, buddy?" Kowalsky demanded, settling himself
in Jack's
spare chair.
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that. You've been like this for too long now.
What
happened?"
"She left me." He said it bluntly, not revealing any
emotions.
Kowalsky blinked slightly and then double checked to make sure
Jack
wasn't joking.
"She what?"
"She left me. Took Charlie and disappeared."
"And what are you doing about it?"
"Nothing. It's what she wanted." Jack shrugged, turning
to the paper
on his desk again. Conversation finished, over and ready to be
thrown
away, deleted out of his memory.
"What do you want?"
"My son." Jack admitted, forcing images of Sara away.
Okay, so he
wanted Sara too...but he wasn't going to get her back...ever. He
didn't deserve her anyway.
"I don't understand, Jack..." Kowalsky started out.
"You don't need too." Jack inserted smoothly,
purposefully glaring at
Kowalsky. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got this mission
briefing to
finish. You should be getting ready..." Jack allowed himself
a moment
of wonder as he contemplated what he and the rest of his team were
going to do.
Amazing. He shook his head slightly and turned back to the desk.
Pity
he wasn't coming home. Not that he had anything to come home
too...he
only hoped Charlie remembered how much he loved him.
Kowalsky stood outside the door and frowned in concern as he saw
Jack
touch the photo of his ex-wife and son. "I'm sorry." He
heard the
Colonel whispering softly. "I'm so sorry."
Jack blinked firmly and turned his attention back to the paper for
the millionth time. Finish this first...and then take care
of...other
things.
*******************
Leaving someone when you
love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much
As I love you
*******************
"No, Jonas, I told you, it's over!" Sam slammed the
phone down and
leant against the wall for support. Catching sight of her face in
a
mirror, she grimaced. Most of bruises were gone now, but her ribs
and
the headaches that came out of nowhere still worried her.
Unplugging the phone, Sam threw the last of her gear into her bag
and
zipped it firmly shut. She had no idea how Jonas had gotten this
number in the first place, but even if he did come round she
wouldn't
be here.
A glimmer of excitement shot through her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she,
Captain Samantha Carter, was going to another planet. Through the
Stargate! A shiver of excitement ran up her spine. It dimmed
slightly
as she realised what this mission had cost her, but now that she
was
away from Jonas she began to realise that maybe, just maybe, this
was
for the better. Anything was better than being hit for no reason.
Blinking Sam realised she was already in her car and halfway down
the
block, heading in the wrong direction. Berating herself furiously
for
not paying attention, she carefully turned her car around and
headed
off in the right direction.
How stupid was that? Going the wrong direction. She'd better pay
attention, she'd never last on that team if she didn't...Shit! She
cursed silently as her attention was dragged back to the road by a
horn being blown. Narrowly missing the car she sighed in relief.
What
was wrong with her? Why couldn't she pay attention?
She blinked again. Out of nowhere a truck appeared. She was
vaguely
aware of screaming and pressing her foot down on the breaks, but
the
crunch of metal meeting metal and shattering of plastic told her
it
was too late.
*******************
Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye.
*******************
Daniel smiled to himself as he stood in front of the wormhole. A
wave
of sympathy welled up inside of him as he thought about the poor
soldier who'd been in the car accident. That poor soul was
supposed
to have been standing here as well, stepping through this watery
wall
of water to another world. Instead they were lying in a hospital
bed,
no one knowing whether they would wake up or not.
Still...Daniel felt a hand suddenly push him through, and he
stumbled
out at the otherside, nearly throwing up at the sensation.
'Oh God, that was terrible!' He thought to himself. 'Sarah would
have
loved it.'
*******************
Daniel glanced at the woman standing next to him....Sha're. She
was
beautiful...not like Sarah, a different kind of beauty.
"You sure?" Jack O'Neill asked him. Daniel studied the
man, taking in
the brown eyes that seemed to look a little more lively than when
he'd first met him.
"Yeah." Daniel agreed.
Jack sighed and surveyed the people of Abydos around him. His eyes
landed on Skaara...he reminded him of Charlie. Straightening his
shoulders, Jack smiled and clapped Daniel on the shoulder.
"Take care." He told him and then was swallowed up by
the wormhole.
Daniel put his arm around the narrow waist of his 'new wife' and
turned to follow 'his' people out of the pyramid. Smiling, he
kissed
Sha're's cheek gently and revelled in the knowledge that he had
been
right, and here was someone. He caught sight of a star in the
distance and smiled to himself. Maybe...maybe one day he'd go to
earth again, but now home was here. On Abydos. With Sha're, Skaara
and Kasuf. His family.
~o0o~
Baby it's never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye.
*******************
Choices We Make 2: At the Beginning
At The Beginning
Performed by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis
(Used without permission. Great song, great movie [talking about
Anastasia here])
We were strangers
starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
*******************
Jack rubbed his eyes as he gazed up at the heavens. He was
actually
feeling envious of that stupid archeologist/linguist who got to
stay
on Abydos. If he'd stayed on Abydos then he'd have Skaara.
Instead,
he'd come home to try and reason with Sarah about Charlie and only
ended up making matters worse, if that was possible.
"Colonel?" A voice reached him, sounding disgustingly
hollow in his
mind.
"Retired." He shot back, not even bother to hide the
irritation in
his voice.
"Right." A youngish looking man appeared at the top of
his
ladder. "Uh...you're needed back at NORAD." The man said
bluntly.
"Who are you?"
"Lieutenant Colonel Samuels." Samuels felt slightly
irritated with
this harsh, battle scarred soldier's tone.
"You should get yourself to NASA. That's where all the
action's gonna
be in a few years, up in the stars." Jack said half to
himself, half
to Samuels.
"With all due respect, Sir, you're really needed back at the
SGC."
"SGC?" Jack turned a surprised glance at this man.
"That's shut down,
long ago."
"No Sir, it's not." Samuels shook his head negative.
"As I've said
before, Sir, you're needed there."
"Okay." Jack stood up slowly, taking his time to study
the heavens
again. "Just make sure they have a donut waiting for me. I'm
hungry."
He explained, following Samuels down the ladder.
*******************
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
*******************
Sam glanced in the mirror, checking her appearance for the last
time.
Ruffling her short hair, she grimaced. Two years and her hair was
only a few centimetres long. Sighing, she narrowed her eyes. It
didn't look that bad, actually, it was just that she was *used* to
it
being long.
Just like she had been used to Jonas beating her, used to always
giving in to her dad, used to letting people order her around
without
grounds. No more. New hair style, new Samantha Carter. Maybe that
car-
crash had been a godsend after all, who knows?
"Captain Carter." The airman at the entrance checked her
pass and
then saluted her.
"At ease, Airman." She smiled at him, joy bubbling up
and escaping
through her bright blue eyes. Finally, she was going to go through
the Stargate! The airman smiled back at her, understanding her joy
as
she disappeared down the hallway.
Finding her way through the maze of passages and corridors was a
little tricky, but she found the infirmary pretty quickly anyway.
"Excuse me," She tapped a nurse on the shoulder.
"I'm looking for a
Dr. Janet Fraiser." She read the name off her slip of paper.
"Over there." The nurse pointed her in the direction of
a petite
brunette hastily setting up a cupboard of supplies.
"Uh...hi." Sam stepped forward, earning a welcoming
smile from the
doctor.
"Won't be a minute. You're Captain Carter, I take it?"
Dr. Fraiser
waved a hand in greeting before turning to properly face the tall
blond woman.
"The one and only." Sam nodded her head, already warming
to this
woman and her slightly brusque manner.
"Great. Well, General Hammond said to make this quick, you're
due for
a debriefing in half an hour." Dr. Fraiser led the way over
to a
small room that had been set up for physical examinations.
"So, how
are you feeling?"
"Great." Sam said honestly.
"That's good." Fraiser flashed a torch into Sam's eyes.
"I read about
your accident...nasty." She commented, studying the Captain's
reaction.
"Yeah, it was." Sam agreed, not really remembering
details. The last
thing she remembered was hanging up on Jonas.
"You're pretty lucky, you do realise." Fraiser
continued, aimlessly
chattering as she examined Sam.
"I know." Sam nodded her head. "It's strange,
thinking that two weeks
passed without me even knowing about it." She admitted.
"Well, it's surprising how quickly you've recovered,
considering how
long you were in that coma for."
"That's what I've been told." Sam grinned at her.
"But I missed out
on this opportunity once before, this time I'm definately
going."
"Well, unless something drastic happens in the next twelve
hours,
you're all clear." Fraiser stood back and allowed Sam to get
dressed
again. "I must say, you look different than your
photo..." She added,
grinning impishly.
"One crack about the hair and..." Sam smiled in return,
remembering
the photo of her with her long hair that had been on all her
documents. "No, I've decided that I'm keeping it short."
She added
running her hand through it absently.
"Smart." Fraiser smiled.
"Well, thanks Dr..."
"Call me Janet." Janet offered.
"Sam." Sam returned the favour.
"Hopefully when I see you again it will only to be give you
the all
clear, and not treating some hideous injury of some
descript." Janet
walked her to the door.
"I certainly hope so." Sam sobered as she remembered the
pictures of
the soldiers who'd been killed. They hadn't been pretty, to say
the
least.
"Find her, okay? And bring her back safely." Janet
ordered, her eyes
misting as she thought about her missing friend.
"I'll do that." Sam nodded her head firmly and marched
off in the
direction that she assumed the briefing room would be in.
*******************
"Where will he be transferring from?" Sam heard a voice
question the
statement.
"She's transferring from the Pentagon." She said
bluntly, marching
pointedly into the room. There was a silence as a room full of
males
all turned and gawked at her, surprised by the fact that she was a
woman, and a strikingly attractive one at that.
"Captain Carter has been working at the Pentagon for nearly
the last
two years now, as well as before that. It's thanks to her that
this
program is a reality. She's going to be accompanying you as your
Stargate Expert. She has a PhD."
"General, with all due respect, Sir, I'd like to pick my own
team."
"I assure you gentleman, I won't be playing with my dolls,
not on
this mission." Sam shot at them, challenging them.
"Let me guess, G.I.Joe?" A man asked her, obviously
taking his CO's
attitude towards her.
"No. Major Matt Mason actually." She shot right back.
"You mean that little astronaught one? The one with the
really cool
little back pack and rocket packs?" Another man asked her,
acceptance
showing on his face as he joked with her.
"That's the one."
"Children, if we've quite finished..."
Sam narrowed her eyes. Colonel O'Neill. So this was the famous man
who did as he pleased without too much trouble? "Colonel,
with all
due respect Sir, I was supposed to go on that first mission. I'm
not
missing out on this one." She inserted, determined not to be
cheated
again.
An uneasy silence filled the room. "General..." O'Neill
started out,
complaining.
"Colonel, just because I don't carry my reproductive organs
on the
outside and let testosterone control the way I think, doesn't mean
I
can't hold my own. I clocked over 200 hours in enemy airspace
during
the gulf..." Sam nearly blushed at her comments. How on earth
had she
just said that? She was sure a courtmarshall was coming up.
"That
tough enough for you, or are we going to have to arm
wrestle?"
"It's not women that I have a problem with," O'Neill
stated
truthfully. "I *like* women, a lot. It's scientists I have a
little
problem with." He said bluntly.
"Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter *will* be accompanying you
and your
team through the Stargate to Abydos within the hour." General
Hammond
stepped in, glaring at his 2IC. Jack sighed and sat back in his
chair, glaring at the blond woman opposite him. She returned his
glares with her own, those blue eyes, that had been surprisingly
intelligent and guarded for a blond, frying him on the spot. Oh,
this
was not good.
*******************
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
*******************
Daniel gently stood up and disengaged Sha're's arms from his neck.
"I'll be back soon, I promise." He told her softly,
kissing her cheek.
"Dan-yel?" She blinked, confused again.
"I've got to wait for my friends. For Jack." Daniel
explained gently,
tucking a dark strand of hair behind her ear. He studied her face
carefully. The love he felt for her threatening to drown him
again.
She smiled her understanding and consent at him, and then stood up
as
well to start preparations for the feast they both knew would
follow
the arrival of Jack and his team.
Skaara greeted Daniel with a slap on the back as he caught sight
of
the 'stranger' amongst them entering the room.
"Dan-yel..." He started talking, but was cut off by the
sudden sound
of the Stargate activating. Hurriedly all the Abydonians hid
behind
the pillars and watched as the wormhole locked into place. About
five
figures stepped through, one after the other. Instantly the
Abydonians had them covered, pointing their weapons threateningly
at
the unprepared team.
"Whoa!" Jack held his hands up, cursing himself for
being so stupid.
Carter, meanwhile, was nearly being sick behind him. He stifled a
grin. About time the good Captain was shown up.
"Jack!" Daniel's voice assailed his ears. He turned and
caught sight
of a slightly different Daniel Jackson approaching him hurriedly.
The
blue eyes were still just as alert as ever, but they were happy
now,
at peace with himself.
"Daniel. Good to see you!" Jack realised, with a start,
that it was
true. He'd only really known Jackson for that one mission, and
hadn't
even gotten on with him, but the courage the young argeologist had
displayed had earned him a grudging respect and friendship in
Jack's
heart.
Daniel looked in surprise as Jack approached him with open arms, a
huge grin on his face. Jack then veered to the left and
immediately
engulfed Skaara with a huge bear hug, the grin never leaving his
face. Skaara looked just as happy as Jack.
Daniel took the opportunity to study the other members of the team
that had accompanied Jack. He recognised Kowalsky's crooked grin
and
Ferretti's cheeky smile. A few others also looked familiar...and
there was a woman!
He hadn't realised she was a woman, until she'd taken her hat off
and
revealed an incredible mop of touseled blond hair accompanied by
large blue eyes that were just sparkling with curiousity and awe.
"Uh...hi." Daniel nodded at her.
"Dr. Jackson, I presume?" She asked him, her eyes
laughing silently
as he glanced down at himself.
"But of course." He responded in kind, giving her a wide
grin.
"Jackson, this is Captain Carter." Jack jerked his head
back at the
female. "She's a scientist, just like you. I'm sure you will
have
lots to talk about!" For some reason, Jack found himself
anxious that
the two of them got along. Why, he didn't know, it just seemed
important to him.
"Nice to meet you." Daniel nodded politely.
"Call me Sam." The woman instructed, shaking his hand
firmly.
"Daniel." He told her just as calmly.
"So, Daniel, where's your lovely wife?" Jack looked
around, not
seeing Sha're.
"She's busy cooking..." Daniel blushed slightly.
"What? No kiddies yet?" Kowalsky joked, causing Daniel
to turn even
redder.
"You're married?" Sam was startled, studying the man who
she judged
to be a bit younger than herself.
"Yeah." Daniel smiled, thinking about Sha're.
"Ah...here she is!" Jack smiled at Sha're who silently
smiled back
and came and stood next to Daniel. Everyone noticed as his arm
dropped around her waist in a very relaxed, comfortable manner.
Jack
felt a pang shoot through him. Jackson was happy here, but now
Jack
was going to ruin it for him.
"So Jack, what brings you here after all this time?"
Daniel asked as
they made their way to the feasting room.
"Well, a few days ago, we had some visitors." Jack
started off,
slipping into his role as narrator with ease. "They were very
familiar, if you know what I mean. Eyes glowed, had staff
weapons...that sort of thing."
"So?"
"So? Where did they come from?" Jack waited for an
answer.
"I don't know." Daniel looked surprised.
"Here..." Skaara interupted suddenly, presenting Jack
with a bowl of
some discript. Jack sniffed it curiously and then glanced
suspiciously at Daniel.
"Moonshine? You've been teaching them how to make
moonshine?" He
asked incredulously. "Daniel, what have you done to my
kids?" He
demanded.
"They're all grown up now, Colonel!" Kowalsky smile
fondly at a
boy. "Go on, try it!" He goaded his CO.
Glaring at Kowalsky, Jack sniffed the liquid again. Smiling warily
at
Skaara he took a gulp and nearly spat it all out again, choking in
the process.
"Oh...wow!" He blinked, forcing the tears away and
wishing his voice
didn't sound so croaky. Carter, sitting next to him, was highly
amused by the whole thing and that annoying, very appealing smile
was
going at full voltage. "Smooth. Very smooth."
"Anyway, Jack, you were saying that some aliens came to
earth?"
Daniel prodded, realising that this was important.
"Yeah...they kidnapped a female officer, shot the place up
and then
left."
"Well, it wasn't Ra." Daniel pointed out. "He's in
a million little
pieces right now..."
"Then who was it and where did they come from?" Ferretti
interjected.
"Come on, I've got to show you something!" Daniel jumped
up suddenly,
excitement on his face. Sam started in surprise at the man's
sudden,
erratic movements, but everyone else took it calmly, used to his
sudden bursts of excitement.
Sha're stood up along with everyone else, and then purposefully
kissed Daniel long and hard in front of everyone else.
"Bye." She
whispered, kissing his cheek softly.
"Bye." Daniel gulped, grinning widely as he led the way
to his find.
"They do that everytime?" Jack asked Skaara as he left,
a look of
disbelief on his face.
"Everytime." Skaara agreed, a look of disgust on his
handsome young
face. Sam fought hard to keep her own laughter hidden.
*******************
"This is incredible!" Sam breathed, gazing around the
room with large
eyes. She would never, ever have imagined this as a possibility.
"So what exactly have we decided then?" O'Neill
interupted, sending
her a glance that said, 'english, please'.
"Those aliens could have come from anywhere, Sir."
Carter responded
instantly. "All of these are destinations, and I can work out
a
program to account for the planetary shift which means that the
Stargates not only link between two planets, they link us to millions
of planets!" Her eyes glowed a luminious colour with
excitement,
O'Neill realised, slightly disconcerted that he noticed this.
"Let's get back to the SGC and tell Hammond about our
findings."
O'Neill ordered, dragging the two scientists and the other people
out
of the room.
"Oh God!" Sam's mouth dropped open in horror as she
surveyed the
scene in front of her.
"Captain?" O'Neill barked, questioning her for her
opinion.
"The aliens." She said simply, turning and catching
sight of Ferretti
lying on the ground. "Hold on." She told him as his eyes
slipped
closed in unconsciousness.
"They've got Skaara and Sha're." Daniel appeared from
behind her,
worry on his face and fear in his eyes.
"Let's get back to the SGC. Ferretti might have seen the co-
ordinates." Sam suggested.
"I'm not leaving!" Daniel declared stubbornly.
"You have to, Daniel. We'll go to earth and see if we can
find them.
We'll look for them, I promise you!" Jack said firmly.
Daniel studied Jack and saw the grief and concern for Skaara
present
there. He felt a surge of hope in him. If anyone could bring
Sha're
and Skaara back, it was Jack O'Neill.
No one said anything as Daniel started talking in the Egyptian
language he'd learnt during his stay. They watched silently as the
people all came up to him, touching his skin and ruffling his
hair,
showing that they still loved him. Sam forced herself not to cry
as
she heard Daniel's voice crack and he switched to english.
"One year. I'll come back in one year, and then you unbury
the gate
and I'll come and see you. I'll bring them back, I promise. One
year!" He told them, wiping his eyes.
"Dial us home, Captain." O'Neill said softly, watching
as Sam slowly
made her way over to the DHD and dialed earth.
*******************
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
*******************
"Come on." Jack nodded his head, indicating for Jackson
to follow him
down the corridors. There was silence as they got into Jack's car
and
he started the drive home.
"So this is your house." Daniel glanced around, slightly
surprised.
It was a very comfortable, tidy house. Not the kind of house he
pictured Jack O'Neill having.
"So it is." Jack agreed, heading over to the small
fridge he kept
stocked with beer for just this purpose. "How you
doing?" He asked
softly, knowing and able to comprehend the pain Daniel was going
through.
"Fine." Daniel lied, staring down at his beer. "You
know, I love
her." He said softly.
"I know. It's kind of obvious." Jack smiled slightly,
studying his
own beer.
"I was shocked as hell when I realised Kasuf had given her to
me....but now I can't believe I managed to live without her for so
long." Daniel sighed, closing his eyes.
"We'll find her, Daniel. Both of them. We'll bring them
home." Jack
said firmly.
"I know, but I miss her. I worry, Jack." Daniel opened
his eyes and
took a swig of the bitter liquid. "I never thought I'd hear
myself
saying I missed beer." He grinning ruefully.
"I can't believe you taught those kids how to make
moonshine!" Jack
snorted, taking a long drink.
"Homesickness, I guess." Daniel sighed again, his
thoughts
elsewhere. "So how about you?" He asked curiously.
"Pardon?" Jack was startled.
"How are you? Last time I saw you, you were feeling pretty
suicidal."
Daniel said bluntly. Jack gaped at the man. No one was allowed to
talk to him that way, and here was this scrawny excuse for
an 'archeologist' mouthing him!
"And don't try and deny it either." Daniel said firmly.
Jack closed his mouth and took another swig.
"So?" Daniel pushed.
"I should have stayed on Abydos too." Jack said
eventually.
"You wouldn't have coped. No beer." Daniel pointed.
"Skaara was there though."
"You really care about him, don't you?" Daniel pursed
his lips,
forcing himself not to think about Sha're.
"Yes, I do." Jack agreed, debating whether or not to
tell
Daniel. "Reminds me of my own kid."
"You have a kid?" Daniel looked mildly surprised.
"Yeah." Jack smiled bitterly, glancing involuntarily at
the picture
of Sara and Charlie still gracing his mantel.
"Where is he?" Daniel asked.
"With Sara." Jack was growing tired of this
conversation. "She left
me, won't let me see him."
"Why?"
"Damnit Jackson, I'm not good enough for them. Sara is right,
Charlie
deserves better than a part time father." He stood up,
angrily
casting his empty bottle at the rubbish bin. "The guest room
is up
the hall. There's a new toothbrush in the right hand drawer as
well
as some spare P.J.'s in the cupboard." Jack tossed over his
shoulder
before stalking off angrily and slamming his door behind him.
Daniel stood up slowly and examined the picture. He purposefully
picked up Jack's empty bottle and placed it in the bin along with
his, before searching out the spareroom.
Jack glared up at the ceiling, mad as hell with Jackson. He had no
right to come in here asking personal question like that. And why
the
hell had he answered them? Fuming, Jack turned onto his side and
thought about Sara. He missed her, he realised, a lot. She'd
always
been there for him, and now they were both gone. Her and Charlie.
He managed to screw a lot of peoples lives up.
*******************
And life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you.
*******************
Sam glanced around the room somewhat bleary eyed. Daniel and the
Colonel had shown up ten minutes ago, both silent and not even
acknowledging the other. She hoped no one would notice her own
inattentiveness. Pulling an all-nighter like that to work out a
program...it wasn't reccomended.
Everyone stood up when the General entered, and then sat down when
he
nodded.
"Captain Carter?" He glanced at her, waiting for her
report.
"Ah..yes Sir." Sam cleared her throat. "I managed
to work out the
program that should calculate and compromise for planetary
shift."
She started off, glancing around the room quickly. "The
computer
should spit out about one or two new destinations each
month." She
started off.
"General." Janet Fraiser suddenly appeared. "Ferretti
is awake, Sir,
he's pointed out the co-ordinates for the planet the Jaffa escaped
too." She started out.
"Thank you Dr." Janet left the room just as quietly as
she'd entered
it.
"Well, based on what you've just told us Captain, the
President's
plan is a go." He said, looking around.
"What plan?" Jack spoke up, confused.
"As off today, the SGC is going to be operating as a military
operation. There will be a set of teams formed, each one going on
missions to other planets for exploration and reconnaisance."
Hammond
started out. "Colonel, you get the Alpha team, SG-1.
Accompanying you
will be Captain Carter and..."
"Me, Sir." Daniel interjected, adding the Sir somewhat
bewilderdly.
"I beg your pardon?" General Hammond started out.
"I'd like to be on SG-1, General. No, I have to be on
SG-1." Daniel
said stubbornly, and Jack nearly grinned. Daniel was probably the
most stubborn person he knew, if somewhat flaky.
"I'm sorry son, but you're too valuable a member with too
much
knowledge to put you in the front lines..."
"General, Sir, I don't think you understand. I'm going to
find my
wife, and Jack's going to help me." Daniel glared at the
General.
"Dr. Jackson..."
"With all due respect, Sir, I'd like Daniel on my team."
Jack spoke
up.
"You would?"
"Yes." Jack nodded.
"Okay." General Hammond gave in gracefully, causing Jack
to narrow
his eyes. Had that been the plan all along? To have Daniel on
SG-1?
"What about the rest of my team?"
"For now it will just be yourself, Captain Carter and Dr.
Jackson.
When we get more recruits in we'll add a fourth member. Major
Kowalsky, SG-2 will be yours. Our Colonel here has been chewing my
ear for long enough now, saying you need a command of your
own."
Hammond smiled at the joyous look lighting up Kowalsky's face and
the
grin that crossed between him and O'Neill.
"So, what's our first mission?" Jack asked, getting to
the point.
"The planet that Ferretti has the co-ordinates for."
Hammond said
seriously.
*******************
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
*******************
Teal'C glanced disdainfully around the room, closing off the cries
his conscience was sending him. Laying eyes on the dark haired
woman
from Abydos, he immediately knew that this would be the one
Amounet
would choose. Why get more people killed just to prolong the
infesting of one single person?
He purposefully walked in front of her so he wouldn't see her
struggles or look at the fear in his eyes. Her fire and spirit
reminded him of Dray'C, and he was relieved that Jaffa could not
become hosts.
*******************
"Kill the rest." Apophis ordered his first prime, the
yellow eyes
glowing before he theatrically spun around and made his departure,
followed by his new queen.
Teal'C glanced around at his fellow Jaffa. They were all steadily
approaching the prisoners, waiting for his word. His eyes then
landed
on the strange people with the odd technologies. The tall man, the
leader, he was yelling something.
"I can save these people! Help me!" He begged, his eyes
hopeful.
Teal'C looked around again, seeing the determined expressions on
the
faces of the man's companions.
"Many have said that." He started out, charging his
staff
weapon. "But you are the first I have believed." He spun
around,
taking out Yashk'l on his right. He felt the guilt when he
realised
that Yashk'l's wife would now be husbandless, but fought on
anyway.
Two more of his fellow Jaffa fell after he threw his weapon to the
man he was helping.
In no time at all the Jaffa were all dead or dying, their threat
extinguished.
"Stand back!" The man ordered, and the people parted.
Firing once at
the walls, he created a hole. The blond woman was the first out,
and
soon all the prisoners were being encouraged to escape. Teal'C
watched them all leave, hundreds of emotions running through him.
He had just thrown away his family, for these people. Dray'C,
Ry'C,
their lives were in danger now because of his rebellion.
"Well, come on then." The man was waiting for him.
"I have no where to go." Teal'C realised, shocked and
shamed to
realised he was on the verge of tears.
"Come on, you can come and crash at my place." The man
offered.
Teal'C struggled to understand the strange speech and meaning, but
realised this man was offering his help and friendship.
"I am Teal'C." He said, stepping into the sunlight.
"Well, Teal'C, nice to meet you. I'm Jack O'Neill." The
man stated.
Teal'C dipped his head in the customary greeting, before taking
off
after Jack as the became aware of the danger they were in.
*******************
And life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna keep standing
At the beginning
With you.
*******************
Daniel stood, stunned in the gateroom.
"Daniel?" Sam's gentle voice broke through his thoughts.
"We'll find
her Daniel, we'll get her back for you." She said softly,
giving him
a quick hug.
He managed a small smile and turned to look at the large ring of
stone.
"Funny how this thing gave me the best time of my life, and
then also
took it away." He whispered.
"It's not gone, Daniel, just missing for a while." Sam
put and arm
around his shoulders and gently guided him out of the gate.
"Let's go
get cleaned up and debrief, okay?"
"Okay."
*******************
"I'm telling you General, He saved our backsides on that
planet. If
he hadn't helped us we wouldn't be here having this conversation.
The
only conversations we would be having right now is with either God
or
the other guy." Jack yelled.
"Jack, as much as I believe you, there's nothing I can
do."
"General, I want him on SG-1. He's a good man." Jack
insisted.
"How can you be sure?"
"How can you be sure I'm a good man?" Jack
counter-acted. "I'm not."
He added as an after thought, realising he'd just effectively put
both feet literally and completely into the hole he'd dug for
himself.
"Colonel...this isn't a decision that can be made
lightly." Hammond
said eventually.
"I know that, Sir." Jack nodded his head.
"I'll think about it." Hammond stood up.
*******************
Jack glared irritably at the message light beeping on his
answering
machine.
"Make yourselves at home...won't be long." He yelled to
his team. SG-
1. He liked the sound of that.
"What is this, Daniel Jackson?" He heard Teal'C asking
and hid a
smile.
"It's a television, Teal'C." Daniel started explaining
as Jack
chuckled.
"Oh! Wait! I love this show!" He heard Carter insert
suddenly as he
pushed the button.
"Colonel O'Neill, this is Senior Sergeant Mills from the
Colorado
Police Department. We would appreciate it very much if you got in
contact with us ASAP." The message ended abruptly. Curious,
Jack
picked up the phone and dialed the Police Station.
"Yeah, this is Jack O'Neill. I had a message from a Senior
Sergeant
Mills to ring him back ASAP....yes...thanks." He waited.
"Who is it?" Daniel appeared around the corner.
"No idea." Jack said, somewhat truthfully, turning
around when he
realised the archeologist wasn't getting the hint that he wanted
to
be left alone. Sighing he waited for the man to talk to him.
"Colonel O'Neill?" The man sounded slightly hesitant.
Instantly Jack
was alert.
"Uh, yeah?" He snapped sarcastically.
"I don't know if you're aware...but two days ago there was a
shoot
out at the school..."
"Charlie!" Jack hissed into the phone.
"No...Charlie's okay, Colonel. He's scared a little bit
confused, but
he's okay. Unfortuneately your wife..."
"Ex." Jack inserted automatically.
"Sorry, your ex-wife wasn't so lucky. She was...uh...shot
during the
incident and died instantly...."
Daniel watched in amazement as Jack's already pale face suddenly
drained of colour.
"She's gone?" He whispered brokenly.
"I'm sorry Colonel."
"Where's Charlie?"
"He's at the local on fifth..."
"I'll be there." Jack hung up and turned around, his
face deathly
white.
"What's wrong?" Daniel asked him gently.
"Sara is...was...I've got to get Charlie." Jack
stuttered, his lips
going numb for some absurd reason.
"Colonel...." Carter's voice startled him. For just a
minute he could
image her features a little older and more homely, her hair a
little
more on the brown side...and then he'd have Sara in front of him.
"What's wrong with Sara, Jack?"
"She uh...she was shot." He looked bewildered, Sam
realised.
Completely and utterly confused. "She didn't make it."
He added as an
after thought. "I've got to go pick Charlie up."
"Charlie?" Sam questioned. Who was Sara? And who was
Charlie?
"My son." O'Neill said the words strangely.
"You're in no condition to drive, Colonel." Sam said
firmly. "Daniel,
you take Teal'C back to base seeing as you're staying there
anyway.
I'll take the Colonel and we'll pick up Charlie." She organised.
"No." Jack said suddenly.
"Why not?" Sam demanded, annoyed with his tone.
"Because what would he think if he saw me with another woman
right
after his mother died?" Jack nearly laughed bitterly.
"I'll put on some fatigues." Sam shrugged. "You're
not driving
yourself, Colonel."
"Is that an order, *Captain*?" Jack demanded tiredly.
"Yes Sir." She stared him down, completely unfazed.
"Okay." He relented, his head pounding with sudden fear.
*******************
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart
*******************
The fatigues that O'Neill had thrown somewhat hurriedly at Sam
were
much to big for her, so she just slipped them on over the top of
her
civvies. Daniel and Teal'C followed them to the door. Silently the
four people split up, Daniel and Teal'C in one car and Sam and Jack
in the other.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Sam asked softly as
she turned the
car off, turning sympathetic blue eyes towards her CO of three
months.
"Why?" Jack asked her dully, anger shooting in his eyes.
It wasn't
fair that his Sara had died and this blond smart-ass was trying to
comfort him.
"I just thought that maybe you needed..." Sam said
softly, hurt when
she realised what he was thinking. He hated her, she realised.
"I don't need anything from *you*." He said harshly,
flinging the
door open and storming into the building.
"Colonel O'Neill?" The man at the desk looked up at him,
his eyes
sympathetic.
"Yeah. Where's Charlie?" Jack demanded.
"He's in the back. One of the officers looked after him last
night
because we couldn't get a hold of anyone else..." The man
trailed
off, leading the way through the department.
"Daddy!" Charlie jumped up and ran to Jack, wrapping his
strong
little arms tightly around Jack's neck, his hot tears running down
both of their cheeks.
"Where's Mommy?" Charlie sniffed, shaking.
"She's...she's in heaven, Charlie." Jack whispered,
kissing his
forhead gently.
"Why don't I see you anymore?" Charlie sobbed, refusing
to let go of
Jack.
"You will now Charlie, you will. You're coming to live with
me now."
He picked Charlie up, holding him close.
"And Mommy?"
"No Charlie...she's living with the angels now." Jack
glared at the
officer holding up paperwork. Seeming to understand, the man smiled
slightly and put the sheets of paper down, letting Jack walk out
into
the cold night air, carrying his son.
*******************
Sam watched as Jack approached, carrying a small body that must be
his son. Quickly she hopped out of the car and opened the back
door
for him before he had to do it himself. Silently O'Neill nodded
his
head and gently placed his exhausted son on the backseat, already
sleeping.
"I'll get you guys home." Sam said softly, her heart
going to out to
the poor young boy on the backseat.
"Thanks." Jack said gruffly. He watched as she
efficiently got back
into her seat and started the car, her hair glinting in the
streetlight. He'd been to quick to judge her, too harsh on her
because she reminded him so much of Sara.
Sara.
God, I'm sorry Sara.
*******************
"Daddy?" Sam paused as she heard the little boy's sleepy
voice.
"I'm here, Charlie." O'Neill dropped a gentle kiss on
the small boy's
head. She was surprised at how gentle he was with his son, how
quick
and practiced he was at taking care of him.
"I'm thirsty." Charlie said.
"I'll go make him a drink. Want a hot chocolate?" Sam
asked him,
earning his attention for the first time.
"Yeah." Charlie nodded, his eyes tearing up as he
glanced from his
Dad to Sam. "Are you Daddy's girlfriend?"
"No." Sam smiled slightly, amused. "I work with
your Daddy. I'm Sam."
She said, drawing attention to 'her' fatigues.
"Oh." Charlie looked a little happier.
"I'll go make you that hot chocolate. Colonel, you do have
hot
chocolate, right?"
"Yeah. In the cupboard next to the sink. All my munchies are
there."
Jack told her, not sparing her a glance as he dug around in the
cupboard, searching for some spare blankets.
Sam made the drinks, two of them, and then gingerly carried them
back
up to the room where she knew Charlie was going to be sleeping.
"Hey Charlie, where's the Colonel?" She looked around
the empty room
after catching sight of Charlie lying in the bed, a small,
miserable
little bundle.
"He had to go bathroom." Charlie murmered, sniffing
again. Glancing
around helplessly, Sam decided that she couldn't just leave the
poor
kid lying there alone.
"How you doing?" She asked, approaching and placing the
mugs of
chocolate on the bedside table and helping him to sit up.
"Okay." Charlie accepted the mug she gave him and took a
long sip.
"Is it good?" She smiled at him hopefully.
"Yeah...like my Mom's..." He started sniffing again, the
mug wobbling
precariously.
Sam gently took it from him and enveloped him in a warm hug,
holding
his shuddering body close to hers.
"It's okay...it'll be okay." She soothed him, stroking
his hair as he
cried against her shoulder, feeling his pain as if it was her own.
Jack appeared around the corner just in time to see her hugging
his
son. An unfair burst of anger rose up in him. Why was this woman
here, holding his son and comforting him? It should be his mother.
It
should be Sara.
"She's gone, Sam." Charlie hiccuped against her, his
little arms
holding her tightly.
Jack clenched his fists, unable to make his presence known so that
he
could comfort his son because the pain was still too knew and too
raw
for himself to deal with.
"Just one part of her's gone Charlie." Sam said softly,
holding him
tightly. "But she's not all gone. She's still there, watching
you and
wishing you weren't hurting so much."
"How do you know?" Charlie sniffled, sounding slightly
hopeful.
Sam hesitated, and even from this distance and the dimness of the
light, Jack could see the pain etched deeply on her features as
she
fought for control.
"I was about your age when my Mom died." Sam admitted,
closing her
eyes. "There was a car - accident, and she was hurt really
badly. She
bumped her head too hard and just didn't wake up." Sam felt
angry
that after all this time, thinking about it still brought tears to
her eyes and she felt them trickling down her cheeks.
"The doctors said my mommy didn't even feel it." Charlie
whispered.
"That's good then, she wasn't hurting." Sam told him.
"I saw her...him shoot...there was blood." Charlie
admitted as if it
was a crime, scared to death of saying it out loud.
"Oh, sweety." Sam kissed his forhead gently, holding him
while he
cried again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She hugged him
tightly.
"Sam?" Charlie's voice was muffled against her shirt.
"Where's my
Daddy?"
"I'm here, Charlie." Jack stepped into the room, blinking
his own
tears away, gazing with slight admiration at this woman who'd
managed
to get his son to open up in such a short amount of time.
"I'm scared, Daddy." Charlie cried, grabbing hold of
Jack's arm with
one hand but still holding firmly onto Sam. "What if those
bad men
come and shoot you or Sam?" Charlie cried, "I don't want
them too!"
"They won't Charlie, they won't. I promise." Jack rubbed
his son's
back, gazing helplessly at Sam. "Come on, sport, you can
sleep with
me tonight, huh?" He waited.
"And Sam?"
"Charlie...I don't think Sam wants to...she's got her own
home and..."
"Please?" Charlie begged, "I don't want them to
shoot her."
"They won't." Jack sighed, hugging Charlie close.
"Sam? Don't go!" Charlie panicked as she stood up.
"Carter...as much as this pains me..." Jack said softly,
his
embarrassment showing.. "Would you stay the night?"
"Okay." Sam agreed softly, unable to just leave the poor
child in
this state.
"Thanks." Jack stood up, holding Charlie in his arms.
"Where's Sam?" Charlie panicked.
"Don't you think it will be too squashy for all of us on the
bed..?"
Jack asked.
"No." Charlie looked around, his eyes fastening on Sam.
"Do you mind?" Jack turned to look at Sam, defeated.
Sam allowed herself a small, mental smile as she saw how that kid
had
Jack wrapped around his little finger. "No." She
shrugged.
"Come on then." Jack sighed, leading the way to his
room.
Sam glanced around nervously, suddenly panicky about this. What if
they got the wrong idea? What was she going to sleep in?
"Here." Jack threw her a large hockey jumper and his
night
gown. "It's all I've got. Sorry." He smiled slightly.
"No problem." She lied, taking the jumper and looking
around.
"The bathroom's just through there. You can go get changed,
I'll stay
with Charlie." He offered. "Toothbrush in the bottom
drawer...I
always keep spares." He added somewhat absently, turning his
attention back to Charlie.
"Thanks." Sam disappeared into the room.
She emerged a few minutes later, the hockey jumper nearly reaching
her knees and not even bothering with the night gown. O'Neill
glanced
at her once before turning his attention back to Charlie.
He pretended not to noticed as she crawled into the bed next to
Charlie, convinced that he was just being stupid. She reminded him
too much of Sara...way too much. But this was Sam Carter...Captain
Sam Carter, his 2IC and one difficult woman.
Funny that, he pursed his lips as he entered his bathroom
silently,
he was the only person that seemed to find her annoying and too
self
confident for her own good. Eveyone else loved her, including
Jackson
and Teal'C, not to mention Hammond. There was just something about
her that managed to get his hackles up the wrong way.
His breath caught in his throat when he re-entered the bedroom.
Charlie was lying in Sam's arms, sleeping. Her eyes were closed in
slumber as well. Sara. She looked so much like Sara. But she was
so
different to Sara. Forcing the pain away from him, he crawled as
gingerly as he could into the bed, determined not to wake them up.
Carefully he positioned himself next to Charlie, loathing the fact
that he couldn't hold his son now because his 2IC was. Closing his
eyes he turned the light off and let the darkness swallow them up.
*******************
And life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna keep standing
At the beginning
With you.
*******************
Choices We Make 3: I Will Come To You
I Will Come To You
Hanson
(Used without permission. Sorry to say, I don't really like Hanson
as
such, but the words appealed in this case. Let me just reaffirm
that...I am *not* a teeny bopper.)
When you have no light to guide you
No one to walk beside you
I will come to you
oh, come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
oh, come to you
*******************
"Hey, Jack, nice to see you." Daniel's voice assaulted
Jack's senses.
"Oh yeah, good to see you too, buddy." Jack retorted
grimly, glancing
around as he appeared in the gateroom. "So, what did I
miss?" He
demanded impatiently, eager to get home.
"Uh...nothing much really." Daniel studied him.
"You okay?"
"Other than looking like I'm hundred, I'm absolutely
fine!" Jack
snapped, irritated that he still felt old.
"Like I said before, Sir, you should be yourself in about a
week."
Carter's annoyingly bright smile for some reason irritated him
more
than ever. Could it be because her eyes had been mocking him the
entire time, sending him that 'serves you right' look the whole
mission. It's not like he asked for Kynthia to do what she
did...he
was drugged!
Jack merely grunted in her direction and stumbled down the ramp,
shaking off Daniel's helping hand. He may be old, but he wasn't
done
in yet! "What about Charlie?"
"Well...he's a little worried about you..." Carter said
slowly, "But
I told him you'd be back soon." She added.
"Where's he staying?"
"At your house, where else?" She sounded slightly
surprised.
"With who?"
"Well, the first week we got the baby-sitter to stay with him
- don't
worry about the cost, General Hammond's taken care of it.
Something
about compensation, I believe he said." Sam smiled at him,
and he
didn't object for once as her hand rested on his arm while she
guided
him to the infirmary. "Then Janet and I took turns staying
with him
once we found the cure...you should be able to see him probably
tomorrow or the day after, judging by your recovery rate."
She
chattered happily.
"Where's he now?" Jack demanded, missing his son
incredibly.
"School. I'm picking him up this afternoon and staying with
him till
you get back, seeing as we're all on downtime." Sam explained
as they
entered the infirmary.
"Thanks." Jack grudged a smile and hobbled over to the
bed without
being ordered to by Janet. Sam smiled a tight smile before
bounding
out of the room, anger etched deeply on her features.
"I don't get you, Colonel." Janet said disapprovingly as
he glanced
at her.
"What's there to get?" He quipped, earning a glare from
the petite
doctor.
"Have you realised that you are the only person who doesn't
like Sam?"
"So?" He waited, his eyes wide.
"Why don't you like her?"
"I don't know. There's just something..." He shrugged,
not enjoying
the conversation.
"If you dislike her so much, despite everything she's done
for you
and Charlie, why don't you get her transferred?"
"She's the best we've got, Dr." He said bluntly.
"We can't let
personal likes and dislikes influence us and the way we act."
"Seems to me like you're doing that anyway." Janet
commented, pulling
out her little flashlight.
"So what is the point of shining that in my eyes?" Jack
complained.
"Routine." Janet shrugged, putting it away once the deed
was
done. "You know what I think?" She continued their
previous
conversation.
"What?" Jack demanded irritably.
"I think that you just don't want to like her." Janet
said smugly.
"Oh? And why would that be the case?"
"I don't know." Janet narrowed her eyes. "Could be
something to do
with the fact that she's blond, blue eyed, attractive, like your
ex."
Janet stated bluntly.
"Are you the psychologist now?" He snapped, losing
patience.
"Something like that." Janet agreed amiacbly. "If
you let yourself,
and you get to know her, you'll really grow to like her a
lot."
"She said something along those lines to me when we first
met." Jack
admitted, smiling ruefully. Janet could have sworn she saw a
glimpse
of affection in the deep depths of his eyes.
"You know, Colonel..." She said hesitantly.
"What?" Jack narrowed his eyes, not liking the tone of
her voice.
"As a friend, Jack, don't let Sara dictate the rest of your
life."
Janet said softly, touching his shoulder gently.
"What would you know about Sara, Janet?" Jack snapped,
rising
unsteadily to his feet.
"I know you loved her, and I know she hurt you." Janet
kept her hand
on his arm. "But Sam isn't Sara, okay? Don't hate Sam because
she
reminds you of Sara, and don't like her because she reminds you of
Sara. She's Sam, a person in her own right..."
"Thank you Dr. Mindreader, now if you don't mind, I've got to
go and
have my beauty sleep!" Jack snapped, shrugging her hand off
his
shoulder.
"I'm right, Jack, and you know it." Janet's words
followed him out of
the room, taunting him despite their gentle deliverance.
*******************
Oh sometimes
When all your dreams
May have seen better days
and when you don't know how or why
but you lost your way
Have no fear
when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear that I'll be there
come what may
*******************
"You didn't listen to me, did you?" Janet asked softly,
watching as
an incredibly upset Captain Carter nearly ran from the room as a
furious Colonel stomped out of it in the opposite direction.
"Dr?" General Hammond glanced at her curiously, having
caught her
comment without her intending for him to hear it.
"Nothing, General." Janet shook her head slightly,
looking down at
the papers in her hands.
"I'm concerned about the working relationship of SG-1."
General
Hammond said eventually, earning a raised eyebrow from Teal'C and
a
curious, if not somewhat defensive 'what?' from Daniel. "It
appears
to me that the Colonel and the Captain aren't getting along. At
all."
"Well...they do disagree sometimes..." Daniel agreed
slowly.
"I can't afford to compromise my teams because of people who
can't
put their differences aside." General Hammond said bluntly.
"So what are you going to do? Split us up?"
"I'll probably have to transfer Captain Carter..."
General Hammond
said reluctantly.
"General...if I could talk to Jack I'm sure I could convince
him..."
"Relax Dr. Jackson, I'm just giving you a warning. This next
mission
to the outpost on Hanka will be the opportunity for me to evaluate
the balance of this team. If it goes well and no major dramas
flare
up, then SG-1 will remain the same for a while. Make sure you tell
both the Colonel and the Captain of my decision." He added,
standing
up with resignation on his face.
"I don't understand why they don't like each other."
Daniel commented
eventually to Janet. "Well, okay, I can understand Sam not
liking
Jack because he's been a complete ass to her, but I don't
understand
why he's such an ass to her? I mean, his kid loves her and she's a
great person..."
"That's the problem." Janet sighed softly.
"Does Captain Carter not bear a significant resemblance to
O'Neill's
deceased wife?" Teal'C asked pointedly.
"Well...yeah, I suppose she does." Daniel agreed.
"Sara hurt him." Janet said bluntly. "Sam reminds
him of Sara. One
and one equal two." Janet shrugged.
"I know, but it's not right."
"I know that, Daniel. I've talked to him." Janet sighed.
"You try and
see what happens." She stood up, gathering her papers.
"Okay, I will." Daniel agreed, leaving the room and
followed closely
by his shadow, Teal'C.
*******************
"So this is a test then? To see if we stay together or
not?" Jack
complained, glaring at Sam who shot him an equally potent look.
"Yes." Daniel glared at both of them. "Now stop
acting like kids and
just try to get along for crying out loud!"
"That's my line." Jack said snappily.
"I don't care. Anyone would think you want Sam off your
team!"
"Who says I don't?" Jack shot back.
"If that's the case, *Colonel*, why don't you get me
transferred
then?" Sam yelled at him, anger blazing in her eyes.
"So it's my fault now, is it?"
"Damnit Colonel, what the hell is your problem?" Sam
stopped walking
and turned furiously towards Jack. "You've been treating me
like
shit, and I've done absolutely nothing to you!"
"Watch your language, *Captain*! Do you want to be court
marshalled?"
Jack retorted.
"You're not answering my question, *Colonel*, you're just
avoiding
it!"
Jack was saved from having to respond by Teal'C's quiet warning.
"O'Neill!" He pointed up ahead at a body lying on the
ground.
Abandoning their argument, both Jack and Sam silently approached
the
body and jerked back in shock when they saw it.
"Shit!" Jack hissed, immediately pulling the disinfectant
out of his
pack. "Gas masks, now!" He ordered when the rest saw the
man.
"What happened to him?" Sam wondered out loud, her eyes
large in her
face as she took in the gruesome details.
"I don't know. Let's meet up with the other SG teams at the
barracks
and find out what's going on." Jack decided. Wordlessly Sam
fell into
step beside him and together they all jogged towards the barracks
that had been erected a few weeks ago.
Daniel couldn't help but wish that the two military members of
SG-1
would get along together like they could work together. When they
were operating in battle mode or carrying out a task, they worked
together like a single unit, absolutely in sync with the other. On
the other hand, when they weren't working together they were
bickering, arguing and generally had to be kept apart because
Daniel
was scared they could come to blows. The only thing the two of
them
seemed to be able to agree on was Charlie, and that was the only
reason that Sam was nearly a permanent fixture at the O'Neill
household.
*******************
"There's something in those bushes." Sam whispered, her
eyes catching
movement again.
"What is it?" Daniel asked, squinting to try and see
better through
the long grass.
"I don't know." Sam replied, rolling her eyes.
"I will find out." Teal'C disappeared into the grass.
Seconds later
he appeared again, leading a hesitant little girl behind him.
"She is
unarmed." He stated.
"Hello." Sam knelt down, studying the pale face framed
with long red
hair. "My name's Sam, what's yours?" She was met with
silence as the
girl nervously studied her.
"Charm seems to be fading, Carter." O'Neill said
sarcastically,
turning away. "Let's get her to the unit and try to find out
what's
wrong with her." He turned and led the way to where Janet
Fraiser was
stationed.
*******************
"I'm staying here, Colonel." Carter's voice was wobbly,
he knew she
was scared.
"Damnit Captain, get your six to the surface, NOW!" He
ordered.
"No Sir, I'm not leaving her." He felt like going down
there himself,
slapping that too attractive face from one side of the millenium
to
the other, and then carrying her bodily out of there.
"Captain, you are disobeying a direct order!" He
screeched at her,
feeling fear clutch at his heart suddenly. Fear? Why was he scared
and worried suddenly? His palms were clammy with sweat. Fear. It
was
all over him suddenly.
"Up yours, Colonel." Her voice reached him calmly and
coolly, and
then she refused to respond his calls.
"Charlie...what about Charlie, Carter?" He demanded into
the little
box, throwing his last card onto the table.
"I...I'm sorry, Sir. Tell him I love him, okay?" She
whispered, and
he could imagine those slender fingers running down the little
intercom as if she could reach out and stroke Charlie's face like
she
did when she tucked him in sometimes.
"You love him?" Jack was surprised, he knew she cared
about
Charlie...but loved him?
"Yes. He's a good kid." He heard something that sounded
suspiciously
like a sniff.
"Carter...Sam...please." He begged, not caring that
Daniel and Teal'C
were standing there, watching him beg, observing the raw emotions
of
fear and the sudden rush of emotion he felt for this woman.
"I'm sorry, Colonel, really." Her voice was sincere, and
for the
first time Jack felt as though he had missed out on something by
pushing this woman away from him.
"Carter...I'm..."
"Forget it Sir." Her voice was cold, as if she knew he
was going to
make an eleventh hour plea for forgiveness. "Just tell
Charlie,
okay?" And then she was gone. He knew she'd turned the
intercom off.
There was silence in the room.
"Ten seconds." Daniel whispered, closing his eyes and dropping
the
timer.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Jack opened one eye and strained to hear something.
"Captain?" He touched the intercom hesitantly, scared
that she
wouldn't respond. Nothing. There was silence. "Carter? Damnit
Carter,
answer me!"
"Colonel!" Her voice was breathless, he could almost
imagine the
adrenaline pumping through her veins as it was pumping through
his. "We're okay Sir, we're okay!" She was laughing and
he could here
her sniffing inbetween the melodious chimes.
"Get your six up here pronto, Carter." He couldn't help
turning his
relief, his elation into anger, the ice that he was so used to
showing this Captain of his. How could he show her that he didn't
really mean those things he told her? That he didn't really hate
her?
How could he show her who he really was when she had already
formed
an opinion of him. He'd ruined it, and didn't know how to relate
to
her now. He'd made them into enemies, when they should have been
friends.
"Jack!" Daniel snapped.
"She disobeyed my orders, Daniel." Jack said coldly,
glaring at the
younger man. "Regardless of whether she was right or wrong,
she
disobeyed my orders."
"So you're embarrassed because you were shown up by a
woman." Daniel
spat, his eyes disgusted. "I thought you were better than
this, Jack.
I really did." He turned and walked away.
The elevator door opened and a very defiant Sam Carter stepped
out,
closely clutching Cassie against her.
"Get in the car, Captain." Jack barked, and then walked
away as well.
*******************
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh, come to you.
*******************
He stared down at the carpet nervously. Nervous? General Jacob
Carter, nervous? Things really were bad.
"General?" He hated the way the nurses called him by his
rank.
General. Not a mark of respect on their tone, just sympathy and a
slight amount of affection. It was a nickname to them, not a
symbol
of honour, of what he spent his whole life working for. He felt
like
a horse called General. An old man. He didn't feel like a General
in
the USAF.
"General Carter?" The voice pesisted.
"Yeah." He stood up, forcing his aching back straight
and ignoring
the spinning sensation he'd been feeling for far too long.
"This way, please." The nurse guided him through the
corridors to the
little office he was so used to going for his check-up.
"How is it?" He demanded as soon as the nurse left. Why
bother with
pleasantries? This was as serious as the Gulf War.
"General...Jacob...if you'd come to us earlier..." The
doctor trailed
off, his eyes telling Jacob everything he needed to know.
"Maybe if
you'd come to that first appointment instead of playing fit and
healthy we could have slowed this down or even stopped it..."
"So how long do I have?"
"A few months, maybe a year." The Dr. sighed, sorrow in
his light
blue eyes.
"So what do I do now?"
"Well...we can get you going on the chemo again, a stronger
course to
slow it down if you like."
"Yeah. Anything. I'm not going to be beaten by a squadron of
the
little buggers I can't even see." Jacob's eyes glinted. And,
he
thought silently, I have to see my kids again.
"What about your family?" The Dr. seemed to read his
mind, "I'd
reccommend getting in contact with them...you know..."
"Yeah. I'll do that." Jacob smiled a skew smile. Maybe
Sam wouldn't
mind her old man hanging around for a while.
"That's good." The Dr. smiled slightly again and
motioned for Jacob
to sit down so that they could start discussing his options.
~o0o~
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends
Now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there
Come what may
*******************
Sam smiled as Cassie and Charlie each gave her a hug and a kiss on
the cheek.
"Have fun!" She laughed as they turned their attention
to Janet,
waved once more and then took off up the path that led them to
school.
"So what now?"
"I don't know. I'd like to go back to base for a
while..."
"Sam, you're on down time!" Janet admonished, a smile
lighting her
eyes.
"With nothing to do!" Sam retorted, rolling her eyes.
"What about hanging around with me for a while?"
"What are you doing?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"Oh just the usual, catching up on housework, some baking,
maybe
gardening..." Janet laughed. "Or we could just have a
girls day out?"
She asked hopefully.
"Whatever you want. Just don't include me in baking plans
unless you
want your whole house destroyed." Sam laughed, getting back
into her
car.
"You can't be that bad!" Janet shook her head defiantly,
slipping
into the passenger seat next to Sam.
"Oh yes I can." Sam said ruefully, pulling her face into
a look of
horror as she remembered her last attempts at baking. "I
nearly burnt
my last place to the ground when I tried to cook a roast for
Thanksgiving." Sam admitted, a shadow crossing her eye as she
remembered.
"Oh?" Janet waited for the rest of the story.
"Jonas wasn't happy." Sam muttered, refusing to let the
sudden
memories his name brought with him ruin her day.
"Jonas?" Janet waited, curious.
"My ex-fiance." Sam shrugged, turning into the lane.
"I never knew you were engaged."
"I broke it off with him about two weeks before the first
Abydos
mission." Sam admitted casually, desperately searching for
some way
to turn the conversation away from herself without appearing too
obvious.
"Oh. Would it be prying if I asked why?"
"No." Sam lied. "It just didn't work, wasn't meant
to be. We were
both career orientated and he wanted kids...I didn't." She
shrugged
as if it was no big deal. "What about you?"
"Yeah...I was married once."
"I remember you saying something about that." Sam turned
the corner,
relieved that the conversation was no longer on her.
"Mm. Same as you, I suppose. Men can be such...."
"Watch that language!" Sam joked, lightening the
situation.
Janet grinned, settling back into her seat. "Can I ask you
something?
I mean, I know we're not really good friends or anything, but are
you
okay?"
"What do you mean, am I okay?" Sam narrowed her eyes in
confusion.
"Well...your CO is treating you like dirt, but you still
subject
yourself to his treatment at least once a day because you get
along
like a house on fire with his kid."
"I'm okay." Sam said shortly, refusing to admit her
anger at her CO.
"Sam..."
"Look Janet, I don't like that guy. At all. Okay, maybe I do
a bit.
He's a good father...and he has some good points like these huge
morals and standards he places on himself...but as far as I'm
concerned he's just some guy with a stick up his ass." She
shrugged
calmly, nodding her head firmly as if to emphasise her point.
"Why go round to his place then? Why not ask for a
transfer?" Janet
was curious.
"I was at his place when he found out Sara was killed."
She admitted,
sorrow lighting her eyes for a minute as she remembered her CO's
face. "He wasn't in any state to drive, and so out of me and
Daniel,
I was the logical choice to drive him to get Charlie. The poor kid
was so confused and scared....I felt sorry for him. He's just kind
of
grown on me." Sam glanced nervously at Janet. "It's
stupid, but I
sort of feel as though he's my own. I love him like he's my own,
but
I hate his father."
"You know, I talked to Kowalsky before he died..." Janet
watched Sam
closely. "He said that Sara's leaving him broke the guy. He
said that
Sara had refused to let Jack see Charlie, so he turned suicidal
for a
while, figuring he had nothing left to live for."
"I know that..."
"All I'm saying is, you look a lot like Sara."
"No, I don't." Sam frowned in confusion.
"Yes, you do. Blond hair, blue eyes. From a distance he could
quite
easily mistake you for Sara. He loved her very much...and if he
keeps
seeing you and mistaking you for Sara...it's no wonder that he's
going to treat you like this." Janet admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me before? Maybe I should have died my
hair
black and gotten green contacts." Sam snapped sarcastically.
"His sarcasm is rubbing off on you." Janet smirked.
"You know what really annoys the hell out of me? The fact
that it was
getting better for a while...until Charlie came to live with him.
Then, it started getting better again but three weeks ago, when we
found Cassie and she didn't 'explode', it all started going down
hill
again." Sam sighed. "I just don't understand why he's treating
me
like this, and that's what makes me mad."
Janet glanced at Sam thoughtfully. Her mind spun, tempting her to
tell Sam what Daniel had told her.
"He cares about her, Janet." Daniel stated, dropping
onto a chair,
satisfaction on his face.
"Who cares about who?"
"Jack cares about Sam."
"What? Could have fooled me." Janet raised an eyebrow,
questioning
Daniel's sanity.
"He does. I think it's the reason he doesn't get her
transferred."
"And just how do you know this?" Janet watched him
closely.
"When Sam stayed with Cassie...he was nearly crying he was
begging
that hard. Then, when he found out she was okay it was like you
could
see his relief...Jack doesn't show his emotions Janet, we both
know
that. These emotions were so huge...he couldn't hold them
in."
"So you're suggesting that our Colonel's scared he might like
Sam
more than he'd care to admit, and he's hiding that by treating her
like crap to keep the hostilities in place?"
"Yes."
"Problem." Janet sighed, rubbing her face with her
hands. She should
have seen this coming.
"Hello, Janet?" Sam glanced over at Janet.
"What?"
"I lost you for a while there."
"Sorry...I was just thinking about a conversation I had with
Daniel."
"Really?" Sam raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"I....Watch out!" Janet screamed suddenly.
*******************
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
Oh, I will come to you
Oh, I will come to you
*******************
Jack picked up the phone.
"O'Neill."
"Jack...it's Daniel. There's been an accident...Janet and
Sam...oh
God...Jack..."
"Daniel...calm down!" Jack sat upright, his eyes wide.
"Charlie was
with them...what happened?" He demanded.
He heard Daniel breathe deeply and then speak again. "They
dropped
the kids off at school." He swallowed again and Jack heard
him stifle
a sob. Oh god, no, not Sam!
"Is she okay? What's happened to Sam?" Jack demanded
hoarsely.
"She's in hospital...I don't know...they can't tell me
anything...Jack..I...Janet didn't...she didn't..." He broke
down,
Jack could hear the sobs over the phone and felt his own heart
twist.
He'd grown close to that petite little doctor who'd enjoy'd
stabbing
him with needles. There, see, past tense. He'd done it. Another
woman
he'd loved (albeit like a sister) had died. That's just why he
couldn't like Sam...she'd probably end up dying too.
"Where is Sam?" He demanded, forgetting his hostilities
with her.
"She's in the Academy Hospital...they were on their way there
apparently..."
"I'll meet you there, Daniel."
"What about Cassie and Charlie?"
"I'll get them." Jack grunted before slamming the phone
down and
running out of the house, his heart racing.
*******************
"Dad!" Charlie's eyes opened wide with delight as he
caught sight of
his Dad striding from his car to the building.
"What was that, Charlie?"
"My Dad's here." Charlie said matter-of-factly.
"Why's Jack here?" Cassie whispered to him, curious.
"Did you forget
your lunch again?"
"NO!" Charlie rolled his eyes in a very Jack O'Neill
like
motion. "Sam put it in my bag." He added as an
after-thought.
"Is she your Daddy's girlfriend?" Cassie whispered, her
eyes
narrowed, remembering the new terminology.
"No." Charlie sighed. "Daddy doesn't really like
Sam, I can tell."
"Why not?"
"I don't know." Charlie shrugged. "I like Sam.
She's like my Mom..."
"Mine too." Cassie nodded her head.
"No she's not...Janet's got brown hair and brown eyes and
she's
short! Like you!" He teased her.
"Charlie!" Cassie snapped at him, turning back to her
work.
The class paused as a knock sounded on the door. Jack stepped into
the room and caught Charlie's eye. Instantly Charlie froze.
Something
was wrong. Jack wasn't smiling with his eyes, just his mouth.
Cassie
sensed it too, and felt horror unfolding in her stomach like a
bud.
"Charlie...Cassie...the Colonel's come to take you guys
away..." The
teacher was also smiling, but not with her eyes. Charlie's fear
was
increased tenfold when he felt a sympathetic pat on his head and
saw
the teacher squeeze Cassie's arm comfortingly.
"What's wrong, Dad?" Charlie demanded as they walked
down the
hallway, one holding onto each of Jack's hands.
Jack sighed, closing his eyes. Glancing around quickly, he dropped
to
his knees and turned to face them at their own height.
"Where's Janet? Where's Sam?" Cassie blurted out, tears
threatening
to spill.
"Uh...oh jeez." Jack rubbed his face with his hands.
"Is Sam dead?" Charlie asked bluntly, his face pale and
crushed.
"No...Sam's not dead." Jack choked out, pulling them
towards him.
"You hate Sam, don't you?" Charlie whispered, hugging
Dad.
"No, I don't hate Sam. I just...I'm stupid sometimes...and I
was
stupid to be mean to Sam." He whispered into their hair.
"Cass...I'm
sorry..." He felt her own tears against his neck.
"Something happened to Janet, didn't it?" She knew, she
wasn't stupid.
"Yeah. They had a car accident. She...she died." Jack
nodded, not
letting them go. He glanced at Cassie, watching her emotionless
little face. It should worry him, but then again, she'd only been
with Janet for a while...not long enough to really become
attached.
"Is Sam okay?" Cassie sniffed, drawing strength from Jack.
"I don't know. She's alive...but she's in hospital. We're
going there
now." He told them, standing up reluctantly.
"Okay." They took one hand each and followed him out to
his car.
*******************
Jacob slumped down on the bench, holding his head in his hands.
Not
again. Not Sam, not again.
"Jacob." He heard a familiar voice.
"George." He started in surprise. What on earth was
George Hammond
doing here? "What are you doing here."
"Sam...." George noted the paleness of Jacobs cheeks and
the redness
of his eyes.
"You know my Sam?"
"She's in my command." George admitted, a dry smile on
his face.
"Oh. Since when are you into 'deep space radar
telemetry?'" Jacob
asked suspiciously.
"A while now. I'm not actually involved there though...just a
nice
little thing before I retire...you know what I mean." George
sat down
next to Jacob. "She's a good soldier, Jacob, she'll pull
through."
"I know...but...."
"She's done it once, she'll do it again."
"George, most people never go into a coma, a few of those
that do
wake up. Those that wake up almost never go into a coma again and
come out of it." Jacob said bitterly.
"She's a fighter Jacob, like you."
"Sometimes you go down, no matter how hard you fight."
"Jacob..."
"George...she's got spinal injuries, concussion, fractured
skull,
broken arms, ribs, legs galore and blood loss. You know the odds
yourself."
"Jacob..."
"General Hammond." Jack O'Neill's voice caused both
General's to turn
around. Jacob glanced suspiciously at the man, a war-hardened
soldier. Anyone could tell a mile off. What the hell was this guy
doing here?
"Colonel O'Neill...I see Dr. Jackson got a hold of you
then." Hammond
smiled tightly, relieved at the concern and worry evident in even
O'Neill's eyes.
"Yeah. I got the kids before I came by...they're with Daniel
in the
cafeteria." Jack nodded, glancing at the other man next to
his
General.
"Colonel...I'd like you to meet General Carter."
"Carter Sir?" Jack inclined his head politely towards
the man. Now
wasn't the time to play word games or anything.
"As in Sam's father." Jacob agreed, narrowing his eyes.
"And you are?"
"Carter's CO." Jack said bluntly.
Jacob narrowed his eyes. What? He would be willing to bet that
this
guy didn't know the difference between an atom and an ion.
"How's she doing?" Jack continued, turning away the next
question
that was obviously going to be awkward for him to answer.
"Not good." General Hammond admitted, closing his eyes
slightly. "She's in a coma again."
"Again?" Jack narrowed his eyes. What was going on here?
"Yes, you do know about her other car accident?" Jacob
glanced
suspiciously at this man. What kind of man didn't know about his
2IC's previous medical records?
"Yes...I know she was in one. It was before I met her
though." Jack
said slowly, glancing at them.
"She nearly died in that one Jack, they think it's a miracle
she
survived completely intact." Hammond licked his lips
slightly.
"She's gonna make it. She has to." Jack shrugged. Carter
was so damn
stubborn and spiteful she's survive and come back even more
vicious
that before, just to spite him.
"Colonel...I don't think you quite understand. She's in there
with
spinal injuries this time, in a coma, broken bones in nearly every
damn part of her body and blood loss." A Dr. announced from
behind
them. "Add to that list one collasped lung as well." He
said softly.
"What are you saying?" Jack demanded, anger surfacing.
Jacob narrowed
his eyes. Why was George looking so surprised at the Colonel's
obvious anger and fear?
"There's nothing more we can do for her." He said
regretfully.
"So what, we say our goodbyes now?" Jacob asked tiredly,
holding his
head in his hands.
"She's in ICU. I'll let you each have a few minutes with
her..."
"What about the kids?" Jack demanded.
"Kids?" Jacob's eyes widened slightly.
"Cassie and Charlie." Jack inserted.
"His son and Janet Fraiser's little girl." General
Hammond explained,
realising what Jacob must have thought, judging by Jack's
reaction.
"I don't think that will be such a good idea..." The Dr.
shook his
head.
Jack sighed. He'd really ruined things now. He shouldn't have
treated
Sam the way he had...he should have accepted her.
*******************
"Dad...when's Sam coming home?" Charlie asked as Jack
tucked him into
bed, putting the worn teddy bear next to him. Charlie had taken to
sleeping with that bear again. He'd only slept with it for a few
weeks after Sara's death, and then it had gotten a place of honour
on
the shelf, and had then been loaned out to Cassie for a while when
she first went to live with Janet.
Jack sighed as he looked at the fur that had nearly all been
rubbed
off. Sam had given that bear to him the second time she saw him,
told
him it had helped her sleep after her Mom had died. He still
didn't
know when her Mom died, he just knew she was very bitter about it.
"Dad?" Charlie looked at him.
"Hm?" He asked, looked back at his son and turning his
attention away
"When's Sam coming home?"
"I don't know Charlie. She's still in a coma and the doctors
don't
know if she's going to wake up or not." Jack sat next to
Charlie.
Charlie was nearly thirteen, but Jack didn't know how to deal with
the issue of death..and neither did Charlie apparently. Sam was
good
at talking to him, making him understand.
"Jack?" Cassie's murmur from the doorway caught their
attention.
"What's up Cass?" He motioned for her to join them, and
she did,
cuddling her tiny frame onto his lap and leaning against him.
"If Sam doesn't get better, who's going to look after
me?" She asked
softly.
"I will." Jack promised, aware that Sam had been
Cassie's guardian if
anything happened to Janet.
"You will?"
"Yeah. Always."
"What if something happens to you?" Charlie asked in a
small voice.
"It won't Charlie, I promise." Jack stated, closing his
eyes and
sending a prayer that his promise would be kept for a very, *very*
long time.
"But Mommy died, and Janet died, and now Sam's going to
die."
"She's not necessarily going to die, Charlie, she's
just...very sick
at the moment." Jack sighed, wishing for someone to intervene
so he
could stop trying to answer questions.
"You want her to die." Charlie snapped suddenly, angry
at his Dad.
"What? NO! I don't want her to die Charlie!"
"Yes you do. You hate Sam. You always yell at her, always say
horrible things to her. You hate her!" Charlie yelled.
"No! Charlie, I don't hate Sam." Jack shook his head
vehemently.
"You don't like her though." Cassie inserted, her
serious eyes saying
nothing he could say would change either one of their minds.
"No...that's not true." Jack sighed, hating himself even
more. "Okay...so maybe I didn't like her at first...but she
kind of
grew on me." Jack tried to explain.
"Why didn't you like her?"
"She looked like your Mom, and I still loved your Mom."
Jack knew he
wasn't making sense to them, or to himself either. "When your
Mom
died and Sam was still alive, I wished she had died and Sara was
still alive..." He whispered, hating the truth for what it
was. "But...it was wrong of me to think that...and I'm sorry
I did."
He added.
"Now Sam's going to die anyway." Charlie narrowed his
eyes at his
Dad. "Sam's nice, Dad, I love Sam." He stated. "I
wish you loved her
too so that she could be my Mommy." He started crying. Cassie
joined
in as well, clutching herself tightly to Jack.
"I hope she doesn't die, Charlie, honest. I want to say sorry
for all
the horrible things I've done and I want to be her friend too,
okay?"
He whispered, holding the crying children.
"Okay." Charlie didn't let go.
*******************
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dying
And you need the strength to keep trying
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out for your hand
*******************
"Hello?"
"Daniel, what do you want?" Jack grunted into the phone,
carefully
shifting himself out from underneath the two tiny bodies sprawled
over him.
"She woke up, Jack! She woke up. Last night at about two
o'clock she
woke up for a few minutes!" Daniel yelled into the phone.
"Is she okay?"
"Well....she's not okay yet...but they're starting to think
she will
be."
"I told them she'd make it." Jack felt relief. He'd
never doubted
her, he realised, but still...
"You're happy, aren't you."
"Yeah, I am." Jack sighed, knowing the conversation was
going to get
personal soon.
"Why?"
"My kids would never forgive me if she died." He said
softly,
avoiding the issue.
"Oh." Daniel paused. "You know Jack, I thought we
were friends." He
said suddenly.
"We are, aren't we?" Jack was surprised. He'd been
considering Daniel
and Teal'C his best friends lately, and was pretty sure they
returned
the feelings.
"We were. But if you can't accept Sam and treat her as a
normal human
being, then I don't want to know you anymore."
Jack stared at the receiver in shock. Had that just happened? Had
Dr.
Daniel Jackson...timid geek archeologist who got high over a new
discover of rocks, really just hung up on him? Oh yeah, things
were
bad.
*******************
"Are we going to see Sam?" Cassie asked, her voice dull.
Jack winced.
This was killing them. They weren't happy at school, the teachers
eventually told him after a few days that they'd probably be
better
off at home until the 'situation' was over. Jack, decided, that
mean
until Sam either woke up for good or died for good. Geez, what he
wouldn't sell for a sarcophogus.
"Dad." Charlie sighed, studying his dad closely. Lately,
he often
didn't hear them, completely lost in thought.
"What?" Jack was completely unaware of Cassie's
question.
"Are we going to see Sam?" The car stopped in the
parking spot.
"I don't know Cass...depends on what the doctors say."
Jack
personally thought that if the kids were allowed to see and talk
to
Sam, even though she was still unconscious like she'd been for the
last week since she woke up, then she'd hurry up and get better.
"Oh." The disappointment hung heavy in the car.
"Jack! Cassie! Charlie!" Daniel's enthusiastic grin
greeted them as
they rounded the corner. "She's awake! She woke up about five
minutes
ago!" He panted as they all started jogging towards Sam's room.
"Can we see her this time?" Charlie begged.
"Yes." Jack said, making up his mind. Who cares what
doctors said
anyway? They were wrong when they said she wouldn't pull through,
they were wrong about Cassie and Charlie not being supposed to see
her too.
"She must have known we were going to visit her!" Cassie
laughed as
they slowed at the corridor where the kids were always detained.
"I'm sorry...only two at a time." The nurse told them
when they
explained what they were after. "When her father and the
General come
out one of you can go in with one of the children." She told
them.
"Can I go with Daniel?" Charlie asked hopefully.
"Okay." Jack agreed, confused.
*******************
Sam closed her eyes, wishing that the stupid tube in her mouth
could
be pulled out.
'Tomorrow', the doctor had said. Who cared about tomorrow? If her
arms weren't in plaster and she didn't hurt *quite* so much, she'd
just reach up herself and pull the damn thing out herself.
"Hey kiddo." She heard a familiar voice and turned her
head slightly
to one side.
Dad, what was he doing here? She frowned slightly, forcing herself
to
keep her eyes open. When was the last time she'd been so tired?
Why
was she here anyway, and where exactly was 'here'? What had
happened?
"No, don't try to talk, Sam." Her Dad said gently, his
fingers
touching her hand softly.
"Good to see you awake, Major." She looked towards the
foot of the
bed, blinking slightly to try and clear her vision. General
Hammond.
What was General Hammond doing here, with her Dad?
"Sh...it's okay Sam...you're in hospital...the Academy
Hospital." Her
Dad saw the questions in her eyes, as always, and answered them
for
her.
"We'll come and see you again later, okay?" General
Hammond's hand
gently guided her Dad out of the room. Watching the go, Sam
couldn't
help but wonder what on earth had happened.
"Hey Sam." She heard Daniel's soft whisper before her
eyes identified
his form moving across the floor towards her. She tried to smile,
she
really did, but her face hurt too much and she was so tired.
"There's
someone here who'd like to talk to you." He added, and she
caught
sight of Charlie.
"Hey Sam!" He grinned brightly at her, his eyes wide
with shock as he
looked her.
'What, do I look that bad?' Sam lifted one eyebrow slightly as a
small smile managed to appear on her face before she closed her
eyes
again.
"I missed you." Charlie whispered, and she felt his warm
little hand
on her cooller one. Mustering all her strength and ignoring her
screaming arms, she squeezed his fingers slightly before her arms
turned to jello. Again.
"Come on...let's give the others a turn." Daniel smiled
at her,
touched her forehead gently and walked out.
Others? Who were 'others'?
Oh, no. Not him. Not now. Sam closed her eyes, pretending to be
alseep.
"Hey Sam." She heard Cassie's little voice, sounding
slightly scared.
She opened her eyes again and caught sight of the little girl,
looking somewhat pale and miserable, beaming at her with a high
voltage grin.
As with Charlie, she squeezed Cassie's hand gently before glancing
curiously at Jack.
He watched as she fought to keep her eyes open. Pain, confusion
and
exhaustion clouded those blue depths, but the joy Jack had seen in
them when she'd realised that Cassie was in the room was real. She
loved both Cassie and Charlie.
Cassie watched with a slight surprise and Jack leant over and gave
the sleeping woman a slight kiss on the forhead, touched her hand
gently and then led the way out of the room.
Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay now.
*******************
I'll come to you, oh
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you,
oh, I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
oh, I will come to you
oh, come to you
I will come to you
oh, I will come to you
I will come to you
*******************
"Hi Sam!" The two children bounced across the room,
bearing gifts of
cards, paintings and a rather wilted looking bunch of flowers.
"Hi Cass, Charlie!" Sam laughed slightly, ignoring the ache
in her
ribs. God, what was a little pain to brighten their day. She
didn't
understand why seeing her made them so happy. She was the one that
had crashed the car, after all, so she was the one that had killed
Janet.
"We made you some cards...and all our friends signed it
too!" Cassie
announced, pushing the big piece of paper in front of Sam.
"Wow, it's beautiful." She complimented, touching
Cassie's cheek
lightly.
"Look...that's you...that's me...there's Charlie and
Jack...and
here's Janet with my Mom and Charlie's Mom." Cassie pointed
to three
figures with wings.
Sam didn't even realise there were tears on her cheeks until
Cassie
reached up a gentle hand and touched the salty wetness with
compassion.
"I'm sorry." Sam whispered, licking her lips.
"It's okay." Cassie told her, confused.
"You don't have to say sorry for crying," Charlie added,
"It's not
bad."
"No, I know it's not bad." Sam couldn't stop the tears.
"Hey...why don't you two go and get a chocolate bar for
Sam...I'm
sure that will cheer her up." Jack's voice reached them all.
Cassie
looked like she was about to protest, but Charlie agreed, sending
his
Dad a very pointed look.
"What? You here to yell at me for crashing? I wasn't responsible
enough to keep the damn car on the road? Woman shouldn't be
driving,
even less in the airforce?" She bit out, her eyes flashing.
"No, I'm not."
Jack said softly, realising that it was his own fault
she was like this with him.
"Then what are you doing? Other than making my life a living
hell."
"I...I wanted to say sorry." Jack shuffled his feet and
looked at the
floor.
"For what?" Sam lifted her own head and stared at him,
disbelief and
fury on her features. "For treating me like shit? For being a
bastard
and the worst damn CO in history?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"And what, you want me to forgive you?" She demanded,
anger clouding
her eyes.
"Yes." He whispered hopefully.
"God you've got nerve." Sam nearly snorted in laughter.
She ignored
the pounding in her head and stared at him. "You want *my*
forgiveness?" She asked again, suddenly realising something.
"You
don't need it."
"What?" Jack glanced up with a start.
"Nothing you can say or do to me will ever equal what I've
done to
you. I should be the one asking for forgiveness." She closed
her eyes
again, shifting slightly on the bed and grimacing in pain.
"For what?" Jack couldn't be more confused if he tried.
"I killed Janet." She said simply. "I was
driving...I killed one of
your best friends and you're here asking me for forgiveness."
Sam
sniffed, her eyes glazed.
"Carter...Sam...no one blames you. That other guy, he was
speeding.
Nothing you could have done would have saved Janet. If anything,
you
tried." He approached her bed slowly and gently reached out
to get
her more comfortable.
"What?" She blinked at him, confused.
"You could have turned the car so that she was the one facing
him.
You didn't, you took the full impact." Jack admitted.
"She still died though."
"Yeah. The car spun...you were already out of it - apparently
- and
hit a tree. She just got unlucky. Chances are, if that tree wasn't
there, she'd still be walking today." He told her gently,
wiping away
her tears with a tissure and smoothing her hair, much like he
would
have done to Charlie.
"So why are you suddenly so keen to say sorry?"
"Well...for Janet mainly." Jack admitted, forcing
himself not to
run. "She...she wasn't happy with me." He stated mildly,
remembering
Janet's fury at his behaviour. "She wanted me to say
sorry...she said
I was being unfair to you and missing out..."
"Were you?" Sam asked softly, studying him carefully.
"Was I what?"
"Being unfair to me?"
"Yes." Jack nodded, deciding to be completely honest.
"I hated you
because you were alive and Sara wasn't." He said simply,
hating the
cold truth. "Janet wanted me to tell you...but I was
embarrassed. I
didn't want to...admit I was wrong." He struggled to keep his
stance,
to not run away in fear.
"And now?" Sam looked at the roof.
"I'm sorry. I hated you because of my anger towards
Sara...and I
didn't let myself get to know you...and I think Janet was right
when
she said I was missing out. Everyone else loves you..." He
trailed
off.
"They shouldn't. I don't love myself." Sam said
matter-of-factly.
"For crying out loud, Carter...no one blames you for the
accident..."
"I do. I should have been paying attention to the road...I
should
have been going slower...I shouldn't have been so
careless..." Sam
listed, refusing to look at Jack. "My second time, huh."
She added.
"What?"
"The last accident...I can't remember what happened. I do
remember
when I was driving before the accident, and I remember not paying
attention and having a close call with a truck." She
shuddered
involuntarily. "They should ban me from the roads."
"Carter..."
"Colonel, I really don't feel like arguing with now,
okay?" She
sighed, closing her eyes.
"But you're wrong..."
"I don't care. Sir." She didn't look at him. "No
matter how much you
argue, you're not going change the fact that I'm the one who
killed
her. Even if you guys forgive me - which you shouldn't - I'll never
forgive myself. Never." Sam stated closing her eyes.
"Okay." Jack sighed, standing up. "So...are we okay
now?" He asked
hopefully.
"What do you mean okay?" Sam yawned, forcing her eyes
open.
"Okay as in no more hating each other?"
"Friends, you mean?"
"Yeah."
"No." Sam shook her head. "I'm not your friend,
Colonel, and you're
not mine. I can be civil to you...I can treat you with respect but
I
don't know if I can ever be your friend, not after how you've
treated
me."
"Can I be your friend though?"
"What? If you want to waste your time, go ahead." Sam
closed her eyes
and slipped into sleep.
"Dad?"
"Mm?" Jack turned to Charlie.
"Are you friends with Sam now?"
"Yes, I'm Sam's friend now."
*******************
Choices We Make 4: Turn Back Time
Turn Back Time
Performed by Aqua
(Used without permission. Blame my brother. He was listening to
the
song and just sort of got it STUCK IN MY HEAD!! Thank goodness
it's
gone now.)
Give me time to reason
Give me time to think it through
Passing through the season
Where I cheated you
*******************
"But..." Sam protested, her eyes weary as she glanced
around the sea
of stubborn faces.
"No buts, Sam. It's the logical choice." Her Dad said
firmly. "It's
for the best." He added.
"Since when do you care about what's for the best?" She
asked
waspishly. She was tired. She was grouchy. She was mad at herself.
She was mad at Jack O'Neill. She was mad at her father. She was
mad
at Janet for dying. But most of all, she was mad at herself for
putting herself and everyone in this position, and because they
were
all right.
"May I please have a moment alone with the Major?"
General Hammond's
gentle tones surprised her. Narrowing her eyes she glanced at him
suspiciously, but kept silent as the people all filed from the
room.
One by one they left through the open door: O'Neill, Daniel, Dad,
Charlie, Cassie, the doctor, a nurse or two.
"Major...Sam." He licked his lips. She'd never seen the
General like
this before.
"What is it?" Okay, so there was no reason for her to
get snappy, but
hey.
"I know that you and the Colonel don't get along very
well."
Sam snorted. Okay, so *that* was an understatement.
"But," He continued, ignoring her immature outburst,
"It's the best
thing to do at the moment." He said gently. "Cassie's
already staying
with him. It would be impractical for you to go to your apartment
for
a number of reasons. There's one room only. You need someone to
look
after you. What about Cassie?" He asked her pointedly.
"I know." Sam sighed, rubbing her forehead gingerly.
"I just wish it
wasn't the only option."
"I know, and I'm sorry." He said gently. "He's
volunteered to be your
carer, so I've given SG-1 two months down time while you
recuperate.
We'll see what happens then, okay?" General Hammond touched
her
shoulder.
"I'm sorry I'm being so difficult." Sam smiled a watery
smile.
"It's okay. Just don't bring that attitude back to
work." He grinned
at her and turned to go.
"Could...could I talk to him alone, with the kids?" Sam
asked
hopefully.
"I'll send them in." Hammond agreed.
She watched warily as the three requested people marched in.
"Are you and Cassie going to come and stay with us?"
Charlie got
straight to the point.
"For a little while." Sam nodded her head, unable to
look at O'Neill.
This was more embarrassing than....well, anything.
"Great." Jack smiled hopefully at her. She tried, she
really did, but
why couldn't she find it in her to smile back at him?
*******************
I will always have a cross to wear
But the bolt reminds me I was there
So give me strength
To face this test tonight
*******************
Sam settled herself gingerly on the sofa, closing her eyes with
relief as her aching body was cushioned gently.
"Can I get you a drink?" Her eyes flew open. How long
had he been
standing in the doorway?
"Uh...yeah...tea'd be nice." She knew it was pointless
to demand
anything stronger, even though she felt she could use it.
"Okay." Jack smiled slightly and returned to the
kitchen. The smile
faded from his face as he flicked the kettle on and grabbed two
mugs.
No tea-cups, mugs would have to do.
He frowned as he waited impatiently for the water to boil. He'd
seen
the pain on her face as she'd read the story to Cassie, as Charlie
had hugged her gently and as she'd leant back into the couch once
they'd left. He'd seen her tiredness, her determinedness for him
not
to notice, and her obvious wariness of him.
His own fault. The truth taunted him.
"Here." He took the tea into her. Strained. The
conversation,
silence, even the knowledge of the other being present was all
strained. They had no idea how to talk to each other, he realised,
other than to trade barbed comments and insults. What on earth had
possessed him to do this to her?
Two weeks. She'd been with them for two weeks already. At first
she'd
been incapable of walking anywhere by herself. He'd had to keep an
eagle eye on her, carrying her everywhere before she had the
chance
to damange herself further by trying to walk.
She hadn't asked him for anything, only accepted his help
grudgingly
when she had no other choice, and then coolly thanking him for it.
He
knew she hated accepting help from anyone, most of all him.
"It's late." He said, sipping his tea slowly. He hated
tea.
"Mm." She agreed, mentally throwing up as the liquid
washed down her
mouth. What she wouldn't give for a cup of coffee.
"I was thinking maybe we should all go out tomorrow. Like the
park or
something?" He asked hopefully.
She glanced at him quickly, and he saw surprise mingled with
curiousity on her features.
"It's just that Cassie's been begging me for a while
now...the dog
needs it, she told me." He smiled slightly, thinking about
Cassie
and 'Hanka'.
"What?" She asked, seeing his smile.
"You know how I told her every kid has to have a dog?"
Sam
nodded. "Well, she asked me how come Charlie doesn't have
one."
"What did you say?" Sam asked, unable to curb her
curiousity.
"That he'd have to share Hanka for now."
"Oh." Silence settled on them again, but it wasn't as
strained as
before.
Watching her slowly drink her tea, her face expressionless, he
felt a
sudden impatience flare up in him. Why wouldn't she forgive him?
Why
couldn't they be friends?
"Is it good?" He asked mildly.
"What?" She looked up, confused again. He loved the way
her eyebrows
moved when she was confused. Where on earth had that thought come
from?
"The tea. Is it good?" He asked her hopefully.
"Best I ever had." Sam said truthfully, acknowledging
the fact
without adding that she didn't like tea anyway so it didn't really
matter what it tasted like.
He smiled slightly and drained his cup. She followed suit, and
left
the two of them sitting in another strained silence.
"I think I'll go to bed now." Sam said, moving forwards
slowly as she
placed her mug on the small coffee table.
Jack moved swiftly, dumping his own mug next to hers and firmly
but
gently scooping her up in his arms, despite her protests.
"No." He shook his head as her demands to put her down
were quite
loudly voiced. "You did too much today, I can tell." He
stated,
daring her to argue. Sam fell silent as he climbed the stairs
quickly, allowing him to take her into the room she shared with
Cassie.
"Thank you." She acknowledged him, forcing a smile of
thanks onto her
features.
Jack smiled in return, and wish ferverantly that her smile wasn't
forced, that one day it would be natural. He left the room quickly
after giving the sleeping Cassie a peck on the forehead and
bidding
Sam Carter goodnight.
*******************
Sam stretched out languidly on the blanket, closing her eyes as
the
warm sun evoked a sleepiness in her.
"Cassie!" She heard Charlie's indignant squeal from a
distance,
followed by a shriek, a giggle and the definate sounds of little
feet
pounding after one another.
"Hey." O'Neill dropped onto the blanket next to her. She
tensed
involuntarily.
"Hey." She opened and eye and watched him nervously as
he dug around
in the basket. He was, she had realised with surprise,
surprisingly
domestic. Packing a picnic basket, a rug, the usual type of ball
games and even remembering food for the dog.
"Come on, you look like you need a walk." He told her
matter-of-
factly.
Sam sighed as he took a hold of her hand and helped her to her
feet.
A walk. She really didn't feel like she needed a walk.
"You okay?" He asked her, his narrowing as he realised
something was
up. She never gave in this gracefully. Not usually.
"Yeah. Fine." She smiled fleetingly, but it was a pretty
lame
attempt, even for him.
"Oh yeah, and look there's an alien." He rolled his
eyes.
"Ha ha. Very funny." She glared at him, pulling her hand
out of his
when she suddenly realised he was still holding it.
"You're awfully quiet, even for you." He prodded.
"What do you mean, even for me?" She asked him, not even
bothering to
get angry at him this time.
"Okay. Something's definately up. You're not mad at me."
He smiled
slightly and was amazed when she really smiled at him, shaking her
head in amusement. "Come on, you can tell Uncle Jack."
"Well, okay Uncle Jack." She might as well tell him now.
"Say hello
to Dr. Samantha Carter." She told him.
"Come again?" He completely missed it. "Why Dr?
Aren't you a Major
first?"
"Was a Major first." She sighed, walking again.
He watched as she made her way forwards, an uneven gate as she
tried
to keep the weight off her bad leg.
"Was?" He quickened his pace and caught up with her.
"As in past tense. Previous life time. History." She
agreed with him,
still not looking at him.
"So what, you retired?"
"Honourably Dishcharged, actually." She informed him,
hating the way
her eyes were starting to sting with unshed tears.
"Why?" He could be so dense sometimes. Needed everything
in black and
white.
"Not fit for duty. Never will be." She smiled bitterly,
her eyes cold
as she looked at him. "That phonecall I got this morning? The
physio.
Latest tests and developments show that I'll never be fit for
active
duty again. I'll be lucky if I lose the limp, even luckier if I
can
run again." She said dully.
"So what are you going to do?" He was stunned. Sam, not
in the
military anymore? Not his 2IC? Heck, he'd even been getting fond
of
her lately, despite what his actions had depicted.
"Hammond's offered me a job as a civilian. S3."
"Like Daniel."
"Like Daniel. Only no more exploratory missions." She
sighed, not
looking at him.
"You accepting?" He asked as they drew to a halt next to
the small
pond. He bent down and picked up a few stones, skipping them along
the surface.
"I don't know. I love the work...loved it...but I don't know
if I
could cope staying home all the time."
"Action-woman." He realised, sparing her a glance as she
heard his
comment.
"Yeah, I guess so." She smiled again, a real smile
despite her
mood. "I hated being left the first time. Now I know what I'm
missing
out on." She sighed.
"But...you've experienced it at least." He comforted.
"I know...I'll have to think about." She turned away
from him, their
moment shattered as Charlie and Cassie appeared from behind the
trees
and whooping as they ran towards them, Hanka in the lead.
"Ice Cream! Can we have ice cream, please?" Both kids
begged,
latching themselves onto Jack while Sam merely smiled slightly,
watching the children with an emotion in her eyes that was
unreadable
to Jack.
"Sure." He agreed, his eyes never leaving Sam as she
slowly turned
and walked back up the path to where the blanket was lying
abandoned,
Hanka devotedly following at her heels.
*******************
If only I could turn back time,
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time,
I would stay for the night... for the night
*******************
"Jack, would you please stand still?" Daniel sighed,
pushing his
glasses up on his nose.
"What was that?" Jack turned half an ear towards Daniel
as he shifted
his weight onto his other foot.
"I told you to stop fidgeting." Daniel groused, confused
by Jack's
behaviour. Normally the man had extra energy, his fingers always
fidgeting and jiggling. Now it was unbearable, as if he couldn't
stop
moving for just a second.
"What?" Jack's attention was gone again.
"What's bothering you?" Daniel demanded, his eyes
following Sargeant
Lewis around the dim room.
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me, Jack." Daniel sighed, rolling his
eyes. "You're
worried about something."
"I don't think I should be here." Jack admitted, turning
his
attention to Daniel.
"Why?"
"I don't trust Carter yet...she's probably over-doing it
already. And
I don't think I should have left her behind with the kids alone.
They're on holidays at the moment and I don't think she'll
cope..."
"She'll be fine, Jack." Daniel couldn't help smiling
slightly. "Since
when do you care about her anyway?" He joked slightly.
"What if something happens Daniel, and the kids get hurt? I'd
never
forgive myself." Jack completely ignored Daniel. Daniel felt
his
hopes sink. The kids. It was still about the kids with Jack, never
about Sam.
"She'll be fine Jack, the kids will be fine. Her Dad will
check on
them, you know that." Daniel soothed.
"You think so?" Jack asked, needing to be reasured.
"Positive." Daniel nodded his head confidently.
"Hey, Dr. Jackson!" Sargeant Lewis suddenly called.
"We've found
something!"
Jack rolled his eyes and followed his friend to the discovery.
"What is it?" Daniel asked, studying the horrible
sulpture like thing.
"It is a warning, Daniel Jackson." Teal'C stated calmly.
"It is
placed on a world by Jaffa once it has been destroyed. It says it
is
unsafe and to leave this place immediately."
"Okay...that's it." Jack turned around. Daniel was gone.
"Daniel." He
sighed.
"Just a minute Jack, just one more quick look around."
He swung the
video camera back and caught sight of Jack looking at him angrily.
"Five minutes." Jack agreed. "No more."
*******************
"Hello, Daniel? Where are you?" Jack felt that uneasy
feeling in his
gut. Why wasn't Daniel answering him? Where was Daniel?
"I can't see him anywhere, Colonel O'Neill." Sargeant
Lewis said,
sounding concerned.
"Damnit. Split up and look for him." Jack ordered,
readying his gun.
*******************
"General..."
"Negative Colonel, return immediately. I'll send out search
and
rescue straight after you get back." Hammond disagreed,
concern
growing in him. Dr. Jackson had been missing for nearly an hour,
according to O'Neill.
"Yes Sir."
*******************
Claim your right to science
Claim your right to see the truth
Though my pangs of conscience
Will drill a hole in you
*******************
"Uh...okay." Daniel raised his hands warily above his
head. So this
was not supposed to happen.
"Daniel?" A shockingly familiar voice assailed his
senses.
"Sam, what are you doing here?" Daniel nearly fainted in
surprise.
She was fine. No bruises, no limp.
"What do you mean what am I doing here?" Her face was
pale, no,
drained would be a better word for it. "What are you doing
here?"
"I work here, remember?" He frowned slightly.
"You...you're dead, Daniel." She told him, completely
thrown. He
stared around the gateroom. He looked at her, confused. Why was
she
so stunned?
"No I'm not." He raised an eyebrow. Everyone looked so
stunned to see
him.
"Yes you are...you died months ago." She whispered,
close to tears
again.
A door hissed and he gaped in surprised as Jack O'Neill entered
the
room on crutches.
"What happened to you?" Daniel was completely surprised.
"What happened to you?" Jack shot back, confusion
present on his face.
"Uh...you left me behind."
"You died." Jack faltered, fear suddenly on his face,
and disbelief.
Daniel watched in amazement as Jack's face contorted in pain
briefly,
before he had time to reel in his emotions and hide them behind
that
military mask.
"No I didn't. What made you think I died?"
"Uh...we saw you die." Jack suggested. Carefully he
hopped forwards
on his crutches.
"Oh. When was that?" Daniel couldn't have been more
confused.
"Like I said....months ago." Sam told him again, staring
at him as
though he was going to disappear any second. Slowly she walked up
to
him and touched his arm hesitantly.
"No, I didn't." Daniel shook his head. "Jack, you
just left me behind
there. Okay, so I took ten minutes more than you gave me...but
leaving me?"
"I didn't leave you anywhere. You died. Burned up.
Period." Jack
shook his head, backing away suddenly. Sam, on the other hand,
threw
her arms around Daniel and hugged him tightly, completely and
utterly
bewildered but indescribably happy to see Daniel.
"Who are you?" General Hammond demanded, appearing in
Daniel's sight.
Even the General was pale and shock etched deeply onto his
features.
"I'm Daniel Jackson, SG-1?" Daniel frowned. What was
going on here?
*******************
Daniel rubbed his head with his hands. "Come on Janet, you
know me.
I'm not dead...confused granted...but dead?" He protested.
"You're
the one who's supposed to be dead." He added, squeezing his
eyes
shut. Unable to help himself he reached out again hesitantly and
touched her, convincing himself she really was sitting in front of
him.
"Beg yours?" Janet Fraiser gaped at him in disbelief,
surprised as
his hand traced her face and then help on tightly to her hand.
"You heard me."
"So what are you trying to say? That you're alive and I'm
not?" She
blinked. What was going on?
"Yeah." Daniel blinked. What? "Huh?"
"Sorry to point this out to you Daniel, but I'm very much
alive and
breathing."
"So am I."
*******************
"Okay." Jack narrowed his eyes, glancing at Daniel
suspiciously. "So
how come he's not dead?"
"You sound as though you want me dead." Daniel sounded
defensive,
studying Jack closely. "What happened to you anyway?"
"Had a little run in with a glacier in Antarctica...what
happened to
you?" Jack asked again, rubbing at his face with his hands.
"Nothing. I was just on P3R 889 and you left me behind. I
waited
twenty minutes, looking for you, dialled home and stepped right
through." Daniel shook his head slightly, trying to think
straight.
"So...what were you doing on P3R whatever anyway?" Jack
demanded. "We
visited that place about a week before Antarctica happened you
weren't there...you were still playing dead." Jack narrowed
his eyes
and studied Daniel. "Are you sure you're really Daniel?"
"What do you mean Antarctica happened?"
"I mean that Carter and I were shipped to Antarctica
accidently when
the gate jumped or something." Daniel watched in amazement as
Jack
raised his eyebrows, a look of query on his face as he glanced
over
at Sam. Now things were strange.
"Let me get this straight...you're asking *Sam* to veryify
something
you've just said?" Daniel nearly fell off his chair.
"Of course. She's my 2IC." Jack blinked in surprise.
"Why?"
"You hate Sam. Sam hates you." Daniel glanced between
them.
"No...I don't hate you." Jack held his hands out
innocently, his eyes
large as he glanced at Sam.
"I don't hate you either, sir." Sam studied Daniel
carefully.
"Yes you do...you're only living at his place because you
can't take
care of yourself and Cassie at the moment, and your Dad needs a
place
to crash." Daniel watched them.
"You know Cassie?" Sam opened her eyes wide.
"Course." Daniel looked around in surprise.
"What the *hell* is going on here?" Jack demanded,
completely
confused as he stood up and flung his chair backwards, anger on
his
face as he studied the so-called Daniel Jackson in front of him.
*******************
"So let me get this straight....alternate realities are
real?" Jack
asked slowly, studying Sam with a look of concentration Daniel had
never seen before.
"Yes. We think that Daniel...this Daniel...might be from
one." Daniel
was slightly embarrassed to see her sniff discreetly and wipe a
tear
from her eyes.
"Okay. So what does that mean?"
"It means that 'our' Daniel, for lack of a better
description, is
still dead. It means that he doesn't belong here, so we have to
get
him home again." Her voice caught over the words as she
whispered
them. "I...oh...why did you go and die?" She demanded
angrily. Jack
touched her shoulder lightly before facing Daniel.
"How?" Jack asked bluntly. "Why are you here and
how did you get
here?" Jack asked, his voice strangled. Ghosts. The last
thing he
needed now was dead people from his past floating around
actually 'alive'.
"That mirror thing from P3R 889..." Daniel realised.
"What mirror?" Sam studied him intently.
"Well...I heard Jack, 'my' Jack, yelling for me to hurry up,
when I
noticed that this mirror was shimmering, I guess, it wasn't doing
that before. I touched it, it shocked me slightly, and then I
decided
to leave.
"That's how you died you know." Jack said thoughtfully,
a frown on
his face, a far away look in his eye as he relieved the horror.
"Pardon?"
"That's how you died. You touched something you shouldn't
have
touched."
"Where?" Daniel asked curiously.
"P2F 529" Sam said softly, licking her lips and studying
her hands.
"Small and red?" Daniel asked hesitantly.
"Uh huh." Jack agreed, looking angry now. "Why do
you always have to
touch things?" He demanded, jumping as quickly as he could to
his
feet.
"'My' Sam stopped me from touching that."
"We were nowhere near you, Teal'C saw what happened."
Sam sounded
confused, and he saw the guilt suddenly cloud her eyes again.
"No, you and Jack argued...so you - she - came to talk to me
and
stopped me touching it. We found out it was a mine later."
Daniel
admitted.
Sam and Jack closed their eyes simultaneously, he wondered if they
even realised it.
"So how do we send you home?"
"Well...I'm guess P3R 889 would be a good starting
point." He
suggested.
"P3R 889?" Sam suddenly had that look on her face again.
"Yeah..."
"We received a message from that quadrant of space before we
went to
visit the planet. We couldn't find anything though."
Business. They
were both doing it, he realised, forgetting emotions and turning
military.
"What did it say?" Daniel asked, curious.
"Don't know. We couldn't translate it." Sam admitted.
"Want to
listen?" She asked hopefully.
"Sure." Daniel agreed, following her out of the room.
*******************
"Beware the destroyers....they come from..." He
stopped. "Pulses...beats or something."
"Yeah...we analysed them...numbers. Six numbers."
"A stargate address...They coded it!" Daniel realised,
grinning at
Sam.
"You need seven points though." Sam frowned.
"We've got them. Six plus the origin! Here...I've got the DHD
from
P3R 889 on video." His eyes opened wide. "What about my
world....?"
He paused, watching them.
"We'll figure this out and then try and send you home,
okay?" Sam
smiled a slightly twisted, bitter smile.
"Okay." He smiled again tightly, and turned back to his
translation.
*******************
I've seen it coming like a thief in the night,
I've seen it coming from the flesh of your light
So give me strength,
to face this test tonight
*******************
'Oh damn. How do I tell her this? How do I tell her I just lost
her
best friend?' Jack's fingers drummed incessantly on the steering
wheel. 'Enough stalling. Get a grip O'Neill.' He pulled his
sunglasses off and looked at the house lit up with lights inside.
Outside was dark, and he could make out shadows of Cassie and
Charlie
in the lounge, watching T.V. Where was she?
"Are you coming inside or staying out?" Her voice
shocked him, scared
him even.
"Huh?" He jumped, banging his elbow on the door.
"You coming in or staying out?" She repeated, he could
see concern in
her eyes now.
"Uh...coming in." He watched as she shuffled backwards
and he stepped
out, pulling the bags of groceries with him. Oh yeah, Mr.
Domestic,
that was him.
"What's wrong?" She demanded, studying his face
intently.
"Am I that see-through?" He asked, half serious, half
joking.
"Yes. What's wrong?" It was obvious that she wasn't impressed
by his
incredibly quick wit.
"Uh....later." He muttered, relieved to see Charlie and
Cassie
appearing in the doorway, both wearing pyjama's and waving
furiously.
She glared at him but followed him silently back up the small
garden
pathway to inside.
*******************
"So. Are you working tomorrow?" Sam asked, setting her
empty mug down
onto the table.
"Uh...yeah." He swilled his last mouthful of coffee
around without
managing to meet her eyes.
"What happened?" She asked him.
He studied her. They were civil now, not constantly shooting off
insulting comments at each other. Still, there was no love lost on
him for her part, but he was beginning to feel a certain amount of
affection and protectiveness for her...not a good sign considering
she hated him because of how he *used* to treat her.
"Well..." 'Uh, I lost your best friend on a planet?' No,
that
probably wouldn't do.
"Colonel." She used that warning voice she sometimes
used with Cassie
and Charlie when they were pushing her too far.
"It's Jack." He corrected her mildly.
"What?"
"My name. It's Jack." He hoped she'd forget about her
line of
questioning. No such luck. The woman was worse than Hanka when he
had
a bone.
"Stop avoiding the issue, *Jack*."
"Uh..."
"Something happened to Daniel, didn't it?" He couldn't
believe that
colour could drain from a person's face that quickly.
"Well...we don't *know* that for certain yet..."
"What's that supposed to mean?" She demanded, her eyes
large and fear-
filled.
Daniel was, he realised with a jolt, probably her only friend
other
than Teal'C. It wasn't that she was unfriendly or didn't make
friends...she just seemed to be working so often that people
didn't
really get to know her.
"Well...we were on this mission today and..."
"Just get to the point, Colonel." She snapped, her eyes
flashing with
concern turned to anger.
"He just disappeared. I mean, one minute he was there,
walking
through this doorway, the next ten minutes later there was
absolutely
no trace of him. Like he'd never been there." Jack shrugged,
admitting his own puzzlement over the situation.
"Why aren't you looking for him?" She demanded, icily.
"Hammond sent me home. I've been looking all day." Jack
realised he
was tired, struggling to hide a yawn from Sam.
"So what? You want the slippers and pipe routine because
you've had a
hard day's work?" He never realised what a sharp tongue she
had. Much
sharper than Sara's.
"No, I don't. What I really want is to be out there looking
for him
because I was stupid enough to lose him in the first place.
Unfortuneately for me, I am human and *do* happen to need sleep,
no
matter how much I don't want to. Hammond knows this, so he sent me
home for sleep - which I probably won't do because I'll be so
wracked
with guilt that..." He stopped abruptly, his face turning
cold and
hard as he realised what he'd been revealing.
"I...I'm sorry." She whispered, pain in her eyes.
"For what?" He snapped, standing and roughly gathering
the mugs with
a crashing sound.
"I'm being selfish...I'm blaming you and it's not your
fault."
"You don't know that for certain."
"Yes I do. I know he's your friend and you care about him. I
know
that you would never have lost him on purpose."
"Yeah, well, let those happy thoughts entertain you for
however long
you want. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He stalked off and
left a
very confused and bewildered Sam Carter sitting on the couch,
feeling
very much like someone who has just realised for the first time
that
the world is, in fact, round.
*******************
Jack turned roughly on his bed, kicking his sheets off angrily.
The
only thing that stopped him from jumping up and throwing his
bedside
table over (along with any other furniture in close proximity) was
the knowledge that Cassie, Charlie and Sam were all in the house
with
him, and probably getting some much needed sleep.
A subtle bump caught his attention. Freezing in his bed and
listening
intently, he concentrated. Just after he began to think he'd
imagined
the noise, he heard it again. A slight shuffling sound and a dull
clump.
Without a thought for himself, Jack bolted out of his bed, grabbed
his firearm from in between his mattress and put his Black Ops
training to full use as he worked his way through the house.
The loungeroom was dark, but his eyes adjusted to it eventually,
and
he realised there was no one present. Slowly he made his way to
the
kitchen. The light from the digital clock on the microwave and
stove
threw a light blue luminscent glow over the kitchen and the cold
from
the tiles worked it's way up through his feet.
He shivered involuntarily, the adrenaline pumping.
A scuffle from above his head caught his attention. He glanced up
at
the roof curiously. Nothing there, unless the light fixture had
suddenly decided that it was going to come alive. Seeing as that
was
*really* an option...
A definate clunk of a solid object impacting with wood above his
head
told him where the intruder was. His deck on the roof where he'd
kept
his telescope at one stage.
Carefully he crept out through the back door and made his way up
the
narrow stairs till he reached the roof.
"Carter!" He jerked in surprise, pulling the gun off her
when he
realised why the shock of blond hair gleaming silver in the
moonlight
looked so familiar.
"What you want?" She demanded. He narrowed his eyes.
"Carter, are you drunk?"
"No. I'm just tipsy." She defended herself, unusually
open with her
emotions in her voice. She sounded so forlorn that Jack had to
stop
himself from patting her on the head reassuringly.
"Why would that be? You're not even supposed to be touching
alcohol."
"So? I'm drowning my sorrows, okay?"
"No, that's not okay." Jack clicked the gun back to
safety and
carefully set it on the ledge, dropping down to sit next to her in
the small area that was his balcony.
"Oh hey, you're not intruding or anything." She said
sarcastically,
taking another swig out of her nearly empty bottle.
"My house, my deck, my beer and isn't it supposed to be my
sarcasm as
well?" He asked her, snatching the bottle off her and lifting
it to
his own mouth for a needed gulp.
"Don't, you'll finish it!" She complained, reaching for
it.
"Take another one. I see you've taken them all anyway."
He gestured
to the two empty bottles carefully placed in a line and the three
remaining full ones.
"You said to make myself at home." She reminded him,
taking a new
bottle.
"And you do this at your place?" He nearly laughed.
Carter? No way.
She was as straight as they came.
"Course." She sounded surprised.
"Oh." He didn't realise she was actually telling the
truth. Come to
think of it, considering how low her tolerance of alcohol was
supposed to be mixed with those drugs, she was holding out pretty
damn well. Three bottles and still coherent.
"So what are you doing up here in the middle of the night
drinking my
beer?" He asked her, draining the last of her bottle and
setting next
to the other empty ones.
"Getting sloshed." She responded glibly, taking another
swallow. "Sozzled, pissed, whacked, boozed..."
"Carter...the aim of drinking is to be aware of the stuff
going down
your throat. You're not even taking the effort to appreciate the
good
quality booze that this stuff is." He stated
matter-of-factly,
enjoying the fact that she had let down her guard a little even
though it was an alcohol induced state.
"I see you have better tastes that Skaara's moonshine."
She grinned
to herself, obviously remembering his reaction.
"Oh yeah." He smiled slightly, thinking of Skaara.
"You liked him, didn't you?" Sam asked, completely
forgetting about
her promises to herself to not talk to this man about anything
important.
"Yeah. Reminded me of Charlie." Jack admitted, leaning
back against
the wall. He shivered as his back came into contact with the
coolness
of the wall.
"What are you wearing...oh." They both seemed to realise
for the
first time that he was in his boxers, nothing else.
"At least someone around here thinks sometimes." He grinned
ruefully,
catching sight of the quilt she was wrapped in. She reminded him
of
an eskimo, all rugged up.
"I'm paid to think." She shrugged simply, then stopped.
"Was paid
to." She remembered.
"Come on, Carter...you don't know that for sure." He
tried to comfort
her in vain.
"Oh yes I do. I'm not stupid, Colonel." She sighed,
glancing at him.
"What?"
"You're making me cold." She complained, taking another
gulp of her
beer before looking at him. "Here." She starting
unwrapping herself
from her little cacoon.
"No, you need it." He shook his head, holding out his
hands in
refusal.
"You're going to catch pneumonia and then you won't be able
to bring
Daniel back." She snapped, her eyes flaring.
"Okay." He relented. "We'll share it though."
"We will?" She raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "I
don't think so."
"Why not?" He was curious, and getting straight answers
out of her
for once.
"Because, I can't stand you." She managed to get out
before shrugging
the quilt off her shoulders. "Second, the quilt's not big
enough and
third, I'm still in my sweats so I'll be warm anyway." She
threw the
quilt at him.
"That's not very scientific." He stated, hurt that she'd
told him she
couldn't stand him.
"It's all true though." She sniffed arrogantly, pulling
her knees up
to her chest and huddling into the corner.
"If I can prove you wrong on one of those points, would you
share?"
He grinned.
She glanced at him. "Sure, cos I'm right." She shrugged
carelessly.
"You have a huge ego." He stated. He quickly threw the
quilt around
his shoulders and then took a hold of her hand.
"What are you doing?" She snatched her hand back and
glared at him,
wobbling slightly as she fought for her balance even though she
was
seated on the ground.
"Proving you wrong. This quilt is big enough to share, come
on." She
was too drunk to even realise what he meant until she suddenly
found
herself sitting between his legs with her back against his chest
and
his arms wrapped tightly around her, the quilt covering them
both. "See?" He smirked in her ear triumphantly.
Fighting back a shiver as the hair next to her ear stirred, Sam
struggled tiredly against his warm hold. "I still don't like
you."
She informed him when he chuckled at her feeble attempts to
escape.
"Wrong again." He told her. "You didn't want me to
catch pneumonia."
He stated. "That's caring about someone."
"Yeah, caring about Daniel." She fired right back.
"What's this got to do with Daniel?" His voice turned
emotionless,
and she realised that Daniel's absence was affecting him just as
much
as it was affecting her.
"You've got to find him. You can't do that if you're
sick." She
whispered.
"Do you trust me to find him?" Jack asked softly,
amazement in his
voice.
Sam remained silent, her eyes closed as she listened to the sound
of
his heart beating against her. "Yes. You're his friend
too..." She
admitted.
"I'm sorry for losing him." He said sincerely.
"I know...I just..."
"Needed someone to take it out on. I know." Jack sighed,
unconsciously pulling her against him in a tight hug.
What felt like hours later he felt her wriggle against him.
Loosening
his hold on her, he was surprised when she turned against him and
snuggled back into his hold, burying her head beneath his chin.
"You tired?" He asked.
Sam blinked.
"Hello, Sam?" He tried again.
She sighed against him, hoping he'd talk again.
"What?"
"You rumble when you talk." She told him
matter-of-factly, enjoying
his warmth far more than she should have.
"Oh." He was confused for a second, and then realised
what she meant.
He chuckled lighly, dropping an unthinking kiss on her hair as she
snuck her arms around his waist.
"No, seriously Sam, are you tired?" He asked eventually.
"I can't sleep." She admitted, not even bothering to
look up at him.
"You should go to bed." He said gently.
"I don't want to, Jack." She mumbled. "I don't want
to think about
Daniel and what's happened to him."
"You don't have to...besides...we don't know what's happened
to him."
"I know...and that's the problem." She hiccuped against
him and was
startled to feel a hot drop of water land on his skin.
He cupped her chin his hand and looked down at her. She was
crying.
"Don't look at me." She sobbed, burying her head against
him.
"Why not?" Why was this woman so damn strange?
"Because I'm crying. Like a baby." She snorted in
disgust, trying to
avoid looking up at him again. He cupped her chin again and looked
down at her, studying her amazingly lucid blue eyes.
"You're drunk, Sam, an unhappy drunk." He told her
firmly. "Unhappy
drunks cry. It's what they do."
"I'm not drunk." She said calmly, not looking away.
"Oh yes you are. You just drank three and a half bottles of
beer, not
to mention all that medication they've got you on."
"So? That doesn't mean I'm drunk. It just means I'm well
lubricated."
She stated, daring him to argue.
"Okay. If you weren't drunk, would you be letting me hold you
like
this and talk to you like this?" He demanded pointedly.
"If I was drunk I wouldn't be talking." She responded.
"I'm only
tipsy, and that's why you're getting away with this." She
added,
trying to glare at him but unable to.
"Would you let me kiss you?" Okay. So where on earth did
*that* come
from?
"Why would you want to do that?" She sounded completely
and utterly
surprised.
"Well...you're a female - an attractive female - I'm a male,
we're
both 'tipsy', upset..."
"Probably not." She told him.
"But you considered the idea for just a smidgeon of a
second." He
grinned.
"I did not!" She denied hotly, colour flooding her
cheeks.
"Oh yes you did. You're blushing."
"I didn't, and you can't prove it!" She stated.
"Bet I can." He whispered, claiming a kiss.
Sam froze as his lips met hers, angry that he'd even considered
kissing her. Now he was kissing her...and it was nice. No. It was
more than nice. It was really really really nice. Great.
Wonderful.
Amazing. Wrong.
She pulled back, her eyes wide in the moonlight as she stared at
him
in shock.
"I'm sorry!" Jack gasped, shame flooding through him.
He'd had no
right to do that, none at all, but he really wanted to do that
again.
"Why did you do that?" She demanded.
"I wanted to." He admitted honestly, trying to calm
himself
down. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay." She blinked, confused that she'd just told
him it was
okay. No, it wasn't okay. It was wrong, he'd had no right to do
that,
but she really wanted him to do it again. "I was
just..." She glanced
at him, wishing she could read his eyes in the darkness.
"We're both drunk." He stated, and she didn't argue this
time.
"We're both emotionally unstable." She added in
agreement.
"Confused."
"Lonely."
"Adults."
"Not thinking straight." She sighed as he kissed her
again.
"We shouldn't be doing this." He whispered, breaking the
kiss but
resting his cheek against hers.
"I know." She breathed, her eyes still closed.
"But..."
"I know." He kissed her again, and she completely threw
logic out of
the window.
*******************
If only I could turn back time,
if only I had said what I still hide
if only I could turn back time,
I would stay.
*******************
"Well...what about the Nox?" Daniel suggested.
"Oh...you met them too, huh?" Jack grinned a crooked
grin.
"Yeah. Why, what did you do?" Daniel narrowed his eyes,
watching them
suspiciously.
"Well...a few people on our team, not mentioning names of
course,
wanted to catch Apophis..."
"Did you?" Daniel raised his eyebrows.
"Sort of....only the Nox interfered and we got into their bad
books
so now they don't want anything to do with us."
"Oh." Daniel looked at Sam. "What does that
mean?"
"They told us we're too young and immature. They buried their
gate."
Sam sighed, a look of disappointment flashing across her face.
"Well...they did help the Tollans." Jack pointed out.
"The who?"
"The Tollan...you haven't met them?"
"No." Daniel shook his head. "When did you meet
them?"
"Shortly after we found Cassie." Sam explained.
"No. You were in the car accident a while after we found
Cassie and
so SG-1 was put on downtime." Daniel studied her. "So
you say the Nox
can't help you?"
"No."
"They might be willing in my reality..." Daniel's eyes
opened a bit
wider.
"Are you saying they didn't bury their gate on you?"
Jack asked
hopefully.
"They didn't." Daniel agreed. "Apophis snuck up on
us, nearly killed
us, they saved us and shipped Apophis back to his own world. After
that they let us hang around for a while and showed us their sky
city
in the distance and then sent us home."
"So the gate's still open?"
"It was last time we checked, but we don't really go to them
that
often because they're scared we'll contaminate their children
with 'bad ways', and General Hammond respects that." Daniel
explained.
"Oh." Sam narrowed her eyes. "Do you think that if
they agree to help
you in your reality, they might somehow be willing to help us contact
them in *our* reality? That way we still stand a chance." Sam
realised hopefully.
"Only way to find out is to come for a visit to my reality
and see
for yourself." Daniel girnned.
"Lead on Danny-boy."
*******************
The bolt reminds me I was there
the bolt reminds me I was there
*******************
Sam's eyes flew open.
"What?" She heard O'Neill's tired, bewildered voice
somewhere near
the vacinity of her own head. "Really? Oh...Okay...I'll be
there....what?....I have to though.... General!... Yes Sir....
Okay... I'll tell her.... yes Sir, thanks. Bye." She heard
what
sounded suspiciously a phone being hung up and then realised where
she was.
"Oh shit!" She gasped, jerking upright and clutching at
the sheets to
cover herself.
She caught sight of O'Neill's slightly guilty face then, but what
she
saw there the most obviously was relief.
"They found him." He said softly, closing his eyes and
leaning back
against the headboard, seemingly unconcerned about their
current 'state'.
"Daniel?" She asked stupidly. Of course he was talking
about Daniel.
What was wrong with her thinking? Quite a lot actually,
considering
that she had just found herself in his bed with him, neither of
them
wearing clothing and with some pretty detailed memories of the
night
before.
"Yeah." O'Neill opened his eyes and looked at her then,
studying
her. "Apparently they found *us* too."
"What?" She looked around, expecting people to be
watching them and
accusing.
"Oh...not *us* us, another us."
"What?" Okay, so that wasn't helping.
"Some reality thing...two of us..."
"Alternate Realities?" Sam's eyebrows shot skyword,
amazement on her
face as the words and his nod sunk in. Completely forgetting about
her situation, a grin formed on her face. "So there are
another me
and another you back on base?"
"According to General Hammond. Apparently I've got a broken
leg and
you're fit and healthy." He winced as the words slipped out
of his
mouth and the sudden excitement faded from her eyes. Fit and
healthy.
How could he be such an ass?
"Oh...don't tell me...we get along in this reality?" She
asked
snidely, pulling the sheets up higher and shuffling away from him.
"Apparently." He looked at her. "We were getting on
pretty well last
night, if you remember."
"I was drunk." She stated coldly. "You took
advantage of me."
"You were only tipsy." He defended himself.
"Besides...I'd had a few
too and you agreed to it." He reminded her.
"You shouldn't have..."
"Neither should you." He didn't let her finish.
Sam glared at him and then sank back against the headboard on
'her'
side of the bed.
"Well...I think this settles it then." She said
eventually.
"What settles what?" Jack showed confusion on his face
as he looked
over at her. She wasn't looking at him, she was staring across the
room at his wall.
"I want to take Cassie and move back to my own
apartment." She said
softly, still not looking at him.
"Why? Because you can't trust me anymore?" He bit out.
Sam opened her mouth....and then closed it. She sighed.
"Sam...you can't go." Jack was surprised at the tone of
his voice. He
sounded....desperate.
"I have to." She said simply.
"You can't." He argued with her. "Your Dad's still
at your place and
looks like he intends on staying for a while. You're still not
allowed to drive anywhere and you've only got one room in your
apartment." He listed to her.
"What do you suggest I do then?" She surprised him,
asking him
honestly and seriously for his opinion.
"What I really want you to do?" He questioned, checking
to make sure
she wasn't being sarcastic.
"Yes." She nodded.
"I want you and Cassie to stay here." He admitted.
"Why?"
"Well...You're like a Mom to Charlie...he needs a Mom."
He said
softly. "I love Cassie, so does Charlie - he also loves you.
And I'm
starting to get used to you as well." He admitted
reluctantly.
"I can't..."
"Please stay." Both Sam and Jack jerked their heads
guiltily to the
doorway. Charlie stood there, a pleading look on his little face
as
he studied Sam.
"I..."
"Please Sam..." Charlie trailed off, glancing at his
Dad. "I don't
want you to go too." He whispered.
Oh damn. Sam closed her eyes. "I...Charlie...it's not that
easy..."
"But you and Dad are friends now...aren't you?" He
narrowed his eyes,
daring his Dad to argue with that. "Please...then me and
Cassie can
be brother and sister and we'll all be happy." He begged.
"Charlie." Jack started in freshly, "How about you
go downstairs and
put the kettle on, then wake Cassie up and come back here. I'll
talk
to Sam, okay?"
"You're gonna kiss her and then she's gonna stay!"
Charlie crowed
happily, remembering his Dad kissing his Mom and her promising to
stay.
"Maybe." Jack shot a look at Sam which she seemed to
understand.
"Okay, I'll go make you some tea."
"Coffee." Sam inserted promptly, shooting a haughty look
at
Jack. "Show some understanding here, *honey*, I want
coffee."
"Coffee it is. Charlie, two coffees. You and Cassie can have
some hot
chocolate if you want."
"Okay." Charlie raced out of the room.
"Oops." Jack turned apologetically towards Sam.
"So now what do we do?"
"We?" Jack raised and eyebrow.
"Your son just found us in bed together - butt naked I might
add -
and heard you begging me to stay with you guys. Now he's assuming
I'm
taking over role as mother, just because he happened to find you
in
bed with me. How long do you think it's going to be before
*everyone*
knows about this?"
"Uh..." Jack swallowed. "Here." He realised
suddenly, throwing her
his shirt that was lying crumpled on the floor next to the bed.
Sam looked pointedly at him until he looked away. Once the shirt
was
on she got out of the bed, not looking at him as she gathered up
all
their stray clothes and hastily shoved them underhis bed, just
slipping on her panties before grudgingly sliding back into bed
next
to him. She was relieved to notice that he was now also dressed -
wearing his boxers. Again.
"So what are you going to do?" He asked softly.
"Stay, or go?"
"If you had any idea how much I just want to slap your face
right
now, take Cassie and leave, you wouldn't even have considered that
question." She glared at him as he chuckled. "And
laughing isn't
changing my mind either."
"Then why aren't you going?"
"You have one son that has me wrapped around his little
finger, and
he's not letting me go that quickly." Sam smiled ruefully.
"The O'Neill charm." He told her matter-of-factly.
"Where'd yours go?" She shot back goodnaturedly, and
then caught
herself as she realised she was flirting with him.
"Sam...what are you going to do?"
"You do realise that if I stay here, we'll be forced to show
affection for one another because even kids aren't stupid. They
know
if they catch two adults in bed together then the adults are
pretty
much getting along."
"On." Jack grinned at her, relieved now that he knew she
was going to
stay.
Sam blushed and rolled her eyes. "Well, we're not going to be
getting
on if I stay here." She warned him.
"I know that." He sighed, for some reason feeling
disappointed and
slightly rejected that she'd told him that.
"Okay. If, and let me just make sure you understand that if
part of
it, *if* I stay, what type of relationship are we going to present
to
them?" She asked seriously. "I mean, Charlie already
thinks we're
busy 'getting on' at the moment."
"Well...would it let them hurt to think that?"
"I don't think it's a good idea, that's all." Sam said
honestly.
"Why?"
"How long are Cassie and I going to stay here?"
"Forever." He said smoothly.
"Jack." She sighed, rubbing her face in her hands.
"We can't. We
can't just pretend to be some big happy family because we're
not."
"Why not? You can pretend to be Mom, I'll pretend to be Dad
and the
kids can pretend to be kids." He looked pleased with
himself. "Honestly now, do you really hate me that much that
you
couldn't at least pretend to like me?"
"Well...no." Sam sighed, hating herself as the words
formed on her
lips. "You've changed."
"Towards you." He admitted softly, pained as the
memories flashed
across his eyes.
"How do I know you're not going to do that again?" She
asked softly,
her blue eyes serious.
"We've got the kids to worry about, and I like you now."
He added
defiantly.
Sam shrugged back a laugh. "So what are we going to do?"
She asked
again.
"Have you kissed her yet?" Charlie's voice assailed
their ears. Both
people turned to face him, flushing slightly guiltily.
"You have!" Cassie grinned, her eyes still sleepy and
her movements
slow, but the enthusiasm was present.
"Are you going to get married now?" Charlie demanded,
taking Sam a
mug of coffee. She took his hot chocolate as well while he
clambered
onto the bed and seated himself between Sam and Jack's legs.
"Are we going to be a family?" Cassie asked hopefully
after settling
herself against the headboard between Jack and Sam.
"I..." Sam glanced helplessly at Jack who just looked
back at
her. 'Your decision.' His eyes told her. She took a deep
breath. "Yes." She agreed softly.
"Great." Jack told her, leaning over and kissing her
softly on the
lips, earning giggles from Charlie and Cassie as they watched
happily.
*******************
If only I could turn back time,
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time,
I would stay for the night... for the night
*******************
"Sorry I'm late, General." Jack swaggered into the
meeting room, his
eyes glancing around for Daniel. "Danny!" He grinned,
grabbing Daniel
and giving him a hug. "What have I told you about touching
things!"
He scolded, letting the surprised younger man go.
"Uh...don't?" Daniel asked hopefully.
"Funny, you passed the theory test. You flunked the practicle
though."
"Why are you so happy this morning?" Daniel asked
suspiciously.
"Aren't I allowed to be happy?"
"Uh...I guess." Daniel glanced over at Teal'C.
"Daniel Jackson is correct, O'Neill. You are unusually
'happy' this
morning."
"Oh...uh....hey! Whoa!" He caught sight of his
counterpart and Sam's
counterpart watching him curiously. "Wow. What happened to
you?" Jack
demanded, studying the bright blue cast with suspicion.
"We accidentally arrived in Antarctica, and ice is really hard
when
you're going really fast." His counterpart replied.
"So how are we going to know who we're talking too?"
Daniel inserted
suddenly. "If I say Jack, both of you are going to
answer."
"Well...just call one of us something else." The
alternate reality
Jack suggested.
"Okay. Let's just call you Happy." Daniel grinned at
'his' Jack.
"Hey!"
"I like that." Everyone else in the room, barring
General Hammond
answered.
"Where's Dr. Carter?" General Hammond realised suddenly.
"Oh...Sam had to get Cassie and Charlie ready for school so
Airman
Andrews is picking her up on his way here. She should be here in
about...ten minutes." 'Happy' Jack glanced over at his
counterpart
who had suddenly drained of colour. "You okay?"
"Yeah, fine." Jack blinked, swallowing roughly.
"It was a possibility." Sam said softly, touching his
shoulder.
"I know." He shook her hand off and turned around to
look out of the
window.
"What?" Happy Jack asked, confused.
"Uh..." Daniel put his hand on Happy Jack's shoulder and
guided him
to another part of the room. "That Jack's son accidentally
shot
himself with Jack's gun." Daniel said in a whisper.
"When?"
"Just before Abydos. That's why he went on it. You went on it
because
Sara left and took Charlie with her."
"Oh." Happy Jack closed his eyes, only able to
comprehend a small
amount of what that man must have been going through. "Is his
Sara
still alive?"
"Yeah." Daniel squeezed Happy Jack's shoulder slightly
and then
turned back to the conversation.
"Sorry I'm late, General." Another Sam's voice broke
through their
thoughts.
"You're early." Happy Jack announced, surprised.
"No I'm not...you're all here already." Sam shot back.
"So are you." Happy Jack grinned and watched with a
certain amount of
affection - which scared the hell out of him - as her face lit up
with that look she got when something incredible had just happened
to
her and she was going to try and figure out what it was.
"Wow!" She said eventually, grinning like an idiot at
herself.
"Okay, so now we have two Sam's, and two Jack's." Daniel
said
unnecessarily.
"Okay people, let's settle down now and discuss this."
General
Hammond ordered, pleased as everyone took their seats. He was
curious
to note that Dr. Carter accepted Happy Jack's as he pulled her
chair
out. Daniel nearly fell out of his chair when he saw that.
"Okay, so what's happened?" Daniel glanced at them
curiously.
"What do you mean, what's happened?" They asked
innocently.
"Did I just see you guys acting civilly, if not
helpfully?"
"So? We made up last night." Sam defended herself.
"So what does that mean?"
"Sam's staying at my place with Cassie for a while longer,
instead of
leaving."
"Oh." Daniel digested the information.
"If you've quite finished." General Hammond looked
slightly pleased.
"Sorry Sir." Both people responded instantly.
"Now. The situation, as I understand it, is that our world is
apparently under threat by Apophis."
"Yes." Daniel agreed, turning to explain to his Sam and
Jack. "When
we used the quantum mirror..."
"The what?"
"It's a mirror that we believe transports us between
realities.
Seeing as we're in this one and not our own, I'd say that's been
pretty much proven." Captain Carter explained.
"Anyway, when we were using it, we accidentally went to the
wrong
reality. This one had us being attacked by Apophis. They couldn't
translate the message either, so they didn't know what to expect.
Now, we were thinking that maybe we could get the Nox to help us
out
on this one." She finished off, winding up his story.
"The Nox don't fight though."
"I know. But they also don't like things being killed or
persecuted
for no reason."
"Okay, so that I get." Happy Jack looked around.
"But why - and no
offence intended - are they still here?" He motioned towards
his and
Sam's counterparts.
"Well...they kind of stuffed up with the Nox so they were
wondering
if..."
"They could borrow ours? No way!" Jack shook his head
instantly.
"Colonel." General Hammond warned.
"Sorry Sir."
"We just want to talk to them and find out of they maybe have
some
way of helping us to get in contact with the Nox of our
reality." Sam
explained.
"OH." Happy Jack looked slightly relieved.
"I don't think that will be a problem." General Hammond
smiled,
standing up. "SG-1, with Captain Carter as an extra, you have
a go."
He nodded.
Dr. Sam Carter glanced at the alternate reality Jack who was also
unable to go on the mission. Great. Stuck at home with another
Jack.
And she was only just starting to get used to the first one.
*******************
"How long do you think they'll be?" Jack asked Sam as
they watched SG-
1 leave without them.
"A few hours, five at most." She shrugged.
"That short?"
"Missions to the Nox are always short...they don't like a lot
of our
ideas and would rather we didn't influence their young." She
hobbled
away from the window, ignoring the sympathetic looks she was
getting
from a lot of the personnel there.
"What are you going to do now?" Jack asked her, studying
her
curiously. This Sam was so different to his. She was stand-offish,
didn't laugh at his jokes, refused to go near him, very impersonal
and not as bright or happy as his own Sam.
"Wait for them to come back." Sam said absently, running
her hands
over the computer keyboard.
"I meant in the long run. You're not in the military
anymore." His
eyes lingered on the jagged scar on her forehead.
"No, I'm not."
"The SGC?" He studied her, the pain obvious to him, even
on this
different woman.
"I don't know." She snapped. Irritated? Sam irritated
already, with
him?
"You really don't like me in this reality, huh?" He
realised dully.
"I hated you at one stage." She admitted, grinning
ruefully.
"But?"
"I nearly died. You - Jack took me and Cassie in because I
had no
where else to go and he's starting to grow on me." An
unreadable look
flitted across her face.
"And you don't want him too."
"No."
"It's the O'Neill charm." He told her simply.
"He told me that this morning." Sam shook her head,
smiling despite
herself.
"Why don't you like him?"
"He was a complete ass to me." She said pointedly.
"Apparently he
took his anger with Sara out on me because I looked so much like
her."
"Then what?" Jack asked, fascinated by the differences
in their lives.
"She died. School shoot out." Sam tapped her fingers on
the desk. "He
had to get Charlie." She smiled fondly as she thought about
Charlie. "What's wrong?" She asked, concerned by the
look on his face.
"Uh...Nothing."
"Don't lie to me." She snapped, annoyed.
He glanced at her. "Sorry." He muttered, turning away.
"Why, did Sara die in your world as well?" She asked
gently.
"What? Oh no. Sara's still alive and living, still hates me
more than
death itself."
"Then what..."
"No. The one who's dead is my son." Jack's eyes were so
angry and
bitter when he looked at her, she was scared.
"I'm sorry..."
"Why? It wasn't your fault. It was mine." He shook his
head
slightly. "Do me a favour, okay? Tell your Jack to keep guns
out of
the house. Don't take them anywhere near Cassie or Charlie,
okay?"
"Oh God." Sam's eyes widened.
"Yeah. My gun. My son shot himself with my gun." He gave
a bitter
laugh and bashed his crutch against the wall. "You know what
the
funny thing is?" he asked, gaining control of himself.
"What?"
"I haven't even told Sam - my Sam. She knows about Charlie,
but she
doesn't *know* about Charlie. She's my best friend and I haven't
even
told her about my son. Taboo subject."
"You should tell her about it." Sam advised gently,
surprised at this
man holding so much hurt. He was so much like her Jack - where had
that 'her' come from? Anyway, he was so much like the Jack from
this
reality...but so different too.
"Yeah, but how?"
*******************
"Thanks." Sam fell into step next to Jack.
"No worries." Jack glanced at her oddly.
"What?"
"Nothing. It's just that you're so...nice to me." He
blinked.
"Why? Aren't I in this world?"
"No." He smiled slightly.
"Why not?"
"I treated Sam like...well...I gave Sam reason to hate me so
I don't
hate her for hating me."
"Oh." Sam smiled up him, amusement on her face.
"What?" Jack looked surprised, curious.
"You're different to my Jack. Not as closed off - or
bitter." She
said dryly.
"Oh." Jack looked at her sideways. "Do you like
your Jack?"
"What?" Sam looked slightly flustered. "Of course I
like my Jack."
She answered defensively.
"No. I mean do you like like your Jack." He grinned.
"Why? Do you like your Sam?"
"I asked you first."
"So?" She raised an eyebrow.
"And so we both get our answers." Jack sighed, smiling
slightly as he
shook his head.
"Don't you dare tell!" She warned him, feeling like a
teenager.
"Could I ask you a question?" He asked suddenly, feeling
ridiculously
shy and stupid.
"I guess." She looked at him, understanding his
hesitation.
"If you really really really disliked me...what would I have
to do to
make it up to you?"
"I don't know." Sam went quiet as she thought about it.
"Okay, let me try a different question. How would I have to go
about
getting your trust?"
"Prove yourself trustworthy."
"And how do I do that?" He waited.
"I don't know." Sam sighed. "What are you getting
at?"
"Okay. Here's the deal, you're not allowed to tell
anyone." He made
her promise again.
"Okay." She waited.
"Uh...well...you know Daniel went missing?"
"Uh huh."
"Okay. Well. Uh...we were both kind of upset. Sam was...upset
about
other things too..."
"Like?"
"Being discharged from the military...Janet's death...her
guilt I
guess...I don't know...Anway, she got herself drunk - she says she
was only tipsy - and I also happened to get slightly
tipsy..."
"Drunk." Sam grinned.
"Was not. Only two and a half bottles of beer." He
defended himself
as the Stargate came into sight. "Anyway, to cut a long story
short,
we slept together." He took a deep breath. "Charlie sort
of...caught
us in bed together. We weren't doing anything, just sitting at
opposite ends of the bed having a serious and civil discussion for
once, and he jumped to conclusions. Cassie too...so now somehow
Sam
and I have sort of created this charade of friendship - if not
more -
and we're all going to be a big happy family." He finished
up.
"Okay, so you don't want it to be pretend." Sam caught
on pretty damn
quickly.
"Well...I don't know if I want anything with Sam...I mean
we've both
done some pretty awful things to each other..."
"Like?"
"Well....Daniel and Teal'C had to physically hold the two of
us back
at one stage."
"You would have hit her?"
"She challenged me to hand to hand, I wouldn't have hurt
her." He
said honestly. "Also the way we treated each other..."
He clenched
his jaw.
"So you just want to at least be friends?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Sleeping with her was a bad idea. Very bad idea."
Sam started
out.
"I know that...but..."
"Okay, okay. Talk to her."
"Why?"
"I hate not knowing things and I'm willing to bet she does
too. We
need the facts, all the angles, everything, and then we sort it
out
in our mind and figure out what to do and where to go from
there."
"Oh." Jack blinked slightly.
"Be honest, don't try and push her and make sure you don't
try to
take advantage of her again." Sam raised an eyebrow.
"You're not too upset that I took advantage of her..."
"I'm not stupid...she's not stupid." She said
cryptically.
"Hey Jack..." Daniel interupted. "So how does it
feel to have a
civilised conversation with Sam Carter?" He grinned.
"Fine." Jack shrugged nonchanlantly. "Dial us home
Danny, and then we
can send these good folks home."
*******************
If only I could turn back time,
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time,
I would stay for the night... for the night
*******************
Jack looked over at Sam.
"You okay?"
"Yeah." She sighed.
"Sure?" He studied her.
"I'm fine Jack." She faced him. "I'm going
back." She admitted.
"That's good." He smiled at her. "Place wouldn't
have been the same
without you." He said honestly.
"What, less fighting?" She tried to grin.
"No...less smiling." He stood up self consciously.
"I'm going to turn
in now..."
"Me too." She walked up the hall way with him.
"Sam..."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have taken advantage
of you."
"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you." She grinned
slightly.
"What?"
"We were both sloshed, O'Neill." She grinned properly
this time.
"Mind if I say goodnight to Cassie?" He smiled in
relief.
"No." She led the way into the room and watched as he
leant over to
drop a kiss on Cassie's forhead.
"Night Cassie." He murmered.
"Night Jack." She turned over and sighed.
"Goodnight Sam." He kissed her cheek as well and walked
out of the
room.
"Goodnight." She called after him softly as the door
clicked shut.
*******************
Choices We Make 5: I Don't Wanna Fight
I Don't Wanna Fight
Performed by Westlife
(Used without permission. Didn't even know we had the CD until I
went
scratching through our pile to find a song with 'suitable' lyrics.
I
love the piano music...and the words are okay too!!)
I can't sleep, everything I ever knew
Is a lie without you
I can't breath, when my heart is
broke in two
There's no beat without you
*******************
Sam splashed the cold water onto her face. Grabbing the towel she
furiously scrubbed the water away and then studied her reflection
in
the mirror.
Two large blue eyes ringed with with tiredness stared back at her.
Despite the healthy red glow her cheeks were emanating from the
rough
towel drying they're received, it was obvious she was too pale.
Patches where the red was started to fade and the tingling
sensation
lessening were already going a pale, milky white colour.
Glaring at her reflection, Sam hung the towel up and padded back
to
her room - the room in Jack's house house she was sharing with
Cassie. It came out of left field, hitting straight for a home run
towards the bathroom where she successfully scored a hole in one
with
the great white porcelain god.
Groaning she straightened herself and once again followed the
procedure of rinsing her mouth out, scrubbing her face with her
hands
and then rubbing it dry roughly with a towel.
"Sam, are you okay?" Cassie's voice sounded slightly
worried.
"Fine Cassie, I think I've just caught a tummy bug or
something." Sam
managed a smile as her stomach roiled again. "Would you get
me a cup
of tea, no sugar or milk please?" She gasped, clutching at
her mouth
as her stomach settled again.
"Do you want me to get Jack?"
"No honey, just the tea. I'll be fine, honest." She
smiled tightly
again and leant against the door frame.
"Okay." Cassie studied her and then jogged off to the
kitchen to make
a cup of tea.
"Damn." Sam cursed, pushing herself towards her bedroom.
Damn damn
damn damn damn. "Not good." She muttered, digging around
in the back
of her cupboard - the back of the cupboard in Jack's spareroom
that
she was sharing with Cassie.
"Sam, you okay?" Jack's voice startled her.
"Huh?" She blinked, guilty.
"Are you okay? Cassie said you weren't feeling well." He
added,
studying her determinedly.
She managed another small smile for him.
"Fine. I think too much beer is the cause of this." She
added lightly.
"I told you to only have one." He frowned, reaching over
and feeling
her forehead. "Lie down for a while, Cassie'll bring your tea
up,
okay?" His eyes were so concerned. It was so sweet.
"Sure. Thanks." She shoved the small packet back in her
cupboard -
the cupboard in Jack's house - hastily and then climbed back into
bed
under his watchful eye.
"Stay there until I say, okay?" He checked before
leaving.
"Damn." Sam cursed, glaring at his back as he left.
*******************
"No." She warned herself, forcing herself to continue
staring at the
bathroom mirror. "Don't you dare look down, don't you dare
look at
it. Don't!" She could feel her resolve fading, her eyes
straining to
just have a peak downwards.
"No!" She lifted her head higher, denying her eyes the
view they
seeked. "Oh damn. Not good. Really not good!" She
panicked. Catching
sight of her face in the mirror she slumped. "I told you not
to
look." She snapped at her reflection. Another sigh.
"Houston, we have
a problem."
*******************
Sam paced around the room. Okay. So this changed things. This
really
really really changed things. Oh damn.
"Sam?" Charlie's voice sounded curious.
"Huh?"
"What are you doing?" He asked,watching as she stopped
walking in
circles and turned to look at him with completely confused eyes.
"What are you doing?" he asked her again.
"What am I doing?" She looked around the room blankly,
thinking about
the answer. "Thinking."
"About?"
"Uh...nothing really." She lied, smiling brightly.
"Are you feeling better now."
"Yes." NO!
"Good. Dad wants to go to the park. You going to come?
NO! "Sure."
Oh Damn. Houston, we need some help out here.
*******************
'Uh Jack, I have something to tell you...' No, that wouldn't work.
'Jack, I'm...' Oh no, nothing like that.
'Jack...do you remember...' Oh boy, she remembered that. Boy, did
she
ever remember that. Damn. 'How do I tell him?'
"Sam, you okay there?" Jack's face popped into her
vision.
She jerked upright, spilling her cordial all over herself.
"Sam?"
"Fine. Just startled me." She smiled tightly and gave a
strangled
laugh.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He narrowed his eyes. She
was
soo....jumpy.
"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She placed her empty glass
carefully on
the grass, smoothing the green blades down so that she had an even
surface.
"You're pregnant."
Her eyes flew up guiltily and met his. Oh damn. Houston, do you
remember me? I had a little problem. Big problem now.
"Uh..."
"Uh..." He licked his lips and studied her. "Now
what?"
"We play happy families." Sam reminded him, grinning
suddenly as
Charlie and Cassie appeared in view.
"What do we do?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm not going to get rid of
him." Sam
said firmly.
"So it's mine?"
"Of course."
"How do you know it's a him?"
"How did you know I was pregnant?" Sam responded,
realising he'd
guessed somehow.
"You're throwing up in the mornings, incredilby tense and
fidgety and
you had this dreamy look in your eye a second ago when you were
smoothing the grass out." He listed.
"Oh." Sam studied him discreetly out of the corner of
her vision. A
dreamy look in her eye? "So what do you want to do?"
"What do mean me?" His eyes were openly questioning her.
"Well...do you want to be a part of his life or not?"
"Sam..." Jack reached over and took a hold of her hand.
She glanced
down at it, noticing how his darker, more calloused hand just
seemed
to envelope hers. He looked down at the object of her scrutiny and
seemed to realise he had no right to hold her hand. Reluctantly
her
let go and sat up straighter. "Sam...Why are you even asking
me that
question?" he whispered, hurt in his eyes.
Sam looked across the park, watching as Cassie and Charlie waved
to
her and Jack.
"Sam...you know how much I love Charlie." He shook his
head slightly,
as if to shake some reason
into it.
She looked at him. Yes. She did know how much she loved Charlie.
She
knew the extrodinary lengths the man was willing to go to just so
that his son was happy and safe. Why had she asked that question?
Because she was Sam, not Sara.
"I just had to be sure." She told him, smiling slightly.
"Of what?"
"Of you. Circumstances are a bit different..."
"You mean because we're not married? Sam, would you marry
me?" He
asked promptly grinning at her.
"Jack!" She nearly jumped off the blanket in surprise.
"What?"
"You don't just ask a question like that off the top of your
head.
You're supposed to think these things through, make sure that you
know what you're doing..."
"Are you implying that I don't know what I'm doing?"
Jack
asked. "Don't answer that!"
"Jack, this isn't something to joke about."
"Sam...think about it. It's a good idea. That way Cassie and
Charlie
have stability in their lives...two parents who both love them,
and
then this little guy will also have that." Jack nodded
towards her
stomach with his head.
"But..."
"But what? It's a good idea." Jack frowned, confused.
"We're supposed to love each other if we get married."
Sam reminded
him.
"Well...we don't *hate* each other. Not anymore at least. We
could
work on it I suppose..." He trailed off, watching her
eyebrows hike
another couple of metres towards her hairline. "We obviously
don't
find each other repulsive...certain *things* are just proof of
that."
He had the cheek to grin at her.
"Jack..."
"Please Sam. A normal, happy family. We can be happy? We can
be
friends, can't we?" Jack pleaded.
"I don't know, Jack." She sighed, holding her head in
her hands.
"Could I ask you something?" He watched her closely.
"That's not a question, is it?" She smiled ruefully.
"No." He agreed, smiling slightly. "If you say no,
what are you going
to do?" He asked softly.
"Huh?"
"You're going to be a single Mom with two kids. If you work
on base
you're going to have to pay for their food, clothes, school and
everything else, as well as having to pay a baby-sitter." He
pointed
out softly. "If we were married..."
"I'm not being a housewife."
"I wasn't going to suggest that. I was just going to point
out that a
combined income would make it a lot easier. You won't have to buy
another apartment because your current one is too small, and you
can
always rely on me to look after the kids if something's up."
"What's in it for you?" She asked him suspiciously.
"Well...Not only do I get a beautiful daughter, ready-made, I
get a
gorgeous wife with a tongue on her that could seperate a Go'auld
out
of a human, I get a mother figure for Charlie who he likes, I get
someone who's not expecting too much out of the
relationship...just a
permanent situation of how things are now." He shrugged.
"Why not keep it that way?"
"I don't believe in having kids if you're not married."
He said
simply, surprising her.
"You don't?"
"No. I don't normally sleep around either." He grinned
dryly.
"Oh." Sam looked around, her eyes focusing on Cassie and
Charlie now
running towards them. "You'd do that for the kids, wouldn't
you?"
"Do what?"
"Sacrifice the opportunity to be with someone you love for
the
kids..."
"Sam...if there's someone in your life..."
"There isn't. It's just you're eliminating the possibility of
that
ever happening." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I didn't
ask to be a
mother you know, I didn't ask to get myself pregnant and I
certainly
didn't ask Janet to die so I could have Cassie..."
"Sam...if you ever find anyone...I won't hold you to the
marriage."
He said gently.
"Okay." She closed her eyes. It wasn't about love. It
was about
convenience. And pretending to two kids who were fairly innocent,
in
relativity of course.
"Hey...what's up?" Charlie plopped down on the blanket,
draping
himself over Jack's legs.
Cassie sat down between Sam and Jack. Jack watched with a slight
smile as Sam unconsciouly draped an arm over the girls' shoulders
and
hugged her. No, Sam didn't ask to be a mother and he didn't want
to
take her freedom or the rest of her life away from her, but
sometimes
things were worth sacrificing for. And she was a good mother.
"You telling them or me?" He asked, grinning at her. He
was relieved
to see an answering smile on her lips, even though her eyes were
suspiciously bright. The kids, he knew, would mistake those tears
for
joy. He knew better. She was signing her 'life' away.
"You can." She squeezed Cassie's shoulder again.
He frowned slightly. Taking her hand in his own - had to make the
whole situation seem real and believable to all concerned - he
faced
his kids. "Well...uh...Sam and I..."
"You're getting married?" Charlie asked, his eyes
suspiciously happy.
"Uh...Yeah." Jack blinked. Man the kid was smart. Way to
smart for
his own good.
"When?" Cassie squealed, bowling Sam over in a hug.
"Uh...don't know..." Sam replied. A muffled noise
sounded against
Cassie, and Jack knew it was a muffled sob.
"Careful." Jack eased Cassie off of Sam, a sudden fear
shooting
through him.
"What?" Both kids looked at him. He pulled Sam up gently
and held her
in his arms, wishing she wasn't quite so tense.
"How do you feel about a little brother?" Sam whispered,
wishing she
could stop crying.
"You're going to have a baby?" Charlie gaped, his face
completely
amazed.
"Yeah." Jack grinned, letting Sam hide her face against
him while she
cried.
"Are you okay, Sam?" Cassie touched Sam's shoulder
lightly.
"Yeah. I'm just...happy." He flinched as she lied to the
kids, and
she flinched as well. He hugged her tightly, acknowledging her
sarcrifice, and dropped a kiss on her head that wasn't for show.
"Cool." Charlie grinned then, a contented sigh as he
sprawled over
his Dad's lap again. "So after I have a brother...is Cassie
gonna get
a sister?"
*******************
You're not gone but you're not here
At least that's the way it seems tonight
If we could try to end these wars
I know that we can make it right
*******************
Sam blinked furiously.
"You okay?" Jack's gentle tone nearly caused her to
burst into tears.
"I'm fine." She lied, forcing the tears away as she felt
the familiar
stinging sensation underneath her eyelids.
"Liar." He smiled slightly and grabbed a hold of her
hand. She looked
up at him. Friends. They were nothing more than friends. That's
all.
This was just a comfort thing, and quite frankly, she appreciated
it.
She smiled slightly at him as they made their way up the corridor.
A flash of red hair and a white caught stabbed at her heart.
"Janet..." She called, hope on her voice.
"It's not Janet, Sam." Jack let go of her hand and put
his arm around
her shoulders, pulling her close to him. She could smell his
aftershave as he held her, a now familiar and soothing smell on
her
senses, as was his hold on her.
"I know. It's just..."
"It's okay." He smiled his understanding and dropped a
kiss on her
forehead. She smiled again and took his hand before he could offer
it. It was nice, this slight shift in their relationship. They
were
friends now, if more affectionate than most friends. That was
because
constant pretending in front of Cassie and Charlie for the last
month
and a half had turned into reality, a constant during their day,
even
when the kids weren't around. Small platonic kisses of comfort, a
soothing hand and a warm hold given by Jack to Sam were deemed
completely natural. Sam, on the other hand, never touched him
first.
*******************
"Miller...have you got those results yet? I need them
*now*!" Daniel
stalked into the room, his face strained.
"Sorry Dr. Jackson but I seem to have..."
"You've had nearly a month already!" Daniel howled in
frustration. "If Sam was here then those results would have
been
ready before I even needed them!"
"Sam is here." Sam said softly, surprising him.
"SAM!" Daniel whirled around, a grin on his face.
"OH! Wow! It's good
to see you back here Sam!" He grinned, hugging her tightly.
"You look
well." He held her at arms length and surveyed her. "Why
didn't you
call me?"
"I did. Someone hardly ever leaves base. I also have two kids
to look
after." She grinned at him.
"So you're back then?"
"I'm back. Only in the mornings though until Cassie and
Charlie
finish school, then I go home with them." She admitted.
"You driving then?"
"Yeah." She smiled tightly.
"You drive over this morning?" He asked softly, concern
in his eyes.
"No. Jack brought me." She was shocked and disgusted to
feel the
tears pricking at her eyes again.
"Oh, Sam." Daniel's eyes went soft with compassion as he
enfolded her
in a hug and rocked her slightly. "It's not that bad."
"Yes it is. I keep seeing her walking down the hallways, I
keep
calling out 'Janet' and then everyone thinks I'm crazy." She
sniffed,
trying to push him away.
Daniel let go. "They don't think you're crazy, they all
understand."
"I know...but..."
"I understand Sam, it's okay." He smiled and reached
over to squeeze
her shoulder. "So, how's things going otherwise?" he
asked her,
completely forgetting his pressing need for results.
"Not bad." Sam glanced at Daniel and then down at her
slightly
protruding stomach. Would he guess?
"So, how does it feel to be back then?" Daniel small
talked, knowing
something was bothering her.
"Not that difficult. According to Jack I almost didn't have
work to
come back to."
"Huh?" Daniel blinked at her light-hearted comment.
"Senator Kinsey..." She prodded.
"Ah, yes. Him." Daniel curled his lips distastefully.
"Yeah. He
nearly shut us down." Daniel agreed. "Good thing I had
those co-
ordinates and the Nox did their thing. Mr. President out-voted out
good senator then, using some ambigious story or another."
"So what exactly did they do?" Sam asked curiously,
having only
gotten a very vague explanation from Jack.
"I'm not exactly sure. They did something to the navigational
computers, the weapons and engines of the ship. Also its force
shield."
"Oh." Sam frowned slightly. "That doesn't mean
they're not going to
attack."
"I know...but hopefully we'll find some more allies before
that
happens." Daniel admitted. He glanced around the room,
relieved to
see that Miller had left. "You know, your replacement is a
complete
idiot." He confided, oblivious to the flash of pain on Sam's
face.
Replacement.
"Oh." Sam smiled tightly. "I'm sure he's not that
bad."
"You're not the one who has to work with him." Daniel
grumbled,
settling down for a long talk.
*******************
"Hey!" Jack grinned, catching sight of Sam in the
cafeteria.
"Hey yourself." She smiled at him absently, turning back
to the
figures in front of her.
"First day back and already back in those bad habits."
He admonished,
raising his eyes at the half eaten sandwich and luke warm coffee
in
front of her.
"Huh?" She looked at him blankly.
"Just to remind you...that's not very good for you right
now." He
pointed at the coffee. "And you're not eating
enough...considering
that you can't keep anything down anyway..." He dumped his
tray on
the table and pushed all her stuff aside. "Here. I got you
some real
food." He told her firmly.
Sam raised her eyebrow as he deposited a huge glass of milk in
front
of her, a bowl of chocolate pudding, some fruit salad and a donut.
"I
don't eat doughnuts." She stated calmly, spearing a grape on
her fork.
"Why not?" He looked surprised.
"Because." She shrugged, chewing on the grape.
"You have to eat donuts though. How could you not eat donuts?"
Jack
was astounded.
"Hi Jack." Daniel appeared, glancing down at the amount
of food
between Sam and Jack. "Wow."
"Uh yeah...as I was saying..." Jack glanced over at Sam
who was still
watching him disdainfully.
"You're not arguing again, are you?" Daniel asked
hesitantly,
disappointment on his face.
"Of course we are, Danny." Jack looked mildly surprised
that Daniel
would hope otherwise. "Sam here is under the impression that
a simple
salad sandwich and half a cup of luke warm coffee is a good
meal."
"I don't see anything wrong with that, other than the fact
that the
coffee is only half a cup and luke warm. It should be a full mug
and
really hot." He shrugged.
Jack gaped at him. "But look at this. I got her chocolate
pudding,
milk, a donut and fruit salad. What does she do? Drinks the rest
of
her coffee, eats a grape and tells me she doesn't like
donuts." He
complained.
"Given the choice out of milk and coffee, I understand why
she chose
coffee. Jack, are you feeling okay?" Daniel watched him
worriedly.
"Fine. Why?"
"Why have you gotten Sam all this food? Don't you two hate
each
other, or was that just me?"
"We've been living with each other for about four months now
Daniel,
we've learnt how to interact civilly." Jack rolled his eyes.
"And you learnt a big word." Daniel teased him, still
watching them
suspiciously.
"Well...I'm off to the lab. You guys enjoy the food."
Sam stood up,
waving her hand at the food on the table.
"But you haven't drunk your milk yet!"
*******************
Daniel watched them suspiciously. He reached over absently and
tucked
hair behind her ear, she grinned up at him with none of her
earlier
hostility, and then he smacked her on the backside.
"Okay. What's going on?" He demanded, barging into the
room.
"What do you mean?" Jack turned to him innocently.
"You two!" Daniel sputtered, waving his arms around.
"Two weeks. Two
weeks Sam's been back at work and I've been watching you two. Are
you
involved?"
"What?" Sam nearly laughed.
"Involved. As in 'in love'!" Daniel hissed, glaring at
them each in
turn.
"No, we're not in love." Jack shook his head, his heart
twisting
painfully as the words passed through his lips. He glanced at Sam.
Four and a half months she'd been living at his house. One and a
half
months they'd been engaged. No, they weren't in love though.
"Then what?"
"He's got to find out sometime." Sam sighed, turning
away from him.
"I told Cassie and Charlie." He inserted, eager to get
off the hook.
Sam glared at him, masking the pain in her eyes as she let anger
surface.
"Of course." She said sarcastically. She turned to
Daniel. "No
Daniel, we're not in love. We're only getting married because I'm
pregnant." She stated coldly and marched off down the
hallway.
Daniel turned to Jack, shocked.
*******************
'Cause Baby
I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
'Cause I don't wanna fight no more
*******************
"Uh...hi Dad." Sam croaked into the phone. 'How do I
tell him this?'
"Sam!" He sounded strange, she thought. No, that was
just her nerves
playing up.
"Yeah, it's me." She repeated, feeling like an idiot.
'What on earth
am I going to say? Why did I ring him?'
"So how have you been?" He asked eventually.
"Oh...I'm getting better."
"Did you want your apartment back?" He asked suddenly.
"What? Oh no, nothing like that." She nearly laughed in
relief. "No..."
"Oh. So what are you and the little girl going to do?"
He asked
suspiciously.
"Cassie, Dad, her name's Cassie." Sam avoided the
question.
"Are you still at O'Neill's place?" He demanded
suspiciously.
"Yeah. I've been here since I was discharged." She
agreed.
"Why?"
"Well...Cassie's happy here, settled. Charlie's settled as
well.
There's no room for all three of us in my apartment and..."
"And what?" he was downright suspicious now.
"And we're engaged." She said softly.
"What?" Jacob nearly screeched.
"I'm getting married Dad, in two days time." She
sniffed.
"Sam? Are you okay?" Jacob was instantly alert.
Something was wrong
with his daughter.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She lied, trying to hide another
sniff.
"Then why are you crying?" He asked gently. 'How,' he
wondered, 'do I
talk to her? How do I relate to my daughter?'
"Because I thought you'd be happy for me." She lied
again, not trying
to hide her tears anymore. 'Help me Daddy, please!'
"I'm sorry Princess." Jacob sighed, closing his eyes.
"I just don't
think that O'Neill is the best choice..."
"No one's good enough for you." Sam hissed. "First
Jonas and now
Jack!"
"I was right about Jonas though. He wasn't right for you. He
hurt
you."
"You're wrong about Jack though. He won't hurt me. Not
ever." Sam
said softly, closing her eyes. Wrong. Jack O'Neill had hurt her
more
than anything. Not in love.
No, they weren't in love. They were friends, and that's all they
were
going to be. The marriage would be dissolved if one of them found
someone else. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. But she
could have loved him. He'd been so easy to like, to get used to,
to
enjoy having around. But they didn't love each other.
"Sam...I'll be there." Jacob's voice caught her
attention.
"Thanks. It's at the small church on the corner of Washington
and
Newburn. 10am." She hesitated.
"Who's giving you away?"
"General Hammond offered...but I'd like you too." She
asked hopefully.
"I'd love to." Jacob bit his bottom lip. "Do you
have a dress?"
"Yeah." She whispered.
"Could I give you the bouquet?" Jacob asked hesitantly.
"That'd be nice." The tears were cascading down her
cheeks. The house
would be flooded soon.
"Okay. I'll see you there pumpkin." He blew a kiss
through the
receiver.
"Thanks Dad." Sam hung up.
*******************
"Are you okay?" Jack's voice reached her ears.
"Why do you always ask me that?" Sam snapped, not even
turning to
face him.
"You've been quiet lately." He frowned slightly. What was
wrong with
her? She'd been so cold with him for nearly a week now, since they
told Daniel they were getting married and decided on a date.
"I'm usually quiet." She said snidely, scraping the
knife across the
board in a way she knew Jack hated.
"No you're not."
"I told my Dad." She admitted, dumping the untensils in
the sink and
wiping her hands on a towel.
"And?" Jack watched as she turned around. Her eyes were
red and
swollen. Her cheeks were pale. She'd been crying, he realised. She
really didn't want to marry him. What had he done?
"And he'll meet us there." She forced herself to meet
his calm brown
eyes, hating the way he had that mask perfected and nothing showed
through.
"Oh." Jack looked away. What else could he do? It was
all his fault
anyway. That she was unhappy. "Sam..?"
She looked at him, something in his eyes that she couldn't
understand. "What is it?" She sighed, frustrated at
their lack of
communication.
"I'm....I'm sorry, okay?" He swallowed, his eyes darting
away from
her nervously.
For what? For not loving me? For not allowing me to love you? For
putting us in this situation? Sam blinked, turning her attention
back
to the man in front of her.
"Yeah." She smiled tightly and stepped past him, a
constricting lump
in her throat threatening to burst with a flood of tears that she
couldn't understand.
*******************
How can I leave, when everything
that I adore
And everything I'm living for
girl it's in you
I can't dream, sleepless nights
have got me bad
The only dream I ever had is
being with you
*******************
"So, how do I look?" Sam asked Cassie, licking her lips
nervously.
"You look very beautiful." Cassie said solemnly, a large
smile on her
face. "This is the best day ever!" She announced.
"Really?" Sam smiled tightly.
"Yeah. We get to be a real family now." Cassie grinned.
"Can...can I
call you Mom, Sam?"
Sam knelt down in front of Cassie, her eyes threatening to spill
over
with tears. "Sweetheart, if that's what you want then I'd
love for
you to call me Mom." Sam smiled, pulling Cassie into a hug.
"Good." Cassie sighed, holding onto Sam tightly.
"And Charlie?"
"Well...that's up to Charlie, I think." Sam tapped
Cassie's nose
lightly with her finger. "Come on." She took hold of
Cassie's hand
and lead the way determinedly out of the room.
*******************
"Jack." A familiar voice sounded behind Jack's right
shoulder.
"General." Jack dipped his head in respect. So what if
the man was
retired, so what if he was going to his father-in-law, Jacob
Carter
still demanded and got respect.
"I think that's a little formal, considering?" Jacob
studied the man
in front of him carefully, his eyes raking in everything about
Jack's
nervous posture. "You hurt my little girl, O'Neill, and I
swear you
won't live to see another day." Jacob said calmly.
"Yes sir." Jack swallowed roughly. What about Sam
hurting him? "I
wouldn't harm a hair on her head." He added.
"Good." Jacob raised an eyebrow, "That's not what I
was talking
about." He added, before turning and leaving Jack to ponder
the man's
implication. That threat was assuming that Sam was actually in
love
with him, that this marriage was really based on feelings and not
just circumstance or convenience. Jack sighed heavily and took his
place at the front of the small church.
*******************
"There they are!" Charlie announced excitedly as Sam and
Cassie
appeared in the doorway.
General Hammond smiled slightly at the childish enthusiasm, and
felt
tears prick at his eyes as he saw his one time Major walking
nervous,
but determinedly up the aisle. It struck him, as he watched her,
that
it was the same face she used when stepping through the stargate,
going into battle or faced with a problem she was determined to
solve. Sam Carter considered this whole ceremony a mission.
"Dad!" Charlie tugged on Jack's jacket.
"What?" Jack tore his eyes away from Sam, realising his
frank
admiration of her appearance was probably not a good idea
considering
their *real* relationship.
"When you kiss her..." Charlie grinned wickedly.
"Do it real good!"
"What do you know about kissing girls?"
"I seen it on T.V." Charlie said knowingly. "They
always look real
happy if you kiss them real good."
"Charlie!" Jack admonished, shocked and slightly excited
by his son's
suggestion.
Charlie grinned at Daniel who was also staring at the boy in a
slightly dumbfounded fashion, and then waited for the ceremony to
proceed.
"I do." Charlie blinked. I do's already? He looked at
his Dad who had
just uttered the words. His Dad, Colonel Jack O'Neill, was
*nervous*!
"I do." Sam echoed the words a while later, her voice as
shaky as her
hands.
Charlie watched the proceedings curiously. They didn't look as
happy
as the people on the T.V. Then again, this was real life and not
rehearsed at all. Shrugging, he grinned as his Dad tentatively
leaned
forwards and kissed Sam. Jack looked apologetically at Charlie as
the
tiny kiss ended abruptly, and Charlie rolled his eyes in mock
disgust.
*******************
"Thanks." Sam looked down at the dried bouquet of
flowers in her
hands. Her Mom's bouquet.
"It was a pleasure, Sam. I should have given them to you a
long time
ago." Jacob smiled tightly as his eyes rested on O'Neill.
Sam sighed, seeing where his eyes were focused. "I still
think you're
making a mistake. O'Neill isn't right for you..."
"Dad..." Sam closed her eyes briefly. This was hard
enough without
her Dad interfering. "Why's he not good enough for me?"
She sighed.
"Well, for one, he's a lot older than you are..."
"So? People used to get married to men old enough to be their
great
grandfathers!" Sam retorted logically.
"Used to, not anymore." Jacob frowned. "He's
divorced, known to be
suicidal, not shy of a drink or two too much..."
"Have you had him checked out or something?" Sam gaped.
"Of course. His top secret missions and classified record is
longer
than both my arms and legs joined together." Jacob looked
mildly
surprised. "He's an action junky, someone hell bent on
testing the
odds, continually."
"Dad...I hardly think that's the case with this
posting." Sam smiled
slightly. Oh yeah, definately not just testing the odds. More like
challenging them, ignoring them, defying them...
"What? You still expect me to believe deep space radar
telemtry is
what you do down there? Please Sam, I have been around much longer
than that." Jack looked at her pointedly.
"What else would we be doing?" Sam asked innocently,
widening her
eyes ever so slightly.
"You're good." Jacob allowed a grin. Sam noticed the
grin fading
slightly, looking forced. Jack. He was nearby, she realised.
"Of course she's good." Jack's voice said right next to
her ear as
his arm slipped around her waist, pulling her against him.
Sam tensed slightly, but continued the act, placing her arm around
his waist and leaning her head on his shoulder.
"Just don't ruin that goodness." Jacob said pointedly,
turning and
walking away after smiling slightly at Sam again.
"I think it's safe to say he doesn't like me." Jack
commented, not
releasing Sam. She pulled out of his hold, her eyes unreadable.
"Must
run in the family."
*******************
I know that we can make it right
It's gonna take a little time
Let's not leave ourselves with no
way out
Let's not cross that line
*******************
"How you doing?" Daniel asked, studying Sam intently.
"Me? I'm fine."
"Just wondering. You look tired." He added.
"Daniel, I'm nearly four months pregnant. Of course I'm
tired." Sam
didn't mean to snap, but she couldn't help it.
"Maybe you should go home early, you know, take some time
off. It's
not a foreign concept."
"You sound like Jack now." Sam sighed, rolling her eyes.
"He's been
talking to you, hasn't he?"
"Well, he did mention you get headaches, throw up, dizzy
spells,
don't sleep well..."
"It's called pregnancy. A normal thing that a lot of women go
through." Sam tried to smile at him.
"Yeah. Why not go home and spend some time with Cassie and
Charlie?"
"Dad's looking after them today. Said he wanted to get to
know his
grandkids better." Sam frowned slightly.
"He doesn't like Jack, does he?" Daniel realised.
"No, not really." Sam smiled ruefully. "But he
loves Charlie." She
added thoughtfully.
"I think he's just scared because he's losing his
daughter." Daniel
said softly.
"Losing me? How?" Sam blinked, surprised at Daniel's
words.
"Well...you're married, in love, pregnant, living a whole
life he
doesn't know about...he's losing you sort of." Daniel listed.
"Out of that list you weren't 100% accurate." Sam
sighed, smiling
tightly this time.
"I was. You do love Jack, you just don't know it yet."
Daniel nodded
his head firmly.
"Oh, and how do you know that?"
"I've seen you, the way you act. Last week for instance, when
Teal'C
carried him through the gate you were nearly hysterical for a
second." Daniel studied her, watching the way a defiant and
embarrassed colour rose in her cheeks.
"I wasn't." She said, looking away. "Anyway, I've
told you, we don't
love each other. Sure, we're sort of friends now..."
"The way you guys act though..." Daniel studied her.
"It's the act Daniel...the whole thing is just an act."
Sam sighed,
leaning back down into her chair.
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is." Sam shook her head. "We're acting
like we're in love,
we're acting like we're married, we're acting like we're happy.
Sometimes it's easy to forget you're acting, but it still boils down
to the fact that we're just acting." Sam sighed, running her
hands
through her hair.
"That means you like acting this, that you want it to be
real..."
"No it doesn't, it just means it's getting strained and too
comfortable. I mean, both Jack and I know we don't really like
each
other. Sure, we're on better terms now, but there's so much about
us
that annoys the other person..." She trailed off.
"Like what?" Daniel waited.
"Like..."
Sam stopped in mid-speech and snatched up the phone as it rang for
a
second time. "Carter." She said loosely, looking at the
floor instead
of Daniel. "What?" Her eyes jerked open, colour rushing
from her
face. "Thanks, I'll be there." She dropped the phone
carelessly on
the cradle and jumped up, pushing her chair hastily backwards.
"What?" Daniel demanded, worry screwing his features up
tightly.
"My Dad just collapsed, he's in hospital." Sam stated
breathlessly,
grabbing a hold of her coat.
"Where are Cassie and Charlie?" Daniel got up, following
her out of
the room.
"With the next door neighbours. Charlie ran over there when
Dad
collapsed, and they called an ambulance." Sam pushed the
button on
the lift impatiently.
"You go straight to the hospital, I'll get Cassie and Charlie
for
you." Daniel offered.
"No need, I've got to go past there anyway." Sam turned
to him, her
eyes large and fear filled. "Daniel..." She hesitated.
"What?" He asked softly, watching the conflicting
emotions in her
eyes.
"I...it's nothing. Tell Jack where we are, okay?" She
disappeared
into the lift. Daniel rubbed his face worriedly and then turned to
go
and locate Jack.
He found the man looking none to happy behind his desk, a mound of
paper work in front of him.
"Danny, what can I do for you?" Jack looked up
hopefully, just
itching to push the pages aside.
"Nothing for me..."
"Damn. Why is it there's always so much paperwork?" Jack
groaned,
picking up his pen.
"You have to go, Jack." Daniel stated, jerking his hand
towards the
exit.
"Beg yours?" Jack looked at Daniel. "You okay
there?"
"I'm fine. Sam's Dad isn't..."
Jack jumped to his feet, worry evident in his eyes. Daniel was
pretty
sure that worry wasn't for Jacob.
"Where is she?"
"She's gone to pick up the kids and then to the
hospital." Daniel
informed him, jogging slightly to keep up with Jack's long
strides.
"Can I borrow your car? Sam and I came together..."
"No worries..." Daniel fished in his pockets and handed
over the
keys. Jack smiled his thanks, grabbed the small metal objects and
sprinted away. Daniel watched him go, a heavy feeling in his
heart.
Sometimes people were just so stupid.
*******************
I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
'Cause I don't wanna fight no more
*******************
"Mom...where's Grandpa?" Cassie demanded, clutching hold
of Sam, fear
in her eyes.
"He's being looked at now by a doctor, okay?" Sam knelt
down,
studying her daughter carefully. Her daughter. Something inside of
her broke loose and turned somersaults. Cassie had been calling
her 'Mom' for a while now, but Sam had just suddenly realised that
Cassie *was* in every sense that counted (Except birth of course)
her
daughter.
"Where's Dad?" Charlie asked, his own features tense and
worried.
"He'll be here soon, Daniel told him." Sam touched his
cheek lightly
and stood up. "I want to go and find out what's going on.
Will you
guys be okay here for a minute?" She looked at them
hopefully.
"Yeah." Charlie nodded, taking Cassie's hand
protectively. "I'll look
after Cassie."
"I don't need to be looked after!" Cassie snapped
indigantly.
"Later guys." Sam smiled wearily and left the two of
them arguing on
a seat, understanding their fear and way of releasing it. Making
her
way to the reception, Sam forced her nerves to remain
calm."Excuse
me, I'm looking for my Dad, he was admitted about twenty minutes
ago
in emergency."
"What's his name?" The nurse asked kindly.
Duh Sam, you need to give the woman a name! "Jacob Carter,
probably
General Jacob Carter." She licked her lips. She waited
nervously
while the woman fiddled around on her computer.
"Yes, he was admitted twenty minutes ago. He's in ICU."
The nurse
looked up apologetically.
"Can I see him?"
"You'll have to ask his doctor that. He's just through those
doors
there, first corridor on left. Just check with a doctor before you
go
in." The nurse explained.
"Thanks." Sam smiled slightly and followed the
directions. She
stopped short as she caught sight of her Dad through the glass
partition, his face pale and so still.
"Are you Sam?" A voice behind her startled her.
"I am." She read the man's tag. Dr. Stephens. "Are
you my Dad's
doctor?"
"I am." He acknowledged, looking through the window at
the
unconscious man lying on the bed.
"What's wrong with him?" Sam whispered, tears
threatening to spill
over her cheeks.
"He hasn't told you then, has he?" The doctor smiled
sadly.
"What? What's wrong with him?" Sam demanded, panic
rising in her at
the resigned look on the doctors face.
"He's got cancer, Sam." Dr. Stephens said slowly.
"He's been fighting
it for months now."
"NO!" Sam shrieked, backing away from the man.
"You're lying. He
doesn't have cancer!"
"Sam...I'm sorry but..."
"NO!" Sam spun around, anger in her eyes. "You've
got to help him!"
"I can't, there's nothing we can do for him anymore..."
"Don't tell me that!"
"Sam...Sam...shhh." Jack's arms were suddenly around
her, his voice
soft in her ear and his chest pressed against her cheek.
"He's dying, Jack!" Sam sobbed, clutching hold of him.
"I know, I know." He stroked her hair, his own eyes
filled with pain
as the woman in his arms shook with grief.
"He can't die now, Jack, he can't. Not now when..." She
trailed off,
tensing in his arms.
"When what?" Jack pulled away, cupping her face up so he
could study
her eyes. They were haunted, pain-filled, but also regretful.
"We didn't speak to him." Sam closed her eyes, pulling
herself out of
his hold and wrapping her arms around her protectively. "Mark
and I,
we wouldn't have anything to do with him...then I had the accident
-
the first one - and we talked again...but not yet! I'm not ready
yet
Jack!" She hit her hand against the glass partition.
"Sam...you can go in and see him." Dr. Stephens quiet
voice reminded
her of his presence and alerted Jack to it for the first time.
Jack looked at Sam, waiting to see what she was going to do. She
looked so scared, so afraid and so upset that he wanted nothing
more
to take her in his arms and just hold her.
"I...I can't." She shook her head, backing away.
"Yes you can." Jack blinked, studying her and the way
she limped
backwards, the limp even more pronounced in her panic and jerky,
hasty movements.
"No, I can't!" She shook her head.
"Sam!" Jack took hold of her shoulders, forcing her to
keep still. He
studied her for a second, and then spoke again, his voice quiet
and
tender. "Sam, you can. He's your Dad."
"I...I..."
"Sam, you've just had a shock. You have to strong now,
okay?" Jack
coached her, releasing his hold on her ever so slightly.
"Come on,
let's go together, okay?"
"Okay." She whispered, biting her lips nervously.
Jack held out his hand and warily she placed hers in his hold,
allowing him to lead her into the room.
*******************
Remember that I made a vow
that I would
never let you go
I meant it then and I mean it now and I
want to tell you so
*******************
"Hey Dad." Sam smiled slightly, watching with concern as
her Dad's
eyelids flickered open slightly.
"Hey yourself." Jacob croaked. He at least, Sam was
pleased to note,
had the decency to look slightly ashamed of himself.
"You should have told me." She said simply, not letting
go of his
hand.
"I didn't want to worry you, not with the baby and your
marriage and
*your* accident..."
"And this isn't worrying me? Stop making excuses. You should
have
told me." She said pointedly.
"I know. I'm sorry." He agreed softly. Sam raised an
eyebrow. Since
when did her Dad apologise so easily. "So, how long have I
been here?"
"About four hours." She spoke guardedly, keeping her
face
determinedly void of emotion. "You do realise they didn't
think you
were going to wake up."
"No." Jacob closed his eyes, ashamed and scared at the
same time.
"The kids were really worried...Cassie was crying and Charlie
was..."
"He was great." Jacob smiled suddenly.
"Pardon?" Sam waited.
"He did what I told him to, went for help. He's a good kid,
Sam. You
look after him, okay?" Jacob whispered, his eyes starting to
creep
shut.
"Dad!" Sam panicked.
"It's okay..." He opened his eyes again slightly.
"Do me a favour?"
"What?" Sam blinked her tears away. Later. She could cry
later.
"Don't you dare name your kid after me, okay?"
Sam chuckled. "What? Not even Benjamin?"
"Not even Benjamin." Jacob smiled again, his eyes
crinkling ever so
slightly with laughter. "Sam...I'm sorry." He studied
her, touching
her cheek lightly before giving way to a coughing fit.
"For what?" Sam asked softly.
"For everything." Jacob smiled sadly. "For not
picking your Mom up,
for letting you and Mark hate me, for being a bad father, for not
telling you...for telling you O'Neill isn't good enough." He
stopped
again briefly, licking his lips. "He is good for you. You're
happy.
You stay happy, okay? Don't let him turn into another
Jonas..."
"Dad..." Sam tensed, valiantly trying to fight the
tenseness in her
body but failling miserably.
"He's not, is he?" The anger and disblief in Jacob's
voice nearly
made Sam laugh.
"He's not what?" Jack asked mildly, his eyes darting
between Sam's
strained, if not panicked look, and Jacob's anger filled one.
"Hitting my daughter. You aren't, are you?" Jacob
demanded.
"What? Hitting Sam?" Jack jerked, surprised.
"That's what I said." Jacob narrowed his eyes. No,
O'Neill wasn't
hitting Sam. The innocence and complete shock at such an
insinuation...or the man was a very, *very* good actor.
"Hell no. She'd kick my ass so fast..." Jack studied
Sam. "Did Jonas
hit you?" He realised, the tightness of his lips giving away
his
anger.
"It's over now, okay? Jack doesn't hit me Dad, he doesn't do
anything
like that." Sam put her hand firmly on her Dad's arm.
"And you're
going to rest now, okay?" She put an end to the conversatoin.
"The
kids will come in and see you tomorrow, if that's okay?"
"Fine." Jacob smiled slightly, his eyes on O'Neill.
"You look after
her, okay?" He demanded roughly. "I'm trusting you on
this one, don't
you dare let me down, soldier."
"No Sir, I won't." Jack said firmly, taking a hold of
Sam's hand and
sincerely meeting her eyes.
Sam frowned slightly, trying to read his expression, but blinked
when
she realised her scrutiny was too obviously.
"Go now, I'll sleep for a while." Jacob instructed.
"See you tomorrow Dad." Sam smiled weakly.
"Go!" Jacob ordered, a slight smile hovering over his
lips.
*******************
Neither of them said anything after the children went to bed. She
was
too tired, too exhausted and too numb to think of conversing with
him
on a civil manner. He, on the other hand, was too busy studying
her
and trying to work out just why she had let someone beat her.
He watched silently as she rose to her feet and left the room. He
gave her a few minutes, knowing she'd be changing now, in the
their
en suite, and then he slowly stood and followed her to their room.
Their room. Marriage, the act, everything that went with it. They
shared the same room, the same bathroom, and the same mattress
even,
but that was all. There was an invisible wall between the two of
them
when they slept. When she sometimes lay whimpering in her sleep,
he
had no right to lean over and comfort her or to gather her in his
arms and just hold her. Instead he was forced to listen to the
small
sounds of stifled nightmares that had never plagued her on
missions.
"I'm done." The words hung in the air as she emerged
from the
bathroom, her robe carelessly draped over her shoulders and her
swollen abdomen framed by the silky material. He longed to touch
it,
to feel their child that she carried inside her, but knew that in
the
privacy of their room, in the time they had alone together,
neither
one was allowed to touch the other because that would change
things.
He smiled his thanks and disappeared into the bathroom, also to
get
changed.
Sam slipped beneath the covers on her side of the bed. Opening her
drawer she pulled out the slim photo album she kept in there, only
a
few pictures of the most important people in her life.
The first one was her family. Her, Mark, Dad and Mom. She traced
the
lines of her Mother's face reverantly, letting her mind take her
away
to that place that smelt of warm cinnamon and jasmine. Soon, soon
she
would be doing that with her father's image. She touched his face
gently, the scent of a crisply pressed uniform and tabacco smoke
filling her senses. Dad.
Biting her lip, she turned the page. Two school friends from the
schools she had attended the longest - a year each - and then
Emily,
her college friend. She wondered aimlessly where Emily was,
whether
she still kept her hair hanging freely in a waterfall down her
back,
whether the long, jingly silver earings and metallic bracelets still
adorned her arms. Probably not.
She turned the page and felt a ball of bile rise in her throat as
Jonas' face stared up at her. He was dead now, his own doing and
obsessive dreaming. His controlling nature...and it was her fault
too. Partly. She'd left him, she'd helped get the program that
bought
him his death up and running, she'd been there when he'd died and
done nothing about it. She'd hated him.
"It doesn't help." Jack's voice startled her. Her head
jerked up and
her guilty blue eyes met his where he was standing in the doorway
to
their bathroom.
"What doesn't?" She croaked out, closing the volume
gently and
shutting Jonas' taunting face away, hiding from his cruel words
and
harsh blows.
"Blaming yourself." Jack said simply, heading over to
his closet. She
watched him detatchedly as he hung his jacket up and then made his
way to his side of the bed.
"I'm not." She said, opening the door and starting to
put the album
away.
"Then what's that about?" He pointed to the book. She
looked down at
it and then at him, undecided. Show him; bare her soul to him, or
hide it and shut away any chance of friendship with this man.
"I wasn't intending on seeing his photo." She sighed,
letting go of
the drawer she had started to open. "I don't know why it's
still in
here. Souvenier, I guess." She smiled drily without letting
it reach
her eyes.
"What were you doing?" He asked, curious and making the
most of this
unusual openess in her.
"I don't know. Just looking, I guess." She shrugged.
"Mind if I have a look?" He asked hopefully.
Again she hesitated. Her eyes met his brown ones, so sincere and
full
of concern that she shakily handed over the suffed book.
"Your family?" He asked, opening the first page.
"Yeah." She didn't offer more information.
"Your brother?" He asked, pressing for information. He
still hardly
knew anything about her, other than the fact that she was an aunt
twice over.
"Yeah. Mark." She nodded, her throat constricting. When
was the last
time she'd called Mark? He probably wasn't even aware of either of
her accidents, or her marriage.
"Your Mom?" Jack knew it was a stupid question.
"Yeah." Sam licked her lips and he saw the pain in her
eyes before
she looked away.
"Why did you let him hit you?" He closed the book, not
giving it back
yet.
"It's not like I wanted him too." She snapped, holding
her hand out
for the book. Jack looked down at the volume that contained scant
information of her history, and reluctantly handed it over. The
conversation was over.
"General Hammond's given me some down time." He said
eventually,
settling down onto the bed.
"Oh?" He knew she was just being polite now, not really
interested in
his conversation. This was confirmed by the click as she turned
off
her bedside lamp.
"Yeah. He uh, he said that it would probably be better off
for
everyone if we were together..."
"...in times like these." Sam finished off, unable to
hide the
bitterness and anger from him.
"I'm sorry." He said, itching to reach over and comfort
her.
"It's not your fault." She pulled the covers up tightly.
"He didn't
go to the doctor soon enough. I found out that if he'd gone a few
months earlier they might have beaten it or even delayed it for
longer." She said it clinically, calmly.
"Sam..."
"What?"
"I...I am here for you. You know that, don't you?" He
asked softly.
There was a silence.
"Thank you." He barely heard her soft whisper in the
dark room.
*******************
I don' wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
'Cause I don't want to fight no more
*******************
Choices We Make 6: If Tomorrow Never Comes
If Tomorrow Never Comes
performed by Garth Brooks
Used without permission (of course. Who do you think I am? Someone
who *knows* all these famous people to actually *ask* their
permission? Puh-lease...)
Sometimes, late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the light and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake in the morning,
Would she ever doubt
The way I feel about her in my heart?
*******************
She was so brave. He watched her quietly, unable to do anything
but
hold her hand tightly and squeeze it occassionaly. He didn't know
what she was thinking as they lowered the coffin into the ground,
but
he saw the tears running down her cheeks. Tenderly he reached over
and brushed them away, earning a startled look from her that soon
disappeared as a sob choked in her throat and he gathered her in
his
arms.
She held onto him tightly, burying her head against his shoulder
and
clutching at his jacket with her strong fingers. As each gunshot
was
fired into the air, her body flinched, and he pulled her tighter
against him. Was it wrong to notice the smell of her hair, the
perfect fit of her body in his arms, at a time like this?
Probably.
The echoes of the last shot hung in the air. He breathed in
deeply,
smelling the acrid scent of gun powder mingling with the fresh
earthy
smell of the ground that had just been rained on. Mostly though,
he
noticed her scent, and it taunted him.
"Sam?" He heard a stranger's voice, and looked up to see
a younger
man watching them warily.
She tensed in his arms, and struggled out of them, turning to face
the man.
"Oh God, Mark!" She gasped, flinging herself at him and
holding onto
him tightly. "I didn't think you'd come." She sobbed,
not letting him
go either. Jack felt slightly bereft as she jumped out of his
arms,
her soft warmth leaving him open for the breeze to cool him.
"I couldn't not come." Mark whispered against his
sister's hair. He
pulled back and looked at her, studying the dark circles under her
eyes, the tracks of mascara and the swollen abdomen. "And
this is?"
He looked pointedly at Jack who was standing awkwardly behind her
with his hands in his pockets.
"Oh...where are my manners?" She tired to smile,
stepping out of
Mark's hold and back into Jack's, readying herself to continue the
act. "This is Jack, Mark." She looked up at Jack
hopefully, not
seeing any hostilities in his face, and was relieved.
"Jack?" Mark waited.
"Jack O'Neill..." Sam started.
"Mom..." Cassie appeared from behind Jack, looking up at
her. "Charlie's crying." She said simply.
"Where is he sweety?" Sam asked, instantly forgetting
her brother and
husband.
"Over there." Cassie pointed towards the trees in the
distance. "Oh,
Cassie, this is my brother, your Uncle Mark." She added
nonchalantly,
disappearing off into the direction Cassie had given her.
Jack looked at the young man, and felt sorry for a minute.
"She's got kids?" Mark gaped, astounded.
"Uh, don't forget the husband." Jack smiled slightly.
"You mean you're married?" Mark nearly laughed.
"Yeah. Have been for nearly five months." Jack couldn't
keep the
smile off his face. It was pretty incredible, being married to
Sam,
even if they didn't love each other.
"Oh...and the kids?"
"Well, Charlie's mine and Sam adopted Cassie when Cassie's
Mom died
in a car accident..." Jack trailed off, frowning slightly in
confusion.
"And now she's pregnant?"
"Uh...yeah." Jack nodded.
"Oh." Mark took time and studied Jack. "You're
military, aren't you?"
He asked, realising it was a dumb question.
"Yeah. Colonel O'Neill." He nodded warily, aware of the
sudden
hostility in Mark's stance. "Used to be Sam's CO..." He
continued.
"Used to be?" Mark narrowed his eyes, anger suddenly
there. "Don't
tell me you got her pregnant and she had to resign..."
"When was the last time you actually spoke to your
sister?" Jack
demanded suddenly, shock running through his system.
"When she got engaged to Jonas." Mark responded easily.
"I want
nothing more to do with the military." He stated bluntly.
"Oh. Well, since you neglected to keep informed with your
sister's
life, let me fill you in on a few things. She left Jonas because
he
beat her. She nearly died in a car accident, was in a coma for
about
two weeks. Then, just over seven months ago she had another car
accident in which Cassie's mother died and Sam was put in another
coma, for nearly a week. That's why she left the military, or
didn't
you notice the fact that she has a limp?"
"Jack." He froze as he heard Sam's quiet voice behind
him. "I think
you should go to your son and my daughter." She said calmly,
her face
completely void of emotion as she looked at him.
"Sam..." He faced her, horror rushing to his face as he
realised
she'd heard his outburst.
"Just go Jack." She said softly, refusing to let him
touch her. She
couldn't, not now, not after he'd just betrayed her to her brother
like that.
"Okay." He glared once more at her brother and then left
reluctantly
to find his kids.
"So, now you know." Sam said simply, her clear blue eyes
staring
calmly into her brothers.
"I...I...why didn't you tell me?" Mark asked softly,
shock in his
eyes as he studied his sister. She was so different. She wasn't
the
way he remembered her; determined, happy, sparkling, friendly;
open
and loving. She was detatched now, a lot maturer and much, much
more
guarded. What had happened to his sister?
"Why haven't you told me anything about your life for the
past I
don't know how long?" She countered softly. "Mark, I'm
sick of
fighting. Our Dad just died, I really don't want to fight."
She
sagged, her shoulders slumping.
"Sam...I..." Mark leaned forwards.
"Mark...I'm fine, okay?" She stepped backwards.
"No you're not. Does O'Neill hurt you?" He demanded
suddenly, anger
on his face.
"No, he doesn't hit me." Sam said neutrally, keeping her
face
bland. "He's the perfect gentleman."
"You're not happy though."
"No, I'm not happy Mark. Neither are you." She countered
bluntly.
"What happened to you Sam?"
"Life. Life happened to me Mark. I suddenly realised that
life isn't
about flying rocket ships to the moon, earning medals, getting
honour. It's about living, finding someone you love and being
needed.
It isn't some romantic fairy tale where you just keep dreaming and
it
all comes true." She said bitterly, a smile twisting her
lips.
"You don't love him." Mark said simply. "It's a mission
for you, to
be married to him."
"No, it's not a mission to be married to him. We have a good
marriage, Mark. A damn good marriage. If I could change things,
none
of this would have happened. I wouldn't be a cripple, Dad wouldn't
be
dead and neither would anyone else I ever knew!" She shouted
suddenly. "Who do you think you are, coming here and telling
me how
to live my life?"
"Sam..." Mark frowned, confused at Sam's behaviour.
"Look, I just want to go home, just put my feet up, have a
good cry
and then go to sleep, okay?" Sam held her head in her hands.
"I have
a headache now. I just want to go home." She whispered.
"Sam...please..." Mark watched as O'Neill apppeared from
seemingly
nowhere and put his arms around Sam. He watched as she leant into
his
offered embrace and just stood there, letting the man hold and
comfort her.
"It's okay." Sam sniffed, not looking at him. "We
just need some
time, Mark, to realise we have unreal expectations of each other.
As
long as you can't stand the military, you can't stand me."
She looked
at him. "I loved my job, I really did. I loved being a part
of
something, knowing exactly where I stood and what my duties were.
I
loved being a part of something bigger and more important than me,
knowing I was needed. It's a part of who I was, and as long as you
hate that part of me then we'll never love each other." She
looked at
him.
"I love you Mark, I really do, but this is the real
world." She
studied.
"Yeah." Mark licked his lips.
"Call me sometime, okay?" Sam said as Jack pulled her
tighter against
him.
"O'Neill or Carter?" Mark asked dumbly.
"O'Neill, with two L's." Both people responded
simultaneously.
*******************
He found her, sitting on the roof. He hadn't been alone on the
deck
with her since that night they thought Daniel was gone. He
swallowed
and turned to leave, but for some reason changed his mind.
"Hey." He said softly, sitting down next to her.
"Hey yourself." She said softly, not moving or changing
her position.
He studied her, her eyes far away and the moonlight glinting off
moist tracks on her cheeks where her tears had run.
"You okay?" He asked her, concern etched on his voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine now." She smiled hesitantly at him and
then turned
her attention back to the stars.
"So, what happened with your brother?" Jack asked
hesitantly,
watching her.
"Mark blamed the military for my Mom's death." She said
simply, her
detatched manner betraying her emotions. "When I got engaged
to
Jonas, he wouldn't have anything to do with me. We fought, traded
insults and accusations. We haven't spoken to each other in
years."
She sighed.
"Or your Dad." He guessed.
"Yeah." She smiled bitterly. "I was wrong you know,
my Dad wasn't
such a bad guy." She sniffed slightly.
"At least you made up before..."
"Before he died. Yeah." Sam leant back against the wall.
"It was
tough, seeing Mark there." She continued, surprising Jack
with her
openness.
"It was?" He asked dumbly. She shot him a look.
"I didn't think he'd come. I wasn't ready for him." She
added,
huddling to herself again.
"That's okay." Jack consoled her.
"No, it's not. He's my brother Jack, I'm supposed to..."
"Sam, you're not superwoman, okay?" He touched her cheek
lightly,
caressing the smooth skin with his finger.
"I..." Sam licked her lips, forcing herself to break the
contact with
his finger. She couldn't deal with this as well now, this loveless
marriage that was still so full of affectionate actions.
"Sam...I told you already, and I'll tell you again, I am
there for
you." He whispered, pulling back to himself.
"I know. Thank you." She smiled slightly at him, resting
her forehead
in her hands.
"You sure you're okay?" He asked her, peering at her
pale face in the
moonlight.
"It's just been a tough day. I've got a headache." She
admitted,
smiling ruefully. "Think I'll go to bed now." She
accepted his
support as she stood up slowly, getting her balance. "Thanks,
I feel
so off balance it's not funny." She grimaced resting a hand
on their
unborn chlid.
"You don't look off-balance." He told her sincerely. It
was true, the
pregnancy was obvious, but she looked very small for someone five
and
a half months pregnant.
"Yeah, right." She laughed, a genuine laugh. "I'm
going to go now
before I get too big to get down the ladder." She grimaced
and
disappeared from view. Jack stared at the empty space where she'd
been standing, and then sighed as he leant back against the wall.
*******************
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I love her?
Did I try in every way
to show her ev'ry day
that she's my only one?
And if my time on earh were through
and she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
gonna be enough to last
It tomorrow never comes
*******************
Daniel grimaced, pushing reluctantly at the beans on his place.
What
on earth had possessed him to cook beans for dinner?
"Daniel Jackson," Teal'C said suddenly, studying him.
"I do not
believe I enjoy 'green beans'." Teal'C stated.
"Most people don't." Daniel grimaced again, putting his
fork down.
"Then why prepare it for comsumption?" Teal'C
questioned, copying
Daniel and placing his fork on the plate.
"It's healthy. I've just been eating pizza lately, thought I
better
get something good into my system." Daniel shrugged, standing
up. "So, what's it going to be? The regular or should be try
something different?" He asked, picking up his phone.
"I wish for anchovies like O'Neill." Teal'C said
promptly.
"Anchovies? Teal'C, you've got to be kidding."
"I am not. I enjoy anchovies." Teal'C deadpanned,
raising an eyebrow.
"Okay, half anchovies, half olives." Daniel agreed,
pressing speed
dial button number seven.
While waiting for the pizza to arrive, Daniel and Teal'C gathered
their plates and scratched the barely touched greenbeans into the
waste bin.
"That was quick." Daniel commented as the doorbell rang.
"Stay here."
He instructed, throwing Teal'C a cap anyway.
He was wiping the remains of orange juice off his chin when he
yanked
the door open expecting to see a delivery man standing there.
"Sarah!" He gaped, staring at her in disbelief.
"Do you have any idea how hard you were to track down?"
She asked
him, not smiling as she studied him. He'd changed a bit, his hair
was
shorter and he was more tanned. Maybe he'd been working on a dig.
"I...uh...no." He blinked, stepping back and opening the
door to let
her in.
"Hi." She smiled slightly and stepped past him,
clutching her
belongings to herself.
"Uh, Teal'C, we've got company!" He called into the
house as he led
Sarah towards the loungeroom.
"Teal'C?" Sarah looked at him, raising a delicate
eyebrow.
"Uh, yeah, a friend." Daniel managed before Teal'C
stepped into
view. "Uh, Teal'C, this is Sarah." he introduced the two
of them,
taking note of Sarah's curiously guarded expression and Teal'C's
usual stoic expression.
"I am honoured." Teal'C dipped his head formally.
"Thank you. Pleased to meet you." Sarah also stated
formally, her
crisp English accent making Daniel smile slightly. He still loved
the
way she spoke, even after all this time. What had it been, nearly
two
and a half years now? No, just a bit less.
"So, what brings you here?" He asked after an awkward
silence settled
over them.
"Well, uh..." It was the first time Daniel heard Sarah
stuttering,
unsure of what to say. The doorbell chose that precise moment to
ring, and chorusing along with the doorbell came the sigh of
relief
as Sarah was let off the hook.
"Anchovies or olives?" Daniel asked, setting the
cardboard box down
on the coffee table between them.
"Anchovies." Both Teal'C and Sarah said in unison.
"Ugh." Daniel curled his lips back in disgust, helping
himself to a
large slice with olives sprinkled over it.
"I see you're still not eating right." Sarah said
disapprovingly
after her first slice was finished.
"That is a mistaken observation. Daniel Jackson prepared us
'green
beans' for dinner, however they were unappetising." Teal'C
informed
her, helping himself to another slice. "Pizza, on the other
hand, is
much more appealing." He took a bite.
"Oh." Sarah blinked, slightly surprised by his odd
behaviour. "Well,
yes. I came here to ask you something, Daniel." She said,
turning
businesslike.
"What would that be?" Daniel asked slowly, narrowing his
eyes as he
licked the last crumbs from his face.
"Well, remember when we..."
"Went out separate ways?" He offered mildly, not at all
offended.
Sha're had happened to him, how could he be angry at Sarah? It was
such a long time ago.
"Yes." Sarah frowned, her eyes flicking towards Teal'C.
"Go ahead." Daniel understood her unease, but felt
better with Teal'C
there with him.
"Uh...there was something I neglected to tell you." She
said,
twisting her fingers nervously in her lap.
"What?" Daniel asked suspiciously, watching her. Why
now, after all
this time, had Sarah suddenly come to see him?
"Uh...I've just been offered the chance of a life time,
Daniel, the
opportunity to go and work first hand on some digs with Josef
Callaghan...you do know who he is?"
"Of course." Daniel nodded impatiently.
"Sorry. Well, uh, these digs will probably last a few years,
not just
weeks, so I'm going to be out of the country for a long
time."
"Yes?" Daniel waited patiently.
"So I was kind of wondering if you'd look after out daughter
for us?"
She looked at him hopefully.
"Beg your pardon?" Daniel didn't even blink.
"Her name's Chloe, Chloe Alexandra...She's eighteen months
and
absolutely adorable..."
"Wait a minute. You did say *ours* right? As in yours and
mine?"
Daniel thought he was doing pretty well, not losing his temper.
"Uh, yes." Sarah looked slightly shamefaced, he was
happy to notice.
"And when were you intending on telling me about her?"
He demanded,
not moving. Teal'C shifted uncomfortably on his seat, realising
that
this probably wasn't the best of conversations to be witness too.
"Well...I don't think I would have because I didn't want you
to feel
responsible...but..."
"Sarah, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Daniel
demanded,
jumping to his feet. "You're telling me that all this time
I've had a
daughter you never even *thought* to mention to me? Not to mention
let me at least be aware of her existence?" Daniel shouted.
"I knew you'd react like this!" Sarah stood up, yelling
back. "Always
yelling and losing your temper if you think something's
wrong..."
"Something is wrong Sarah. You never told me I had a
daughter. That's
not like forgetting to mention you bought a pair of shoes, or I
won a
ten dollar lottery ticket...it's different!" He yelled.
"I'm telling you now, aren't I?" She shouted back.
"Only because you want me to look after her while you go and
live
your life!" Daniel yelled.
"So I take it you don't want her then?" Sarah sighed,
sadness in her
eyes.
"I didn't say that, Sarah." Daniel rubbed his face.
"I don't want to
look after her for a few months and then lose her again when you
just
decide to come back because you've had enough of digging around in
the dirt." He told her pointedly.
"So what, if you take her now you want her for good?"
Sarah asked
softly.
"Yes." Daniel looked up at her. "You can see her,
that's fine, but I
don't want to just be someone she gets dumped on when you're too
busy
with your career."
"What about me? I don't live here in America..."
"That's tough. You're going to be traipsing all over the
world with
your career..."
"So are you?" She frowned.
"Uh...no, not exactly." Daniel shifted edgily.
"Anyway, I'll have a
permanent home here for her and you can come visit when you
like..."
"So it's settled then?" Sarah asked, genuine sadness in
her eyes.
"Sarah, why are you making this so easy? Why are you just
giving me
our child? Don't you even want to fight for her?" Daniel
realised,
horror as he watched Sarah.
"I did Daniel, I really did." She sighed, sitting down.
"Heavens
knows I don't want my child growing up thinking I didn't want
her..."
"That's exactly it though. You don't want her." Daniel
realised,
anger shooting through him.
"No, that's not true. If I could, I would keep her."
"Why can't you?"
"My career..."
"Is more important." Daniel smiled slightly.
"What about you? Your career, your theories were more
important to
you than I was." She flung back. "Look at you now,
you've completely
faded away from the archeological community!" She accused.
"I'm happy Sarah. I have a permanent job doing something I
love
doing." Daniel said cryptically. "And yes, back then I
was wrong.
You're making the same mistake now I made back then." He
sighed.
"No, I'm not." Sarah shook her head. "I'm not
throwing my career away
as well." She walked towards the door.
"So where is..."
"Chloe. She's in the car. Stephen's looking after her."
"Are you and him...?"
"No. We tried for a while, but let's face it. He wasn't you
Daniel."
Sarah smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry." Daniel said sincerely, following her to the
door.
"I know. Me too." She smiled at him briefly before
stepping into the
cold air and disappearing towards the car. "But, what's done
is
done." She told him as she returned carrying her daughter and
a bag
with her.
"So this is it then? You just drop her off and leave?"
"It's so cruel, isn't it?" Sarah touched her daughters
head gently
before handing the soft warm body over into Daniel's arms.
"This is
it Daniel. I'll keep in touch, okay? Somethings just weren't meant
to
be - like you and me. I'm just not cut out to be a mother."
She leant
forwards and kissed him softly. "I still love you." She
told him.
"I still love you too." He admitted. But, it was a
different love.
The love of a friend, a brother even.
"Bye sweety." She kissed Chloe's head and then was gone.
*******************
"So...where's Daniel?" Jack looked around the nearly
empty briefing
room.
"Don't know." Sam looked around as well. "Probably
with Teal'C." She
added, catching sight of the Jaffa's empty chair.
Jack smiled slightly as she reached down and touched her abdomen,
a
slight smile on her face.
"Active today?" He asked her tenderly.
"Just a bit." She smiled tightly, knowing the loving
look in his eye
wasn't directed at her, but rather at their child. That hurt a lot
lately, knowing that the only reason they were married was because
of
this child, and the only reason this child existed was because of
one
stupid mistake.
"Oh look, here come's Teal'C." Jack attempted to lighten
the mood,
realising that her thoughts had turned onto a depressing subject.
He
could do that a lot lately, he realised, know when she was upset
or
happy by just looking at her eyes.
"Hey Teal'C, where's Daniel?" Sam asked as the big Jaffa
walked into
the room.
"He is coming." Jack could have sworn he saw a smile of
amusement
lurking on Teal'C's lips.
"Oh?" Jack waited, eyebrows raised. "He's later
than usual." He
commented, hoping to draw out an explanation from the Jaffa before
Hammond arrived.
"Good morning people." Hammond breezed into the room,
smiling
slightly to himself as he caught sight of O'Neill and Carter - why
did he still think of her as Carter? - standing side by side and
looking every inch the happily married couple. "Where's Dr.
Jackson?"
He peered around, not too much surprised by the man's absence.
"He is on his way." Teal'C said, taking his seat.
"He's here." Daniel's puffed voice reached their ears as
he appeared
in the room.
"With the day care I see." Jack raised an eyebrow at the
child held
awkwardly in Daniel's arms.
"Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond asked, surprised.
"Yeah, I had a little trouble at the checkpoints trying to
get in
with Chloe, sorry I'm late." Daniel dropped onto a seat, not
letting
go of his child.
"May I ask just who exactly Chloe is?" Jack questioned,
studying
Daniel.
"Oh, sorry, this is my daughter Jack." Daniel grinned up
at Jack. "I
have a daughter." He announced.
"And where did she come from?" General Hammond asked,
shocked.
"Where do babies usually come from? Sir." Jack amended,
casting a
slightly apologetic look at Sam's amused smile.
"I *know* that, Colonel. Bear in mind, I do have two
daughters."
General Hammond returned pointedly. "What I'm asking is,
where did
she suddenly appear from?"
"Well, it's kind of a surprise really, I mean I didn't even
know she
existed until last night. Look at this Sam! She's smiling at me!
Yes,
isn't Chloe just so cute?" Daniel cooed.
"Uh, Daniel, babies really don't like treated like a
dog." Jack said
knowingly.
"That's not how you talk to a dog. More like a cat." Sam
grinned
mischieviously.
"Excuse me guys, I'm trying to bond with my daughter at the
moment!"
Daniel huffed. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to look
after a
kid like this, not to mention feed it?" He continued,
ignoring the
grins at his comment. "I mean, I would probably not have
coped if
Teal'C hadn't been there. Do you know that you actually have to
make
the baby burp?" Daniel opened his eyes widely.
"Of course." Both Jack and Sam looked surprised.
"Oh." Daniel blinked. "Well, Teal'C's been helping
me out..."
"Teal'C?" Jack blinked this time, staring at the big
Jaffa in
surprise.
"He does have a son, Jack." Sam reminded him pointedly.
"I suppose...still, I can't imagine Teal'C burping a
baby." Jack
shook his head at the image popping to mind.
"Uh...I guess not." Sam tried not to giggle.
"Excuse me people." General Hammond interjected wearily.
"We are here
for a reason you understand?" He stared pointedly at Jack.
"Sorry, Sir." Jack apologised humbly.
"Dr. Jackson, you are going on a mission in less than four
hours..."
"What about Chloe?" Daniel realised, his eyes wide.
"What about her?" Jack looked at him.
"Who's going to look after her?" Daniel panicked,
clutching the tiny
child closer to himself.
"Uh..." Sam faltered as four pairs of eyes looked in her
direction.
"Practice." Jack grinned.
"Please Sam?" Daniel cajoled, smiling at her hopefully.
"I don't know..."
"Cassie and Charlie will be home, won't they? They can help."
Daniel
suggested.
"Wait...I don't think that's such a good idea..." Jack
cut in
suddenly. "I mean, Sam is pregnant..."
"Sam is also here." Sam reminded them. "And she
appreciates being
spoken to."
"Sorry." Jack smiled at her. "As I was saying, you
are pregnant and
already having to look after Cassie and Charlie..."
"I'll only be for a few days Jack, I'll be fine." Sam
shook her head,
smiling.
"But..."
"But what?" She raised an eyebrow, daring further
arguments.
"Your headaches?" He threw in helplessly.
"They're not that bad." Sam rolled her eyes.
"Have you been to see a doctor yet?" Daniel asked,
concern on his
features.
"No, it's just the pregnancy." Sam held her hands up.
"I'll be fine
okay? Besides, Mrs. Simpson is next door if I do run into
trouble."
She added.
"Okay. On one condition." Jack agreed.
"What?"
"You do what Daniel suggested and see a doctor ASAP,
okay?" He looked
at her firmly.
"Okay." Sam sighed, shaking her head slightly. "But
they're just..."
"Ah!" Jack shook his head. "Now, if I remember, you
were going to
debrief us on something about something on this planet...P
something...."
*******************
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance,
there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
*******************
Daniel studied Jack as the man attempted to light the fire. For
the
first time to Daniel's knowledge, Jack couldn't get the little
pieces
of tinder to burn.
"Here." Daniel pushed Jack out of the way and started
building the
little fire.
"You really suck at that." Jack sighed, watching the
weak little
flames smoke and threaten to die.
"You weren't doing any better." Daniel returned, sitting
back with an
eagle eye on his little fire.
"I guess not." Jack agreed, leaning back against a rock.
"So."
"So?" Daniel raised and eyebrow, studying Jack
discreetly. He looked
edgy, agitated even. "What's wrong with you?" He asked
pointedly, his
eyes meeting Jack's and refusing to look away.
"Nothing, why?" Jack asked innocently, his own eyes
suspiciously
honest.
"Well...your wife is going to have a baby in a few months
time..."
"Two and a half." Jack inserted smoothly, smiling
slightly.
"And both of you refuse to admit you love each other..."
Daniel
continued as if Jack hadn't spoken.
"What?" Jack nearly choked on his own bitter laughter.
"Oh come on Jack, there has to be something between you. No
way can
you both fool everyone else with this act if it wasn't at least a
little bit true." Daniel said smugly.
"Well, we've been fooling the whole world about the Stargate,
haven't
we?" Jack retorted, feeling his guard raise. "Besides,
it's not so
hard. We only really do it in front of people."
"Jack, admit it." Daniel rolled his eyes. "You are
so worried about
her..."
"She's not well Daniel, anyone can see that."
"No, not everyone can see that. You can see that because you
know
her. You're the one who's married to her, knows who she is. You
can
see she's not well because you love her!" Daniel stood up
angrily.
"Oh. And just how do you know this?" Jack raised an
eyebrow, keeping
his face void of emotion.
"I was married, Jack." Daniel reminded him. "You're
both fooling
yourselves." He sighed, standing up. "Do me a favour
Jack, when you
get home and no one else is around, give her a kiss because it's
what
you want to do."
"I..." Jack blinked, surprise on his face.
"Wait, let me guess, you already do." Daniel asked
hopefully.
"No." Jack shook his head, an odd little smile playing
around his
lips.
"Jack." Daniel sighed.
"Okay!" Jack held up hands up and jumped to his feet,
suddenly angry
as he stalked off towards Teal'C and the latest member of SG-1.
Daniel sighed. That was probably the closest admission he'd ever
get
from Jack until he and Sam sorted themselves out.
*******************
"Mark!" Sam started in surprise as she opened the front
door.
"Hey, are you busy?" He asked hopefully, frowning
slightly at the
sound of a child crying in the background.
"Uh...no. I was just getting Chloe's bath ready...come on
in." She
offered, smiling up hesitantly at him.
"Chloe? I thought it was Cassie." Mark commented as he
followed her
through the house. It was strange seeing little signs of Sam all
through the house, like the books in the hallway. He could tell
she'd
arranged them because of the way they went from large to small in
complete disregard for hard and soft covers.
"It is Cassie, Chloe's a friend's daughter." Sam
admitted picking up
the crying girl as she entered the room. "Chloe, this is
Mark." She
introduced them.
"Mummy!" Chloe screamed, pushing away from Sam's frame
with her small
little fists.
"When's her Mom coming back?" Mark asked, feeling sorry
for his
sister as her pained face stared up helplessly at him.
"I don't think she is." Sam said carefully.
"Daniel's actually gotten
me to look after her until he gets back."
"Daniel?"
"Daniel Jackson...a friend." She paused again, giving
him that *look*.
"What?" He asked her, absently reaching over and holding
the child's
arms for her.
"Thanks. What do you mean 'what'?" Sam asked him,
pulling a T Shirt
over Chloe's head.
"You have that look on your face..."
"What look?"
"I don't know. Checking to see if I bought your story."
He studied
her carefully.
"What story?" Sam frowned, surprised.
"Never mind." He grinned suddenly. "I missed
you." He told her.
Sam was horrified to feel the tears pricking at her eyelids.
"Damn
hormones." She tucked Chloe's arms through the shirt.
"Sam?" Mark studied her as she furiously wiped the tears
away.
"I missed you too." Sam admitted. "And these damn
hormones are making
me so emotional..." She trailed off.
"Liar." Mark touched her cheek softly. "I...I don't
want to do that
again." He said sincerely.
"Do what?" Sam asked, confused.
"Live as though I don't have any family. Sam, you're my
sister." He
sighed, frustrated. "I mean, look at you. You've nearly died
twice in
the last couple of years, broken off an engagement, gotten
yourself
married, have a whole family and now you've got a baby on the
way."
He paused, unsure. "I..."
"I know." Sam touched his hand softly, her eyes misting
again as she
watched him. "I was hurt, Mark. Really hurt."
"I know. I'm sorry, you do know that right?" He held her
fingers
tightly, his eyes willing her to understand.
"Can I ask you something?" Sam bit her lip, chewing on
it.
"Sure." He waited.
"Why wouldn't you forgive him?" Sam whispered.
"I...it was his fault, Sam." Mark said helplessly.
"No, it wasn't just his fault. It was that drunk's fault for
being
drunk as well. It was Mom's fault in a way for not understand him
or
trying too..."
"Sam, I don't want to hear this!" Mark cut in, letting
her hands drop.
"No, you've got understand Mark." Sam shook her head,
turning to look
at Chloe who was now happily playing with her dolls in a corner.
"Dad
is...was only human." She hiccuped slightly as the words
passed over
her lips. "He made mistakes too. Don't you think he blamed
himself?"
"I...Sam, it's over." Mark shook his head angrily,
pacing around the
room.
"No, it's not over. You expect me to forgive you because
you've got a
grudge. If you can't get over your grudge, how can you expect me
to
forgive you?" Sam shook her head sadly.
"What is it with you? You never used to be this
philosophical."
"I never used to be pregnant either." Sam smiled drily.
"Stop
changing the subject." She added half-heartedly.
"What's wrong?" Mark pounced instantly.
"It's nothing. Just a headache." She waved her hand
slightly, sinking
down onto the couch and holding her head between her hands.
"Are you sure?" Mark watched her, concern on his face.
"I mean, I
know you're gonna get headaches because you're pregnant, but this
bad?" He studied her anxiously.
"I'm going to the doctors tomorrow." Sam smiled up wanly
at him.
"Why not now?"
"Because I have three kids who need looking after right now.
Cassie
and Charlie are going out with Mrs. Simpson - our nextdoor
neighbour -
tomorrow, so I'll just have
Chloe with me." Sam licked her lips.
"What about your husband?" Mark narrowed his eyes.
"He's on a mission at the moment...Mark!" Sam snapped as
her
brother's face revealed his anger.
"He's gone on a mission, leaving you home with three children
when he
*knows* you're getting these headaches and you're pregnant!"
He
snapped.
"I told him to go. He didn't want too..."
"What kind of a friend would dump his child on you anyway
just
because he happens to be away as well..." Mark continued,
staring
pointedly at Chloe.
"Mark, you shut up right now and listen to me or you can just
leave
as well. I really don't need this right now!" Sam yelled,
standing up
and clutching at her head as the pain escalated.
Why was he here? It was obvious he wasn't ready to forgive
the 'military' for what it had done to them.
"Sam?" Charlie appeared through the doorway with Cassie
in tow.
"Hey." She smiled weakly, sitting back down.
"You okay?" Charlie studied her and then looked at the
man in the
room with her.
"This is my brother, Charlie. Mark, this is Charlie."
She introduced
them, watching as they sized each other up. She knew Charlie had
heard the argument she'd had with Jack the day after the funeral,
when he'd said she should go and see Mark.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Cassie asked, coming up to Sam and
touching her
arm lightly.
"Have you got another headache?" Charlie demanded
suspiciously.
"It's fine honey. Why don't you guys go get us all a cup of
coffee..."
"Tea." Charlie shook his head. "Dad said you're
only allowed to have
tea."
"He's not here now Charlie..." Sam sighed.
"So?" Charlie watched her expectantly.
"Okay. Why don't you go and get Mark a coffee, you two a hot
chocolate and a *tea* for me?" She smiled hopefully.
"On one condition." Charlie inserted smoothly, grinning
at her.
"What?"
"You go to the doctors tomorrow, like you promised." He
studied her.
"I will!" Sam held her hands up. "What is it with
all of you guys?"
She leant back in the couch, closing her eyes slightly.
"You promised." Charlie reminded her, disappearing out
of the room.
"Cassie, why don't you get some games out or something?"
Sam turned
to her daughter.
"Okay." Cassie hopped up and disappeared out of the
room.
"So what are you doing tonight?" Sam watched her brother
warily,
trying to ignore the aching pain in her head.
"Nothing." He shrugged. "I'm catching a flight back
tomorrow
afternoon..."
"Why don't you hang around here for a while then? Get to know
my
kids." Sam suggested.
"Sure." Mark looked slightly uneasy.
"It's a truce for now Mark, but we're going to have to sort
this
out." She sighed, closing her eyes as she leant back into the
couch.
"We will. I promise." Mark sat down opposite her.
"So, Cassie, how
about you and me against Sam and Charlie?" He grinned as the
girl
walked in carrying a pile of boardgames.
"Okay." She smiled hesitantly and set the boards on the
floor. "Monopoly!" She announced.
"Here we go." Sam sighed, grinning.
*******************
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I love her?
Did I try in ev'ry way
To show her ev'ry day
That she's my only one?
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be eonugh to last
If tomorrow never comes?
*******************
Sam studied the white wall nervously. Why were walls like this
always
white? Either white, grey or that really sickly green colour that
she
didn't even think mould had done crime enough to be.
"Mrs. O'Neill?" A voice startled her out of her
thoughts. She licked
her lips, smiled tightly and followed the dark woman through the
corridors.
A whole heap of little worms were wriggling around in her, making
her
feel even more queasy than she usually did this time of day. Why
was
she nervous? There was nothing wrong with her. She was
fine....wasn't
she?
"Good morning." She smiled nervously at the Dr. What was
his name
again? Stephens, that's it, Dr. Stephens.
"Hi yourself." He smiled at her. Not good, that smile
*really* wasn't
good. Oh God. What was wrong with her? Nothing. Absolutely nothing
wrong with her, other than the fact that she was pregnant - nearly
six and a half months.
"So." She raised her eyebrows, surprised at the
steadiness of her own
voice and the cheerful note she managed to push into it.
'Oh, come on Sam, stop kidding yourself. You know something's
wrong,
that's why you're so nervous. That's why you've been putting this
off - you *know* that something is wrong.'
"Would you like to sit down?" He pointed to a chair.
When they asked you to sit...then you know.
"Thanks." She smiled again. A firm kick from her baby
brought forth a
gasp which he immediately questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Smiling
at him slightly she touched her stomach so he'd know, and she was
scared to see a very sorrowful smile tinging his lips. Oh God,
please, no.
"Uh...Okay, let's see now. Where would you like me to
start?" He
shuffled his papers. Lots of papers, looked like some of those X-
ray's and scans he'd taken the other morning. Uh oh.
"At the beginning." She said promptly, glancing at her
wrist-
watch. "Is this going to take long?" She licked her
lips.
"Well...it's not going to take five minutes..."
"I'm really going to have to get home soon." She licked
her lips
again.
"Mrs. O'Neill...Sam." It was his voice, the way he said
her name that
made her pause.
"It's bad, isn't it?" She slumped in her seat, holding
her throbbing
head in her hands.
"Yes." He met her eyes steadily.
"How bad?" She asked softly, closing her eyes and
licking her lips
again.
"You have a brain tumour..." He started off.
Her eyes flew open, not shocked, not horrified, just a sad
acceptance.
"You knew, didn't you?" He felt respect in him for this
woman, her
strength.
"No, I guessed." She looked at the desk between them and
then met his
eyes.
"How long?" He asked her softly.
"A few months." She shrugged. "I don't know, not
sure really. I
thought it was the pregnancy at first, but they got worse."
She shook
slightly.
"There are options..."
"I'm not doing anything to hurt my baby." She told him
firmly, her
eyes calm.
"I didn't think you would." He put the papers down.
"How serious is it?" She needed the facts now, he
realised that. From
what Jacob had told him about his daughter, he knew she'd sort
through them and then come to her decision. The month or two
before
Jacob died, he'd gotten to know her pretty well. She was smart,
very
smart.
"If, if we were to start you on Chemo now, or radio therapy,
then
we'd have a pretty good chance at beating this thing..."
"But because I won't do those by the time I have this baby it
will be
a no win situation." She realised, finishing for him.
"I'm sorry." He said sincerely.
"Hey, it's not your fault." She shrugged, her blue eyes
studying the
desk again, resting on his family portrait. "I...I didn't
think that
I'd die this way. This slowly." She said softly, smiling
bitterly.
"No?"
"No. I always thought I'd go in combat." She admitted.
"You were military, weren't you?" He sat back in his
chair,
understanding her need to talk.
"Yeah. Nearly my whole life." She agreed. "My
work...it was very
dangerous." She revealed, and he was surprised. What work?
Even Jacob
hadn't known exactly what she was doing. "Is this a
hereditary thing
or..."
"No, I don't think so." He shook his head. "It's a
possibility that
the head injuries you suffered before hand - the coma's - play a
large part in this. I'm not sure though, but it doesn't look like
a
hereditary thing." He admitted, watching the pain flash
briefly
through her eyes.
"So how long do you give me?" She asked eventually,
breaking the
silence between them.
"It's hard to say. I'd say six months, a year at best."
He admitted
gently.
He watched as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes,
steadying
herself.
"I...I don't want my kids to grow up without a Mom." She
whispered,
her eyes large with unfilled tears as she looked at him.
"I...I
needed my Mom, and she wasn't there." She gulped, visibly
gathering
her emotions.
"Sam...your Dad talked to me quite a bit about you and
Mark...your
lives..."
"He told you he sucked as a Dad?" She asked, smiling
slightly despite
her tears.
"Yeah."
"He did, you know. He felt so guiltly, and Mark and I blamed
him so
much..." She shuddered slightly. "I was wrong though.
I'm
happy...happy we made our peace before he...he..."
"It's not going to be like that for your kids." He said
gently.
"It's not?" Sam blinked, confused.
"I've met your husband Sam, I know Jack nearly as well as I
know you.
He loves your kids more than anything...he'll look after
them." He
leant over and touched her hands reassuringly.
"I know he will. I don't doubt that for an instant." Sam
said
sincerely, her thoughts wandering to her husband, to Jack.
"That's
why we're married." She added, surprised at her confessing
this to a
relative stranger.
"What? Because he loves kids?"
"No. Jack and I actually disliked each other. Hated would
probably be
a better word for it." Sam smiled slightly, remembering the
thoughts
and anger that used to play through her, and felt ashamed of
them. "We uh, we clashed. Badly actually." She laughed
slightly this
time. "Then Charlie's Mom died, and things got worse. Only,
Charlie
sorted 'adopted' me to be his fill-in Mom, so I was there all the
time. It was hell, trying to be civil to the man in front of his
kid." She paused, frowning slightly.
"Then I had my accident and Cassie lived with him and Charlie
while I
recovered. Then, against my better judgement, they moved me in
with
the three of them." She stopped for a while.
"It wasn't that bad, come to think of it. I still resented
him
because of the way he treated me, and I didn't know how to relate
to
him, but he was so damn *nice* to me..."
"You fell in love?" Dr. Stephen's asked softly.
"What?" Sam snorted. "No! No way." She shook
her head, laughing
slightly. It was an odd laugh, she realised, very bitter.
"No. We
both had a bit much to drink one night - thought a best friend had
died and just did the 'comfort' thing without thinking about it.
That
pretty much ended the hatred thing but we still weren't friends.
Just
civil to each other." Sam was mildly amused to notice that
the doctor
wasn't all that shocked, just more surprised.
"Anyway, things turned out and I realised I was pregnant. The
once,
and look what happened." She sighed. "So, Jack did the
honourable
thing and proposed. I would have said no, only he threw Cassie,
Charlie and the unborn child into my face, saying they needed a
stable family environment to grow up in. So we got married."
Sam
shrugged simply, watching him.
"And that's it?" Dr. Stephens asked, confused.
"That's it. We act well, don't you think?" She smiled
bitterly. "The
thing is, I love him now." She sighed, leaning back in her
chair. "And I kept wishing, hoping, that maybe he...it
doesn't matter
now, does it?" She sat up straight again. "I'm going to
die in a few
months anyway, so it's probably better that there's not *really*
anything between us." She stood up slowly.
"Sam..." Dr. Stephens stood up as well. "Maybe we
should talk..."
"You know, I don't even know why I told you that. Actually,
yes I do.
If I told Daniel that then he'd be on my back about getting things
into the open with Jack because it's too late. I told you because
you
can't say anything to me, you can't say anything to Jack and you
can't force me." She stated, gathering her bag.
"Sam..."
"Please, don't say anything to anyone. I'll be in to see you
again
and discuss my 'options'." Her hand rested on the doorhandle.
"Are you going to tell them?" He asked.
"No." She shook her head. "Not yet. They'll just
worry..."
"Sam..."
"Don't. It's my choice."
"I was just going to give you these." Dr. Stephens stood
up, holding
two pieces of paper.
"What are they?" She asked suspiciously.
"Prescription for some painkillers." He told her.
"And my number. I
want you to call me if you need *anything*, okay?"
"Thank you." Her eyes misted over and she hugged him,
thanking him
for his understanding.
"You're just like your father." He told her softly.
"He didn't want
to tell anyone either, and he was wrong. Just think about that,
okay?"
"Okay." She agreed, her voice catching in her throat as
she slipped
out of the room.
*******************
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
*******************
Choices We Make 7: Live
A million stars light
This beautiful night
This is not a night to die
Let me sing and dance
Beneath the sky
I have such love to give
To give
For a chance to live
*******************
"You know what?" Jack leant back against the couch, a
slight smile on
his lips as he surveyed his 'family'.
"What?" Charlie and Cassie were the only ones who
answered, though
Sam did manage to turn her head around and face him.
"I was thinking..." He started out.
"Does it hurt?" Charlie grinned up at him.
"Ha ha." Jack rolled his eyes, leaning forwards and ruffling
the
brown mop of hair where it was resting againts his knee.
"What were you thinking?" Cassie asked, her eyes
completely focused
on Jack.
"That we should all go to the pool tomorrow for a swim."
Jack said
simply.
"Really?" Cassie grinned up at him, excitement flooding
over her eyes.
"Yes, really!" He laughed at her enthusiasm, welcoming
the tight hug
she enveloped him in. "What do you say, Sam?" He grinned
at her
hopefully, meeting her eyes.
"I..."
"Oh, come on Sam!" Charlie begged, turning on his little
boy face
that he knew would convince her.
"I...Okay." She relented, smiling at them.
"What? Don't I get a hug?" Jack sounded hurt, his eyes
sparking a
challenge at her.
Sam froze for a second, suddenly intensely aware of the room she
was
in. The scent of flowers hung in the air, roses to be precise,
from
the bunch Cassie had picked for her. She was acutely aware of the
golden aura the lamplight threw over the members of her family as
they were piled on and around the couch, fascinated by the way the
lights danced in Jack's eyes and the way his lips curled up in a
smile at her.
"Sam!" Cassie encouraged, her eyes wide and questioning.
"What?" She blinked, time resuming it's normal cause.
"Aren't you going to give Dad a hug too?" Charlie
demanded, grinning
at her cheekily.
"What? Oh, sure, yeah." She smiled and got up slowly,
holding her
hand protectively over her stomach and willing the world to stop
spinning.
The tension between herself and Jack as she approached him was
charged with something that she'd been noticing a lot more lately.
She'd tried to put a name to it, tried to realise when she first
fully became aware of it, and then decided that those particular
questions were better left unanswered and unexplained.
Cassie jumped out of the way lightly as Sam approached the couch,
giggling conspiratorally with Charlie.
"I'm supposed to lean down, am I?" She grinned at him,
forcing down
the butterflies. Lately, each miniscule second she spent in his
company, being touched by him, talked to by him had come to mean
the
most to her, though he didn't know that.
"Of course." He said steadily, not moving an inch.
"I am a six and a half month pregnant woman, and you expect
me to
bend over?" She continued the play acting, placing her hands
on her
hips.
"Isn't it too much for a husband to ask?" He smiled
lazily.
"Of course not." She sighed. He sat forwards slightly
and rested his
hands on her hips to help her balance as she leant over awkwardly
to
slip her arms around his neck. "Jack!" She squealed,
clutching hold
of him as he pulled her into his lap gently.
"You stalled too long." He sated, holding her
tightly. "Compensation." He whispered, leaning over and
kissing her
lightly.
A shiver ran over her as his lips met hers, and for the first time
she acknowledged to herself, the feel of his lips against hers.
Her
eyes closed and she leant against him, curling her fingers lightly
in
her hair as she let herself pretend for just a few minutes.
Jack sighed against her, relaxing against her form. He'd been
wanting
to do this for so long now - since that talk with Daniel,
actually,
if he was going to be honest, way before that...but he'd never had
the excuse to give her a kiss, not for a long time anyway.
"Eeew!" Charlie nudged his knee slightly, bringing them
both back to
reality with a jolt.
Sam's eyes flew open and she met his, startled and shocked. He
could
feel every inch of her trembling and tense, ready to flee. He
couldn't let her though, that would ruin this act they'd been
living
for the kids, all their efforts would be destroyed if she ran from
him now.
His fingers tightened on her waist, refusing to let her run.
She nearly struggled, but realised he was right as his iron grip
held
onto her, pressing her close against him.
"We are married Charlie." Jack sighed, trying to ignore
the feel of
her lying next to him.
"So...you're too old to be doing stuff like that!"
Charlie shook his
head, rolling his eyes.
"Too old?" Jack asked, not moving. He relaxed against
the couch, his
hand absently finding it's way under Sam's shirt and tracing a
gentle
pattern on her back.
"Yes." Charlie grimaced again. "Besides..." He
started off.
"Besides what?" Sam asked lazily, far too relaxed and
comfortable in
Jack's hold.
"You were only meant to hug him!" He stated, standing
up. "Hey, Dad?"
"What?" Jack smiled slightly as Sam rested her head
against his
shoulder.
"Can we take the ball to the pool tomorrow?"
"Why?"
"So we can play basketball."
"I thought I was too old." Jack commented, earning a
chuckle from Sam
and a surprised expression from Charlie.
"You're not *that* old!" Charlie corrected, smiling
hopefully at Jack.
"Okay." Jack agreed. "Bed time." He added,
raising his eyebrows.
"Goodnight." Charlie leant over and kissed both of them
goodnight on
the cheek, a ritual followed by Cassie and then disappeared out of
the room, giggling quietly with his sister.
"How do you do that?" Sam made no move to get up and
leave his arms.
"What?" He asked, shifting slightly on the couch but not
letting go
of her.
"Just say 'Bed time' and they head off, no complaints at
all." She
sighed, snuggling further into his hold.
"I don't know. I guess I'm just good." he shrugged.
Silence settled around them. Sam sighed slightly as her thoughts
wandered, remembering those first nights she'd been left alone
with
Jack for company after the kids had gone to bed. They'd been so
tense, so awkward, and now here they were, completely relaxed on
the
couch as she was sprawled out all over him. It was wrong though,
but
she still didn't want to be the one to end it.
"I think," Jack commented, placing his finger against
her lips as she
opened to it to deliver a comment similar to Charlie's earlier
wisecrack, "I think that we should also go to bed now."
He said
softly, letting his fingers run gently over her face and tuck a
stray
strand of hair behind her ear.
"I suppose." Sam sighed, not moving.
Jack resisted the temptation to kiss her again, despite Daniel's
words taunting him, and carefully stood up, holding her in his arms.
"Someone's been putting on some weight." He commented
lightly as he
carried her towards their room.
"There's two people here, Jack." She reminded him,
rolling her eyes.
"I know." He smiled down at her and kicked the bedroom
door open with
his foot.
He put her on the bed gently, relieved to see her smiling gently
at
him. "Gonna be a long day tomorrow." He commented as he
made his way
to his side of the bed, grabbing his nightgown and disappearing
into
the en suite. "You should get some rest." His voice
floated to her
through the doorway.
Sam sighed to herself as she lay on the bed. She wanted to tell
him,
she wanted to tell him so badly...but she couldn't. Opening her
drawer she quickly grabbed her tablets and popped them into her
mouth, swallowing them without water and grimacing as she felt
them
move down through her.
"Goodnight." Jack appeared again and sat on the bed.
"Night." She whispered, thankful her back was to him so
he wouldn't
see the tears in her eyes.
"You okay?" He asked as he climbed in, leaning over and
touching her
shoulder. She tensed slightly. He never touched her once they were
in
the bed, it was the only place where the act could be dropped and
they could have their own personal space.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She said sharply, furious as a
betraying tremour
slipped over the words.
"Don't lie to me, Sam." He said, and she could imagine
him frowning
slightly at her, his brown eyes questioning as he studied her for
the
truth. "Sam?"
"I'm, fine. Really." She lied, unable to hide the sob
that arose out
of nowhere.
"That's why you're crying." He sighed. A second later
she found
herself being tugged into his arms and turned so that she was
facing
him, her head buried under his chin and his arms wrapped tightly
around her. "What is it?" He asked gently, stroking her
head while
she cried.
Even if she'd wanted to tell him, she couldn't. The words were
there
in her mind, teasing her and taunting her, but something in her
throat rose when she tried to say them, blocking them from her
with a
lump that felt as hard and rough as a rock.
He held her while she cried against him, stroking her hair and
showering gentle kisses on her forehead.
"I...I..." She tried to say, not trying to untangle herself
from his
arms.
"You don't have to say anything." He soothed her,
stroking her arm
lightly.
"No...its...." She stopped, fighting for calmness.
"Mark?" He asked softly.
"No." She shook her head, relaxing against him slightly
as the
painkillers started to take effect and her mind grew fuzzy.
"Me?" He asked hesitantly.
"No." She mumbled, relaxing in his hold.
"What is it?" He whispered, his voice filling her
senses. "Sam?" He
asked softly, touching her moist cheek in the dark. "I love
you." He
whispered as her breathing evened out and her fingers curled
themselves tightly in the hair at the nape of his neck.
*******************
Jack opened his eyes slowly, his senses gradually becoming aware
of
something different. A mop of golden hair filled his vision, and
he
realised that the reason he was slightly uncomfortable was because
of
the position he was lying in. Sam was pressed up right against
him,
her head resting on his shoulder.
He smiled slightly as he touched her cheek and she wrinkled her
nose
in her sleep.
A movement against him turned his attention towards her stomach
and
the active inhabitant.
"Goodmorning." He whispered to it, touching it lightly
with his hand.
He was rewarded by a firm kick and an irritated movement from Sam.
Chuckling he worked himself out from underneath her, taking a
moment
to study her. She was so pale and the dark circles under her eyes
were clearer than ever. Picking up one of her hands, he looked at
it
closely. She was too thin, especially for someone who was
pregnant.
He jumped guiltily as his mobile sounded and dropped her hand.
"What?" He grouched into the phone.
"Good morning Colonel." General Hammond's voice sounded
slightly
annoyed.
"General!" Jack jerked wide awake. "Just a minute
sir...Sam's still
sleeping." He ran into the bathroom and closed the door so
that he
wouldn't disturb Sam. "Yes Sir?" He grimaced slightly as
he caught
sight of himself in the mirror.
"We've got a problem Jack." General Hammond sighed.
"We do?" Jack frowned. This wasn't good.
"The Cimmerians have just gotten in contact with us...their
world's
been invaded by the Go'auld." General Hammond admitted.
"Teal'C and
Dr. Jackson are requesting permission to go and help..."
"Add me to that list, General." Jack instructed.
"Well then you'd better get to the base ASAP." General
Hammond smiled
slightly into the phone, worry clouding his voice.
"Will do Sir." Jack agreed.
"Bye." General Hammond hung up.
Jack glared slightly at the mobile phone and then walked back into
his room.
"Sam...Sam...come on Sam, wake up!" Jack touched her
cheek.
"Mm?" She blinked sleepily, her vision blurred.
"Sam, I've got to go. There's a problem at base, okay?"
He studied
her, watching as her eyes fought and lost the battle to look
awake.
"Okay." She whispered, grabbing a hold of his hand and
turning over,
falling asleep again. He looked at her in surprise. She never used
to
sleep this much, this deeply or had this much trouble waking up.
What
was wrong with her?
"Sam...I have to go. Now." He pulled his hand from hers
and sighed.
Charlie. He'd go tell Charlie.
"Hey, come on kid!" Jack woke his son up, feeling a pang
of guilt as
he realised it was before six am.
"What?" Charlie mumbled sleepily, pulling his covers up
tighter.
"Charlie, I've got to go to work, there's a problem."
Jack said
hesitantly.
"Why?" Charlie's sleep befuddled eyes opened a bit wider
and he
managed to stare at Jack's face.
"There's a problem. Sam's still sleeping okay, so I want you
to get
you and Cassie ready for school and get Mrs. Simpson to take you.
Tell her I'm really sorry but Sam's not well and I want her to
sleep,
okay?" Jack waited for Charlie to agree.
"Okay. Put my alarm on, please?" Charlie leant back
against the
pillows.
"Sure." Jack complied. "I love you." He
whispered, leaning over and
dropping a kiss on Charlie's head.
"Love you too." Charlie mumbled sleepily.
*******************
Live
For the one I love
Love
As no one has loved
Give
Asking nothing in return
*******************
"No, I don't think you understand..." Sam snapped,
spinning around and
facing General Hammond.
"Dr. Carter..." General Hammond started to cut her off.
"No!" Sam cut her hands through the air. "I thought
the agreement was
he was on downtime until the baby was born...no dangerous
missions..."
She stated furiously.
"It was. He wanted to do this Sam..."
"Only because he knew about it!" She countered.
"Sam, this is Jack we're talking about." General Hammond
said
softly. "You know he would have never forgiven me if I hadn't
told
him."
"What about me? What if he dies? What about Cassie, Charlie
and the
baby?" Sam whispered, fear in her.
"I don't know Sam." General Hammond admitted, sinking
onto his
seat. "You knew that this was going to happen. The
work...Jack's
honour...
*you* honour. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything I can do."
He
looked up at her.
"I know..." She trailed off, staring at him with a
bewildered
expression on her face.
"Why don't you go down to the infirmary and have a lie
down?" General
Hammond suggested, studying her critically.
"I'm fine." She shook her head exasperatedly.
"You look like you need some sleep." He raised his
eyebrows. "I'll
order you if I have too. Besides, if you have a sleep then time
will
go quicker and you won't worry so much." He added gently.
"I...I don't want..."
"Sam, you can't do anything." He touched her arm gently,
amazed at
all the different personalities of this woman. She could be so
strong, so brave and incredibly self-less, and then there was this
part of her that was so helpless, so afraid and unable to cope
with
stress.
"I..."
"Come on, I'll escort you." He offered, taking her arm.
*******************
"Is he okay?" She demanded, grabbing a hold of Dr.
Warner's arms as
soon as he stepped out of the infirmary, refusing to let go.
Dr. Warner flinched in pain as her bony fingers dug deep into his
flesh, holding him in a vice like grip. Her eyes were panicked as
she
looked up him, desperation clawing it's way to the surface through
the agitated pools of emotion.
"Dr. Carter..." He tried to remove her hands, gently
plucking them from
his arms and holding them while she clutched at his hands instead.
"Please!" She begged and he realised that she was close
to breaking.
"He should be fine. Other than a concussion...it's not really
such a
serious injury..." Dr. Warner smiled slightly. "He was
quite lucky
actually. If that staff blast had gone any higher he wouldn't be
lying awake in the infirmary right now asking for you."
"I can go see him?" Sam froze, shock on her face that
was instantly
replaced with relief.
"Of course." Dr. Warner smiled at her then, feeling
quite happy that
he'd been able to give her good news, that he had the chance to
see
their happiness in person. It was true, O'Neill and Carter made
a `damn cute couple', as his interns all said.
"Thanks." Sam smiled at him, gave him an impulsive hug
and then
bounded into the infirmary to see Jack.
"Sam?" Jack's voice croaked somewhere on the right of
her.
"Hi." She skidded to a halt, nervous tension suddenly in
place of her
earlier fear and then elation when she'd found out that he was
okay.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
Sam studied him. There was something in his eyes she couldn't
place,
a kind of hopefulness. "For what? For nearly getting yourself
killed?" She spat at him spitefully, raising an eyebrow. Pain
knifed
through her, mentally and physically. Why did his eyes have to
darken
in a brief flash of hurt and confusion at her harsh tone? Why did
he
manage to get himself so close to her in such a short amount of
time?
"Yes. For going without telling you." He admitted
humbly.
Sam narrowed her eyes. Him,
apologising *so* easily? "What if you
died, Jack? What about the kids?" She asked softly, refusing
to let
emotions show.
He watched her carefully. Nothing showed in those blue eyes he'd
been
dreaming about since leaving the day before, no emotions hid in a
hidden smile around her lips. Only her voice gave him a clue as to
how she was feeling. The completely lost, desperate tone coupled
with
a strange sound of grief filled him with a sense of foreboding.
"They'd still have you." Jack tried to smile, tried to
think of
something clever that would make her smile and release whatever
fears
she had. He couldn't though, the knot his stomach grew larger.
"No Jack. They won't have me." Sam whispered, her
shoulders slumping
in defeat.
"What?" He frowned. "Of course they'll have you.
Just like they'll
always have me..."
"Stop it Jack!" Sam snapped, glaring up at him.
"I'm telling you,
they won't always have me, and if you don't stop putting your work
before your family then they won't have you either. They won't
have
anyone!!" She stopped suddenly, her face pale and horrified
as she
realised the words that had just slipped out.
Jack's mouth opened slightly and then closed. Leaving him. Leaving
them. Sam was leaving. When? When had she found someone? "Was
it
really that bad?" He choked up, his mask falling back into place.
"What?" She blinked, wary and ready to flee.
"The marriage...what is really that bad?" He whispered,
swallowing to
control himself. "I mean, I know we don't love each other
but...I
thought we were friends." He forced himself to meet her eyes.
"What?" Sam flinched. I mean, I know we don't love each
other but... He
didn't love her. Just as well...
Sam? I love you.
The words. A dream. All of it, just more hallucinating. A mere
dream
brought on by those damn drugs. No, he didn't love her, and it was
better this way.
"Why?" He asked.
"Why what?" Sam shook her head slightly, completely
confused.
"Why are you leaving me?" She stared at him, her lips
parted in shock
and a frown of confusion present as she studied him.
"Where'd you get that from?" She asked eventually.
"You said you weren't going to be there for the kids...you're
not
leaving?" He asked, and she was amazed at the sudden
hopefulness she
saw flaring in his eyes before he his it again.
"What? No, I'm not *leaving* you..."
"Then what?" He demanded suspiciously, confused now and
his confusion
making him angry with her.
"I..." Sam faltered, looking at him with that same lost
expression
she'd first faced him with minutes ago.
"What is it?" he asked softly.
"Uh...well..." Sam swallowed, looking down at her feet.
"Carter, spit it out." He commanded, impatience edging
his voice.
Sam looked up then, and met his eyes determinedly, the anger
present
warning him that calling her 'Carter' and commanding her had been
a
bad move.
"I'm not going to be around much longer after the birth of my
baby,
Colonel O'Neill, simply because I won't be alive." She threw
at him,
ashamed as a lone tear trekked down her face. She lost her nerve
then, and ran from the room as fast as a six and a half month
pregnant woman could run.
*******************
Free
Free to find my way
Free to have my say
Free to see the day
*******************
Sam froze for a second as she heard the front door open, her
shoulders tensing involuntarily as the fly screen slammed shut and
his footsteps sounded over the wooden floor.
"Sam! Dad's home!" Charlie squealed, hopping up and
sprinting from
the room, Cassie once again in tow.
"Hey!" She heard Jack laughing and could picture him
swinging first
Charlie and then Cassie in the air. She felt a momentary pang of
concern for his injury, but brushed it from her mind. Didn't love
each other. They didn't love each other. He didn't love her and
*she*
defineately didn't love *him*.
"Where's Sam?" She refused to look away from the
computer screen,
though her eyes begged her too, her neck straining to turn towards
the doorway where she knew he'd appear in a minute and smile at
him,
cry and ache for him to hold her in his arms.
NO. She couldn't do that. She didn't *want* to do that, either.
"Hi." Jack's voice reached her. He sounded hesitant, but
angry at the
same time, she could tell.
"Hi." She didn't glance at him.
"Sam, aren't you happy that Dad's home?" Charlie asked,
sounding
unsure.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam asked, her fingers stilling on
the keyboard.
Slowly, ever so slowly, she swivelled around and looked at them.
He
looked great, she realised with a shock. The last time she'd seen
him, two weeks ago, he'd been lying in that infirmary bed the
colour
of rainclouds after they've just had the times of their lives
flooding out countries. Completely grey and washed out, depleted
of
life and excitement. Now his colour was back, he looked sturdy
again.
But his eyes, his eyes were so distant, so confused and masked
from
her...She looked at Charlie.
"Mom was always mad at Dad when he came back..." He
trailed off,
glancing unsurely at Sam and Jack.
"I'm not mad at your Dad, Charlie." Sam sighed, looking
at her hands.
No, she wasn't angry at Jack. She was angry at herself. Angry for
crashing the car twice, angry for caring about Jack O'Neill and
angry
for dying. No, she wasn't angry at Jack. *He* was angry at *her*.
"You're not happy though." Cassie whispered, hiding
behind Charlie.
"Of course I'm happy." Sam smiled tightly, not fooling
them.
"Guys...could Sam and I have a moment alone?" Jack asked
awkwardly,
shuffling nervously on his two feet.
NO! Sam's eyebrows shot skyward. Not now. She couldn't deal with
Jack
now.
"Sure." Charlie smiled hesitantly, glancing at them both
fearfully
before following Cassie out of the room.
"Why didn't you come to see me?" He asked softly,
keeping his hurt
well hidden from her.
"I didn't think you'd want to see me." She answered
stiffly, staring
at the floor. A lie. A big, fat, blatant and *very* lame lie.
Didn't
want to see her. Ha! Who was she trying to kid? More like she
didn't
want to see him because that would mean talking to him
seriously...confronting the problem.
"You thought wrong." He said mildly, narrowing his eyes
as she
refused to look up at him. "Sam, what the hell is going
on?" He
demanded, shifting his weight onto his other foot. Despite two
weeks
gone by, his side still hurt like hell where that staff blast had
grazed him.
"Nothing is going on, Jack." She said coldly, her voice
monotonous.
"You know, I thought we were getting somewhere." He
stated angrily.
"Where? I think we've gotten about as far as we'll ever
get." She
returned, her voice bland as her uninterested eyes looked up and
met
his for the first time.
"I don't get you!" Jack exclaimed suddenly.
"No, you don't. You don't get me at all!" She yelled
suddenly, anger
blazing in her eyes. "You haven't 'gotten' me since we first
met
becaue to you I am just some geeky scientist who keeps crashing
cars
and killing off people she loves!"
"What?" Jack stepped back in confusion, shock shuddering
through
him. "No! That's not what I think at all. I..."
"Save it Jack, because I really don't want to hear it."
Sam spun
around, trying to stop her shaking.
"Sam..."
"Don't waste your breath."
"Samantha O'Neill!" Jack hissed, grabbing her arm and
spinning her
around to face him again. Her eyes were clouded with pain, he
realised dimly.
"Stop yelling at me." She whispered, closing her eyes
and contorting
her face as she desperately tried to fight the pain.
"What's wrong with you?" Jack asked, holding her arms
and studying
her intently as her pale hands pressed harshly onto her face.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me." She denied
furiously.
"Sam...please." He pulled her hands away gently, studying
her.
"NO!" She shook herself from him blindly, nearly falling
over her
chair in an attempt to escape from his hold. "Don't touch
me!" She
hissed, shaking violently while her breath rasped in her throat.
Jack stiffened in shock, hurt turning to anger in his stance as he
watched her leaning against the wall.
"Do yourself a favour Sam, go see a doctor." He spun
around on his
heel, starting to march out of the room.
"I have." She whispered, her voice reaching him as his
hand touched
the doorhandle.
He faced her, that knot in his stomach threatening to rise up and
suffocate him.
"It's too late, Jack." She smiled slightly, a broken
smile of pain
that had nothing to do with her headache.
"For what?"
"I have a tumour, Jack. A brain tumour." She admitted
softly, defeat
washing over her as she finally acknowledged she wasn't okay.
Jack opened his mouth and closed it, completely stunned. For the
first time Sam saw him completely and utterly shaken.
"No you don't. You can't." He shook his head, blinking
and rubbing
his ear as if to clear it so that he could hear her again denying
the
fact.
"Yes, I do." She wrapped her arms around her stomach.
"I..."
"What about treatment?" Jack asked desperately, unable
to cross the
distance across the floor to reach her.
"No. I don't want to hurt the baby." She shook her head.
"Damnit Sam, what about you?" He demanded harshly,
taking a step
towards her.
"I'm going to die. In a few months time." Her voice was
clinical, too
well rehearsed and robotic.
"No. That's not an option." Jack rubbed furiously at his
face,
suddenly feeling so tired and haggard again.
"It's the only one there is, Jack." Sam said coldly,
studying him
emotionlessly.
"How can you just be so...so calm about it?"
"I've had a while to get used to it." She admitted,
smiling bitterly.
"But..." He stuttered again, studying her. His eyes
bored into his
head, almost as though he was trying to locat and destroy that
little
mass of cells that was slowly killing her.
"Look. The facts are I'm dying Jack. I need you to be there
for the
kids when I'm gone, okay?" She studied him intently,
determination in
her features as she held his gaze.
"But I don't want..."
"It's not about what we want Jack, it never was." She
reminded him,
stepping backwards as he moved towards her.
"Sam...What are we going to do?" He asked softly,
horrified to feel
tears pricking at his eyelids. He blinked, refusing to let them
come
into their existence and cut through his defences.
"The show must go on." She smiled weakly, sinking
against the wall
again.
"What are you going to tell them?" Jack asked.
"I don't know." Sam admitted, not looking at him.
He watched her in the strained silence. Why had it taken him this
long? Then again, her news and the obvious fact that her feelings
to
him were still less than lukewarm reminded him that it was
pointless
to finally acknowledge his feelings to himself - or to her.
"I supposed we'd better start by trying to convince them
nothing's
wrong." Jack said eventually, smiling crookedly at her. She
saw
through his act though, how couldn't she? It was impossible to
miss
that shaking of his hand, the sudden tenderness in his eyes when
he
looked at her. Of course he was going to feel like that now, out
of
sympathy because despite all their denials, they *were* friends.
"Time for Act Two." Sam agreed, allowing him to take her
hand and
lead her towards the kitchen where they knew the two children were
undoubtedly waiting for them.
*******************
Be
Like I used to be
Like a wild bird free
With all of life in me
*******************
Sam rubbed tiredly at her forehead and then abandoned the
pointless
massage. Instead, her hands fumbled over her desk as her vision
blurred. Her fingers brushed over cool sheets of paper, scattering
them franticallly in her mad dash to locate the small bottle of
tablets that would bring her relief from this blinding pain. A
crash
roared in her ears as she knocked her mug off the table, it's
white
porcelain smashing into a million shards on the floor.
"Sam?" Daniel's voice sounded so far away, but she
ignored him as the
room started growing darker and her fingers closed over small,
cool
plastic bottle. "Miller! Get help! QUICK!" Daniel yelled
as he burst
into the infirmary. "Sam?" He questioned again, racing
to her. The
rattle of the tablets in the bottle filled her senses as she
fought
to undo the lid.
"Hurts." She whimpered, spilling most of the tablets on
the floor as
her body started convulsing in siezures.
"Come on Sam, hold on, come on." He encouraged as her
hand containing
several tablets somehow rose to her mouth and safely delivered
it's
contents. He held her tightly while she shook in his arms, the
violent bouts slowly becoming less violent and more lethargic.
"Jack." She whispered, moving slightly in his arms and
then slumping
as she lost the battle with consciousness.
*******************
"Sam? Can you hear me?" He sounded so agitated, so
scared, she
realised.
"Go away." She muttered, not even bothering to open her
eyes. She
couldn't deal with Jack now and the pain at the same time. She
couldn't pretend to himself and herself that she didn't care about
him.
"Sam..." His hand cupped her cheek, his fingers
caressesing her cold
skin with a comforting warmth.
Sighing, she opened her eyes, determined to make him leave.
"Sam? What is it?" Jack demanded, panic on his voice.
"I...I can't see." She whispered, fear clutching at her
and turning
her blood into ice water. She'd known this would happen, that her
sight would go. But she hadn't thought it would be this quick and
so
soon.
"Are you sure?"
"Well unless someone's turned all the lights off..." She
snapped
sarcastically, sending a strained glare in the direction of his
voice. His hand pulled away from her abruptly, it's absence marked
by
numbness that settled on her skin where his fingers had been
resting.
"Dr. Carter..." She heard another familiar voice.
"I can't see." She admitted, suddenly feeling very
vulnerable and
very open. They could all see her, but she could only hear them
when
they chose to make a sound.
"This wasn't supposed to happen yet!" She heard Jack's
angry voice at
the foot of the bed now. When had he moved?
"Colonel, we didn't give you definite dates..." Dr.
Warner returned,
and she flinched in surprised as someone touched her
forehead. "Sorry, Dr. Carter." Dr. Warner apologised
softly.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, unable to hide the fear
and panic
from her eyes.
"He's shining that torch thingy in your eyes..." Jack
explained for
her, now standing on her otherside.
"Why didn't you call someone, Sam?" Daniel's voice
reached her from
the foot of the bed.
"Daniel?" She checked anyway.
"Yeah, it's me." His voice sounded so sympathetic she
nearly burst
into tears. Nearly.
"So?" Jack demanded inpatiently.
"Well..." Dr. Warner hesitated.
"Wait!" Sam called, hope on her voice.
"What is it?" All three men asked at once, anxiety
spread keenly
throughout the room.
"Shine the torch in my eyes again." She demanded, her
eyes bright
despite their obvious uselessness.
Dr. Warner complied to her request. Jack watched her screw up her
face in concentration, determination clearly etched onto her
features.
"Well?" Daniel waited, unsure of what else to say.
"I...I thought I saw something." She admitted. Jack
started to reach
out for her, to hug her when he saw how scared and helpless she
looked. "Jack..." She started out, turning her face
around the
infirmary.
"Yeah?" He snatched his arms back to his side. She
didn't need his
comfort.
"What are we going to tell Charlie and Cassie?" She
asked softly,
looking at his dirction. It was disconcerting, at best, to have
her
speaking to him, facing his general direction but having her faze
focused firmly on his collar bone.
"What's wrong?" Daniel demanded, fear gnawing at him
suddenly.
"Nothing. This should pass." Sam replied instantly,
glaring at Jack
before he could open his mouth.
"Dr. Carter, with all due respect, this isn't nothing."
Dr. Warner
inserted hesistantly, watching them. "I had to look up your
medical
files while you were unconscious and..."
"I'm fine." Sam interupted testily. "Aren't I,
Jack? I'm just fine."
She begged him for support.
"No Sam, you're not fine. It's time you told me what's going
on."
Daniel demanded, interupting before Jack could back Sam up.
"It's nothing Daniel." Sam shook her head, dismissing
it. Daniel
wasn't fooled, he saw the panic and the fear in her eyes.
"Sam..." Jack sighed softly, touching her hand.
She jerked as his unexpected contact with her gave her a surprise.
Jack pulled his hand back, ashamed and hurt that she'd react like
that just because he touched her.
"Shut up Jack." She ordered curtly, gazing around the
room again,
trying to see something.
Daniel watched her with a heavy heart. Her movements were jerky
and
agitated, erratic spasms that, along with the startled blue eyes
framed by a pale face, gave her the effect of a startled wild bird
that had woken up for the first time in captivity.
"Sam, we have to tell him." Jack said softly.
"Why?" She demanded, sounding like a little child told
to eat her
vegetables.
"Because, just in case you've forgotten, Samantha, Daniel is
our
*friend*. He has a right to know."
"Fine. Go ahead. Tell him, oh, and while you're at it, go and
announce it on the intercom so that the WHOLE DAMN BASE KNOWS AS
WELL!" She screamed suddenly, flailing out at him with wild
movements. Her fists connected with thin air, throwing her off
balance. Jack caught her easily and held her as she started
sobbing,
but she fought against him, refusing to let him hold her.
"Let me
GO!" She yelled, trying to hit him.
Jack stroked her hair, holding her tightly against him while she
cried.
Daniel watched, feeling like a voyuer as she clutched tightly at
Jack
and held on, long after her sobs had subsided, but filled with a
horrified curiousity. What was wrong with Sam?
"I'm scared, Jack." Sam whispered as the drugs Dr.
Warner had
injected into her system started to take effect.
"I know, Sam, I know." He whispered, holding her tightly
against him.
"I'm not going to see them again, am I?" She sniffed,
her fingers
tightening on him sporadically.
"Who?" He asked her gently, still stroking her hair with
a helpless,
vulnerable expression on his face.
"Charlie...Cassie...Oh God. Jack, I'm never going to see my
baby."
She choked on her sobs again, pure grief pouring itself out of her
system.
"Sh.." He whispered, ashamed to feel his own tears prick
at his
eyelids again. "There is a good chance this isn't
permanent." He
reminded her, kissing her cheek gently as he pulled away.
"I won't see him grow up though, Jack." She sank back
onto the bed,
defeat evident on her features. "I won't be at Cassie's
wedding or be
there to see Charlie driving his first car...I won't be there to
watch the baby take his first steps, to see his first tooth, his
first bikeride..." She trailed off, looking bewildered.
"I don't want
to die, Jack." She shuddered, and he took a hold of her
hands,
sitting on the bed next to her.
"I know. I don't want you to die, either." He admitted
holding her
hands close to himself.
"Promise me you'll be there for them, Jack? Please? All of
them?" She
murmured as he eyelids grew heavy and started to cloes over her
unseeing eyes.
"I promise." He told her, kissing her forehead gently.
"Thank you." She whispered, smiling a relieved little
smile and
slipping into unconsciousness.
Daniel remained silent as Jack sat next to Sam, watching as his
friends fingers traced over her face, her neck, touching her hair
reverantly and then gently kissing her hands before he let go and
stood up.
"Jack?" He asked, his voice cracking unsurely.
"She's dying, Daniel." Jack managed, contorting his face
and deciding
on the expression he wanted to wear. "She's got a
tumour."
"Oh God." Daniel sucked his breath in sharply.
"How can that happen?" Jack asked forlornly. "How
can a part of her
be killing her? So slowly?" He demanded angrily.
"I don't know." Daniel put a hand on Jack's
shoulder. "Jack...how...how long...?"
"A few months. After the baby's born." Jack ground his
teeth as his
eyes rested on his wife's swollen stomach. "If she wasn't
having that
baby then..."
"You wouldn't be married to her. You wouldn't have a family
and you
probably wouldn't have fallen in love with each other."
Daniel
reminded him slightly.
"But then she wouldn't be dying...or if she was she'd at
least be
having treatment..."
"But you wouldn't care Jack. You'd still hate her and she'd
still
hate you. You wouldn't appreciate just how lucky you are, knowing
her." He reminded Jack.
"But I know now, I know how important she is. I knew before
she got
the tumour...so why does she have to have it?" He demanded
angrily,
glaring at Daniel.
"I don't know, Jack." Daniel shook his head softly,
unable to stop
the tears from rolling down his cheeks.
"What do I tell my children?" Jack slumped against the
wall, sinking
to his haunches and holding his head in his hands.
"Something you should have told them a long time ago."
Daniel said
gently, sitting down next to him.
"That's not helping. I already *know* that I should have told
them. I
just don't know...how." He finished off lamely.
"Wait for Sam before you decide anything, okay?" Daniel
suggested.
"Okay."
*******************
Live
For the one I love
Love
As no one has loved
Give
Asking nothing in return
*******************
Sam opened her eyes slightly, and was met by darkness. Quickly she
closed them, wondering why she couldn't just wake up again and
find
it was all a bad, very bad, dream.
"Sam?" She heard somone's voice to the left of her.
"Charlie?" She asked incredulously. What was Charlie
doing here?
"What's wrong?" He sounded so scared, so worried.
"She's sick, Charlie." Jack's voice was low and soft,
the tones
rumbling over her and calming her sudden agitation.
"I made you a card, Mom." Cassie said hopefully from
next to her. "Do
you want to see?"
Sam froze. Do you want to see? Such innocent words, such
unintentional pain..."I'd love to Cassie...but...I
can't." Sam
whispered, feeling another tear sneak out from underneath an
eyelid.
"Why not?" Charlie asked, defensive and angry at this
strange,
frightening behaviour from his parents.
"Charlie..." Sam opened her eyes and her breath caught
in her throat.
"What?" Jack asked instantly.
"I...I thought I saw something again." She admitted, her
voice
slightly desolate as the darkness remained as black as night.
"What's wrong, Mom?" Cassie demanded, and Sam felt her
crawling onto
the bed next to her. She fumbled a bit before placing her arm
around
Cassie.
"Want to hop up, Charlie?" She asked, looking in the
last direction
she'd heard his voice from.
"What's wrong with you?" Charlie demanded, and she was
embarrassed to
realised he'd moved.
"I can't see, Charlie." She said softly.
"Why not?" he demanded. Sam hugged Cassie close for
strength and to
try and calm herself.
"I...There's something inside my head, Charlie..., cells that
grew
wrong and now..."
"You have a brain tumour." He stated, his voice dull.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, imagining his face as he
smiled and
laughed.
"You said she wouldn't die! You promised!" She heard him
yell and
could only assume that he had turned on Jack.
"Charlie!" She called out, frowning slightly. "Your
dad didn't *give*
me this brain tumour, any more than I wanted to get it. No one can
say whether you're going to get cancer, whether you're going to
die
when you're ten or 100, no one knows."
"But..." Charlie stopped and looked at Sam. He really
looked at her.
There were shadows under her eyes and her lips were tense. Pain.
She
was in a lot of pain. He could see in her eyes that she was
scared,
and it scared him.
"Don't fight with Jack, please?" She asked softly.
"Okay." He agreed, not moving.
"Charlie?" Jack dropped down next to him and looked at
his son.
"Why does everyone always die, Dad? First Mom, then Janet,
then
Grandpa Carter and now Sam..." He stopped hesitantly,
studying his
dad. "Are you..."
"I don't intend on dying for a long time." Jack said
gently, hugging
Charlie.
"I'm still going to be around for a while, Charlie." Sam
smiled
crookedly, holding onto Cassie. "First we're going to have
this baby,
and then I'll still be around for a while. I need to make sure you
guys can look after him first and then..."
She sniffed slightly as the salty tears burned into her eyes. It
felt
as though they were blurring the darkness ever so slightly, but
she
remained silent. False hope...chances were she wouldn't *see* them
again.
"Come here." She said gently, beckoning with surprising
accuracy
towards Charlie.
"What?" He approached the bed hesitantly, afraid of her
and that she
might suddenly die.
"I want to see you with my hands." She whispered,
holding her hands
out.
"Okay." He held her one hand slightly, but she let go
and her fingers
framed his face.
"You have a small scar here." She smiled slightly,
tracing the barely
visible line with her fingers. "And you've got your Dad's
nose...and
chin...and is this a bruise over here..sorry..." She
apologised as he
flinched when her fingers touched a lump on his forehead.
"Can you see me?" He asked her curiously.
"In my mind. You're smiling now." She told him.
"No I'm not." He frowned.
"Don't frown, I want to see you smiling." She told him
pointedly. He
grinned for her and felt relief creeping through his bones.
"Now me!" Cassie instructed, feeling jealous.
"Okay!" She grinned, giving her the same treatment.
"One small,
button nose!" She grinned. "Long, soft hair...no scars
or bruises on
this face my dear." She held Cassie's head and dropped a kiss
on her
forhead. "You smiling?" She checked.
"Yeah!" Cassie hugged her tightly. "I don't want
you to die." Cassie
whispered.
"Cass...look at me..."
"I am."
"Oh." Sam blinked, then grinned slightly. "When you
go home with Jack
and Charlie..."
"Aren't you coming?"
"Not tonight, no. The doctors want to look after me for a bit
longer.
But, when you go home, tonight you and Charlie take Jack up that
deck
and get him to help you guys pick a star, okay?" Sam checked.
"Can we pick Hanka?" Cassie asked softly.
Sam flinched.
"Hanka's a dog, Cassie." Charlie rolled his eyes.
"No it's not!" She argued.
"Yes it is." Sam nudged Cassie. "But...I'm sure
that if you look up
the star constellations then Jack should be able to show you which
constellation or group Hanka is a part of." She hoped.
"Sure." Jack sighed in relief. As guilty as he felt for
keeping it a
secret from Charlie...he couldn't tell his son. It was the rules.
"So what do we do with the star?" Charlie asked, frowing
with
confusion.
"Well...haven't you ever seen a movie...the Lion King for
example. In
the movie, Simba talks to the stars because his Dad told him
that 'all the great kings of the past' are up there. So...you can
talk to me that way."
"Will you listen?" Cassie asked, wide-eyed.
"Of course I'll listen. And if you guys are lucky I might
even be
your angel!" She grinned slightly, feeling the back of her
throat
tighten.
"Well...Janet's already my angel, and Charlie's Mom is his
angel...so
who's will you be?" Cassie asked.
"Well...I'll share Jack and the baby, okay?"
"Okay." The children sounded satisfied.
"I love you." Charlie surprised her, his arms suddenly
wrapping
themselves around her.
"I love you too." She smiled into his hair, hugging him.
"And Cassie,
and the baby, and Hanka and...Jack." She coloured slightly as
the
words passed over her lips.
"Good. I love the lot of you too, you know." Jack chimed
in, sitting
on the bed. Sam felt it sag with his weight and was expecting his
hand to alight on her stomach. She wasn't expecting his other
hand,
however, to rest on her leg in a gesture of affection and
possession...maybe even...no...that was just stupid.
*******************
Though this world tears us apart
We're still together in my heart
I want the world to hear my cry
And even if I have to die
Love will not die
Love will change the world
*******************
Noisy. So noisy. When was the noise going to stop? Sam mumbled
angrily and turned herself carefully onto her hip. A pinprick of
light, a delicious glow in the distance. She blinked quickly,
forcing
the hope down. Her eyes opened again, and there is was again. A
slight changing of black to grey. No colous, not forms, no
movements...just *light*.
She lay on her back again, drowsy from the medication and the
stacatto of noise and pain drilling a hypnotic pattern in the back
of
her mind. Blinking slowly she opened her eyes again. A glow.
Fainter
than before, but still there.
Voices yelling in the distance. Trolleys rushing through halls.
Alarms. Beeping. Screeching calls of machines. Breathing. Human
warmth. Movement. Her eyes slipped shut and the noise faded away.
*******************
"Hey Sam, how are you doing?"
Jack. Jack was here. Again. When had he come home?
"Jack?" She blinked. There it was again. A glow!
"Jack!!"
"What?" He blinked, surprised. She never reacted so
excitedly, so
happily for a visit.
"I can see. Well, not *see* per se, but there's this
light...like a
glow almost. If I had to put a colour to it then I'd say grey, but
it's not actually coloured...more like a glow of some sort. Just
*light*!"
"Slow down!" Jack laughed, relief the rumble as they
washed over her.
"When did you get home?" Sam asked, leaning back into
the pillows and
concentrating on the glow that seemed stronger now than it had
last
night.
"Last night sometime. There was a mining accident on Nasyia
and we
brought a few of the locals home with us for treatment." He
explained.
"You okay?" She asked hesitantly.
"Other than a bang on the head and a few stitches, just
fine." Jack
admitted truthfully. "Some of the others weren't so lucky
though. One
guy was completely crushed...he didn't make it. The others that
are
here...burns from the explosion...broken limbs, concussion and one
spinal injury. Doc Warner doesn't think he'll walk again."
Jack said
softly.
"How are the kids?"
"I don't know. Haven't been home yet." Jack admited.
"Thought I'd
wait around until you woke up. Just to make sure you're
okay."
"I'm fine, Jack." She smiled slightly. "A bit sore,
a bit tired, but
fine." She shrugged slightly. "Doc Warner said something
about
letting me go home for a few days...but they want me to get
checked
up everyday, with the baby being so close."
"About time. What's it been, a week?" Jack studied her.
She looked
worse. The weight was just peeling off her. Everyday her eyes seemed
to grow bigger, her hair more ragged and her skin shades lighter.
But
she was still beautiful.
"It's strange to think that in a few - three - weeks time
I'll have a
baby." She said softly, touching her stomach gently.
"You won't think that when you have to get up at night to
change it's
diapers, give it food...and the rest." Jack grinned slightly.
"How is
junior anyway?"
"He's fine. Very restless last night. Kept me awake
actually."
"You were sleeping when I got back. I checked on you."
"I was vaguely awake at some stage when there was a lot of
activity
around, but I was out of it again pretty quickly. No, he woke me
up
at about four in the morning."
"Just after the rush. I can tell we're going to have a night
owl."
Jack sighed, rolling his eyes and then remembering that Sam
couldn't
see him.
"Jack!"
"What?"
"Wave your hand in front of my face. Quick!" Jack
complied. "I saw
it! I saw the shadow of your hand go down and then up!" She
squealed. "I think it's coming back!" She laughed, joy
bubbling up
inside of her.
Jack smiled as well as he saw her relief. She was going to see her
kids again. Hopefully.
*******************
Live
For the one I loved
Love
As no one has loved
Give
Asking nothing in return
*******************
Sam opened her eyes slowly, savouring the blurred white with the
dark
smudges of colour that was her bedroom roof with it's light
fixtures.
"Morning." Jack's voice greeted her from the doorway.
She lowered her
eyes and grinned slightly as she saw his tanned, smudged blob of
colour moving towards her from a black hole in the white smudging.
"Good morning."
"You seeing better?" Jack asked hopefully, studying her
intently.
"Yeah. I can see these blobs in your head when you're up
close, and
I'm assuming they're your eyes." She told him, grinning.
"Better than last night then?" He asked, placing a tray
next to her
on the bed.
"Yeah. Defineatly. I can actually tell you've got toast with
some
soft of jam on it on the tray." She told him happily.
Movement at the
door caught her eyes. "Hey guys!" She called to them.
"You can see?" Cassie asked hopefully.
"Not properly yet, better than last night though." She
grinned. "Come
on, want some breakfast? Jack so thoughtfully made enough for
everyone."
"Sure!" Charlie and Casse bounded into the room,
scrambling up onto
the bed.
"Whoa!" Jack warned as they bounced slightly. Carefully
he sat on the
bed next to Sam and gathered her into his arms, pulling her onto
his
lap. She didn't argue as he rested his hands on her stomach and
his
head on her shoulder, cuddling her close.
"Toast?" She asked him, offering a slice.
"Thank you." He opened his mouth and she rolled her eyes
slightly. "I
can tell you've got your mouth open, but you're going to have to
do
the aiming yourself." She told him.
"Sure." He leant forwards and took a bite of the toast
while she held
it steadily.
"Are you coming home tonight again? Cassie asked through a
mouthful
of toast.
"Probably." Sam agreed, taking a bite of the toast
herself.
"Hey, that's my slice!" Jack complained.
"Feed yourself." She retorted smugly, taking another
bite.
"I sincerely hope our child does not have your manners."
Jack stated
dryly.
"What, you want him to have yours?" She responded
lightly, offering
him the toast as he took another bite.
"Okay, I get your point." He acknowledged, relaxing
against her.
"What are we going to call him?" Cassie asked, watching
them.
"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it, have
we?" Jack
realised.
"No." Sam agreed, leaning back into his hold and smiling
contentedly.
"Wait there!" Charlie called suddenly, grinning.
"What?" Sam blinked. She saw him running into the room a
minute later
and realised he was clutching something.
"NO!" Jack laughed despite himself.
"What?" Sam blinked, confused. She couldn't make out
what Charlie was
clutching.
"Camera. Look out -"
FLASH.
Charlie grinned and snapped again.
"What are you doing?" Sam demanded. "We are in our
pajamas, I'll have
you know!" She told him smoothly, not moving out of Jack's
hold.
"So?" Charlie asked cheekily.
"You give me those photo's." Jack demanded as Charlie
studied his
handiwork."They're actually not that bad, Sam." He told
her
truthfully. Actually, they were very deceptive. They looked happy
in
the photo, happy and in love. Very much the happy family everyone
thought they were. "Can I borrow them?" He glanced at
Charlie.
"Okay." Charlie agreed.
"Jack!" Sam complained, "What are you going to do
with them?"
"Wait and see." He grinned at her, dropping a kiss on
her nose before
leaning back against the headboard and taking her with
him. "Now...how about a nice cup of..."
"Coffee." Sam inserted, daring him to argue with her
newly
perfected 'I'm-a-dying-woman-so-give-me-a-break' look.
"Coffee." He grinned at her and hugged her tightly for a
second
before relaxing again.
"Come on Cassie." Charlie sighed, rolling his eyes and
sliding off
the bed.
"Okay." She agreed, trotting happily after them.
"What?" Jack asked softly as Sam sighed happily against
him.
"I don't know. I just feel so..."
"I know." He whispered, resting his head against
hers. "I know."
*******************
"So I can go home again tonight?" Sam asked hopefully,
flinching as
Dr. Warner shone the torch into her eyes again.
"Yes." He smiled at her. "So you say you're sight's
much better?"
"Yes. It's nearly fine. It's still blurry and and a bit dim,
but I
can basically see things properly."
"That's good." He wrote something on his pad. "I'll
see you again
before you go this afternoon, Dr. Carter."
"Call me Sam, please?" She sighed. The same thing, every
time. He
couldn't physically call her Sam. It was always 'Dr. Carter'.
"Okay." He smiled his usual smile and left. "I'll
see you at..."
"14:30." Sam said. "I'm going with Jack to pick the
kids up from
school."
"Good. Okay, see you then Dr. Carter."
*******************
"I'll meet you up at the car, Jack." Sam told him.
"Dr. Warner just
wants to check me again before I leave."
"Okay." Jack looked up. "I'll meet you there then.
Just got to go see
Daniel first."
"See you then." Sam waved and made her way to the
infirmary. "Excuse
me, have you seen Dr. Warner?" She asked hopefully as an intern
passed her.
"He's just busy with someone, ma'am. Said we were to expect
you. If
you'd just like to wait over here..." The intern showed her
towards a
small bed with the curtain drawn around it. "I'll go
and-"
Both Sam and the intern looked around in surprise as one of the
machines started screeching. Sam followed the intern as he ran
towards one of the beds. "Give us a hand?" The intern
begged as he
started reading the machines.
"No pulse." Sam fought to remember her basic first aid
training. "He's not breathing either." Without thinking
about it, Sam
started mouth to mouth. Suddenly the man grabbed her hand, his
fingers tangling into her her and digging into her scalp. She
struggled against him as the man seizured and felt bile rise in her
throat as *something* slithered up her mouth and cut through her
throat. The burning sensation quickly disppeared as darkness once
again clouded in on her vision and she collapsed over the dead
man.
*******************
Jack glanced at his watch as he leant impatiently against the car.
Where was she? He kicked against the car and stormed off towards a
SF
that was watching him. "Do me a favour, would ya? Call down
to sub-
level 23 and find out where Dr. Carter is?"
"Yes Sir, Colonel O'Neill." The man saluted hastily and
ran off
towards the phone. Jack followed at a more sedate and reached the
man
in time to see him hanging up the phone.
"Well?" Jack waited.
"She's in the infirmary, Sir. She blacked while she was helping
treat
some patient..." Jack didn't wait for the man to finish. He
turned
and ran back through the stairs and made his way down to sub-Level
23.
"What's going on?" Jack demanded as he barged into the
infirmary in
time to see an intern pulling a sheet over a dead figure.
"One of the Nasyians started siezuring...he didn't make it,
Sir." The
intern informed him.
"And my wife?"
"Dr. Warner is looking at her now, Sir. She just collapsed
while she
was helping me out...and we can't wake her up."
Jack cursed and ran through the infirmary, feeling a slight relief
when he found her.
"What's wrong with her?" Jack demanded as he looked at
Sam's pale
face and the slight trail of drying blood on her lips.
"I don't know, Sir." Dr. Warner looked at him.
"It's almost as if
she's in a deep sleep..."
"A coma?" Jack asked wearily.
"No. She's just in a deep sleep and I can't wake her
up."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I haven't actually dealt with..."
"Jack?" Sam croaked, opening her eyes slightly. A look
of horror and
distaste washed over her but she quickly schooled her features.
"Sam, what the hell were you thinking?" Jack demanded,
relief turning
to rage at her stupidity. What, exactly, it was that she had done
that was so stupid, he didn't know. But he was still mad at her
for
doing it.
"What do you mean?" She frowned, confused.
"I...Jack!" She looked up
at him, terror in her eyes.
"What?"
"I...I need to talk to you alone." She whispered,
shaking slightly.
"Sam?"
"Please!" She begged, desperation in her voice.
"Would...would you excuse us please?" Jack asked
eventually,
confusion marring his features as he gazed down at Sam's terror
stricken face.
"Of course. I'll come when you call." Dr. Warner agreed,
not happy
about leaving but knowing he couldn't do anything about it.
"What's wrong?" Jack looked at her.
"Jack...you remember when Daniel found Sha're on Abydos? When
she was
pregnant?" Sam swallowed slightly.
"Yes." Jack frowned, confused at what this had to do
with her current
predicament.
"Okay. Well, you know how Amounet 'slept' in Sha're because
if she
didn't, the baby would be born premature?"
"Ye-es."
"Okay. Jack, do you trust me on this?"
"On what?"
"Do you trust me?" Sam demanded, her fear growing.
"Yes. You know I do. With my life." He said sincerely.
"Okay. Jack...I've...uh..."
"Are you okay?" he asked softly.
"*I'm* fine."
"Sam..." He sighed.
"No..I'm fine." She argued.
"Sam, I really hate to be pessimistic, but you've got a brain
tumour..."
"No, I don't." She shook her head.
"What?" Jack raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure
you're okay?"
"Jack....There's...a Tok'ra..." Sam frowned, confused.
"A what?"
"Tok'ra. It means resistence." Sam frowned again, still
confused.
"Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Promise you trust me?" She begged him, fear in her
eyes.
"Yes. I promise."
"Okay. That Nasyian man, Jack, the one who just died..."
"What about him?"
"He...he was a host. Well, not a host per se, but..."
"What are you saying, Sam?"
"There's a Tok'ra inside me...a 'good' Goa'uld."
"What?" Jack snorted, disbelief on his face.
"I'm serious. There's a Goa'uld in me..."
"Then why are you...you?"
"I'm pregnant. Jolinar doesn't want the baby to be
hurt..."
"You're serious."
"I said so, didn't I?"
"So you're telling me you've got a dormant Goa'uld in your
head
because you're pregnant?"
"Yes." Sam whispered.
"Oh God." Jack stepped back, shock flooding through his
features,
washing the colour out of his skin. "How the hell...?"
"I don't know!" Sam snapped. "I'm telling you I'm
fine. The cancer's
gone...I don't know how or why I know...I just know it's gone. I'm
fine. I'm healthy. I can see better, even hear and *smell* better
than I ever have before. Jack...there's a damn Goa'uld in me and
you're just standing there!" She yelled, panicking.
Jack blinked, watching her. "Damnit, get a scan done or
something if
you don't believe me, but I'm telling you Jolinar is in
here."
Jack swallowed. "I've got to get Hammond." He said
softly.
"Get him then! Damnit, I don't want this Goa'uld in my
head!" She
yelled, standing up.
"Sam..." He paused. "You mean you don't have
cancer?"
"Yes!" She paused, a smile suddenly lighting up her face
before it
disappeared again with an intensity that worried him.
"Jack...this is
a problem. There is. a. Goa'uld. in. my. head." Sam started
shaking.
"It's okay."
"No!" She stepped back from him. "Don't touch
me...I don't want you
to be...you know...it might jump again." She shuddered.
"I...I want
to throw up..."
He grabbed a medical container of some sort in time for her to
throw
up in. Ignoring her warning, he stepped up to her and helped her
while she retched until nothing was left in her system.
"Go and get Hammond. You'd better get some guards here as
well." She
whispered, sorrow lining her eyes.
"Sam..."
"You have to Jack, I'm a risk."
"At least we know it's you though..."
"Until the baby's born."
*******************
I'll love until love wears me away
I'll die and I konw my love will stay
And I know my love will stay
*******************
Choices We Make 8: If That's What It Takes
You're the bravest of hearts, you're the
Strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the
place I call home
You can say it's alright, but I know
that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid
and alone
That's why I'll be there
*******************
"How is this possible?" Hammond demanded, studying
Jack's pale,
strained face and Daniel's defeated one.
"I don't know, Sir." Jack rubbed his face.
"What was a Goa'uld doing with the Nasyians anyway?"
Daniel asked. "I
mean, none of them were really acting Goa'uldish, if you know what
I
mean."
"I don't care what a Goa'uld was doing there. I want to know
why
*Sam* of all people has one of them inside her."
"Is it not called a Tok'ra?" Teal'C frowned slightly.
"Sam said something like that."
"The Tok'ra are legend among the Jaffa. A group of renegade
Goa'uld
who despise the System Lords and are seeking to destroy them."
"Tok'ra. It means resistence." Daniel looked up,
relisation dawning
on his features.
"Sam said something like that too." Jack frowned,
running his hand
through his hair agitatedly. "Look, as much as I'd love to
find out
*why* exactly Sam's got a Goa'uld in her...I'd much rather find
out
how to get it *out* of her."
Daniel looked slightly guilty at that. "Well...why don't we
ask it?"
He asked hesitantly.
"What do you mean 'ask it'?" Jack nearly laughed.
"It's a Goa'uld,
Daniel. One of those slimy things that infest people without
permission and take over whole planets. Why should we ask it
anything? It won't tell us the truth at anyrate."
"I believe you are incorrect, O'Neill." Teal'C said
quietly. "If this
is indeed a Tok'ra, then it would be a very valuable ally or
hostage."
"Valuable or not, I really don't want it in Sam's body!"
Jack
snapped, glaring at Teal'C.
"Why don't we go talk to Sam...she seems to be able to access
its
mind like Sha're could do with Amounet." Daniel's face
blanched as he
spoke the words, but he was proud that he managed to keep his
emotions in check for once.
"It could well work." Teal'C agreed.
"Daniel, how about you and Teal'C go and talk to Dr. Carter
and find
out exactly what's going on. Jack...stay here a minute
please."
General Hammond asked softly. Jack glanced at his CO, anxious to
leave but knowing he couldn't deny General Hammond's request.
"You do know that I'll do everything in my power..."
General Hammond
started off.
"I know, Sir." Jack smiled slightly, his fingers
twisting themselves
into a knot.
"Jack, what can I say to you? I'm sorry this happened."
"It's not your fault, General." Jack looked up,
confused. "I was the
one who brought those men back from Nasyia. No one else, me."
"We couldn't have known, Jack."
"No, we didn't know." Jack agreed, looking up at the
General. "Sir,
what do I tell our kids?"
General Hammond startled, surprised.
"I mean, they know Sam's sick...well, according to her she's
not sick
anymore, but I know that Cassie and Charlie are curious enough but
stuff already, Charlie especially."
"I..." General Hammond looked up at Jack. "Maybe it
would be for the
best if they went away for a while."
"What?" Jack asked incredulously.
"Well...I've got some family in sunny California..."
"So does Sam. Why would we send them away?"
"Tell them she's not well, she needs a break and you're going
to have
your hands full looking after her. Besides, I'm sure that Mark and
his family will be more than happy to look after them..."
"I know. But Sir, if we lose her then they'll hate me for
sending
them away and taking whatever time they had left with her away
from
them."
"It's your call, Jack." General Hammond said softly.
"I...I think it would be better." Jack sighed, rubbing
his
eyes. "Sir?"
"What is it Jack?"
"They'll want to say bye, and I can't force them to leave
without
saying bye." Jack whispered.
"We'll ask Sam, okay?"
"Okay." Jack stood up, smiling tightly. "Thanks
Sir."
"It's not a problem Jack."
"Yes it is a problem. A big problem."
*******************
"Sam?" Daniel and Teal'C entered the room. Sam got up
from her chair
and smiled tightly at them, still shaky and tense.
"Hey Daniel, Teal'C." She looked behind them, but Jack
was no where
to be seen.
"Uh..."
"You want me to tell you everything I know about
Jolinar?" Sam asked
gently, understanding the awkward expression on Daniel's face.
"Yes, if you don't mind." Daniel said politely.
Sam cracked up.
"What?" He demanded.
"If I don't mind?" She snorted in laughter, but it was a
sad laughter
of bitterness and defeat. "Why couldn't she ask that,
damnit!"
"Sam, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, it's not you." Sam shook her head, sitting
down
carefully. "I don't know. I just get bits and pieces, little
flashes
if you like...but nothing concrete."
"Why?"
"I don't know. The pregnancy I guess."
"Why do you think that?" Daniel asked curiously,
frowning. "I mean, I
can understand Amounet 'sleeping' when Sha're was pregnant - both
her
and Apophis wanted the child - but this Jolinar sleeping so that
your
baby will be okay?"
"She's a Tok'ra. I don't know. I know she doesn't want to
harm the
baby...she feels...compassion for it. For me." Sam frowned
slightly,
confusion on her face. "And she's sorry too."
"For what?" Daniel asked.
"I don't know. I just know she's sorry for...something."
Sam
blinked. "Daniel...what am I going to do?"
"I don't know, Sam. We thought maybe if you could communicate
with
her then..."
"I can't." Sam shook her head. "If she stops
'sleeping' then the baby
will be born, and it's going to be two weeks premature. Besides,
once
it's born you won't know who you're talking too. Whether or not
you
can trust the words that come out of my mouth." She said
softly,
looking up at them.
"I..."
"Daniel...when the baby's born...nothing I say anymore will
be
believed by you or anyone. I..."
"Legend has it, Dr. Carter, that Tok'ra do not take hosts
against
their will and control them; they blend. They share the body with
the
host, giving both the chance to have control and have equal say in
things." Teal'C said softly.
"But how would we know it's not just another Goa'uld
trick?" Sam
shook her head. "I want you to promise me that you won't
believe me
once the baby's born...okay?"
"Sam, I can't promise that." Daniel shook his head.
"You have to, Daniel, you have to." Sam tried to rattle
the bars
keeping her captive. "When I..." She stopped, catching
sight of Jack
as he walked into the room, his shoulders slumped and muscles
tensed
with strain.
"Sam...Oh God." He pushed at his forehead with his
hands. "I...General Hammond suggested, and I think that given
the
circumstances...I don't want to do it but..."
"What, Jack?" She asked him gently, a smile tinging her
lips as she
watched him sadly.
"We're going to ask Mark if he'd mind looking after Cassie
and
Charlie for a while..."
Sam's face drained. "I...what are we going to do?" She
whispered.
"Ask Mark to look after them. We'll tell them you're not
doing so
well and I've got to look out for you without
distractions..."
"But..."
"General Hammond's gone to get them from school already, Sam.
They're
coming in to say goodbye..."
"NO!" Sam shook her head. "Don't do that!"
"Why not?"
"What if something goes wrong, Jack? What if this snake does
something while they're here? What will they think if they see me
behind these bars?"
"No, Sam. We're not leaving you in here. We're taking you to
an
isolation ward and putting guards on post. Nothing will happen to
them because even if something happens it'll be a while before the
baby's born and things get nasty." Jack said lamely.
"Jack..." She whispered, confused and desolate.
"Sam, I don't want to do this to them." Jack looked at
up her, pain
lacing his eyes. "It's the best alternative though."
"Sending them away?"
"What else can we do?"
"I don't know." She leant against the bars.
"We need SG-1 to help here. We're going back to Nasyia to
find out
about how you go infested...why that man had a Goa'uld in
him...why
it was in him and how to get it out of you." Jack told her
gently. "I'm not going to be able to look after them as
well."
"I...Okay." Sam agreed softly.
"Thank you, Sam." Jack placed his hand over hers on the
bar. "Thank
you." He smiled slightly and reached through with his other
hand to
brush the hair from her face.
"I...I think it would be better if you stay away from
me." Sam
stepped backwards looking away from him so he wouldn't see the
pain
on her face. "I don't want this thing jumping hosts
again." She
missed the pain in his eyes as she stepped even further away.
"I...I'll get the guards and get you set up in your ward,
okay?" Jack
turned away.
"Okay."
*******************
"Wait!" Daniel called up the hallway, running to catch
up with Jack
and his two kids.
"What is it, Daniel?" Jack asked testily. Daniel glanced
at the
subdued children with obvious tear-tracks down their faces and
motioned urgently for Jack to talk to him in private.
"I've been thinking and it would probably be better if we
took them
in one at a time." He said softly.
"Why?" Jack frowned, confused.
"You know Cassie. As hard as she tries, it's so easy for her
something to blurt out when she's in such an emotional state.
Especially thinking that Sam is dying because she's sick. Her real
mother died because she was sick, and that could make things
awkward
with Charlie there." He explained breathlessly.
Jack frowned slightly and mulled it over.
"Okay. We'll take Cassie in first...then Charlie I
guess."
"Thanks." Daniel smiled reassuringly at Jack, trying to
convince both
of them that it would be okay.
"Cassie...you can go in first, okay?" Jack stopped
outside the heavy
door and looked at the two kids.
"Why can't we both go in?" Charlie demanded, upset.
"Because Sam's tired, too much excitement won't be good for
her."
Jack explained gently.
"But I don't want to leave!" Cassie shook her head
defiantly.
"Cassie...I know you don't want to leave. I don't want you to
go
anymore than Sam wants you to go, but we don't have another
choice."
Jack sighed, punching the security code in discreetly. "Come
on,
we'll wait for you outside." He sighed, touching her shoulder
briefly. She glared up at him balefully before slipping into the
room, followed by Daniel.
"Hey Cassie." Sam smiled at Cassie, not moving from her
position on
the bed.
"Are you okay?" Cassie asked softly, her voice small and
afraid.
"I've been better." Sam half lied, half told the truth.
Only thing
wrong with her was that she was nine and a half months pregnant
and
had a snake in her head. Other than that, she was fine. The scans
had
proved it.
"Mom..." Cassie froze, her eyes widening in shock.
"What is it?"
"You're...you're a Goa'uld." She breathed, fear on her
face.
Sam paled, fear clutching at her heart.
"Cassie, no!" Daniel caught hold of Cassie before she
could bolt out
of the door. "Listen to me Cassie, Sam isn't a Goa'uld."
"Yes, she is!" Cassie screamed, struggling in Daniel's
hold.
"Cassie, Cassie!" Daniel shook her slightly, calming the
hysterical
girl down. "There is a Goa'uld in Sam." He said softly.
"BUT, but
it's not controlling her."
"It's not?" Cassie glanced back at Sam fearfully.
"No. It's not controlling Sam because she's got the baby, and
it
doesn't want to hurt the baby."
"But Goa'ulds are bad..."
"Cassie...we don't think this Goa'uld is a bad Goa'uld. Just
like you
have bad people and good people, you get bad Goa'uld and good
Goa'uld." Daniel blanched inside. Yeah, right.
"But..."
"Cassie...we're going to try and get the Goa'uld out of Sam,
okay?"
Daniel said gently.
"How?"
"We don't know yet. That's why we need Jack here all the
time. He can
help us because he's the best." Daniel stroked her hair
softly,
studying her. "We thought it would be better for you and
Charlie to
go to Sam's brother so that Jack doesn't have to worry about you
guys
as well, okay?" Daniel studied her.
"Okay." Cassie sniffed, glancing over at Sam who was
watching her
with a sorrowed expression. "Will you get the Goa'uld
out?" She asked
softly.
"We don't know, Cassie. We're going to try." He said
gently. "You
can't tell anyone though. Not Charlie, not even Sam's family."
"Okay." Cassie hesitated. "Mom?"
"Yes sweety?" Sam blinked back her tears.
"Can...can I give you a hug?" She asked softly.
"If you want to." Sam smiled briefly through her tears
that were now
burning her eyes, and stood up carefully.
"You're not sick?"
"No." Sam smiled slightly. "This Tok'ra inside me
somehow fixed me
up..." She trailed off.
"Mom...I still love you." Cassie whispered, burying her
head against
Sam's shoulder.
"I love you too, okay?" Sam smiled a watery smile and
clung tightly
to Cassie. "No matter what, I still love you."
*******************
When the storm rises up, when the
shadows descent
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day
without end
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise
I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's
what it takes
If that's what it takes
*******************
Sam's eyes flew open and she jerked herself upright on the bed.
Struggling off the bed, clutching at her stomach protectively, she
made her way to the door and banged on it.
"Dr. Carter?" A voice asked hesitantly.
"I have to see Jack. Or Daniel. Or the General." She
said
determinedly, hope uncurling itself like a slender flame inside
her
heart.
"Sam? What is it?" Jack demanded, studying her as he
entered the
room. Her eyes were bright, he realised, with hope.
"I had a dream..." She licked her lips, her eyes
flicking from his to
General Hammond's and then back to his again. "I think
Jolinar was
trying to talk to me..."
"And?" Jack stepped closer, his being humming with
unacknowledged
hope.
"I saw co-ordinates...of a planet...the Tok'ra
homeworld." She said
softly.
"So what do we do with this?" General Hammond frowned.
"Sir...they can get Jolinar out of me!" Sam stood up,
holding her
hands out.
"How do we know they're not just going to capture us and use
us as
hosts?" Jack asked suspiciously.
"They won't, Jack. They won't." Sam said emphatically.
"You said you
trusted me. You promised me you'd believe me..."
"But that's before you had a snake in your head!" Jack
blurted out,
regretting it as the words crossed his lips. Sam's eyes narrowed,
anger and hurt flashing deeply.
"Dr. Carter, as much as I'd love to take your word for
it..."
"Send me then." Sam said simply.
"I can't do that. If that Goa'uld tries anything..."
"It's not a Goa'uld, General. It's a Tok'ra." Sam nearly
stamped her
foot in impatience. "Why won't you believe me?" She
demanded. "No,
wait, don't answer that!"
"General...I'd like to request permission to go through to
this 'world' that Sam's deamt about." Jack jumped in, his
mouth
curving at slightly as Sam walked around cursing herself.
"Colonel, I can't do that..."
"Why not, Sir?" Jack asked amiacbly.
"Because we have no idea what kind of reception you'll
get." General
Hammond pointed out.
"Look, I'm telling you, they won't do anything to you!"
Sam stamped
her foot this time, glaring at them both. "Jolinar *wants* to
leave
me as much as I want her to leave me." She said simply.
"So...you're telling us that this snake in your head is
telling you
it's okay?" Jack said slowly.
"Yes. And I *know* she's not lying."
"How?"
"I just *do*!" Sam took a deep breath. "Look. As
soon as this baby's
born then any chance I have of communicating with you is out of
the
window because you won't know whether to believe the words that
come
out of my mouth, and quite frankly, I wouldn't *want* you to
believe
them."
"Then why are you so sure that this Jolinar is telling you
the truth
now?" General Hammond said softly.
"Because I can *feel* what she's thinking, not hear it...it's
hard to
explain...I can even sort of remember things...like a dream or
something...but she's telling me the truth." Sam slumped.
They didn't
believe her.
"General, please." Jack stepped forwards suddenly.
"I trust Sam, and
I trust her judgement." He said softly.
"You do?" General Hammond studied the man.
"Colonel, how can I know
this isn't because of your personal involvement? How can I know
that
you're not just willing to risk other people's lives because your
wife is in trouble?"
Jack blinked. "I wouldn't do that Sir." He said,
surprised that
Hammond had thought him capable of that.
"I know that, Colonel." General Hammond smiled slightly.
"But others
don't. Give me one valid reason..."
"He doesn't love me." Sam said softly from behind them.
"I beg your pardon?" General blinked, facing her again.
"He doesn't love me." She repeated softly. "We
didn't get married
because we're in love. We got married because we both had children
to
think of and it was the most convenient thing, given the fact that
a
few too many drinks let to an unintentional act which led to my
standing here with a bulge the size of Texas poking out of my
stomach."
"What?" General Hammond gaped. "Is this true?"
He turned to Jack,
shock on his face.
"Yes Sir." Jack swallowed dryly, ashamed because it was
the truth.
"So why are you so willing to do this for Dr. Carter?"
General
Hammond asked eventually, still stunned.
"She's my kid's mother. And she's my friend." Jack said
simply, not
glancing at Sam who wasn't watching him either.
"Then why the big act?" General Hammond couldn't help
but ask.
"We thought that it'd be for the best, considering the fact
that
Charlie and Cassie needed a stable home environment. Besides, we
both
think it's wrong to have kids outside of a marriage...so who are
we
to go spouting morals and then have a kid without the vows?"
Jack
shrugged lightly.
"I'm disappointed in you." General Hammond shook his
head slightly,
gazing at the two of them. "I really thought more of
you." He added
softly. "Okay Colonel. It's a go." He confirmed the
mission as he
walked out of the door.
"I'm sorry." Sam said softly, knowing that General
Hammond's
disappointment had cut deeply into Jack.
"Me too." Jack agreed before following Hammond out of
the room.
Sam sighed and sank against the wall. He hadn't denied it. He
hadn't
denied that he didn't love her.
*******************
"I just love these sandy planets." Jack remarked
absently, gazing
around the planet. So. This was the Tok'ra homeworld then? Looks
like
they needed a few tips on decorating. Obviously missed on their
little Goa'uld buddies tastes...no trees anywhere. "Okay,
let's move
out."
They walked together in silence. Teal'C with his easy, steady
lope.
Like a packhorse, Jack mused, watching the large Jaffa eat up the
ground with his huge strides. Then there was Daniel, head
stretched
slightly forwards, neck arched eagerly as he clumsily wiped at the
sweat already forming on his face. A thouroughbred, if Teal'C was
a
packhorse. Always excited, eager to get there. Looking to his
right
Jack caught sight of Miller. The man reminded him of one of those
little miniature ponies, even though the guy was nearly the size
of
Teal'C. When he walked, he sort of barreled along, his large eyes
peeking out shyly, but curiously from beneath his mop of unruly
sandy
coloured hair. And Jack? What was Jack? Just an old nag, a hack
along
for the ride.
"O'Neill!" Teal'C only had time to speak before the sand
seemed to
come alive around them and surround them.
People, wearing garments the colour of the sand, were surrounding
them, staff weapons held threateningly towards them.
"Lower your weapons!" A man ordered.
"If you lower yours." Jack returned.
"We outnumber you. Lower your weapons." The man shot
back, completely
unphased.
"Jack...there are about twenty of them and four of us."
"I thought Sam said they wouldn't hurt us." Jack
complained, lowering
his weapon reluctantly.
"Who are you?" The man demanded again, his squat form
reminded Jack
very much of a bulldog. What was it today with people reminding
him
of animals? Dogs and horses?
"Uh...I'm Jack. This is Teal'C, Miller and Daniel." Jack
grinned. "And you are?"
"Silence!" The man swung the staff weapon towards Jack.
"Are you the Tok'ra?" Daniel piped up, and Jack nearly
turned around
and killed Daniel, saving these fine folks the bother.
"What do you know of the Tok'ra?" Another man asked,
sounding a bit
more friendly than the first.
"Uh...well, we know...sort of at least, one of them."
Daniel didn't
know when to shut his mouth, Jack fumed.
"Oh?" The new man studied Daniel with an interest.
"Yes. Her name's Jolinar, I think..."
"You know Jolinar?" The man asked, instantly curious as
he studied
Daniel.
"Well, we don't really know her but one of our friends, my
wife
actually, is really well acquainted with her. As in 'in the head'
acquainted. Personally, we'd prefer it if the two of them weren't
so
close." Jack inserted coldly, glaring at the man. "Now,
are you or
are you not Tok'ra, because if you're not we're wasting our time
and
then we'd like to go."
"Where is Jolinar?" The second man asked, not taking his
eyes off
Daniel.
"On our homeworld." Daniel said carefully, glancing at
Jack
hesitantly.
"Why do you have Jaffa in your midst?" The first man
asked suddenly,
glancing at Teal'C in distaste.
"Uh...he's helping us fight the Goa'uld. Now, are you or are
you fine
folk not Tok'ra?" Jack rolled his eyes.
"Why do you search for the Tok'ra?" The man once again
neatly evaded
the question.
"Look. Like we've told you buddy, my wife has a Goa'uld in
her head
called Jolinar. We want the Goa'uld out."
"Jolinar is no Goa'uld." The second man said coldly,
glaring at Jack.
"I couldn't care what she is. She's a slimy slithery thing
that takes
over peoples' minds. That, to me, is a very, *very* Goa'uldish
trait."
"Jolinar is not a Goa'uld." The man repeated.
"Then what, pray tell, the hell is she doing in Sam's
head?" Jack
demanded, losing his temper.
"We wish for you to return her to us."
"Na uh. You return Sam first, my dear boy, and then we'll
give the
worm over to you." Jack shook his head angrily.
"How long as Jolinar been on your world?" The first man
asked
suddenly.
"About three weeks, I think." Jack blinked.
"Why?"
"The Ashrak will be close." The second man whispered,
paling
visibly. "We have to trust these people."
"What's an Ashrak?" Daniel asked curiously.
"It means Hunter." Teal'C supplied helpfully.
"What's that supposed to do with Carter?" Jack demanded,
itching and
wishing the sun wasn't *quite* so hot.
"The Ashrak is hunting Jolinar."
"I beg yours?" Jack waited again.
"It will kill Jolinar, and your friend if we don't find her
soon."
The men moved agitatedly.
"Okay, so I'm willing to assume we're going to work together
on this
one, right?" Jack looked around and saw a reluctant nod.
"Good. Now.
How about you kind fellows lower your guns because I'd before not
to
be fried if one of those goes off accidentally."
"I am Martouf." The second man stepped forward.
"And I am Kordesh." The first man introduced himself.
"Come, we must
go to the High Council at once and decide on a course of
action."
*******************
Dr. Warner glanced around the infirmary, his gaze settling
uneasily
on the empty bed.
"Nicks!" He called to one of the interns.
"Yes Dr?"
"Who moved the patient on bed four?"
"I don't know, Sir. Would you like me to find out?"
"Yes please. And find out where the man's been moved
to." Dr. Warner
glanced around uneasily again, and then left the room.
*******************
Sam wished, for the millionth time, that fate hadn't decide to
dish
all this out to her. Really, how much was it going to throw at her
before deciding she'd had enough? First, her Mom died. Then she
got
engaged to the world's biggest creep after completely throwing her
family relationships away. Then she had a car accident, followed
closely by meeting the worst prick in the world (Who she was now
married too), another car accident, the loss of a good friend, the
loss of her father, a brain tumour and now this. A snake in the
head.
Someone up there *really* had it in for her.
Sighing, Sam shook her head and told herself firmly to stop
feeling
sorry for herself. Jack would find the Tok'ra and then they'd get
this stupid snake out of her head. A noise outside the door
startled
her, and she looked up. A funny glow was shining through the
window,
and then it disappeared.
Insider her she felt movement. She felt the terror of the Tok'ra
as
though it were her own.
<I am sorry, Samantha>
And then she wasn't herself.
*******************
You can sleep in my arms, you don't
have to explain
When your heart's crying out, baby,
whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you when
the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When you smile like the sun that shines
through the pain
That's why I'll be there
*******************
"So you're telling me there's another snakehead amongst those
patients who's on a mission to kill Sam, for absolutely *no*
reason?"
Jack demanded, gazing around himself in disbelief.
"On the contrary, there is a reason. She is host to
Jolinar..."
"I DON'T CARE!" Jack yelled, stamping his foot much like
Sam
had. "Now. *How* do we stop this?"
"The first thing to do is to remove Jolinar from any
risk."
"Hello, aren't you listening? What about Sam?"
"Colonel O'Neill, if you are going to be persistently rude
and
interuptive..."
"You'll what? Kick us out? Just in case you've forgotten,
Garshaw,
we've got the co-ordinates and the codes for that planet, not
you."
Jack responded.
"Jack, just shut up now." Daniel hissed, pulling on his
arm.
Jack glared balefully at Daniel, feeling much more like a donkey
than
a nag, and kept his mouth shut.
"The Ashrak will not wait much longer, it is unusual for him
to have
waited this long as it is. I suggest immediately removal of
Jolinar
and her host from the planet." Martouf put forwards.
"No. Sam's not leaving earth with that...that...*thing*
inside her."
Jack shook his head.
"Then we must travel there immediately and try to discover
the Ashrak
and destroy him before he destroys her." Kordesh said
eventually.
"Well let's go then." Jack turned around.
"Wait. Once the Ashrak is taken care of we have another
problem to
solve." Daniel reminded them.
"Later, Daniel. Once the Ashrak is taken care of. Now come
on!" Jack
yanked on Daniel's arm and started leading the way out of the
room.
"This way, Colonel." Martouf's voice halted his hasty
flight out the
wrong door and brought colour to his cheeks.
*******************
Memories. So many memories. Her own and Jolinar's. Sunsets on
planets
she had never been to. Eating spaghetti-O's with Mark and her
cousin
Alfred. Getting fired from her day job. Killing a Jaffa. Tying up
her
shoelaces. Someone strange smiling at her. The feel of the hot
wind
blowing in her hair and the silken, powderlike grains of sand
beneath
her back as someone held her tightly, loving her.
<I am sorry, Samantha.> That voice again, inside a mind that
was no
longer just hers.
"Get out!" She screamed, but her lips didn't move, her
voice didn't
sound out around the room. Instead the scream chased itself around
in
her mind, taunting her, teasing her.
<I am sorry.> Jolinar spoke again, her calmness soothing
Sam. <We are
in danger.>
"What?" Sam blinked. She tried to blink. But the body
that wasn't
hers anymore never moved.
<The Ashrak...> They doubled over in pain.
"My baby!" Sam gasped, the words slipping through her
throat as her
muscles suddenly belonged to her again.
<He will kill us, Samantha. And your child!> Jolinar's words
were a
whisper on her mind, hiding as the Tok'ra retreated again to that
dark recess of her mind where it was merely an observer.
Panicking, Sam lunged for the emergency alarm on the wall. A
second
later the klaxons filled the air as she bent over again, gasping
in
pain. A rattle at the door and she sank to her knees, the
contractions coming fast and furious.
Images of other people, all Tok'ra. Flashes of fear. Tones of
laughter. Tears. Lightening. Water like ice on bare skin that had
been heated by the sun. Memories of previous hosts, longing for
Martouf...it all washed over her.
<Hurry> the Tok'ra crept forwards again and delivered the
message,
once again retreating.
"Dr. Carter?" The door flew open and three SF's stepped
in, panic on
their faces.
"Get Dr. Warner! And General Hammond!" Sam panted.
Helpless on the
floor, vulnerable as they all left. A scream sprang from her lips.
Memories of pain, burning blindness, aching limbs and
incomprehensible exhaustion.
<It is too late.>
The pain was still there, but the body wasn't hers anymore.
<So. Jolinar of Malkshur.> They cringed in fright as the
shadow fell
over them, it's eyes gleaming in the dark of the room. <I have
hunted
you for a long time now. By the decree of the Systems Lords, you
die
with dishonour...>
<Here this. The Tok'ra grow strong each day. Soon they will
over run
the System Lords and banish their ways for ever!> They spoke,
their
voice harsh and metallic as the sound grated unwillinginly against
her throat. Another scream rose up in her, but the Tok'ra choked
it.
<You are weak. Weak and pitiful. You will suffer.>
The lights played in the dim room, transfixing them both as it
slowly
got lowered towards them. They watched with a horrified
fascination
as the light hovered over her forehead. Suddenly the pain flared in
her head. Numbing everything else, it slowly crept over her.
Burning
it's mark into her mind, her sight, her hearing...everything.
Everything except the pain ceased to exist. She longed to cry out,
to
let forth her agony in a blood curdling scream, to let them know
what
was happening...she was dying. But the Tok'ra stopped it, holding
her
mouth shut firmly, only unable to stop the smallest grunts of pain
escape from her throat.
Dimly they were aware of other sounds. She felt the Tok'ra lose
hold,
she felt her body belong to herself again, and she still felt the
pain. It was dark. So dark. Martouf, where was Martouf?
"Sam? Come on Sam, open your eyes! Damnit it, Sam!"
Jack. That was
Jack. Who was Martouf? Why did it hurt? Where was her baby?
"Sam,
open your eyes, please Sam! Come on, don't die on me now, I
haven't
told you yet!"
Told her what? Her eyes flickered open. He was blurred again, more
than one of him, but Jack was there. i love you jack.
*******************
When the storm rises up, when the
shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day
without end
I will stand like a rock, I will bend
till I break
Till there's not no more to give, if that's
what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight,
I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's
what you need
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise
I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's
what it takes
*******************
"I'm losing her!" Dr. Warner yelled, panicked as the
breathing
suddenly stopped.
Jack watched in a daze as the Dr. flew around, giving out nearly
as
many instructions as he was doing CPR on Sam. Her eyes flew open
again, her face so pale.
"The baby!" She gasped, clenching her face in pain
again. But it
wasn't Sam talking. It was the snake.
"Another contraction!"
"Get the EEG on, STAT!" Dr. Warner bellowed, shoving
gloves onto his
hands. "Shit! It's crowning already!" He yelled.
Jack blinked mildly, still stunned. He'd never heard Dr. Warner
swear
before.
"Come on, come on!" He encouraged. Jack held onto Sam's
hand.
"The EEG...there's *two* signals!" Some *bright* intern
annouced,
sounding shocked. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"Seperate them! Come on, come on! I need some help here
people!" Dr.
Warner looked around, panicked. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"Oh...here we come...come on...that's right. A boy! We have a
boy!"
Dr. Warner announced triumphantly as a wail split the air. Jack
held
onto Sam's hand.
Jack watched mutely as the baby was passed to a nurse. His baby.
His
son. His and Sam's son. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"We're losing her!" Someone yelled. Jack held onto Sam's
hand.
"NO!" Dr. Warner shook his head, starting CPR again.
"Come on, don't
give up, Sam!" He begged. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"The parasite..it's dying and taking her with it."
someone realised.
Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"Don't let her die." Jack begged, seeing the Dr. step
back from the
bed. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"There's nothing we can do." Dr. Warner realised, his
face pale as he
gazed at Jack. Jack held onto Sam's hand.
"It's dead." Someone whispered. Jack held onto Sam's
hand. And her
eyes opened.
"Sam!" He smiled, his lips shaking. "You did it
Sam, you beat her!"
He realised, grinning.
"No. She gave her life for me, Jack." Sam whispered, her
eyes
flickering closed. Jack flinched and let go of Sam's hand.
*******************
Through the wind and the rain, through
the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the
wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body,
my soul
I will hold on all night and never
let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise
I make
Baby that's what I'll give, if that's
what it takes
*******************
[Hey, it's Jack here.]
[How's Sam?]
[She's fine. She's better. Doctors say she'll be okay.]
[You mean the cancer's gone?]
[...Yes.]
[How?]
[Uh....not exactly sure the specifics of it...Could I talk to our
kids?]
[Sure. Just hold for a minute...]
[......]
[Dad?]
[Hey Charlie. Sam's okay.]
[She is? That's great!!]
[I've booked you guys a flight home in two days. She needs some
rest
and I thought it would be better if you guys just waited a while.]
[DAD!]
[Sorry Charlie. Doctor's orders.]
[They suck.]
[I know. But I'm gonna stay with Sam until you guys get home.]
[Okay. Cassie wants to talk to you.]
[Put her on. Oh, and Charlie?]
[Yeah?]
[Be good.]
[Ha ha. Bye Dad.]
[Bye Charlie. See you Friday.]
[Jack!]
[Hi Cassie.]
[So Sam' s okay?]
[Yeah, we got the Goa'uld.]
[Good. I was scared.]
[I know honey, I know. Hey, did you know you've got a baby
brother?]
[Really? Wow! What's his name?]
[We were thinking Benjamin Joel.]
[Cool.]
[Cool?]
[Yeah, cool. Charlie always says it!]
[You never did though.]
[So?]
[So what, huh?]
[Hey, Dad?]
[What is it Cass?]
[I love you and Mom.]
[I love you too, sweet heart.]
*******************
If that's what it takes
Every day
If that's what it takes
Every day
*******************
Choices We Make 9: Everything I Do (I Do It For You)
Everything I do
Performed by Bryan Adams
(Used without permission. Great song. Nothing more to be said.)
Look into my eyes
You will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart
Search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more
*******************
It's calm. The water is cool. Silk smoothing away the grime and
blood
from my skin. The colour of emeralds glistening in the sun, the
twinkling sound of windchimes as the birds sing on the breeze
smelling of scented flowers and sweet fruits.
"Martouf..."
"Sam?" Jack blinked, watching as she moved slightly on
the bed.
Her eyes flickered open, confusion in their depths. For a second
he
saw a hint of emotion in them, a vestige of the person she was.
Then
they darkened again, an empty blackness with no hint of recovery.
"Cassie and Charlie will be here later on today. Their
flight's
coming in at three. Cassie's so excited about Ben, she can't wait
to
see him. Ya know what? Sam, Cassie called me Dad. I was so
happy..."
Jack trailed off, frowning in frustration as her empty eyes gazed
blankly at him. "Come on Sam, where are you?" He
demanded, standing
up and banging his fist on the wall in impatience.
"Jack?" Daniel's head appeared around the door
curiously, his eyes
wary as he took in the state of his best friend. Jack's hair was
messy, unbrushed. The clothes he wore were rumpled and grubby, he
hadn't changed yet.
"What?" Jack snapped, feeling sorry instantly as he saw
the flinch of
pain on Daniel's face, but steeled himself against it. Why should
he
apologise? Nothing good was happening.
"Ben's crying again." Daniel said softly, backing out of
the room.
"Stay here Sam, I'll be right back." Jack said
sarcastically before
following Daniel out of the room and found his child.
Ben was perfect, Jack realised with a pang of love as he looked
down
at the red, scrunched up face of the crying baby. His tiny fingers
were so soft and delicate, like silken little catepillars. And his
hair was so soft and fine, the colour of gold already, the texture
of
butterfly wings against Jack's calloused hand. But the eyes, the
eyes
of his new son were the same colour that Charlie's had been, and
Charlie's eyes were brown now. Ben would have brown eyes too.
"Come on, how about we go introduce you to your mother?"
Jack glanced
around guiltily. Okay, so perhaps it wasn't a good idea to take
the
baby away from all the funky medical gear that he needed around in
him case of an emergency, but he figured that keeping Sam and her
baby seperate probably wasn't such a good thing.
"Sam...I've got someone here who wants to meet you." He
said gently,
his finger jammed in Ben's mouth as the baby sucked at it
hopelessly. "Come on, Ben wants to say hi." Ignoring the
warnings Dr.
Warner had given him not to force Sam, he sat down next to her on
the
bed and touched her face gently. "Sam, this is your baby. His
name is
Benjamin - after your Dad of course, and Joel - Daniel's
suggestion...not mine. I hope you don't mind." Jack said
sincerely,
putting the baby next to Sam.
He watched wtih amazement and satisfaction as a single tear formed
in
her eye and spilled over, running slowly down her cheek and
landing
on the pillow where it turned the fabric into a small patch of
dampness. "He's got your hair." Jack continued softly,
smiling
gently. Carefully he took Sam's hand and moved her fingers over
Ben's
hair, guiding the slender limb to rest on her baby's stomach.
"And,
if he's lucky, he'll have my undeniable charisma and charm and
your
brains. Even a tiny portion of your brain will be better than
mine."
Jack said matter-of-factly.
Another dark mark on the fabric as another tear fell.
"I'll be okay, Sam. It'll all be okay." Jack whispered,
leaning over
and kissing her temple gently, curling his fingers in her hair.
"I know." She whispered softly, a sad ghost of a smile
touching her
lips briefly before her sorrowed eyes turned to her son again.
"She
died for him. And for me." She said simply, leaning forwards
and
kissing Ben's head gently.
Jack said nothing for a second, understanding what she'd said but
unable to comprehend why this was affecting her so much. It had,
after all, only been a snake.
"He's hungry." Jack smiled slightly as Ben suddenly
scunched his face
up again and started pumping his flailing little arms angrily in
the
air. "Want to feed him?" Jack asked hopefully.
"I can?" Sam blinked, looking more like her old self,
even if she was
a little too quiet.
"You're fully equipped." Jack cracked, unable to help
himself.
She looked up at him blankly, not smiling or showing any humour
towards his lame comment.
"Come on, I'll help you sit up." Jack carefully helped
her upright,
moving the pillows behind her for support. Placing the baby in her
arms he moved himself behind her again like he had that morning
when
she'd fed him her toast. Things had changed since then, she mused
idly, as his heart settled into a rhythm behind her and his arms
helped her hold the baby in her own, shaking limbs.
They sat together in silence while she fed him, both absorbed by
the
tiny life they had created, and feeling strangely content in each
others' arms.
*******************
Don't tell me
It's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me
it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you
*******************
"Come on, there's a good girl. Open wide...that's
right!" Daniel
grinned, chuckling with delight as Chloe grinned up at him.
"Dada!" She exclaimed impatiently. "More!"
"Okay. Here comes the train...open wide!" He stuck the
spoon in her
mouth again and she grinned happily at them.
"So Chloe, what are we going to do today?" He asked her
once she'd
finished her lunch and started practising her drumming skills with
a
spoon.
"Pok!" She announced emphatically.
"Pok?" He blinked, confused.
"Want Pok!" She told him in no uncertain terms.
"Who's Pok? What's Pok?" Daniel frowned, trying
unsuccessfully to
decipher her meaning.
"Pok!" She squealed at him angrily. "Me wan
Pok!"
"Pok?"
"Pok!" She giggled at him, waving her arms.
Daniel put the bowl in the dish. Pok. Pok? Puck? No, couldn't be
that. Pack? What pack? Sighing, he turned to her.
"You want Pok?" He clarified.
"Pok."
"Okay." He shook his head slightly. "I'll call
Polly then, and find
out what Pok is, okay?"
"Polly Pok!" She squealed.
"A Polly Pocket? You're too little for one of those."
Daniel picked
up his phone and dialed Polly's number.
[Hello, Polly here.]
[Hey Polly, it's Daniel.] He ducked as Chloe's spoon flew towards
him
with surprising accuracy.
[What's going on?]
[Nothing much. Chloe's just decided she's going to practise having
a
domestic for when she's all grown up and she threw
her...NO!....sorry...that was nearly her juice all over the
floor.]
[You okay?]
[Yeah...fine. Actually, no, I'm not. What on earth is a Pok?]
[Pok?]
[Yes Pok, she keeps asking for it...wait on, doorbell's just
rung...hold for a minute.] Daniel jammed the phone under his chin,
picked up his indignant daughter and made his way to the front
doo. "Sarah!" He blinked, shocked to see her.
"Nice to see you too, Daniel." She smiled tightly, her
eyes locked on
Chloe.
[Uh...Polly...yes, what was I saying?] Daniel blinked again as he
showed Sarah inside.
[Oh! She wants Pokemon.]
[Pokemon? You mean that...*thing* all the kids are on about?]
[Yeah. Normally comes on after I've given her lunch...]
[You let her watch TV?]
[Of course! Any healthy kid watches TV!]
[What time?]
[There's about five minutes left of the show.]
[Great. Thanks Polly.]
[No problems, Daniel. Ring me whenever you need a sitter, she's
cute.]
[Thanks. See ya.]
Daniel hung up the phone. "Just a minute, Sarah." He
ignored the
woman slightly and dashed into the loungeroom. He plonked Chloe on
the couch and flicked the TV on. Amazingly enough, it was on the
right channel.
"Pok!" She squealed, grinning up and waving her arms.
"Busy?" Sarah asked dryly, a slight smile on her face.
"Uh...no, actually not really. Just getting reacquainted with
life at
home." Daniel admitted.
"You've been gone for a while, haven't you?" Sarah said
slowly.
"Uh...not recently no." Daniel shook his head,
suspicious.
"I'm not here to argue, Daniel." Sarah sat down on a
chair at the
table. Daniel followed suit, careful to keep an eye on his
daughter.
"So why are you here?" Daniel asked bluntly.
"I don't know. I just wanted to see Chloe..."
"What about your dig?" Daniel couldn't help the
bitterness in his
voice.
"I'm still busy there, I just took a couple of weeks
off." Sarah
shifted nervously on her chair, looking at the TV screen absently.
"So what brings you to my door?" Daniel frowned, pushing
his glasses
up on his nose.
"I told you, Daniel, I don't know!" Sarah clenched her
fists
slightly, biting on her lip. "This was a bad idea...I should
get
going..." She stood up.
"Sarah, tell me the truth." Daniel said softly, and she
turned to
face him with hesitation written clearly on her features.
"I just wanted to know if it's okay if I could see Chloe
sometime."
She whispered, tears in her eyes.
Daniel smiled slightly. "You don't even have to ask that,
Sarah..."
"But you said..."
"I *had* to say that. I knew you'd come back though...you
couldn't
not." He grinned slightly, looking at her sheepishly.
"So what do we do?" Sarah sighed, rubbing her face with
her hands,
looking tiredly at Daniel. "It was so hard, Daniel, so
hard." She
closed her eyes again, leaning back against the chair as she sat
down.
"I know." Daniel said softly. "What do you want to
do now?"
"I don't know." Sarah shook her head. "I gave her
to you. I can't ask
for her back."
"No. You can't." Daniel agreed gently. "But you can
ask for visits
and I won't say no. Not everytime anyway." He smiled
slightly.
"So what now?"
"Well..." Daniel glanced at his watch, his eyes widenly
slightly. "Oh!" He gasped.
"What?"
"I'm supposed to pick up Cassie and Charlie from the
airport..." He
jumped up. "Say, Sarah?"
"Yeah?"
"You want to meet some friends of mine?" Daniel asked
hopefully.
"Pardon?" Sarah raised a delicate eyebrow in surprise.
"Well, I'm assuming that now, despite your earliers
convictions,
you'd still very much like to be a part of your daughter's life,
am I
right?"
"Well...yes." Sarah agreed softly.
"Well, seeing as Chloe is going to be living with me, my
friends are
going to be a very, *very* large part of her life." Daniel
said
simply. "So, you might as well get a head start and meet them
now."
"Okay." Sarah agreed hesitantly.
"Great. Come on, let's go get Cassie and Charlie."
Daniel grinned and
flicked the TV off, much to Chloe's disappointment.
*******************
"So....your friends, what do they look like?" Sarah's
eyes strayed
back to the baby girl being held firmly in Daniel's arms.
"Huh? Oh, well, Cassie's got longish reddish brown hair and
this
adorable little nose. Charlie on the other hand has brownish blond
hair, brown eyes and walks like he owns the place...what?"
"An adorable little nose?" Sarah asked in disbelief.
"What?" Daniel blinked.
"I can't believe you've changed that much."
"I beg your pardon?" Daniel shook his head slightly,
completely
confused.
"Talking about your friend's wife like that, I mean,
really!" Sarah
shook her head in disgust.
"Sarah, Charlie and Cassie are..."
"DANIEL!!" Cassie's scream pierced the air.
"Children."
Sarah blushed furiously, her face over-powering the colour of her
hair. Daniel couldn't help the laugh from escaping as he turned to
greet the two children. "Hey guys!"
"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel!" Cassie flung herself into his
arms, her
eyes glowing with excitement. "Guess what?"
"What?" Daniel grinned widely at her enthusiasm.
"Uncle Mark and Aunt Steph are here too!" She squealed.
Daniel looked
up and came face to face with a tall man he had seen at Jacob's
funeral.
"Hi, I'm Mark." The man introduced himself, smiling
hesitantly.
"Daniel Jackson." Daniel grinned smiled slightly as
well, measuring
up this man who was a weird mix of Sam and her Dad.
"And I'm Steph." A short, petite woman introduced
herself, accepting
Daniel's handshake with a warm smile.
"This is Sarah..." Daniel motioned to Sarah, "And
my little girl,
Chloe." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.
"Nice to meet you. We've been hearing all about 'Daniel and
Chloe'!"
Steph immediately turned her attention to the baby.
"Don't you have children?" Daniel realised, remembering
an earlier
conversation with Sam.
"Yeah, but my Mom's looking after them for now. We thought
that it
would be better to maybe get them out later, we weren't sure if
we'd
be welcome." Steph chattered happily, throwing a casual arm
around
Cassie's shoulders.
"Of course you're welcome. I'm sure that Sam's gonna be
thrilled."
Daniel said hesitantly.
"Well, we've actually booked a motel already...so..."
Mark said
uneasily, fingering his collar.
"What are we standing around here for?" Daniel asked,
smiling
brightly in an attempt to ease the air. "We should get
going..." He
stopped suddenly.
"What's up Daniel?" Charlie asked, leaning nonchalantly
against a
pillar.
"Uh...Sam's still on base at the moment...with Ben and
Jack." He said
slowly.
"Oh?" A curious triplet of frowns met his gaze.
"Uh...we only have
clearance for Cassie and Charlie to go through..." He licked
his lips.
"That's fine. I'm sure that the three of us can entertain
ourselves
and babysit your *gorgeous* little girl." Steph said airly,
waving
her hands in the air and pushing them off at a walk.
"You sure?" Daniel watched their amicable nods.
"Great, see, I'm not
exactly sure when Sam's going to be released." He said
softly.
"You're not?" Mark asked, frowning.
"No. She wasn't...happy." Daniel said lamely.
"I was depressed after Chloe was born." Sarah said
softly, offering
him a shy glance.
"You were?" Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.
"It's a perfectly natural thing, Daniel." Steph chimed
in, completely
agreeing with Sarah. "I'm sure that Sam will be just fine in
a few
days...she's such a bright sunny person..." Steph trailed
off. "Well,
last time I saw her..."
There was an awkward silence until Charlie spoke up, "She's
still
happy."
*******************
"Finally." Jack said with feeling, flopping down onto
the couch and
resting his head in his hands.
"You sound as though you mean that." Daniel smiled
slightly, also
leaning back into his chair.
"I do. Oh, I do." Jack nodded his head, looking up at
Daniel with
bleary eyes. "So. Sarah's back, is she?" He asked
unecessarily.
"Yeah. She's got Chloe at the moment...I should get going
and..."
"Hey, Daniel?"
"Yeah?" Daniel glanced up, surprised at Jack's serious
expression.
"Do you still...you know....love her?"
"I do...but not like I used to." Daniel said slowly,
frowning as he
looked for the words. "I met Sha're, Jack, and nothing I ever
felt
for Sarah compares to that. Nothing I ever will feel for Sarah can
compare to that."
"So you guys aren't gonna get back together then?" Jack
smiled a
twisted smile.
"No." Daniel said gently.
"Oh." Jack looked up at his friend. "What about
Chloe?"
"I don't know. I've told Sarah I don't mind letting her see
Chloe as
often as she wants...but..."
"Daniel, do me a favour, never keep her away from Chloe,
okay?" Jack
said softly, closing his eyes. Daniel studied Jack as the man
fought
for control again and then looked up. "It's not right."
"I know, Jack. I'd never do it to her. To either of
them."
"Good. Say, she's not maybe interested in babysitting for
me?"
"Babysitting?"
"Yeah. I was thinking that while you're at work and I'm gonna
be with
Sam and Ben, someone's gonna have to watch Cassie and Charlie
until
school starts and things get back to normal."
"That's not a bad idea...I could ask her. She could watch
Chloe too!"
Daniel grinned, then stopped suddenly.
"She doesn't exactly strike me as a babysitting kind of
person
though." Jack realised what conclusion Daniel had jumped too.
"I can still ask though."
"You can."
*******************
"I'm fine, honestly." Sam protested, sitting upright and
ignoring the
incredulous looks both General Hammond and Dr. Warner were
shooting
at her.
"Dr. Carter, just in case you seem to have forgotten..."
"No, I haven't forgotten." Sam stated curtly. "I'm
better. You've run
the tests, you know the facts. No more cancer..."
"I wasn't talking about the cancer, Dr. Carter." Dr.
Warner said
softly.
Sam froze for a second, tensing up. "I know. But other than
the
protein markers you said yourself that there is no permanent
damage."
"Dr. Carter, I don't think that you should be walking around
yet.
That device the Ashrak used on you *did* cause some physical
damage.
Unless you want to damage something permanently, I'm going to
suggest..."
"Dr. Warner, I'm telling you that I'm *fine*, and I'd like to
get up
and go for a walk." Sam snapped, getting angry for no reason.
"What's going on?" Jack poked his head around the
corner, grinning to
see Sam glaring angrily at one annoyed Dr. Warner.
"Your wife won't listen to reason, Colonel." Dr. Warner
stated.
"As much as I don't know about medical matters, I'd say she
was
fine." Jack said simply, grinning at General Hammond's roll
of the
eyes.
"I'm sure you would." Hammond said with a bitter twist
to his voice.
"General?" Jack frowned slightly at the look on
Hammond's face.
"Nothing, Colonel." General Hammond narrowed his eyes.
"I do,
however, want you both to know that I'm very disappointed with
you."
He turned around and marched out of the room, his back ramrod
straight.
Jack and Sam glanced at each other guiltily and then looked away,
both slightly uncomfortable.
"Okay, Dr. Carter. If you decide to get up and wander around
out SGC,
then fine, go ahead, but I *won't* take any responsibility if
something does go wrong. You'll be on your own then." He told
them,
shaking his head.
Sam watched him leave, feeling very much like a ten year old who'd
just been told off for something.
"So. How were the To'kra?" Sam asked lightly, making
conversation.
"Pardon?" Jack asked, glancing at her.
"The To'kra, how were they?" She asked again, sitting up
straight.
"Oh...just peachy." Jack glanced at her.
"General Hammond told me about the spy."
"That why he was in here?" Jack asked, glancing at her.
"Ye-eah." Sam agreed hesitantly.
"Oh. Well, that wierd guy Martin something was asking about
you."
"Martouf?"
"How'd you know his name?" Jack asked jealously.
"He was Jolinaar's...mate?" Sam blinked as the word
floated to the
surface. "How is he?"
"I don't know, coping I guess."
"Coping?"
"Well, he wanted to see you and ask you about Jolinaar, but
seeing as
they were being pretty busy, General Hammond and our good friend
Garshaw decided it wasn't such a good idea."
"Oh." Sam swallowed, looking around.
"So, Doc Warner says you'll be home soon."
"Yeah." Sam nodded again, her thoughts elsewhere. On a
planet with
golden sand and sparkling green water.
"Sam?"
"Hm?" She looked at him, but didn't really see him.
"Uh...Cassie and Charlie told me to say hi." He said
lamely, pushing
his hands into his pockets.
"Oh. Yeah, tell them I said hi too." Sam smiled absently
before
frowning slightly. "Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"What does, did the To'kra world look like?"
"Uh...sandy?"
"With green water?" Sam asked.
"No, they had water inside, but not outside." Jack shook
his head,
worried. "Why?"
"No reason..."
"Sam, don't lie to me."
"I keep seeing these images of places *I* haven't been to,
but I know
that Jolinaar has been to them..."
"Sam?"
"Jack, I've got a whole lifetime in my mind, memories of
hundreds of
years that I haven't even lived!" She stated, standing up and
swaying
unsteadily.
"Are you sure you're okay? Maybe that Ashrak did damage
something!"
"Jack, I'm serious!" Sam shook her head, pushing him
away.
"Sam..." Jack said softly, glancing at her with
*something* in his
eyes that she couldn't quite place. "So what? So what if
you're
suddenly remembering places that you haven't been too, so what if
you've suddenly got a whole lot of memories in your mind..."
"That's easy to say, Jack, so what? So what that I have to
sort
through feelings and emotions that aren't even mine? So what that
I
feel as though I am madly and deeply in love with Martouf, and
I've
never even *met* the....person." Sam hesitated at the look on
Jack's
face. "Jack...I'm feeling things that I've never felt before.
I look
at Teal'C and I feel revulsion. I feel disgust because his people
are
so stupid they can't even figure it out for themselves that the
Go'auld aren't Gods. I look at us, the humans and I feel so snide
and
arrogant and superior because the To'kra have technology that we
have
no idea of..." She stopped suddenly. "See, I even think
of myself as
To'kra sometimes."
Jack stood still, his eyes locked on her face. "What are you
saying?"
He asked softly.
"I don't know." Sam slumped suddenly, falling against
Jack. "I don't
know Jack. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what's me
and
what's Jolinaar. I don't know where she ends and where I
begin." She
whispered.
"Yes, you do know that." Jack said, holding her tightly.
"You know
that it's *you* who loves Cassie and Charlie, that it's *you* who
had
that baby, that it's *you* who made up with your father. Sam, you
know who *you* are! We know who you are."
"I know, Jack, but..." Sam started before trailing off
and letting
him hold her. "I'm tired Jack. I'm tired of everything. Of
pretending, of lying, of not knowing what's true anymore."
Jack tensed as he held her.
"What are you saying, Sam?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Well, I want to know what you're hinting at."
"I'm not hinting at anything, Jack." Sam shook her head,
frustrated
as she pulled back to look at him, confusion shining in her eyes.
"I
told you, I'm sick of pretending to everyone, playing happy
families.
We're not happy families Jack, far from it in fact." She
laughed
bitterly, turning around.
"So what do you suggest we do?" Jack asked, his
shoulders slumping as
she turned away from him.
"I don't know. I just want to take my babies and go
home." Sam kicked
at the wall angrily.
Jack swallowed roughly, watching as she made her way drunkenly
around
the room, venting her frustration on anything and everything
within
reach.
"Uh...I'll talk to Doc Warner for you, Sam." He said
softly before
turning around and leaving the room.
*******************
"Cassie and Charlie have planned a huge homecoming for
you." Jack
said stiltedly in the car.
"Oh." Sam gazed out the window, trying not to cry.
"Yeah." Jack agreed lamely, glancing over at her in
concern. Her eyes
were hidden behind those damn sunglasses, he had no idea what she
was
thinking, what she was looking at, what she was feeling even.
"How have they been?"
"Good." Jack nodded slightly, flicking on the indicator.
"Missing you
like crazy." He smiled slightly.
"I've been missing them too." She hesitated, her voice
catching in
her throat.
"What?"
"I...I was scared." She ventured eventually.
"Scared of what?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes in
concern, a habit
she was very used to.
"That Cassie...the To'kra...she knew..." Sam garbled, a
sob choking
her throat again. "And I can't stop crying." She slapped
her fist on
the dashboard.
Jack pulled over and stopped the car. Unbuckling her seatbelt he
pulled her into his arms, holding her while she cried again.
"It's
okay Sam, no one expects you to be perfect." He crooned.
"Yes, yes they do." She moaned, holding onto him
tightly. "Everyone
expects it to be perfect. They expect me to be the perfect mother
to
Charlie, Cassie and Ben. They expect me to be the perfect wife,
the
perfect scientist...I'm tired of it Jack. Don't they *know* that I
have faults too?"
"Shh." Jack hushed her, stroking her hair gently.
"I don't expect you
to be perfect." He whispered.
"I know. That's what..." Sam stopped, tensing in his
arms as she
fought to control her sobs.
"That's what what?" Jack frowned as she pulled away from
him,
refusing to look at him. Reaching over her pulled the sunglasses
from
her face and forced her to look at him.
"Nothing. I'm just screwed up at the moment, Jack." She
smiled
tightly, and Jack recognised the end of a conersation if he'd ever
heard one.
*******************
Sam refused Jack's help as she staggered up the footpath towards
the
house. Seeing her determination and will to make it on her own,
Jack
decided to go ahead and check that everything was okay.
"Sarah? Cassie? Charlie? Hello..." He yelled into the
house, slightly
surprised that no one was there to greet them.
Sam's head jerked up as she heard him. Sara. What? Sara...but...
"Sam, are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She smiled and continued the
walk up the
footpath, shaking his hand off her arm as she passed him.
"Who's
Sara?" She asked stiffly. Jealous, and he didn't even love
her; Sam.
She had no right to be jealous.
"Sarah...Sarah, the..."
"SURPRISE!" What seemed like a million people suddenly
jumped into
the room as Sam entered it.
"MOM!" Cassie launched herself at Sam, followed closely
by
Charlie. "Look Mom! Look!" She hugged Sam tightly and
managed to
point at all the people simultaneously. "Everyone's here!
Uncle Mark,
Aunt Steph, Daniel, Sarah, Ben, even General Hammond and Teal'C!"
She
grinned as Sam gaped around the room.
"You should have told me!" It was so easy to slip back
into that role
of pretense, to punch Jack lightly on the arm and fall back into
his
hold as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"I did." He told her dryly, but for some reason not
feeling the usual
happiness he felt when he was around his 'family'.
"OH..." Sam blinked, remembering his earlier words.
"Mark!" She
blinked again.
"And Steph." Mark grinned at her, hugging her gently
over the top of
Cassie.
"Steph!" Sam smiled shyly. "I haven't seen you
for...a long time!"
"That's going to change though." Steph said firmly,
grinning at her
happily. "You have beautiful children." She told Sam
honestly.
"I know." Sam looped her arms over Cassie and Charlie's
shoulders. "So, where's my baby?" She looked around,
searching for
someone holding Ben.
"Sarah's got him..." Someone told her. Sara. Why did she
feel so
jealous and scared and nervous and really really really anxious?
"Oh." She forced the smile to stay on her face.
"I made you some muffins because I know you don't like
cookies..."
Cassie announced.
"Really? Thanks Cass." Sam hugged her daughter a bit
tighter.
"Come on, sit down." Jack's arms suddenly descended
around her again
as he guided her towards the couch where he proceded to sit down
next
to her, not once letting her go.
"So. Home again." Daniel said, breaking the silence that
had settled
over the group of people.
Sam smiled. Home. Where was home now? Jack didn't love her, how
could
this be home?
Jack stiffened involuntarily as she only smiled. An uncontrollable
spasm of panic in his arm clutched her tightly against him, fear
suddenly making his heart beat a million miles an hour.
Daniel met Jack's terrified eyes and then glanced at Sam's
perfectly
school features. To the inexperienced eye, those who didn't know
them, they looked happy. Daniel, however, knew they weren't happy.
So
did General Hammond, but it wasn't up to them.
Jack swallowed as Daniel looked back into his eyes, those blue
eyes
seeming to read his very thoughts.
'Tell her' They beamed at him like some telepathic device
delivering
the words righ into his mind. 'You have to tell her. NOW.'
Jack shifted and let go of Sam. "So, who's having what do
drink?" He
asked cheerfully, standing up and glancing back down at Sam.
A chorus of answers met his question and he hastily left the room
before he forgot everything instead of just a few.
A strained silence settled onto the occupants of the livingroom.
"Mom, can Cassie and I go outside?" Charlie asked,
looking at her.
"Sure." Sam's eyes misted over. Mom. He'd called her
Mom! Where was
Jack? "Uh...I'm just gonna help Jack with the drinks..."
She stood
up, swaying slightly but greatfully accepting Charlie's steadying
hand as he helped her to the kitchen door.
Sam entered the room silently, and came face to face with Jack
hugging another woman. Another woman that had curly auburn hair
and
was holding her baby. "You'll be right." She heard
Jack's voice,
muffled against the woman, and then he let her go.
"Hi." The woman looked at Sam, hesitation on her perfect
features.
"Hi, I'm Sam." Sam kept her voice civil, even slightly
friendly. She
couldn't care. She couldn't care less that this woman and her
husband...that this woman and *Jack O'Neill* were...
"I know. I'm Sarah."
Sarah. She'd known that the woman was trouble.
"I see you've got Ben." Sam smiled again, not moving
forwards.
"Yeah, he's just eaten AND spewed up all over me." Sarah
wrinkled her
nose delicately as she grimaced.
"Mind if I..?" Jack asked, holding his arms out.
"Not at all." Sarah all but dumped the baby in his arms
before
turning back to Sam quickly with an apologetic look. "Chloe's
still
half dressed...I'm going to run back to her quickly..."
"Sure." Sam smiled again, her eyes locked on the woman's
retreating
back.
"Well well well." Jack turned to her with a grin, his
eyebrows raised.
"Well well well what?" Sam demanded waspishly, the
civilness fading
from her face as he gazed at her.
"Who would have guessed?" Jack nearly laughed.
"Guessed what?" Sam demanded. It was bad enough that he
and Sarah-cat-
got-the-cream-smugness were...no, didn't bear thinking about. He
had
no right to still carry on and tease her like this.
"No, I don't think I would have believed it if I hadn't seen
it with
my own eyes." Jack told Ben matter-of-factly, ignoring Sam
suddenly.
"What are you talking about?" Sam demanded tiredly,
leaning against
the wall as she glared at him.
"I'm having a perfectly legitimate conversation with my son,
thank
you very much." Jack told her pointedly, grinning slightly.
"*Our* son." Sam snapped. Okay, so why did she just have
to go and
say that?
"Yes, I do believe that I'm right." Jack said smugly,
looking up at
Sam innocently.
"What? No, you know what, I don't want to know." Sam
stood up
straight. "Are you going to get the drinks or am I going
to?" She
demanded.
"What on earth has happened to your manners?" Jack
sounded shocked.
"Don't use that tone of voice with me, Jack, I really *don't*
need it
right now." She told him tiredly, moving over to the cupboard
and
starting to pull the mugs out.
"No, I don't you do." Jack's voice was surprising calm
and serious.
Sam turned to him with an eyebrow raised, questioning his sudden
mood
change. "I do, however think, you need this." He said
before cupping
her face with his free hand and delivering a gentle kiss to her
lips.
Sam stood frozen, completely stunned.
"Then again," Jack continued, barely breaking the kiss.
"Maybe this
would be better." He rained silvery kisses along her jawbone
and down
her neck. "But," He breathed in her ear, pulling her
closer to him
and holding Ben between them ever so carefully, "Maybe I'm
wrong."
Sam quivered against him, resting her head slightly against his as
he
threaded his fingers through her hair and waited for her to answer
him. Oh...oh...so this wasn't what she'd been
expecting...oh...oh..
"OW!" Jack jerked backwards, shock in his eyes as he
gazed at her and
held his stinging cheek.
"Don't you ever, EVER do that again!" Sam yelled at him,
tears
blurring her vision.
Jack gazed at her, shocked. He was wrong. She didn't want it, she
didn't love him...what had he done...this was terrible...
"Do you know what it felt like to walk in here and see
you...with
her...I mean..." Sam swept her arms out dramatically, nearly
overbalancing herself and leaning heavily on the cupboard.
"What?" Jack found his voice, a little squeaky maybe,
but a voice
nonetheless.
"I thought...I'm so stupid...do you know how much I hate
you?" Sam
laughed suddenly, flinging her arms around his neck and burying
her
face against his neck.
"Uh...no?" Jack hesitantly put his hand on her back
again, completely
confused. "Sam, forgive me, but I'm a little
confused..."
"Serves you right. If I ever catch you alone in the kitchen
with
another woman again..."
"I was right! You *were* jealous!" Jack realised
triumphantly,
turning to look at his baby son who was gazing at him innocently.
"I was not!" Sam denied hotly, colour flushing her
cheeks.
"Sure, sure, and Ben here is a girl."
"He wasn't last time I checked. Unless, of course, there's
something
you're not telling me..." Sam grinned at him, not letting go
of him.
"You were jealous." Jack stated matter-of-factly.
"Was not."
"Were too."
"Was not."
"Were too."
"Was not."
"Hey, Sam?"
"What?" Sam smiled breathlessly as Jack's face lowered
towards her
again.
"That thing about me being alone in the kitchen with another
woman..." He started off.
"Yeah?"
"Does Cassie count? OW!" He laughed as her fist connect
with his
shoulder.
"You are so stupid!" She told him, shaking her head.
"So...does this mean we're okay?" Jack asked hesitantly.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, as in, no one's leaving?"
"Who was leaving?" Sam blinked, surprised.
"I thought you were..."
"What made you think that?" She frowned, turning back to
the drinks.
"Well, you said you were tired of pretending..."
"I am." Sam said softly.
"Oh." Jack turned to the baby in his arms. "Here,
you take Ben and
I'll do that." He told her.
"Thanks." She took the infant and stood back, watching
him make the
drinks. "Jack, I'm not leaving." She said softly before
leaving him
in the kitchen with the kettle nearly boiling.
*******************
"Sam?" Jack approached her hesitantly.
"Hey." She smiled slightly, a warm, tingling sensation
running
throughout her as he approached.
"I was thinking." He started off, placing a finger over
her lips
again. "And before you say it, I'm not taking an aspirin
because
there is no pain. Yes, it is becoming a rather regular occurence
and
no it's not all that strange either."
"I wasn't going to say it." She told him, smiling as he
moved his
finger over her chin and cupped it with his hand.
"What you said, about pretending?" He licked his lips
nervously,
mirroring her movements.
"Yes?" She waited, swallowing roughly. Time seemed to
expand as she
waited for him to continue, and her senses suddenly became aware
of
everything. The cloud sailing over the moon, the stars seeming to
brighten in response and the scent of his aftershave fingering
it's
way through the cold air towards her. Aware of him, standing in
front
of her, holding not only her face with his warm, gentle hands, but
also her heart and her future.
"I don't want to pretend anymore, either." He whispered
roughly,
bringing his other hand up to cup her face properly and wiping her
tears away with his thumbs. "I don't know why I ever
did." He added
before leaning down and kissing her gently.
Sam sighed as he kissed her, melding herself against him and
wrapping
her arms around him, holding him close.
"I don't either." She whispered as he pulled away and
she rested her
head against his chest, his arms around her and his hands drawing
patterns on her back.
"And, I still don't expect you to be perfect." He
grinned slightly as
she chuckled against him.
"Good, because you'd be disappointed even now."
"Why?"
"In the perfect movie, the couple is always bathed in
moonlight.
Unfortuneatly for us, the moon is not available tonight." She
grinned
as he chuckled in turn.
"So what. Makes the stars look brighter. Hey, have I ever
shown you
my telescope?" He asked her suddenly.
"No." She shook her head, surprised. "You have
one?"
"Of course." Jack grinned at her expression. "I'm
not *that* stupid."
"I know." She told him. Grinning, he took her hand and
led her to the
back porch.
"I keep it here, we can go set it up on the deck...it's
perfect up
there this time of year." He grinned.
"Perfect, huh?" She laughed slightly. "You know
what, this is
perfect. It wouldn't mean as much if it hadn't been so..."
"Intense?"
"Yes. At least I know ahead of time what a bastard you can
be." She
grinned.
"And I know how...imperfect you can be!" He smiled at
her, dropping a
kiss on her nose. "I love you Sam, the way you are. Which
means
you're perfect." He told her sincerely, his eyes holding her
steadily.
Sam blinked as she looked up at him. "I love you too, Jack. I
have
for a while now..."
"Really? I knew it wouldn't take too long before my charm and
charisma, not to mention my startling good looks and brilliant
personality, won you over..."
FINIS!!!
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