Choices We Make

By

Sharim

 

RATING: M (Just in case. Nothing really descriptive of gory or bodgy,

but just in case)

 

WARNINGS: Heavy Duty Angst, minor-character deaths and just a teeny,

tiny little bit of bad language, but hardly any

 

CATEGORY: Angst; Sam/Jack; Romance, AU, Drama(?)

 

SPOILERS:  First and Second season. Nearly all the episodes are

mentioned because it is an alternate timeline of the SGC.

 

SUMMARY:  An alternate timeline of the SGC, starting from before the

very first Stargate movie until about the end of season 2.

 

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis. Others, please ask first.

 

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of

Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko

Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes

only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright

infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and

story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without

permission of the author.

 

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  A creative in my english class gave me the germ of

an idea for this, so the whole first section (With Jack) is what I

wrote for my english, tailored to fit this story though. Okay, the

english piece was a version of this, but basically, this one goes to

Mrs. Laning for making me do that stupid creative (which I actually

got A's for!!)  Hugs to Suds and Jo Raven!! You guys rock! Oh yeah,

CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcomed, but I don't need flames cos I don't

smoke.

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 1: I Love You, Goodbye

 

I Love You, Goodbye

Performed by Celine Dion

(Used without permission. Sorry, but I LOVE her music)

 

 

Wish I could be the one

The one who could give you love

The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you

That I'll always stay with you

But baby that's not me

 

You need someone willing to give their

heart and soul to you

Promise you forever, baby that's

something I can't do

 

                         *******************

 

The words jumped up off the page, a jumble as usual. Sara covered her

mouth with the back of her hand as another yawn took hold of her. She

blinked tiredly, putting the novel down and leaning back into the

couch as she yawned yet again, stretching this time and closing her

eyes.

 

Jack watched her with trepidition. She was going to kill him, but he

figured he might as well enjoy watching her catlike movements as she

stretched. She'd always reminded him of a cat, with her golden hair

and honey coloured skin, the way she seemed to float over the ground

when she walked.

 

She stood up slowly, working the kinks out of her back. Jack had

taken long enough, she was going to bed now, it was way past a normal

bed time. Mind you, the last time she'd gone to bed at a sane hour

was a long time ago.

 

"Hi," he said it softly, his voice low and slighly apologetic.

Tiredness fled as she spun around, her eyes relieved to see him

standing in the shadows. He almost smiled when he saw the smile creep

into her eyes, but the curve on his lips froze as her eyes suddenely

blazed at him, anger stiffening her into a rigid line, her hackles

raised.

 

"Hi," she repeated, anger evident in her curt voice.

 

"Yeah, hi." Jack repeated, feeling like an idiot.

 

"That's all you can say? Not even a sorry." He watched with a morbid

fascination as she pulled herself to her full height, a rather short

height, but still imposing when she was like this.

 

"You wouldn't listen, even if I did say sorry." It was the truth,

both of them knew it.

 

"You could at least try," she hissed, unsheathing her claws as she

glared at him.

 

"I'm sorry Sara, really. I would have called..."

 

"But it would have endangered the whole mission," she finished off

for him. "Don't you think you could a try a different excuse once in

a while?"

 

"Sara, I'm not making an excuse, I'm telling you the truth."

 

"Yes, I think you are, only I've been to dense to listen to it

earlier," the fight suddenely seemed to go out of her voice, defeat

darkening her eyes to a dull grey.

 

"No Sara, I'm not saying that!" he shook his head, stepping towards

her.

 

"Don't!" Sara's voice cut like a whip. "Please, don't." The plea was

wrenched from her. "I'm tired Jack. I'm tired of always being second

to your job..." she smiled sadly.

 

"You're not..." He trailed off. It was the truth and they both knew

it.

 

"Yes, I am. We both are." she sighed, her shoulders slumping.

 

"No, I love you and Charlie!" he stated firmly, his voice breaking

ever so slightly.

 

"I don't doubt that. You love your work more though."

 

"That's not true Sara!" he denied it hotly, pointlessly.

 

"It is, and we know it," she shook her head, determination in her

eyes.

 

"No, it's not. I love you guys more than the Military," he said it

softly, his rigid back and perfectly positioned feet not moving as

the words slid from his lips.

 

"Would you give it up? Would you hand in your resignation tomorrow,

to be with me and Charlie?" There was silence in the room, only the

sound of the old, tired grandfather clock ticking broke it. "I didn't

think so," the corners of her lips pulled down ever so slightly in a

rueful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

 

"Sara..."

 

"Don't Jack. I told you, I'm tired. I'm going to bed now." They

watched each other warily.

 

"Can I at least see him?" Jack asked softly, in control of his

emotions, the military mask on his face not letting his emotions show

through even a crack.

 

"No." Sara shook her head. "If you can't be there all the time, I

won't let you be there at all."

 

"Sara, he needs me. He needs his Dad." Jack said it softly, steel in

his voice.

 

"I know. He needs his Dad, not a part time father. That's what you

are Jack, a part time father and a full time Colonel." She shook her

head sadly.

 

"But..."

 

"No. You're going to hurt him enough as it is, I don't need you to

hang around here playing with his emotions and only seeing him when

it suits you." His shoulders slumped and lines seemed to appear

around his eyes.

 

"I'll leave in the morning." He swallowed harshly, trying to dissolve

the lump forming in his throat.

 

"You can't, can you?" She wasn't mocking, her voice was sincerely

sympathetic for once.

 

"Can't what?"

 

"You can't even allow yourself to cry." The pity in her voice hurt

more than the words themselves.

 

He watched her mutely as she turned around slowly and left with her

back straight and her walk determined. She'd survive, she always did.

Jack closed his eyes tightly, forcing the lump down and out of his

throat. Sara had always been stronger than anyone thought.

 

He moved towards the door like an old man, his hands shaking as her

pulled a cupboard open and took out some blankets and a pillow. They

smelt old and musty. He was old and the couch was hard and lumpy.

 

                         *******************

 

"Dad!" Charlie's voice rang with delight as he stopped in the middle

of the lounge room.

 

"Hmmph." Jack grunted, trying to force his eyes open.

 

"You're home Dad!" Charlie cannon balled onto the couch, wrapping his

tough little arms around his father's neck.

 

"Hmm." Jack returned the bear hug, savouring the little boy smell

clinging to Charlie.

 

"I hit a homer Dad!" Charlie announced proudly, sitting back so that

Jack could sit up.

 

"Wow. A homer huh? When did you do that?" Jack rubbed his eyes,

trying to focus on his son.

 

"Yesterday. Coach said I was doing real well and might even be on the

team next term!" Charlie bounced on the couch.

 

"Don't bounce on the couch Charlie, you'll wear out the springs."

Sara's voice reached them. Jack looked at her. Dark circles under her

eyes spoke of a sleepless night.

 

He looked just as bad as she did, Sara decided. The lines around his

eyes and suddenly sagged appearance couldn't just be attributed to a

bad night's sleep on an old couch.

 

"Morning," he risked it, watching her hopefully.

 

"Morning," she was just as wary as him, unsure how to take it from

here.

 

"Mom, can I show Dad my new ball?" Charlie asked suddenly, jumping

off the couch and running out of the room.

 

"You'd better tell him." Sara sighed.

 

"How?" Jack asked softly.

 

"I don't know. You can talk to him, he adores you." Sara's eyes

filled slightly with tears.

 

"I love him Sara." Jack said simply.

 

"Not enough." She shook her head apologetically.

 

"But..."

 

"We talked about this last night Jack. It's not going to be fair on

him to have a Dad that only sees him when it suits him." Sara said,

anger in her voice.

 

"I'm sorry Sara," he sat on the couch and watched her.

 

"Me too," she agreed gently, turning away before he could see the

tears run over her cheeks.

 

"I should have..." Jack started.

 

"No, don't go there." Sara stopped him, her back turned towards him.

He could see her shoulders shaking slightly as she hugged her waist,

trying to stop the tears. His arms itched to hold her and comfort her

but this time he couldn't. It was his fault she was like that and

there was nothing he could do to change it.

 

"I'll start packing my things," he clenched his teeth as he stood up.

 

"So you're not going to go to court?" Sara sounded cautious.

 

"No." Jack shook his head. He couldn't do that to them as well.

 

"Thank you." She whispered it softly, he barely heard it.

 

"I love you and Charlie." Jack said quietly before he turned and left

the room.

 

Sara watched him walk out of the room, his military march betraying

his hurt and confusion. She still loved him too, but too much had

changed.

 

                         *******************

 

Gritting his teeth Charlie threw the ball in the air with one hand,

deftly arranged his hands on the bat and whacked at the ball as it

fell back to earth. The ball caught the bat with a satisfying thwack

and sailed into the wooden fence dented with hollows where it had

previously landed.

 

"You're getting good at that." Charlie turned around to see his Dad

walking towards him slowly.

 

"Are you leaving again?" Charlie asked, fear in his voice. He knew

that walk. When his Dad started walking like the Colonel he was,

Charlie knew to expect the worst.

 

"Yeah." Jack admitted, not sure what to tell Charlie.

 

"When are you coming home again?" Charlie asked softly. Something was

different this time, and it scared him.

 

"I'm not." The words cut through his soul, but Jack had to say them.

 

"Why?" Charlie demanded, anger pushing away his tears.

 

"Because your Mom and I think it's for the best." Jack closed his

eyes so he wouldn't have to see his world fall around him as he

uttered the words. He was a coward.

 

"Why?" Charlie stepped backwards, away from his Dad whose face so

full of pain.

 

"I'm not a good father Charlie. I'm not a good husband and I don't

want you to turn out like me," Jack whispered, staring at the ground.

 

"You are a great Dad, you're the best!" Charlie denied it, raising

his big brown eyes up to Jack.

 

"No, I'm not Charlie. I didn't even see you hit a homer." Jack forced

the lightness into his voice.

 

"You always do that!" Charlie screamed for no reason.

 

"Do what? Not see you play?" Jack asked, not denying it.

 

"NO. Make a joke of everything!" Charlie yelled at him, his tears

spilling down his cheeks.

 

"I don't Charlie. This isn't a joke." Jack wished it was.

 

"I don't care if you don't see my games," Charlie whispered suddenly.

 

"I do." Jack stated simply.

 

"But I don't want you to go," Charlie hugged his dad fiercely. Jack

knelt down and out his arms around his son.

 

"I love you Charlie." Jack told him, cupping the small face in his

hands.

 

"Then don't go." Charlie cried, not letting go of Jack's jacket.

 

"I have to Charlie. I'm not good enough for you or Sara." Jack

whispered the words softly.

 

"Yes you are," Charlie sniffed.

 

"I'd watch your games if I was good enough," Jack murmered against

the soft brown hair.

 

"I'm gonna stop playing if you go," Charlie threatened.

 

"No. Don't do that. You've got to be strong for your Mom and for me,"

Jack told him sternly.

 

"But what if I don't want to be?" Charlie asked quietly.

 

"You will be Charlie. You're too much like your Mom not to be

strong," Jack allowed a slight smile to cross his face.

 

"Will I see you?" Charlie asked eventually.

 

"I don't know. It's up to your Mom," Jack admitted, hoping that Sara

wasn't going to kill him for that.

 

"Do you hate Mommy?" Charlie asked suddenely.

 

"No. I don't hate her," Jack shook his head slowly.

 

"Then why are you going?" Charlie asked, confused.

 

"I'm not good enough for your Mom, Charlie. She deserves better than

me, and I'm going to let her find someone," He tried to explain.

 

"But she loves you. She always stays up really late when you're away

and won't leave the phone just incase you ring," Charlie tried one

more time.

 

Jack winced as the words cut through him. Sara knew he couldn't ring

her when he was away. He knew why she was always waiting at the

phone, just in case the one phone call she didn't want to receive

came through. He must have put her through hell.

 

"No Charlie, she wasn't waiting for me to call," Jack shook his sadly.

 

"Then who?" Charlie demanded, suddenely tired and heavy.

 

"It doesn't matter Charlie," Jack felt tired again. "Just remember

that I love you, okay?"

 

Charlie studied his Dad in silence, noticing the grey hair for the

first time and the lines around the brown eyes. His dad was old. "I

love you too." Charlie whispered, hugging him again. Jack pulled

Charlie tightly against him, just holding him.

 

                         *******************

 

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a lie

I know I'd only hurt you

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

 

                         *******************

 

Sam opened the letter slowly, forcing her hands not to shake as the

white envelope slowly parted beneath her eager fingers. Taking a deep

breath she closed her eyes and unfolded the letter. Gathering her

courage she opened one eye to take a peek and nearly laughed out

loud. Upside down. She had the damn letter upside down!

 

Grinning to herself now, most of her nerves dissipitated, she quickly

righted the letter and straightened out it's folds. Okay, this was

it. Steadying her hands again, she slowly started reading the

official black and white print. She could feel the tension building

as her eyes took in the lines of meaningless text, greetings, well

wishes, formalities...

 

Her pulse quickened.

 

Thanks to your invaluable knowledge and expertise, as well as

persistance, the Stargate program is now officially a reality. In a

week's time a team of Military Personnel will travel through the

Stargate and explore the world on the other side. Due to your

involvement and singular knowledge and the physics of how the

Stargate operates, we would very much like for your presence to be

one of the members of the team....

 

Sam let out a muffled squeal of excitement, her eyes glowing. A

reality. She was going to space! Holy Hannah! Oh...wow! Incredible!

Unbelievable! Her dreams! Reality! Exploring another world!

 

Her thoughts crashed to a halt as her eye caught sight of the ring on

her finger. Jonas. What was Jonas going to say? Oh, this could not be

good.

 

                         *******************

 

'Come on Sam, pull yourself together.' She eyed the door to their

apartment nervously, unable to help the nervous shivers running all

over her spine. Since when was she scared of Jonas? She was a Captain

in the USAF, thank you very much. Perfectly capable of defending

herself against anyone. Except Jonas.

 

Another shudder ran through her.

 

Oh, he was not going to be happy. Not at all. Sam looked back

longingly at the mailbox in which she had just dropped her letter of

acceptance. Why had she gone and done that? She'd had a whole week to

reply.

 

For, she realised grimly, exactly this reason. So that Jonas couldn't

talk or scare or beat her out of it. Once accepted, she was in.

Whether he liked it or not. Tough.

 

Squaring her shoulders, Sam defiantly plastered a smile on her face

and got out of the car, refusing to let the bitter taste of fear in

her mouth spread throughout her body. Oh, this was not good. Not good

at all.

 

"That you?" Jonas sounded reasonably calm, Sam realised with relief.

 

"Yeah." She answered him hesitantly, stopping only to lock the door

behind her. Changing her mind, she unlocked it again, unsure just

what made her do it.

 

"What's taking you?" He grouched, and she pushed the door to their

living room open.

 

"Hi." She smiled at him brightly, hoping against hope that this would

go well.

 

"What's up?" He was alert, her false smile falling horrendously flat.

 

"I uh...I got transferred today." Sam stuttered. Well, okay, so that

wasn't the *complete* truth, but it was pretty close to the mark.

 

"You got transferred?" He asked her slowly, narrowing his eyes.

 

"Yeah. To Colorado..." She trailed off, recognising the look in his

eyes with fear.

 

"I thought we were engaged to be married." He said calmly, not moving

an inch.

 

"We are." Sam swallowed, glancing involuntarily down at the ring on

her hand.

 

"So how are we going to married if you're on one side of the country

and I'm on the other?" Jonas pointed out logically, his eyes like

little chips of ice.

 

"You could come with me..." Sam suggested lightly, a half smile on

her face, hoping for some relief.

 

"Pardon? You seem to be forgetting, Samantha, that I'm in the

Airforce too."

 

"I know that, Jonas, so why can't you remember that I'm also in the

Airforce?" She snapped, losing her temper.

 

"Because when we have kids..."

 

"Kids? We're not having kids now, Jonas. A few years away, maybe, but

not now." Sam shook her head defiantly.

 

"I thought the whole point of being married was to have kids

together." Jonas shot back, rising slowly to his feet. Sam's eyes

widened slightly in fear as she saw him wobbling slightly. Drinking.

He'd been drinking...again.

 

"No it's not, it's to be with the person you love." Sam felt a jolt

go through her as the words fell from her lips. The person you love.

 

"You're not exactly going to be with me if you're in Colorado, are

you?" Jonas snapped, losing his control.

 

"Jonas...I don't have any more choice about this than you do..." Sam

tried to defend herself, stepping backwards to try and escape from

his advance.

 

"Yes you do. Resign." He spat the words at her, his breath reeking of

alcohol as it stirred the hair on her face.

 

"No." She refused to back down. "This is my dream, Jonas. I'm not

giving up my dream because you can't accept that fact that it's a

part of who I am!" Sam yelled at him.

 

"Don't you dare yell at me!" Jonas hissed, his hand snaking out and

slapping her before she could react.

 

"Why? Or you'll just hit me again?" Sam retorted, cradling her

stinging cheek with her right hand, feeling the bitterness rise in

her throat. "Well, Jonas, here's some food for thought, you can't hit

me if I'm not here, can you?" She made her decision.

 

His fist came out of nowhere and struck her head while she was

struggling to remove the ring from her finger. Falling to the ground,

Sam yanked the ring off and threw it at him, triumph etched onto her

face as she finally broke free of him.

 

"I don't need you, Jonas." She told him, standing up again and

holding onto the wall for support.

 

"You can't even defend yourself against me!" He hurled at her, his

hand closing over her arm and pulling her back to him.

 

She could have easily knocked him out, raised a hand in self-defence.

But, she realised with dismay, Jonas was right. She couldn't do

anything to him. Helplessly, frozen she stood as his hand connected

with her jaw again. Stars exploded in her vision as he backhanded her

with the same hand.

 

"You slut! You selfish, fucking bitch!" He yelled at her, pushing her

away from him suddenly.

 

She stumbled backwards, her body connecting solidly with the

doorframe behind her. A dull crack shuddered through her head as it

banged against the sharp wood.

 

Staggering dully to her feet, Sam looked vacantly at Jonas. She saw

his bloodshot eyes, his hands with traces of her blood on it from the

lips his hits had split, and she threw up.

 

Ridding herself of the sickness inside of her, Sam glanced idly at

Jonas again and then straightened herself, ignoring the high pitched

buzzing at the back of her head.

 

"Good bye, Jonas." She said softly and turned around to walk out of

the door.

 

                         *******************

 

I hope someday you can

Find some way to understand I'm only

Doing this for you

I don't really want to go

But deep in my heart I know this is the

kindest thing to do

 

You'll find someone who'd be the one

that I could never be

Who'll give you something better

Than the love you'll find with me

 

                         *******************

 

"How could you?" Sarah demanded, her eyes blazing at him as she spun

agitatedly on her heel. "How could you do that? After all that we've

done for you..."

 

"Sarah..." Daniel closed his eyes, holding his head in his hands.

 

"No, I don't want to hear it Daniel." Sarah's clipped tones stung

him. No one wanted to listen to him or take what he had to say

seriously.

 

"I had too..."

 

"Damnit Daniel, you've just thrown your whole career away!" Sarah

screamed at him, running her hands through her hair. "And probably

everyone else's as well!"

 

"Sarah!" Daniel snapped, losing patience. "Those are my theories. I

can't go around spurting out some other half formed theories if I

don't believe them!"

 

"So you really believe that there are aliens amongst us?" Sarah asked

sarcastically, tiredness showing in her eyes.

 

"No...not necessarily amongst us." He said softly.

 

"So what do you want me to do Daniel?" Sarah sighed, walking to the

other end of the room and leaning against the door, her hands resting

on her stomach.

 

"I don't know, Sarah." Daniel looked at her sorrowfully. "You don't

believe me, do you?"

 

"No, I don't." She agreed softly.

 

"Then I guess it's over." He closed his eyes, unable to hide his

tears.

 

"What are you saying?" Sarah hissed, but not coming closer.

 

"It's over, Sarah. We can't have a relationship if you don't believe

me."

 

"So because I think your theories are insane, we can't get married?"

Sarah nearly laughed.

 

"Yes." Daniel looked at her, seriousness in his eyes. "You think my

theories are insane, and that I'm insane for believing them. You

think that I'm insane, full stop." He said gently. "Not yet, maybe,

but in the future..." He held his hands up helplessly.

 

"So what? This is it then? We just end it...like this? After all this

time?"

 

"I'm sorry, Sarah." Daniel apologised.

 

"What about Stephen...the Professor?"

 

"You're all better off without me. My ideas will probably ruin your

reputation. It's better that we cut off all ties like this and just

end it now." Daniel lay back on his bed, staring up at the roof.

 

"You're just going to accept it like that then?"

 

"What else is there to do, Sarah? Nothing I say or do is going to

convince you that I'm right, and nothing you say or do is going to

convince me I'm wrong."

 

"The let's agree to disagree." Sarah suggested, tears springing to

her eyes.

 

"We can't, Sarah, don't you understand that? This is the most

important thing in my life right now, just like your career is to

you." Daniel said softly, pointing out the truth in their feelings.

 

"But..."

 

"I know." He agreed, pained because of the loss of their

relationship. "I still love you, you must know." He said gently,

getting up and walking towards her.

 

"I know. I still...I love you too." She swallowed slightly and gave a

wobbly smile. "Friends then?"

 

"Yes." He hugged her softly, savouring the feel of her hair against

his cheek. "You better go now. Stephen and the Prof. wanted to leave

soon." He let her go reluctantly.

 

"What about you?"

 

"What about me?" He sounded surprised.

 

"What are you going to do?"

 

"I don't know, I really don't know. I'll find a dig or something to

work on for a while...I don't really need civilization at the

moment." He attempted a sad smile.

 

"Call me, huh? Let me know how you're doing." Sarah stopped at the

door.

 

"I will." He promised. He waited as she opened her mouth to say

something, uncertainty flashing through her eyes for a second. "Yes?"

He waited.

 

"No...it's nothing. Just look after yourself, okay? And not too much

coffee."

 

And then she was gone.

 

                         *******************

 

Oh I could say that I'd be all you need

But that would be a crime

I know I'd only hurt you

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye.

 

                         *******************

 

Jack glanced with a dull disinterest at the paper on the desk in

front of him. Once again his thoughts slipped to Sara and Charlie?

Where were they? Sara had sold the house off and given him 1/3 of

what she'd received for it. He'd tried to give it back, but it was as

if she'd vanished from the face of the earth and taken Charlie with

her.

 

God, he missed Charlie so much.

 

Blinking, he looked back down at the mission briefing in front of him.

 

"Busy, Jack?" Kowalsky poked his head around the corner and studied

the man sitting at his desk.

 

"No." Jack said shortly, raising his empty eyes up at Kowalsky.

 

"What's up, buddy?" Kowalsky demanded, settling himself in Jack's

spare chair.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Don't give me that. You've been like this for too long now. What

happened?"

 

"She left me." He said it bluntly, not revealing any emotions.

 

Kowalsky blinked slightly and then double checked to make sure Jack

wasn't joking.

 

"She what?"

 

"She left me. Took Charlie and disappeared."

 

"And what are you doing about it?"

 

"Nothing. It's what she wanted." Jack shrugged, turning to the paper

on his desk again. Conversation finished, over and ready to be thrown

away, deleted out of his memory.

 

"What do you want?"

 

"My son." Jack admitted, forcing images of Sara away. Okay, so he

wanted Sara too...but he wasn't going to get her back...ever. He

didn't deserve her anyway.

 

"I don't understand, Jack..." Kowalsky started out.

 

"You don't need too." Jack inserted smoothly, purposefully glaring at

Kowalsky. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got this mission briefing to

finish. You should be getting ready..." Jack allowed himself a moment

of wonder as he contemplated what he and the rest of his team were

going to do.

 

Amazing. He shook his head slightly and turned back to the desk. Pity

he wasn't coming home. Not that he had anything to come home too...he

only hoped Charlie remembered how much he loved him.

 

Kowalsky stood outside the door and frowned in concern as he saw Jack

touch the photo of his ex-wife and son. "I'm sorry." He heard the

Colonel whispering softly. "I'm so sorry."

 

Jack blinked firmly and turned his attention back to the paper for

the millionth time. Finish this first...and then take care of...other

things.

 

                         *******************

 

Leaving someone when you

love someone

Is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much

As I love you

 

                         *******************

 

"No, Jonas, I told you, it's over!" Sam slammed the phone down and

leant against the wall for support. Catching sight of her face in a

mirror, she grimaced. Most of bruises were gone now, but her ribs and

the headaches that came out of nowhere still worried her.

 

Unplugging the phone, Sam threw the last of her gear into her bag and

zipped it firmly shut. She had no idea how Jonas had gotten this

number in the first place, but even if he did come round she wouldn't

be here.

 

A glimmer of excitement shot through her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she,

Captain Samantha Carter, was going to another planet. Through the

Stargate! A shiver of excitement ran up her spine. It dimmed slightly

as she realised what this mission had cost her, but now that she was

away from Jonas she began to realise that maybe, just maybe, this was

for the better. Anything was better than being hit for no reason.

 

Blinking Sam realised she was already in her car and halfway down the

block, heading in the wrong direction. Berating herself furiously for

not paying attention, she carefully turned her car around and headed

off in the right direction.

 

How stupid was that? Going the wrong direction. She'd better pay

attention, she'd never last on that team if she didn't...Shit! She

cursed silently as her attention was dragged back to the road by a

horn being blown. Narrowly missing the car she sighed in relief. What

was wrong with her? Why couldn't she pay attention?

 

She blinked again. Out of nowhere a truck appeared. She was vaguely

aware of screaming and pressing her foot down on the breaks, but the

crunch of metal meeting metal and shattering of plastic told her it

was too late.

 

                         *******************

 

Oh I don't wanna leave you

Baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye.

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel smiled to himself as he stood in front of the wormhole. A wave

of sympathy welled up inside of him as he thought about the poor

soldier who'd been in the car accident. That poor soul was supposed

to have been standing here as well, stepping through this watery wall

of water to another world. Instead they were lying in a hospital bed,

no one knowing whether they would wake up or not.

 

Still...Daniel felt a hand suddenly push him through, and he stumbled

out at the otherside, nearly throwing up at the sensation.

 

'Oh God, that was terrible!' He thought to himself. 'Sarah would have

loved it.'

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel glanced at the woman standing next to him....Sha're. She was

beautiful...not like Sarah, a different kind of beauty.

 

"You sure?" Jack O'Neill asked him. Daniel studied the man, taking in

the brown eyes that seemed to look a little more lively than when

he'd first met him.

 

"Yeah." Daniel agreed.

 

Jack sighed and surveyed the people of Abydos around him. His eyes

landed on Skaara...he reminded him of Charlie. Straightening his

shoulders, Jack smiled and clapped Daniel on the shoulder.

 

"Take care." He told him and then was swallowed up by the wormhole.

 

Daniel put his arm around the narrow waist of his 'new wife' and

turned to follow 'his' people out of the pyramid. Smiling, he kissed

Sha're's cheek gently and revelled in the knowledge that he had been

right, and here was someone. He caught sight of a star in the

distance and smiled to himself. Maybe...maybe one day he'd go to

earth again, but now home was here. On Abydos. With Sha're, Skaara

and Kasuf. His family.

 

~o0o~

 

Baby it's never gonna work out

I love you, goodbye.

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 2: At the Beginning

 

At The Beginning

Performed by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis

(Used without permission. Great song, great movie [talking about

Anastasia here])

 

 

We were strangers

starting out on a journey

Never dreaming

What we'd have to go through

 

                         *******************

 

Jack rubbed his eyes as he gazed up at the heavens. He was actually

feeling envious of that stupid archeologist/linguist who got to stay

on Abydos. If he'd stayed on Abydos then he'd have Skaara. Instead,

he'd come home to try and reason with Sarah about Charlie and only

ended up making matters worse, if that was possible.

 

"Colonel?" A voice reached him, sounding disgustingly hollow in his

mind.

 

"Retired." He shot back, not even bother to hide the irritation in

his voice.

 

"Right." A youngish looking man appeared at the top of his

ladder. "Uh...you're needed back at NORAD." The man said bluntly.

 

"Who are you?"

 

"Lieutenant Colonel Samuels." Samuels felt slightly irritated with

this harsh, battle scarred soldier's tone.

 

"You should get yourself to NASA. That's where all the action's gonna

be in a few years, up in the stars." Jack said half to himself, half

to Samuels.

 

"With all due respect, Sir, you're really needed back at the SGC."

 

"SGC?" Jack turned a surprised glance at this man. "That's shut down,

long ago."

 

"No Sir, it's not." Samuels shook his head negative. "As I've said

before, Sir, you're needed there."

 

"Okay." Jack stood up slowly, taking his time to study the heavens

again. "Just make sure they have a donut waiting for me. I'm hungry."

He explained, following Samuels down the ladder.

 

                         *******************

 

Now here we are

And I'm suddenly standing

At the beginning with you

 

                         *******************

 

Sam glanced in the mirror, checking her appearance for the last time.

Ruffling her short hair, she grimaced. Two years and her hair was

only a few centimetres long. Sighing, she narrowed her eyes. It

didn't look that bad, actually, it was just that she was *used* to it

being long.

 

Just like she had been used to Jonas beating her, used to always

giving in to her dad, used to letting people order her around without

grounds. No more. New hair style, new Samantha Carter. Maybe that car-

crash had been a godsend after all, who knows?

 

"Captain Carter." The airman at the entrance checked her pass and

then saluted her.

 

"At ease, Airman." She smiled at him, joy bubbling up and escaping

through her bright blue eyes. Finally, she was going to go through

the Stargate! The airman smiled back at her, understanding her joy as

she disappeared down the hallway.

 

Finding her way through the maze of passages and corridors was a

little tricky, but she found the infirmary pretty quickly anyway.

 

"Excuse me," She tapped a nurse on the shoulder. "I'm looking for a

Dr. Janet Fraiser." She read the name off her slip of paper.

 

"Over there." The nurse pointed her in the direction of a petite

brunette hastily setting up a cupboard of supplies.

 

"Uh...hi." Sam stepped forward, earning a welcoming smile from the

doctor.

 

"Won't be a minute. You're Captain Carter, I take it?" Dr. Fraiser

waved a hand in greeting before turning to properly face the tall

blond woman.

 

"The one and only." Sam nodded her head, already warming to this

woman and her slightly brusque manner.

 

"Great. Well, General Hammond said to make this quick, you're due for

a debriefing in half an hour." Dr. Fraiser led the way over to a

small room that had been set up for physical examinations. "So, how

are you feeling?"

 

"Great." Sam said honestly.

 

"That's good." Fraiser flashed a torch into Sam's eyes. "I read about

your accident...nasty." She commented, studying the Captain's

reaction.

 

"Yeah, it was." Sam agreed, not really remembering details. The last

thing she remembered was hanging up on Jonas.

 

"You're pretty lucky, you do realise." Fraiser continued, aimlessly

chattering as she examined Sam.

 

"I know." Sam nodded her head. "It's strange, thinking that two weeks

passed without me even knowing about it." She admitted.

 

"Well, it's surprising how quickly you've recovered, considering how

long you were in that coma for."

 

"That's what I've been told." Sam grinned at her. "But I missed out

on this opportunity once before, this time I'm definately going."

 

"Well, unless something drastic happens in the next twelve hours,

you're all clear." Fraiser stood back and allowed Sam to get dressed

again. "I must say, you look different than your photo..." She added,

grinning impishly.

 

"One crack about the hair and..." Sam smiled in return, remembering

the photo of her with her long hair that had been on all her

documents. "No, I've decided that I'm keeping it short." She added

running her hand through it absently.

 

"Smart." Fraiser smiled.

 

"Well, thanks Dr..."

 

"Call me Janet." Janet offered.

 

"Sam." Sam returned the favour.

 

"Hopefully when I see you again it will only to be give you the all

clear, and not treating some hideous injury of some descript." Janet

walked her to the door.

 

"I certainly hope so." Sam sobered as she remembered the pictures of

the soldiers who'd been killed. They hadn't been pretty, to say the

least.

 

"Find her, okay? And bring her back safely." Janet ordered, her eyes

misting as she thought about her missing friend.

 

"I'll do that." Sam nodded her head firmly and marched off in the

direction that she assumed the briefing room would be in.

 

                         *******************

 

"Where will he be transferring from?" Sam heard a voice question the

statement.

 

"She's transferring from the Pentagon." She said bluntly, marching

pointedly into the room. There was a silence as a room full of males

all turned and gawked at her, surprised by the fact that she was a

woman, and a strikingly attractive one at that.

 

"Captain Carter has been working at the Pentagon for nearly the last

two years now, as well as before that. It's thanks to her that this

program is a reality. She's going to be accompanying you as your

Stargate Expert. She has a PhD."

 

"General, with all due respect, Sir, I'd like to pick my own team."

 

"I assure you gentleman, I won't be playing with my dolls, not on

this mission." Sam shot at them, challenging them.

 

"Let me guess, G.I.Joe?" A man asked her, obviously taking his CO's

attitude towards her.

 

"No. Major Matt Mason actually." She shot right back.

 

"You mean that little astronaught one? The one with the really cool

little back pack and rocket packs?" Another man asked her, acceptance

showing on his face as he joked with her.

 

"That's the one."

 

"Children, if we've quite finished..."

 

Sam narrowed her eyes. Colonel O'Neill. So this was the famous man

who did as he pleased without too much trouble? "Colonel, with all

due respect Sir, I was supposed to go on that first mission. I'm not

missing out on this one." She inserted, determined not to be cheated

again.

 

An uneasy silence filled the room. "General..." O'Neill started out,

complaining.

 

"Colonel, just because I don't carry my reproductive organs on the

outside and let testosterone control the way I think, doesn't mean I

can't hold my own. I clocked over 200 hours in enemy airspace during

the gulf..." Sam nearly blushed at her comments. How on earth had she

just said that? She was sure a courtmarshall was coming up. "That

tough enough for you, or are we going to have to arm wrestle?"

 

"It's not women that I have a problem with," O'Neill stated

truthfully. "I *like* women, a lot. It's scientists I have a little

problem with." He said bluntly.

 

"Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter *will* be accompanying you and your

team through the Stargate to Abydos within the hour." General Hammond

stepped in, glaring at his 2IC. Jack sighed and sat back in his

chair, glaring at the blond woman opposite him. She returned his

glares with her own, those blue eyes, that had been surprisingly

intelligent and guarded for a blond, frying him on the spot. Oh, this

was not good.

 

                         *******************

 

No one told me

I was going to find you

Unexpected

What you did to my heart

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel gently stood up and disengaged Sha're's arms from his neck.

 

"I'll be back soon, I promise." He told her softly, kissing her cheek.

 

"Dan-yel?" She blinked, confused again.

 

"I've got to wait for my friends. For Jack." Daniel explained gently,

tucking a dark strand of hair behind her ear. He studied her face

carefully. The love he felt for her threatening to drown him again.

 

She smiled her understanding and consent at him, and then stood up as

well to start preparations for the feast they both knew would follow

the arrival of Jack and his team.

 

Skaara greeted Daniel with a slap on the back as he caught sight of

the 'stranger' amongst them entering the room.

 

"Dan-yel..." He started talking, but was cut off by the sudden sound

of the Stargate activating. Hurriedly all the Abydonians hid behind

the pillars and watched as the wormhole locked into place. About five

figures stepped through, one after the other. Instantly the

Abydonians had them covered, pointing their weapons threateningly at

the unprepared team.

 

"Whoa!" Jack held his hands up, cursing himself for being so stupid.

Carter, meanwhile, was nearly being sick behind him. He stifled a

grin. About time the good Captain was shown up.

 

"Jack!" Daniel's voice assailed his ears. He turned and caught sight

of a slightly different Daniel Jackson approaching him hurriedly. The

blue eyes were still just as alert as ever, but they were happy now,

at peace with himself.

 

"Daniel. Good to see you!" Jack realised, with a start, that it was

true. He'd only really known Jackson for that one mission, and hadn't

even gotten on with him, but the courage the young argeologist had

displayed had earned him a grudging respect and friendship in Jack's

heart.

 

Daniel looked in surprise as Jack approached him with open arms, a

huge grin on his face. Jack then veered to the left and immediately

engulfed Skaara with a huge bear hug, the grin never leaving his

face. Skaara looked just as happy as Jack.

 

Daniel took the opportunity to study the other members of the team

that had accompanied Jack. He recognised Kowalsky's crooked grin and

Ferretti's cheeky smile. A few others also looked familiar...and

there was a woman!

 

He hadn't realised she was a woman, until she'd taken her hat off and

revealed an incredible mop of touseled blond hair accompanied by

large blue eyes that were just sparkling with curiousity and awe.

 

"Uh...hi." Daniel nodded at her.

 

"Dr. Jackson, I presume?" She asked him, her eyes laughing silently

as he glanced down at himself.

 

"But of course." He responded in kind, giving her a wide grin.

 

"Jackson, this is Captain Carter." Jack jerked his head back at the

female. "She's a scientist, just like you. I'm sure you will have

lots to talk about!" For some reason, Jack found himself anxious that

the two of them got along. Why, he didn't know, it just seemed

important to him.

 

"Nice to meet you." Daniel nodded politely.

 

"Call me Sam." The woman instructed, shaking his hand firmly.

 

"Daniel." He told her just as calmly.

 

"So, Daniel, where's your lovely wife?" Jack looked around, not

seeing Sha're.

 

"She's busy cooking..." Daniel blushed slightly.

 

"What? No kiddies yet?" Kowalsky joked, causing Daniel to turn even

redder.

 

"You're married?" Sam was startled, studying the man who she judged

to be a bit younger than herself.

 

"Yeah." Daniel smiled, thinking about Sha're.

 

"Ah...here she is!" Jack smiled at Sha're who silently smiled back

and came and stood next to Daniel. Everyone noticed as his arm

dropped around her waist in a very relaxed, comfortable manner. Jack

felt a pang shoot through him. Jackson was happy here, but now Jack

was going to ruin it for him.

 

"So Jack, what brings you here after all this time?" Daniel asked as

they made their way to the feasting room.

 

"Well, a few days ago, we had some visitors." Jack started off,

slipping into his role as narrator with ease. "They were very

familiar, if you know what I mean. Eyes glowed, had staff

weapons...that sort of thing."

 

"So?"

 

"So? Where did they come from?" Jack waited for an answer.

 

"I don't know." Daniel looked surprised.

 

"Here..." Skaara interupted suddenly, presenting Jack with a bowl of

some discript. Jack sniffed it curiously and then glanced

suspiciously at Daniel.

 

"Moonshine? You've been teaching them how to make moonshine?" He

asked incredulously. "Daniel, what have you done to my kids?" He

demanded.

 

"They're all grown up now, Colonel!" Kowalsky smile fondly at a

boy. "Go on, try it!" He goaded his CO.

 

Glaring at Kowalsky, Jack sniffed the liquid again. Smiling warily at

Skaara he took a gulp and nearly spat it all out again, choking in

the process.

 

"Oh...wow!" He blinked, forcing the tears away and wishing his voice

didn't sound so croaky. Carter, sitting next to him, was highly

amused by the whole thing and that annoying, very appealing smile was

going at full voltage. "Smooth. Very smooth."

 

"Anyway, Jack, you were saying that some aliens came to earth?"

Daniel prodded, realising that this was important.

 

"Yeah...they kidnapped a female officer, shot the place up and then

left."

 

"Well, it wasn't Ra." Daniel pointed out. "He's in a million little

pieces right now..."

 

"Then who was it and where did they come from?" Ferretti interjected.

 

"Come on, I've got to show you something!" Daniel jumped up suddenly,

excitement on his face. Sam started in surprise at the man's sudden,

erratic movements, but everyone else took it calmly, used to his

sudden bursts of excitement.

 

Sha're stood up along with everyone else, and then purposefully

kissed Daniel long and hard in front of everyone else. "Bye." She

whispered, kissing his cheek softly.

 

"Bye." Daniel gulped, grinning widely as he led the way to his find.

 

"They do that everytime?" Jack asked Skaara as he left, a look of

disbelief on his face.

 

"Everytime." Skaara agreed, a look of disgust on his handsome young

face. Sam fought hard to keep her own laughter hidden.

 

                         *******************

 

"This is incredible!" Sam breathed, gazing around the room with large

eyes. She would never, ever have imagined this as a possibility.

 

"So what exactly have we decided then?" O'Neill interupted, sending

her a glance that said, 'english, please'.

 

"Those aliens could have come from anywhere, Sir." Carter responded

instantly. "All of these are destinations, and I can work out a

program to account for the planetary shift which means that the

Stargates not only link between two planets, they link us to millions

of planets!" Her eyes glowed a luminious colour with excitement,

O'Neill realised, slightly disconcerted that he noticed this.

 

"Let's get back to the SGC and tell Hammond about our findings."

O'Neill ordered, dragging the two scientists and the other people out

of the room.

 

"Oh God!" Sam's mouth dropped open in horror as she surveyed the

scene in front of her.

 

"Captain?" O'Neill barked, questioning her for her opinion.

 

"The aliens." She said simply, turning and catching sight of Ferretti

lying on the ground. "Hold on." She told him as his eyes slipped

closed in unconsciousness.

 

"They've got Skaara and Sha're." Daniel appeared from behind her,

worry on his face and fear in his eyes.

 

"Let's get back to the SGC. Ferretti might have seen the co-

ordinates." Sam suggested.

 

"I'm not leaving!" Daniel declared stubbornly.

 

"You have to, Daniel. We'll go to earth and see if we can find them.

We'll look for them, I promise you!" Jack said firmly.

 

Daniel studied Jack and saw the grief and concern for Skaara present

there. He felt a surge of hope in him. If anyone could bring Sha're

and Skaara back, it was Jack O'Neill.

 

No one said anything as Daniel started talking in the Egyptian

language he'd learnt during his stay. They watched silently as the

people all came up to him, touching his skin and ruffling his hair,

showing that they still loved him. Sam forced herself not to cry as

she heard Daniel's voice crack and he switched to english.

 

"One year. I'll come back in one year, and then you unbury the gate

and I'll come and see you. I'll bring them back, I promise. One

year!" He told them, wiping his eyes.

 

"Dial us home, Captain." O'Neill said softly, watching as Sam slowly

made her way over to the DHD and dialed earth.

 

                         *******************

 

When I lost hope

You were there to remind me

This is the start

 

                         *******************

 

"Come on." Jack nodded his head, indicating for Jackson to follow him

down the corridors. There was silence as they got into Jack's car and

he started the drive home.

 

"So this is your house." Daniel glanced around, slightly surprised.

It was a very comfortable, tidy house. Not the kind of house he

pictured Jack O'Neill having.

 

"So it is." Jack agreed, heading over to the small fridge he kept

stocked with beer for just this purpose. "How you doing?" He asked

softly, knowing and able to comprehend the pain Daniel was going

through.

 

"Fine." Daniel lied, staring down at his beer. "You know, I love

her." He said softly.

 

"I know. It's kind of obvious." Jack smiled slightly, studying his

own beer.

 

"I was shocked as hell when I realised Kasuf had given her to

me....but now I can't believe I managed to live without her for so

long." Daniel sighed, closing his eyes.

 

"We'll find her, Daniel. Both of them. We'll bring them home." Jack

said firmly.

 

"I know, but I miss her. I worry, Jack." Daniel opened his eyes and

took a swig of the bitter liquid. "I never thought I'd hear myself

saying I missed beer." He grinning ruefully.

 

"I can't believe you taught those kids how to make moonshine!" Jack

snorted, taking a long drink.

 

"Homesickness, I guess." Daniel sighed again, his thoughts

elsewhere. "So how about you?" He asked curiously.

 

"Pardon?" Jack was startled.

 

"How are you? Last time I saw you, you were feeling pretty suicidal."

Daniel said bluntly. Jack gaped at the man. No one was allowed to

talk to him that way, and here was this scrawny excuse for

an 'archeologist' mouthing him!

 

"And don't try and deny it either." Daniel said firmly.

 

Jack closed his mouth and took another swig.

 

"So?" Daniel pushed.

 

"I should have stayed on Abydos too." Jack said eventually.

 

"You wouldn't have coped. No beer." Daniel pointed.

 

"Skaara was there though."

 

"You really care about him, don't you?" Daniel pursed his lips,

forcing himself not to think about Sha're.

 

"Yes, I do." Jack agreed, debating whether or not to tell

Daniel. "Reminds me of my own kid."

 

"You have a kid?" Daniel looked mildly surprised.

 

"Yeah." Jack smiled bitterly, glancing involuntarily at the picture

of Sara and Charlie still gracing his mantel.

 

"Where is he?" Daniel asked.

 

"With Sara." Jack was growing tired of this conversation. "She left

me, won't let me see him."

 

"Why?"

 

"Damnit Jackson, I'm not good enough for them. Sara is right, Charlie

deserves better than a part time father." He stood up, angrily

casting his empty bottle at the rubbish bin. "The guest room is up

the hall. There's a new toothbrush in the right hand drawer as well

as some spare P.J.'s in the cupboard." Jack tossed over his shoulder

before stalking off angrily and slamming his door behind him.

 

Daniel stood up slowly and examined the picture. He purposefully

picked up Jack's empty bottle and placed it in the bin along with

his, before searching out the spareroom.

 

Jack glared up at the ceiling, mad as hell with Jackson. He had no

right to come in here asking personal question like that. And why the

hell had he answered them? Fuming, Jack turned onto his side and

thought about Sara. He missed her, he realised, a lot. She'd always

been there for him, and now they were both gone. Her and Charlie.

 

He managed to screw a lot of peoples lives up.

 

                         *******************

 

And life is a road and I want to keep going

Love is a river I want to keep flowing

Life is a road

Now and forever

Wonderful journey

 

I'll be there when the world stops turning

I'll be there when the storm is through

In the end I want to be standing

At the beginning with you.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam glanced around the room somewhat bleary eyed. Daniel and the

Colonel had shown up ten minutes ago, both silent and not even

acknowledging the other. She hoped no one would notice her own

inattentiveness. Pulling an all-nighter like that to work out a

program...it wasn't reccomended.

 

Everyone stood up when the General entered, and then sat down when he

nodded.

 

"Captain Carter?" He glanced at her, waiting for her report.

 

"Ah..yes Sir." Sam cleared her throat. "I managed to work out the

program that should calculate and compromise for planetary shift."

She started off, glancing around the room quickly. "The computer

should spit out about one or two new destinations each month." She

started off.

 

"General." Janet Fraiser suddenly appeared. "Ferretti is awake, Sir,

he's pointed out the co-ordinates for the planet the Jaffa escaped

too." She started out.

 

"Thank you Dr." Janet left the room just as quietly as she'd entered

it.

 

"Well, based on what you've just told us Captain, the President's

plan is a go." He said, looking around.

 

"What plan?" Jack spoke up, confused.

 

"As off today, the SGC is going to be operating as a military

operation. There will be a set of teams formed, each one going on

missions to other planets for exploration and reconnaisance." Hammond

started out. "Colonel, you get the Alpha team, SG-1. Accompanying you

will be Captain Carter and..."

 

"Me, Sir." Daniel interjected, adding the Sir somewhat bewilderdly.

 

"I beg your pardon?" General Hammond started out.

 

"I'd like to be on SG-1, General. No, I have to be on SG-1." Daniel

said stubbornly, and Jack nearly grinned. Daniel was probably the

most stubborn person he knew, if somewhat flaky.

 

"I'm sorry son, but you're too valuable a member with too much

knowledge to put you in the front lines..."

 

"General, Sir, I don't think you understand. I'm going to find my

wife, and Jack's going to help me." Daniel glared at the General.

 

"Dr. Jackson..."

 

"With all due respect, Sir, I'd like Daniel on my team." Jack spoke

up.

 

"You would?"

 

"Yes." Jack nodded.

 

"Okay." General Hammond gave in gracefully, causing Jack to narrow

his eyes. Had that been the plan all along? To have Daniel on SG-1?

 

"What about the rest of my team?"

 

"For now it will just be yourself, Captain Carter and Dr. Jackson.

When we get more recruits in we'll add a fourth member. Major

Kowalsky, SG-2 will be yours. Our Colonel here has been chewing my

ear for long enough now, saying you need a command of your own."

Hammond smiled at the joyous look lighting up Kowalsky's face and the

grin that crossed between him and O'Neill.

 

"So, what's our first mission?" Jack asked, getting to the point.

 

"The planet that Ferretti has the co-ordinates for." Hammond said

seriously.

 

                         *******************

 

We were strangers

On a crazy adventure

Never dreaming

How our dreams would come true

 

                         *******************

 

Teal'C glanced disdainfully around the room, closing off the cries

his conscience was sending him. Laying eyes on the dark haired woman

from Abydos, he immediately knew that this would be the one Amounet

would choose. Why get more people killed just to prolong the

infesting of one single person?

 

He purposefully walked in front of her so he wouldn't see her

struggles or look at the fear in his eyes. Her fire and spirit

reminded him of Dray'C, and he was relieved that Jaffa could not

become hosts.

 

                         *******************

 

"Kill the rest." Apophis ordered his first prime, the yellow eyes

glowing before he theatrically spun around and made his departure,

followed by his new queen.

 

Teal'C glanced around at his fellow Jaffa. They were all steadily

approaching the prisoners, waiting for his word. His eyes then landed

on the strange people with the odd technologies. The tall man, the

leader, he was yelling something.

 

"I can save these people! Help me!" He begged, his eyes hopeful.

Teal'C looked around again, seeing the determined expressions on the

faces of the man's companions.

 

"Many have said that." He started out, charging his staff

weapon. "But you are the first I have believed." He spun around,

taking out Yashk'l on his right. He felt the guilt when he realised

that Yashk'l's wife would now be husbandless, but fought on anyway.

Two more of his fellow Jaffa fell after he threw his weapon to the

man he was helping.

 

In no time at all the Jaffa were all dead or dying, their threat

extinguished.

 

"Stand back!" The man ordered, and the people parted. Firing once at

the walls, he created a hole. The blond woman was the first out, and

soon all the prisoners were being encouraged to escape. Teal'C

watched them all leave, hundreds of emotions running through him.

 

He had just thrown away his family, for these people. Dray'C, Ry'C,

their lives were in danger now because of his rebellion.

 

"Well, come on then." The man was waiting for him.

 

"I have no where to go." Teal'C realised, shocked and shamed to

realised he was on the verge of tears.

 

"Come on, you can come and crash at my place." The man offered.

Teal'C struggled to understand the strange speech and meaning, but

realised this man was offering his help and friendship.

 

"I am Teal'C." He said, stepping into the sunlight.

 

"Well, Teal'C, nice to meet you. I'm Jack O'Neill." The man stated.

 

Teal'C dipped his head in the customary greeting, before taking off

after Jack as the became aware of the danger they were in.

 

                         *******************

 

And life is a road and I want to keep going

Love is a river I wanna keep flowing

Life is a road

Now and forever

Wonderful journey

 

I'll be there when the world stops turning

I'll be there when the storm is through

In the end I wanna keep standing

At the beginning

With you.

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel stood, stunned in the gateroom.

 

"Daniel?" Sam's gentle voice broke through his thoughts. "We'll find

her Daniel, we'll get her back for you." She said softly, giving him

a quick hug.

 

He managed a small smile and turned to look at the large ring of

stone.

 

"Funny how this thing gave me the best time of my life, and then also

took it away." He whispered.

 

"It's not gone, Daniel, just missing for a while." Sam put and arm

around his shoulders and gently guided him out of the gate. "Let's go

get cleaned up and debrief, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

                         *******************

 

"I'm telling you General, He saved our backsides on that planet. If

he hadn't helped us we wouldn't be here having this conversation. The

only conversations we would be having right now is with either God or

the other guy." Jack yelled.

 

"Jack, as much as I believe you, there's nothing I can do."

 

"General, I want him on SG-1. He's a good man." Jack insisted.

 

"How can you be sure?"

 

"How can you be sure I'm a good man?" Jack counter-acted. "I'm not."

He added as an after thought, realising he'd just effectively put

both feet literally and completely into the hole he'd dug for himself.

 

"Colonel...this isn't a decision that can be made lightly." Hammond

said eventually.

 

"I know that, Sir." Jack nodded his head.

 

"I'll think about it." Hammond stood up.

 

                         *******************

 

Jack glared irritably at the message light beeping on his answering

machine.

 

"Make yourselves at home...won't be long." He yelled to his team. SG-

1. He liked the sound of that.

 

"What is this, Daniel Jackson?" He heard Teal'C asking and hid a

smile.

 

"It's a television, Teal'C." Daniel started explaining as Jack

chuckled.

 

"Oh! Wait! I love this show!" He heard Carter insert suddenly as he

pushed the button.

 

"Colonel O'Neill, this is Senior Sergeant Mills from the Colorado

Police Department. We would appreciate it very much if you got in

contact with us ASAP." The message ended abruptly. Curious, Jack

picked up the phone and dialed the Police Station.

 

"Yeah, this is Jack O'Neill. I had a message from a Senior Sergeant

Mills to ring him back ASAP....yes...thanks." He waited.

 

"Who is it?" Daniel appeared around the corner.

 

"No idea." Jack said, somewhat truthfully, turning around when he

realised the archeologist wasn't getting the hint that he wanted to

be left alone. Sighing he waited for the man to talk to him.

 

"Colonel O'Neill?" The man sounded slightly hesitant. Instantly Jack

was alert.

 

"Uh, yeah?" He snapped sarcastically.

 

"I don't know if you're aware...but two days ago there was a shoot

out at the school..."

 

"Charlie!" Jack hissed into the phone.

 

"No...Charlie's okay, Colonel. He's scared a little bit confused, but

he's okay. Unfortuneately your wife..."

 

"Ex." Jack inserted automatically.

 

"Sorry, your ex-wife wasn't so lucky. She was...uh...shot during the

incident and died instantly...."

 

Daniel watched in amazement as Jack's already pale face suddenly

drained of colour.

 

"She's gone?" He whispered brokenly.

 

"I'm sorry Colonel."

 

"Where's Charlie?"

 

"He's at the local on fifth..."

 

"I'll be there." Jack hung up and turned around, his face deathly

white.

 

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked him gently.

 

"Sara is...was...I've got to get Charlie." Jack stuttered, his lips

going numb for some absurd reason.

 

"Colonel...." Carter's voice startled him. For just a minute he could

image her features a little older and more homely, her hair a little

more on the brown side...and then he'd have Sara in front of him.

 

"What's wrong with Sara, Jack?"

 

"She uh...she was shot." He looked bewildered, Sam realised.

Completely and utterly confused. "She didn't make it." He added as an

after thought. "I've got to go pick Charlie up."

 

"Charlie?" Sam questioned. Who was Sara? And who was Charlie?

 

"My son." O'Neill said the words strangely.

 

"You're in no condition to drive, Colonel." Sam said firmly. "Daniel,

you take Teal'C back to base seeing as you're staying there anyway.

I'll take the Colonel and we'll pick up Charlie." She organised.

 

"No." Jack said suddenly.

 

"Why not?" Sam demanded, annoyed with his tone.

 

"Because what would he think if he saw me with another woman right

after his mother died?" Jack nearly laughed bitterly.

 

"I'll put on some fatigues." Sam shrugged. "You're not driving

yourself, Colonel."

 

"Is that an order, *Captain*?" Jack demanded tiredly.

 

"Yes Sir." She stared him down, completely unfazed.

 

"Okay." He relented, his head pounding with sudden fear.

 

                         *******************

 

I knew there was somebody somewhere

Like me alone in the dark

Now I know my dream will live on

I've been waiting so long

Nothing's gonna tear us apart

 

                         *******************

 

The fatigues that O'Neill had thrown somewhat hurriedly at Sam were

much to big for her, so she just slipped them on over the top of her

civvies. Daniel and Teal'C followed them to the door. Silently the

four people split up, Daniel and Teal'C in one car and Sam and Jack

in the other.

 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Sam asked softly as she turned the

car off, turning sympathetic blue eyes towards her CO of three months.

 

"Why?" Jack asked her dully, anger shooting in his eyes. It wasn't

fair that his Sara had died and this blond smart-ass was trying to

comfort him.

 

"I just thought that maybe you needed..." Sam said softly, hurt when

she realised what he was thinking. He hated her, she realised.

 

"I don't need anything from *you*." He said harshly, flinging the

door open and storming into the building.

 

"Colonel O'Neill?" The man at the desk looked up at him, his eyes

sympathetic.

 

"Yeah. Where's Charlie?" Jack demanded.

 

"He's in the back. One of the officers looked after him last night

because we couldn't get a hold of anyone else..." The man trailed

off, leading the way through the department.

 

"Daddy!" Charlie jumped up and ran to Jack, wrapping his strong

little arms tightly around Jack's neck, his hot tears running down

both of their cheeks.

 

"Where's Mommy?" Charlie sniffed, shaking.

 

"She's...she's in heaven, Charlie." Jack whispered, kissing his

forhead gently.

 

"Why don't I see you anymore?" Charlie sobbed, refusing to let go of

Jack.

 

"You will now Charlie, you will. You're coming to live with me now."

He picked Charlie up, holding him close.

 

"And Mommy?"

 

"No Charlie...she's living with the angels now." Jack glared at the

officer holding up paperwork. Seeming to understand, the man smiled

slightly and put the sheets of paper down, letting Jack walk out into

the cold night air, carrying his son.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam watched as Jack approached, carrying a small body that must be

his son. Quickly she hopped out of the car and opened the back door

for him before he had to do it himself. Silently O'Neill nodded his

head and gently placed his exhausted son on the backseat, already

sleeping.

 

"I'll get you guys home." Sam said softly, her heart going to out to

the poor young boy on the backseat.

 

"Thanks." Jack said gruffly. He watched as she efficiently got back

into her seat and started the car, her hair glinting in the

streetlight. He'd been to quick to judge her, too harsh on her

because she reminded him so much of Sara.

 

Sara.

 

God, I'm sorry Sara.

 

                         *******************

 

"Daddy?" Sam paused as she heard the little boy's sleepy voice.

 

"I'm here, Charlie." O'Neill dropped a gentle kiss on the small boy's

head. She was surprised at how gentle he was with his son, how quick

and practiced he was at taking care of him.

 

"I'm thirsty." Charlie said.

 

"I'll go make him a drink. Want a hot chocolate?" Sam asked him,

earning his attention for the first time.

 

"Yeah." Charlie nodded, his eyes tearing up as he glanced from his

Dad to Sam. "Are you Daddy's girlfriend?"

 

"No." Sam smiled slightly, amused. "I work with your Daddy. I'm Sam."

She said, drawing attention to 'her' fatigues.

 

"Oh." Charlie looked a little happier.

 

"I'll go make you that hot chocolate. Colonel, you do have hot

chocolate, right?"

 

"Yeah. In the cupboard next to the sink. All my munchies are there."

Jack told her, not sparing her a glance as he dug around in the

cupboard, searching for some spare blankets.

 

Sam made the drinks, two of them, and then gingerly carried them back

up to the room where she knew Charlie was going to be sleeping.

 

"Hey Charlie, where's the Colonel?" She looked around the empty room

after catching sight of Charlie lying in the bed, a small, miserable

little bundle.

 

"He had to go bathroom." Charlie murmered, sniffing again. Glancing

around helplessly, Sam decided that she couldn't just leave the poor

kid lying there alone.

 

"How you doing?" She asked, approaching and placing the mugs of

chocolate on the bedside table and helping him to sit up.

 

"Okay." Charlie accepted the mug she gave him and took a long sip.

 

"Is it good?" She smiled at him hopefully.

 

"Yeah...like my Mom's..." He started sniffing again, the mug wobbling

precariously.

 

Sam gently took it from him and enveloped him in a warm hug, holding

his shuddering body close to hers.

 

"It's okay...it'll be okay." She soothed him, stroking his hair as he

cried against her shoulder, feeling his pain as if it was her own.

 

Jack appeared around the corner just in time to see her hugging his

son. An unfair burst of anger rose up in him. Why was this woman

here, holding his son and comforting him? It should be his mother. It

should be Sara.

 

"She's gone, Sam." Charlie hiccuped against her, his little arms

holding her tightly.

 

Jack clenched his fists, unable to make his presence known so that he

could comfort his son because the pain was still too knew and too raw

for himself to deal with.

 

"Just one part of her's gone Charlie." Sam said softly, holding him

tightly. "But she's not all gone. She's still there, watching you and

wishing you weren't hurting so much."

 

"How do you know?" Charlie sniffled, sounding slightly hopeful.

 

Sam hesitated, and even from this distance and the dimness of the

light, Jack could see the pain etched deeply on her features as she

fought for control.

 

"I was about your age when my Mom died." Sam admitted, closing her

eyes. "There was a car - accident, and she was hurt really badly. She

bumped her head too hard and just didn't wake up." Sam felt angry

that after all this time, thinking about it still brought tears to

her eyes and she felt them trickling down her cheeks.

 

"The doctors said my mommy didn't even feel it." Charlie whispered.

 

"That's good then, she wasn't hurting." Sam told him.

 

"I saw her...him shoot...there was blood." Charlie admitted as if it

was a crime, scared to death of saying it out loud.

 

"Oh, sweety." Sam kissed his forhead gently, holding him while he

cried again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She hugged him tightly.

 

"Sam?" Charlie's voice was muffled against her shirt. "Where's my

Daddy?"

 

"I'm here, Charlie." Jack stepped into the room, blinking his own

tears away, gazing with slight admiration at this woman who'd managed

to get his son to open up in such a short amount of time.

 

"I'm scared, Daddy." Charlie cried, grabbing hold of Jack's arm with

one hand but still holding firmly onto Sam. "What if those bad men

come and shoot you or Sam?" Charlie cried, "I don't want them too!"

 

"They won't Charlie, they won't. I promise." Jack rubbed his son's

back, gazing helplessly at Sam. "Come on, sport, you can sleep with

me tonight, huh?" He waited.

 

"And Sam?"

 

"Charlie...I don't think Sam wants to...she's got her own home and..."

 

"Please?" Charlie begged, "I don't want them to shoot her."

 

"They won't." Jack sighed, hugging Charlie close.

 

"Sam? Don't go!" Charlie panicked as she stood up.

 

"Carter...as much as this pains me..." Jack said softly, his

embarrassment showing.. "Would you stay the night?"

 

"Okay." Sam agreed softly, unable to just leave the poor child in

this state.

 

"Thanks." Jack stood up, holding Charlie in his arms.

 

"Where's Sam?" Charlie panicked.

 

"Don't you think it will be too squashy for all of us on the bed..?"

Jack asked.

 

"No." Charlie looked around, his eyes fastening on Sam.

 

"Do you mind?" Jack turned to look at Sam, defeated.

 

Sam allowed herself a small, mental smile as she saw how that kid had

Jack wrapped around his little finger. "No." She shrugged.

 

"Come on then." Jack sighed, leading the way to his room.

 

Sam glanced around nervously, suddenly panicky about this. What if

they got the wrong idea? What was she going to sleep in?

 

"Here." Jack threw her a large hockey jumper and his night

gown. "It's all I've got. Sorry." He smiled slightly.

 

"No problem." She lied, taking the jumper and looking around.

 

"The bathroom's just through there. You can go get changed, I'll stay

with Charlie." He offered. "Toothbrush in the bottom drawer...I

always keep spares." He added somewhat absently, turning his

attention back to Charlie.

 

"Thanks." Sam disappeared into the room.

 

She emerged a few minutes later, the hockey jumper nearly reaching

her knees and not even bothering with the night gown. O'Neill glanced

at her once before turning his attention back to Charlie.

 

He pretended not to noticed as she crawled into the bed next to

Charlie, convinced that he was just being stupid. She reminded him

too much of Sara...way too much. But this was Sam Carter...Captain

Sam Carter, his 2IC and one difficult woman.

 

Funny that, he pursed his lips as he entered his bathroom silently,

he was the only person that seemed to find her annoying and too self

confident for her own good. Eveyone else loved her, including Jackson

and Teal'C, not to mention Hammond. There was just something about

her that managed to get his hackles up the wrong way.

 

His breath caught in his throat when he re-entered the bedroom.

Charlie was lying in Sam's arms, sleeping. Her eyes were closed in

slumber as well. Sara. She looked so much like Sara. But she was so

different to Sara. Forcing the pain away from him, he crawled as

gingerly as he could into the bed, determined not to wake them up.

Carefully he positioned himself next to Charlie, loathing the fact

that he couldn't hold his son now because his 2IC was. Closing his

eyes he turned the light off and let the darkness swallow them up.

 

                         *******************

 

And life is a road and I want to keep going

Love is a river I wanna keep flowing

Life is a road

Now and forever

Wonderful journey

 

I'll be there when the world stops turning

I'll be there when the storm is through

In the end I wanna keep standing

At the beginning

With you.

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 3: I Will Come To You

 

 

I Will Come To You

Hanson

(Used without permission. Sorry to say, I don't really like Hanson as

such, but the words appealed in this case. Let me just reaffirm

that...I am *not* a teeny bopper.)

 

 

When you have no light to guide you

No one to walk beside you

I will come to you

oh, come to you

 

When the night is dark and stormy

You won't have to reach out for me

I will come to you

oh, come to you

 

                         *******************

 

"Hey, Jack, nice to see you." Daniel's voice assaulted Jack's senses.

 

"Oh yeah, good to see you too, buddy." Jack retorted grimly, glancing

around as he appeared in the gateroom. "So, what did I miss?" He

demanded impatiently, eager to get home.

 

"Uh...nothing much really." Daniel studied him. "You okay?"

 

"Other than looking like I'm hundred, I'm absolutely fine!" Jack

snapped, irritated that he still felt old.

 

"Like I said before, Sir, you should be yourself in about a week."

Carter's annoyingly bright smile for some reason irritated him more

than ever. Could it be because her eyes had been mocking him the

entire time, sending him that 'serves you right' look the whole

mission. It's not like he asked for Kynthia to do what she did...he

was drugged!

 

Jack merely grunted in her direction and stumbled down the ramp,

shaking off Daniel's helping hand. He may be old, but he wasn't done

in yet! "What about Charlie?"

 

"Well...he's a little worried about you..." Carter said slowly, "But

I told him you'd be back soon." She added.

 

"Where's he staying?"

 

"At your house, where else?" She sounded slightly surprised.

 

"With who?"

 

"Well, the first week we got the baby-sitter to stay with him - don't

worry about the cost, General Hammond's taken care of it. Something

about compensation, I believe he said." Sam smiled at him, and he

didn't object for once as her hand rested on his arm while she guided

him to the infirmary. "Then Janet and I took turns staying with him

once we found the cure...you should be able to see him probably

tomorrow or the day after, judging by your recovery rate." She

chattered happily.

 

"Where's he now?" Jack demanded, missing his son incredibly.

 

"School. I'm picking him up this afternoon and staying with him till

you get back, seeing as we're all on downtime." Sam explained as they

entered the infirmary.

 

"Thanks." Jack grudged a smile and hobbled over to the bed without

being ordered to by Janet. Sam smiled a tight smile before bounding

out of the room, anger etched deeply on her features.

 

"I don't get you, Colonel." Janet said disapprovingly as he glanced

at her.

 

"What's there to get?" He quipped, earning a glare from the petite

doctor.

 

"Have you realised that you are the only person who doesn't like Sam?"

 

"So?" He waited, his eyes wide.

 

"Why don't you like her?"

 

"I don't know. There's just something..." He shrugged, not enjoying

the conversation.

 

"If you dislike her so much, despite everything she's done for you

and Charlie, why don't you get her transferred?"

 

"She's the best we've got, Dr." He said bluntly. "We can't let

personal likes and dislikes influence us and the way we act."

 

"Seems to me like you're doing that anyway." Janet commented, pulling

out her little flashlight.

 

"So what is the point of shining that in my eyes?" Jack complained.

 

"Routine." Janet shrugged, putting it away once the deed was

done. "You know what I think?" She continued their previous

conversation.

 

"What?" Jack demanded irritably.

 

"I think that you just don't want to like her." Janet said smugly.

 

"Oh? And why would that be the case?"

 

"I don't know." Janet narrowed her eyes. "Could be something to do

with the fact that she's blond, blue eyed, attractive, like your ex."

Janet stated bluntly.

 

"Are you the psychologist now?" He snapped, losing patience.

 

"Something like that." Janet agreed amiacbly. "If you let yourself,

and you get to know her, you'll really grow to like her a lot."

 

"She said something along those lines to me when we first met." Jack

admitted, smiling ruefully. Janet could have sworn she saw a glimpse

of affection in the deep depths of his eyes.

 

"You know, Colonel..." She said hesitantly.

 

"What?" Jack narrowed his eyes, not liking the tone of her voice.

 

"As a friend, Jack, don't let Sara dictate the rest of your life."

Janet said softly, touching his shoulder gently.

 

"What would you know about Sara, Janet?" Jack snapped, rising

unsteadily to his feet.

 

"I know you loved her, and I know she hurt you." Janet kept her hand

on his arm. "But Sam isn't Sara, okay? Don't hate Sam because she

reminds you of Sara, and don't like her because she reminds you of

Sara. She's Sam, a person in her own right..."

 

"Thank you Dr. Mindreader, now if you don't mind, I've got to go and

have my beauty sleep!" Jack snapped, shrugging her hand off his

shoulder.

 

"I'm right, Jack, and you know it." Janet's words followed him out of

the room, taunting him despite their gentle deliverance.

 

                         *******************

 

Oh sometimes

When all your dreams

May have seen better days

and when you don't know how or why

but you lost your way

 

Have no fear

when your tears are fallin'

I will hear your spirit callin'

And I swear that I'll be there

come what may

 

                         *******************

 

"You didn't listen to me, did you?" Janet asked softly, watching as

an incredibly upset Captain Carter nearly ran from the room as a

furious Colonel stomped out of it in the opposite direction.

 

"Dr?" General Hammond glanced at her curiously, having caught her

comment without her intending for him to hear it.

 

"Nothing, General." Janet shook her head slightly, looking down at

the papers in her hands.

 

"I'm concerned about the working relationship of SG-1." General

Hammond said eventually, earning a raised eyebrow from Teal'C and a

curious, if not somewhat defensive 'what?' from Daniel. "It appears

to me that the Colonel and the Captain aren't getting along. At all."

 

"Well...they do disagree sometimes..." Daniel agreed slowly.

 

"I can't afford to compromise my teams because of people who can't

put their differences aside." General Hammond said bluntly.

 

"So what are you going to do? Split us up?"

 

"I'll probably have to transfer Captain Carter..." General Hammond

said reluctantly.

 

"General...if I could talk to Jack I'm sure I could convince him..."

 

"Relax Dr. Jackson, I'm just giving you a warning. This next mission

to the outpost on Hanka will be the opportunity for me to evaluate

the balance of this team. If it goes well and no major dramas flare

up, then SG-1 will remain the same for a while. Make sure you tell

both the Colonel and the Captain of my decision." He added, standing

up with resignation on his face.

 

"I don't understand why they don't like each other." Daniel commented

eventually to Janet. "Well, okay, I can understand Sam not liking

Jack because he's been a complete ass to her, but I don't understand

why he's such an ass to her? I mean, his kid loves her and she's a

great person..."

 

"That's the problem." Janet sighed softly.

 

"Does Captain Carter not bear a significant resemblance to O'Neill's

deceased wife?" Teal'C asked pointedly.

 

"Well...yeah, I suppose she does." Daniel agreed.

 

"Sara hurt him." Janet said bluntly. "Sam reminds him of Sara. One

and one equal two." Janet shrugged.

 

"I know, but it's not right."

 

"I know that, Daniel. I've talked to him." Janet sighed. "You try and

see what happens." She stood up, gathering her papers.

 

"Okay, I will." Daniel agreed, leaving the room and followed closely

by his shadow, Teal'C.

 

                         *******************

 

"So this is a test then? To see if we stay together or not?" Jack

complained, glaring at Sam who shot him an equally potent look.

 

"Yes." Daniel glared at both of them. "Now stop acting like kids and

just try to get along for crying out loud!"

 

"That's my line." Jack said snappily.

 

"I don't care. Anyone would think you want Sam off your team!"

 

"Who says I don't?" Jack shot back.

 

"If that's the case, *Colonel*, why don't you get me transferred

then?" Sam yelled at him, anger blazing in her eyes.

 

"So it's my fault now, is it?"

 

"Damnit Colonel, what the hell is your problem?" Sam stopped walking

and turned furiously towards Jack. "You've been treating me like

shit, and I've done absolutely nothing to you!"

 

"Watch your language, *Captain*! Do you want to be court marshalled?"

Jack retorted.

 

"You're not answering my question, *Colonel*, you're just avoiding

it!"

 

Jack was saved from having to respond by Teal'C's quiet warning.

 

"O'Neill!" He pointed up ahead at a body lying on the ground.

 

Abandoning their argument, both Jack and Sam silently approached the

body and jerked back in shock when they saw it.

 

"Shit!" Jack hissed, immediately pulling the disinfectant out of his

pack. "Gas masks, now!" He ordered when the rest saw the man.

 

"What happened to him?" Sam wondered out loud, her eyes large in her

face as she took in the gruesome details.

 

"I don't know. Let's meet up with the other SG teams at the barracks

and find out what's going on." Jack decided. Wordlessly Sam fell into

step beside him and together they all jogged towards the barracks

that had been erected a few weeks ago.

 

Daniel couldn't help but wish that the two military members of SG-1

would get along together like they could work together. When they

were operating in battle mode or carrying out a task, they worked

together like a single unit, absolutely in sync with the other. On

the other hand, when they weren't working together they were

bickering, arguing and generally had to be kept apart because Daniel

was scared they could come to blows. The only thing the two of them

seemed to be able to agree on was Charlie, and that was the only

reason that Sam was nearly a permanent fixture at the O'Neill

household.

 

                         *******************

 

"There's something in those bushes." Sam whispered, her eyes catching

movement again.

 

"What is it?" Daniel asked, squinting to try and see better through

the long grass.

 

"I don't know." Sam replied, rolling her eyes.

 

"I will find out." Teal'C disappeared into the grass. Seconds later

he appeared again, leading a hesitant little girl behind him. "She is

unarmed." He stated.

 

"Hello." Sam knelt down, studying the pale face framed with long red

hair. "My name's Sam, what's yours?" She was met with silence as the

girl nervously studied her.

 

"Charm seems to be fading, Carter." O'Neill said sarcastically,

turning away. "Let's get her to the unit and try to find out what's

wrong with her." He turned and led the way to where Janet Fraiser was

stationed.

 

                         *******************

 

"I'm staying here, Colonel." Carter's voice was wobbly, he knew she

was scared.

 

"Damnit Captain, get your six to the surface, NOW!" He ordered.

 

"No Sir, I'm not leaving her." He felt like going down there himself,

slapping that too attractive face from one side of the millenium to

the other, and then carrying her bodily out of there.

 

"Captain, you are disobeying a direct order!" He screeched at her,

feeling fear clutch at his heart suddenly. Fear? Why was he scared

and worried suddenly? His palms were clammy with sweat. Fear. It was

all over him suddenly.

 

"Up yours, Colonel." Her voice reached him calmly and coolly, and

then she refused to respond his calls.

 

"Charlie...what about Charlie, Carter?" He demanded into the little

box, throwing his last card onto the table.

 

"I...I'm sorry, Sir. Tell him I love him, okay?" She whispered, and

he could imagine those slender fingers running down the little

intercom as if she could reach out and stroke Charlie's face like she

did when she tucked him in sometimes.

 

"You love him?" Jack was surprised, he knew she cared about

Charlie...but loved him?

 

"Yes. He's a good kid." He heard something that sounded suspiciously

like a sniff.

 

"Carter...Sam...please." He begged, not caring that Daniel and Teal'C

were standing there, watching him beg, observing the raw emotions of

fear and the sudden rush of emotion he felt for this woman.

 

"I'm sorry, Colonel, really." Her voice was sincere, and for the

first time Jack felt as though he had missed out on something by

pushing this woman away from him.

 

"Carter...I'm..."

 

"Forget it Sir." Her voice was cold, as if she knew he was going to

make an eleventh hour plea for forgiveness. "Just tell Charlie,

okay?" And then she was gone. He knew she'd turned the intercom off.

 

There was silence in the room.

 

"Ten seconds." Daniel whispered, closing his eyes and dropping the

timer.

 

Nine.

 

Eight.

 

Seven.

 

Six.

 

Five.

 

Four.

 

Three.

 

Two.

 

One.

 

Jack opened one eye and strained to hear something.

 

"Captain?" He touched the intercom hesitantly, scared that she

wouldn't respond. Nothing. There was silence. "Carter? Damnit Carter,

answer me!"

 

"Colonel!" Her voice was breathless, he could almost imagine the

adrenaline pumping through her veins as it was pumping through

his. "We're okay Sir, we're okay!" She was laughing and he could here

her sniffing inbetween the melodious chimes.

 

"Get your six up here pronto, Carter." He couldn't help turning his

relief, his elation into anger, the ice that he was so used to

showing this Captain of his. How could he show her that he didn't

really mean those things he told her? That he didn't really hate her?

How could he show her who he really was when she had already formed

an opinion of him. He'd ruined it, and didn't know how to relate to

her now. He'd made them into enemies, when they should have been

friends.

 

"Jack!" Daniel snapped.

 

"She disobeyed my orders, Daniel." Jack said coldly, glaring at the

younger man. "Regardless of whether she was right or wrong, she

disobeyed my orders."

 

"So you're embarrassed because you were shown up by a woman." Daniel

spat, his eyes disgusted. "I thought you were better than this, Jack.

I really did." He turned and walked away.

 

The elevator door opened and a very defiant Sam Carter stepped out,

closely clutching Cassie against her.

 

"Get in the car, Captain." Jack barked, and then walked away as well.

 

                         *******************

 

When you have no light to guide you

And no one to walk beside you

I will come to you

Oh I will come to you

 

When the night is dark and stormy

You won't have to reach out for me

I will come to you

Oh, come to you.

 

                         *******************

 

He stared down at the carpet nervously. Nervous? General Jacob

Carter, nervous? Things really were bad.

 

"General?" He hated the way the nurses called him by his rank.

General. Not a mark of respect on their tone, just sympathy and a

slight amount of affection. It was a nickname to them, not a symbol

of honour, of what he spent his whole life working for. He felt like

a horse called General. An old man. He didn't feel like a General in

the USAF.

 

"General Carter?" The voice pesisted.

 

"Yeah." He stood up, forcing his aching back straight and ignoring

the spinning sensation he'd been feeling for far too long.

 

"This way, please." The nurse guided him through the corridors to the

little office he was so used to going for his check-up.

 

"How is it?" He demanded as soon as the nurse left. Why bother with

pleasantries? This was as serious as the Gulf War.

 

"General...Jacob...if you'd come to us earlier..." The doctor trailed

off, his eyes telling Jacob everything he needed to know. "Maybe if

you'd come to that first appointment instead of playing fit and

healthy we could have slowed this down or even stopped it..."

 

"So how long do I have?"

 

"A few months, maybe a year." The Dr. sighed, sorrow in his light

blue eyes.

 

"So what do I do now?"

 

"Well...we can get you going on the chemo again, a stronger course to

slow it down if you like."

 

"Yeah. Anything. I'm not going to be beaten by a squadron of the

little buggers I can't even see." Jacob's eyes glinted. And, he

thought silently, I have to see my kids again.

 

"What about your family?" The Dr. seemed to read his mind, "I'd

reccommend getting in contact with them...you know..."

 

"Yeah. I'll do that." Jacob smiled a skew smile. Maybe Sam wouldn't

mind her old man hanging around for a while.

 

"That's good." The Dr. smiled slightly again and motioned for Jacob

to sit down so that they could start discussing his options.

 

~o0o~

 

'Cause even if we can't be together

We'll be friends

Now and forever

And I swear that I'll be there

Come what may

 

                         *******************

 

Sam smiled as Cassie and Charlie each gave her a hug and a kiss on

the cheek.

 

"Have fun!" She laughed as they turned their attention to Janet,

waved once more and then took off up the path that led them to school.

 

"So what now?"

 

"I don't know. I'd like to go back to base for a while..."

 

"Sam, you're on down time!" Janet admonished, a smile lighting her

eyes.

 

"With nothing to do!" Sam retorted, rolling her eyes.

 

"What about hanging around with me for a while?"

 

"What are you doing?" Sam asked suspiciously.

 

"Oh just the usual, catching up on housework, some baking, maybe

gardening..." Janet laughed. "Or we could just have a girls day out?"

She asked hopefully.

 

"Whatever you want. Just don't include me in baking plans unless you

want your whole house destroyed." Sam laughed, getting back into her

car.

 

"You can't be that bad!" Janet shook her head defiantly, slipping

into the passenger seat next to Sam.

 

"Oh yes I can." Sam said ruefully, pulling her face into a look of

horror as she remembered her last attempts at baking. "I nearly burnt

my last place to the ground when I tried to cook a roast for

Thanksgiving." Sam admitted, a shadow crossing her eye as she

remembered.

 

"Oh?" Janet waited for the rest of the story.

 

"Jonas wasn't happy." Sam muttered, refusing to let the sudden

memories his name brought with him ruin her day.

 

"Jonas?" Janet waited, curious.

 

"My ex-fiance." Sam shrugged, turning into the lane.

 

"I never knew you were engaged."

 

"I broke it off with him about two weeks before the first Abydos

mission." Sam admitted casually, desperately searching for some way

to turn the conversation away from herself without appearing too

obvious.

 

"Oh. Would it be prying if I asked why?"

 

"No." Sam lied. "It just didn't work, wasn't meant to be. We were

both career orientated and he wanted kids...I didn't." She shrugged

as if it was no big deal. "What about you?"

 

"Yeah...I was married once."

 

"I remember you saying something about that." Sam turned the corner,

relieved that the conversation was no longer on her.

 

"Mm. Same as you, I suppose. Men can be such...."

 

"Watch that language!" Sam joked, lightening the situation.

 

Janet grinned, settling back into her seat. "Can I ask you something?

I mean, I know we're not really good friends or anything, but are you

okay?"

 

"What do you mean, am I okay?" Sam narrowed her eyes in confusion.

 

"Well...your CO is treating you like dirt, but you still subject

yourself to his treatment at least once a day because you get along

like a house on fire with his kid."

 

"I'm okay." Sam said shortly, refusing to admit her anger at her CO.

 

"Sam..."

 

"Look Janet, I don't like that guy. At all. Okay, maybe I do a bit.

He's a good father...and he has some good points like these huge

morals and standards he places on himself...but as far as I'm

concerned he's just some guy with a stick up his ass." She shrugged

calmly, nodding her head firmly as if to emphasise her point.

 

"Why go round to his place then? Why not ask for a transfer?" Janet

was curious.

 

"I was at his place when he found out Sara was killed." She admitted,

sorrow lighting her eyes for a minute as she remembered her CO's

face. "He wasn't in any state to drive, and so out of me and Daniel,

I was the logical choice to drive him to get Charlie. The poor kid

was so confused and scared....I felt sorry for him. He's just kind of

grown on me." Sam glanced nervously at Janet. "It's stupid, but I

sort of feel as though he's my own. I love him like he's my own, but

I hate his father."

 

"You know, I talked to Kowalsky before he died..." Janet watched Sam

closely. "He said that Sara's leaving him broke the guy. He said that

Sara had refused to let Jack see Charlie, so he turned suicidal for a

while, figuring he had nothing left to live for."

 

"I know that..."

 

"All I'm saying is, you look a lot like Sara."

 

"No, I don't." Sam frowned in confusion.

 

"Yes, you do. Blond hair, blue eyes. From a distance he could quite

easily mistake you for Sara. He loved her very much...and if he keeps

seeing you and mistaking you for Sara...it's no wonder that he's

going to treat you like this." Janet admitted.

 

"Why didn't you tell me before? Maybe I should have died my hair

black and gotten green contacts." Sam snapped sarcastically.

 

"His sarcasm is rubbing off on you." Janet smirked.

 

"You know what really annoys the hell out of me? The fact that it was

getting better for a while...until Charlie came to live with him.

Then, it started getting better again but three weeks ago, when we

found Cassie and she didn't 'explode', it all started going down hill

again." Sam sighed. "I just don't understand why he's treating me

like this, and that's what makes me mad."

 

Janet glanced at Sam thoughtfully. Her mind spun, tempting her to

tell Sam what Daniel had told her.

 

"He cares about her, Janet." Daniel stated, dropping onto a chair,

satisfaction on his face.

 

"Who cares about who?"

 

"Jack cares about Sam."

 

"What? Could have fooled me." Janet raised an eyebrow, questioning

Daniel's sanity.

 

"He does. I think it's the reason he doesn't get her transferred."

 

"And just how do you know this?" Janet watched him closely.

 

"When Sam stayed with Cassie...he was nearly crying he was begging

that hard. Then, when he found out she was okay it was like you could

see his relief...Jack doesn't show his emotions Janet, we both know

that. These emotions were so huge...he couldn't hold them in."

 

"So you're suggesting that our Colonel's scared he might like Sam

more than he'd care to admit, and he's hiding that by treating her

like crap to keep the hostilities in place?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Problem." Janet sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. She should

have seen this coming.

 

"Hello, Janet?" Sam glanced over at Janet.

 

"What?"

 

"I lost you for a while there."

 

"Sorry...I was just thinking about a conversation I had with Daniel."

 

"Really?" Sam raised an eyebrow skeptically.

 

"I....Watch out!" Janet screamed suddenly.

 

                         *******************

 

When the night is dark and stormy

You won't have to reach out for me

Oh, I will come to you

Oh, I will come to you

 

                         *******************

 

Jack picked up the phone.

 

"O'Neill."

 

"Jack...it's Daniel. There's been an accident...Janet and Sam...oh

God...Jack..."

 

"Daniel...calm down!" Jack sat upright, his eyes wide. "Charlie was

with them...what happened?" He demanded.

 

He heard Daniel breathe deeply and then speak again. "They dropped

the kids off at school." He swallowed again and Jack heard him stifle

a sob. Oh god, no, not Sam!

 

"Is she okay? What's happened to Sam?" Jack demanded hoarsely.

 

"She's in hospital...I don't know...they can't tell me

anything...Jack..I...Janet didn't...she didn't..." He broke down,

Jack could hear the sobs over the phone and felt his own heart twist.

He'd grown close to that petite little doctor who'd enjoy'd stabbing

him with needles. There, see, past tense. He'd done it. Another woman

he'd loved (albeit like a sister) had died. That's just why he

couldn't like Sam...she'd probably end up dying too.

 

"Where is Sam?" He demanded, forgetting his hostilities with her.

 

"She's in the Academy Hospital...they were on their way there

apparently..."

 

"I'll meet you there, Daniel."

 

"What about Cassie and Charlie?"

 

"I'll get them." Jack grunted before slamming the phone down and

running out of the house, his heart racing.

 

                         *******************

 

"Dad!" Charlie's eyes opened wide with delight as he caught sight of

his Dad striding from his car to the building.

 

"What was that, Charlie?"

 

"My Dad's here." Charlie said matter-of-factly.

 

"Why's Jack here?" Cassie whispered to him, curious. "Did you forget

your lunch again?"

 

"NO!" Charlie rolled his eyes in a very Jack O'Neill like

motion. "Sam put it in my bag." He added as an after-thought.

 

"Is she your Daddy's girlfriend?" Cassie whispered, her eyes

narrowed, remembering the new terminology.

 

"No." Charlie sighed. "Daddy doesn't really like Sam, I can tell."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I don't know." Charlie shrugged. "I like Sam. She's like my Mom..."

 

"Mine too." Cassie nodded her head.

 

"No she's not...Janet's got brown hair and brown eyes and she's

short! Like you!" He teased her.

 

"Charlie!" Cassie snapped at him, turning back to her work.

 

The class paused as a knock sounded on the door. Jack stepped into

the room and caught Charlie's eye. Instantly Charlie froze. Something

was wrong. Jack wasn't smiling with his eyes, just his mouth. Cassie

sensed it too, and felt horror unfolding in her stomach like a bud.

 

"Charlie...Cassie...the Colonel's come to take you guys away..." The

teacher was also smiling, but not with her eyes. Charlie's fear was

increased tenfold when he felt a sympathetic pat on his head and saw

the teacher squeeze Cassie's arm comfortingly.

 

"What's wrong, Dad?" Charlie demanded as they walked down the

hallway, one holding onto each of Jack's hands.

 

Jack sighed, closing his eyes. Glancing around quickly, he dropped to

his knees and turned to face them at their own height.

 

"Where's Janet? Where's Sam?" Cassie blurted out, tears threatening

to spill.

 

"Uh...oh jeez." Jack rubbed his face with his hands.

 

"Is Sam dead?" Charlie asked bluntly, his face pale and crushed.

 

"No...Sam's not dead." Jack choked out, pulling them towards him.

 

"You hate Sam, don't you?" Charlie whispered, hugging Dad.

 

"No, I don't hate Sam. I just...I'm stupid sometimes...and I was

stupid to be mean to Sam." He whispered into their hair. "Cass...I'm

sorry..." He felt her own tears against his neck.

 

"Something happened to Janet, didn't it?" She knew, she wasn't stupid.

 

"Yeah. They had a car accident. She...she died." Jack nodded, not

letting them go. He glanced at Cassie, watching her emotionless

little face. It should worry him, but then again, she'd only been

with Janet for a while...not long enough to really become attached.

 

"Is Sam okay?" Cassie sniffed, drawing strength from Jack.

 

"I don't know. She's alive...but she's in hospital. We're going there

now." He told them, standing up reluctantly.

 

"Okay." They took one hand each and followed him out to his car.

 

                         *******************

 

Jacob slumped down on the bench, holding his head in his hands. Not

again. Not Sam, not again.

 

"Jacob." He heard a familiar voice.

 

"George." He started in surprise. What on earth was George Hammond

doing here? "What are you doing here."

 

"Sam...." George noted the paleness of Jacobs cheeks and the redness

of his eyes.

 

"You know my Sam?"

 

"She's in my command." George admitted, a dry smile on his face.

 

"Oh. Since when are you into 'deep space radar telemetry?'" Jacob

asked suspiciously.

 

"A while now. I'm not actually involved there though...just a nice

little thing before I retire...you know what I mean." George sat down

next to Jacob. "She's a good soldier, Jacob, she'll pull through."

 

"I know...but...."

 

"She's done it once, she'll do it again."

 

"George, most people never go into a coma, a few of those that do

wake up. Those that wake up almost never go into a coma again and

come out of it." Jacob said bitterly.

 

"She's a fighter Jacob, like you."

 

"Sometimes you go down, no matter how hard you fight."

 

"Jacob..."

 

"George...she's got spinal injuries, concussion, fractured skull,

broken arms, ribs, legs galore and blood loss. You know the odds

yourself."

 

"Jacob..."

 

"General Hammond." Jack O'Neill's voice caused both General's to turn

around. Jacob glanced suspiciously at the man, a war-hardened

soldier. Anyone could tell a mile off. What the hell was this guy

doing here?

 

"Colonel O'Neill...I see Dr. Jackson got a hold of you then." Hammond

smiled tightly, relieved at the concern and worry evident in even

O'Neill's eyes.

 

"Yeah. I got the kids before I came by...they're with Daniel in the

cafeteria." Jack nodded, glancing at the other man next to his

General.

 

"Colonel...I'd like you to meet General Carter."

 

"Carter Sir?" Jack inclined his head politely towards the man. Now

wasn't the time to play word games or anything.

 

"As in Sam's father." Jacob agreed, narrowing his eyes. "And you are?"

 

"Carter's CO." Jack said bluntly.

 

Jacob narrowed his eyes. What? He would be willing to bet that this

guy didn't know the difference between an atom and an ion.

 

"How's she doing?" Jack continued, turning away the next question

that was obviously going to be awkward for him to answer.

 

"Not good." General Hammond admitted, closing his eyes

slightly. "She's in a coma again."

 

"Again?" Jack narrowed his eyes. What was going on here?

 

"Yes, you do know about her other car accident?" Jacob glanced

suspiciously at this man. What kind of man didn't know about his

2IC's previous medical records?

 

"Yes...I know she was in one. It was before I met her though." Jack

said slowly, glancing at them.

 

"She nearly died in that one Jack, they think it's a miracle she

survived completely intact." Hammond licked his lips slightly.

 

"She's gonna make it. She has to." Jack shrugged. Carter was so damn

stubborn and spiteful she's survive and come back even more vicious

that before, just to spite him.

 

"Colonel...I don't think you quite understand. She's in there with

spinal injuries this time, in a coma, broken bones in nearly every

damn part of her body and blood loss." A Dr. announced from behind

them. "Add to that list one collasped lung as well." He said softly.

 

"What are you saying?" Jack demanded, anger surfacing. Jacob narrowed

his eyes. Why was George looking so surprised at the Colonel's

obvious anger and fear?

 

"There's nothing more we can do for her." He said regretfully.

 

"So what, we say our goodbyes now?" Jacob asked tiredly, holding his

head in his hands.

 

"She's in ICU. I'll let you each have a few minutes with her..."

 

"What about the kids?" Jack demanded.

 

"Kids?" Jacob's eyes widened slightly.

 

"Cassie and Charlie." Jack inserted.

 

"His son and Janet Fraiser's little girl." General Hammond explained,

realising what Jacob must have thought, judging by Jack's reaction.

 

"I don't think that will be such a good idea..." The Dr. shook his

head.

 

Jack sighed. He'd really ruined things now. He shouldn't have treated

Sam the way he had...he should have accepted her.

 

                         *******************

 

"Dad...when's Sam coming home?" Charlie asked as Jack tucked him into

bed, putting the worn teddy bear next to him. Charlie had taken to

sleeping with that bear again. He'd only slept with it for a few

weeks after Sara's death, and then it had gotten a place of honour on

the shelf, and had then been loaned out to Cassie for a while when

she first went to live with Janet.

 

Jack sighed as he looked at the fur that had nearly all been rubbed

off. Sam had given that bear to him the second time she saw him, told

him it had helped her sleep after her Mom had died. He still didn't

know when her Mom died, he just knew she was very bitter about it.

 

"Dad?" Charlie looked at him.

 

"Hm?" He asked, looked back at his son and turning his attention away

 

"When's Sam coming home?"

 

"I don't know Charlie. She's still in a coma and the doctors don't

know if she's going to wake up or not." Jack sat next to Charlie.

Charlie was nearly thirteen, but Jack didn't know how to deal with

the issue of death..and neither did Charlie apparently. Sam was good

at talking to him, making him understand.

 

"Jack?" Cassie's murmur from the doorway caught their attention.

 

"What's up Cass?" He motioned for her to join them, and she did,

cuddling her tiny frame onto his lap and leaning against him.

 

"If Sam doesn't get better, who's going to look after me?" She asked

softly.

 

"I will." Jack promised, aware that Sam had been Cassie's guardian if

anything happened to Janet.

 

"You will?"

 

"Yeah. Always."

 

"What if something happens to you?" Charlie asked in a small voice.

 

"It won't Charlie, I promise." Jack stated, closing his eyes and

sending a prayer that his promise would be kept for a very, *very*

long time.

 

"But Mommy died, and Janet died, and now Sam's going to die."

 

"She's not necessarily going to die, Charlie, she's just...very sick

at the moment." Jack sighed, wishing for someone to intervene so he

could stop trying to answer questions.

 

"You want her to die." Charlie snapped suddenly, angry at his Dad.

 

"What? NO! I don't want her to die Charlie!"

 

"Yes you do. You hate Sam. You always yell at her, always say

horrible things to her. You hate her!" Charlie yelled.

 

"No! Charlie, I don't hate Sam." Jack shook his head vehemently.

 

"You don't like her though." Cassie inserted, her serious eyes saying

nothing he could say would change either one of their minds.

 

"No...that's not true." Jack sighed, hating himself even

more. "Okay...so maybe I didn't like her at first...but she kind of

grew on me." Jack tried to explain.

 

"Why didn't you like her?"

 

"She looked like your Mom, and I still loved your Mom." Jack knew he

wasn't making sense to them, or to himself either. "When your Mom

died and Sam was still alive, I wished she had died and Sara was

still alive..." He whispered, hating the truth for what it

was. "But...it was wrong of me to think that...and I'm sorry I did."

He added.

 

"Now Sam's going to die anyway." Charlie narrowed his eyes at his

Dad. "Sam's nice, Dad, I love Sam." He stated. "I wish you loved her

too so that she could be my Mommy." He started crying. Cassie joined

in as well, clutching herself tightly to Jack.

 

"I hope she doesn't die, Charlie, honest. I want to say sorry for all

the horrible things I've done and I want to be her friend too, okay?"

He whispered, holding the crying children.

 

"Okay." Charlie didn't let go.

 

                         *******************

 

We all need somebody we can turn to

Someone who'll always understand

So if you feel that your soul is dying

And you need the strength to keep trying

I'll reach out and take your hand

I'll reach out for your hand

 

                         *******************

 

"Hello?"

 

"Daniel, what do you want?" Jack grunted into the phone, carefully

shifting himself out from underneath the two tiny bodies sprawled

over him.

 

"She woke up, Jack! She woke up. Last night at about two o'clock she

woke up for a few minutes!" Daniel yelled into the phone.

 

"Is she okay?"

 

"Well....she's not okay yet...but they're starting to think she will

be."

 

"I told them she'd make it." Jack felt relief. He'd never doubted

her, he realised, but still...

 

"You're happy, aren't you."

 

"Yeah, I am." Jack sighed, knowing the conversation was going to get

personal soon.

 

"Why?"

 

"My kids would never forgive me if she died." He said softly,

avoiding the issue.

 

"Oh." Daniel paused. "You know Jack, I thought we were friends." He

said suddenly.

 

"We are, aren't we?" Jack was surprised. He'd been considering Daniel

and Teal'C his best friends lately, and was pretty sure they returned

the feelings.

 

"We were. But if you can't accept Sam and treat her as a normal human

being, then I don't want to know you anymore."

 

Jack stared at the receiver in shock. Had that just happened? Had Dr.

Daniel Jackson...timid geek archeologist who got high over a new

discover of rocks, really just hung up on him? Oh yeah, things were

bad.

 

                         *******************

 

"Are we going to see Sam?" Cassie asked, her voice dull. Jack winced.

This was killing them. They weren't happy at school, the teachers

eventually told him after a few days that they'd probably be better

off at home until the 'situation' was over. Jack, decided, that mean

until Sam either woke up for good or died for good. Geez, what he

wouldn't sell for a sarcophogus.

 

"Dad." Charlie sighed, studying his dad closely. Lately, he often

didn't hear them, completely lost in thought.

 

"What?" Jack was completely unaware of Cassie's question.

 

"Are we going to see Sam?" The car stopped in the parking spot.

 

"I don't know Cass...depends on what the doctors say." Jack

personally thought that if the kids were allowed to see and talk to

Sam, even though she was still unconscious like she'd been for the

last week since she woke up, then she'd hurry up and get better.

 

"Oh." The disappointment hung heavy in the car.

 

"Jack! Cassie! Charlie!" Daniel's enthusiastic grin greeted them as

they rounded the corner. "She's awake! She woke up about five minutes

ago!" He panted as they all started jogging towards Sam's room.

 

"Can we see her this time?" Charlie begged.

 

"Yes." Jack said, making up his mind. Who cares what doctors said

anyway? They were wrong when they said she wouldn't pull through,

they were wrong about Cassie and Charlie not being supposed to see

her too.

 

"She must have known we were going to visit her!" Cassie laughed as

they slowed at the corridor where the kids were always detained.

 

"I'm sorry...only two at a time." The nurse told them when they

explained what they were after. "When her father and the General come

out one of you can go in with one of the children." She told them.

 

"Can I go with Daniel?" Charlie asked hopefully.

 

"Okay." Jack agreed, confused.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam closed her eyes, wishing that the stupid tube in her mouth could

be pulled out.

 

'Tomorrow', the doctor had said. Who cared about tomorrow? If her

arms weren't in plaster and she didn't hurt *quite* so much, she'd

just reach up herself and pull the damn thing out herself.

 

"Hey kiddo." She heard a familiar voice and turned her head slightly

to one side.

 

Dad, what was he doing here? She frowned slightly, forcing herself to

keep her eyes open. When was the last time she'd been so tired? Why

was she here anyway, and where exactly was 'here'? What had happened?

 

"No, don't try to talk, Sam." Her Dad said gently, his fingers

touching her hand softly.

 

"Good to see you awake, Major." She looked towards the foot of the

bed, blinking slightly to try and clear her vision. General Hammond.

What was General Hammond doing here, with her Dad?

 

"Sh...it's okay Sam...you're in hospital...the Academy Hospital." Her

Dad saw the questions in her eyes, as always, and answered them for

her.

 

"We'll come and see you again later, okay?" General Hammond's hand

gently guided her Dad out of the room. Watching the go, Sam couldn't

help but wonder what on earth had happened.

 

"Hey Sam." She heard Daniel's soft whisper before her eyes identified

his form moving across the floor towards her. She tried to smile, she

really did, but her face hurt too much and she was so tired. "There's

someone here who'd like to talk to you." He added, and she caught

sight of Charlie.

 

"Hey Sam!" He grinned brightly at her, his eyes wide with shock as he

looked her.

 

'What, do I look that bad?' Sam lifted one eyebrow slightly as a

small smile managed to appear on her face before she closed her eyes

again.

 

"I missed you." Charlie whispered, and she felt his warm little hand

on her cooller one. Mustering all her strength and ignoring her

screaming arms, she squeezed his fingers slightly before her arms

turned to jello. Again.

 

"Come on...let's give the others a turn." Daniel smiled at her,

touched her forehead gently and walked out.

 

Others? Who were 'others'?

 

Oh, no. Not him. Not now. Sam closed her eyes, pretending to be

alseep.

 

"Hey Sam." She heard Cassie's little voice, sounding slightly scared.

She opened her eyes again and caught sight of the little girl,

looking somewhat pale and miserable, beaming at her with a high

voltage grin.

 

As with Charlie, she squeezed Cassie's hand gently before glancing

curiously at Jack.

 

He watched as she fought to keep her eyes open. Pain, confusion and

exhaustion clouded those blue depths, but the joy Jack had seen in

them when she'd realised that Cassie was in the room was real. She

loved both Cassie and Charlie.

 

Cassie watched with a slight surprise and Jack leant over and gave

the sleeping woman a slight kiss on the forhead, touched her hand

gently and then led the way out of the room.

 

Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay now.

 

                         *******************

 

I'll come to you, oh

When you have no light to guide you

And no one to walk beside you

I will come to you,

oh, I will come to you

 

When the night is dark and stormy

You won't have to reach out for me

oh, I will come to you

oh, come to you

I will come to you

oh, I will come to you

I will come to you

 

                         *******************

 

"Hi Sam!" The two children bounced across the room, bearing gifts of

cards, paintings and a rather wilted looking bunch of flowers.

 

"Hi Cass, Charlie!" Sam laughed slightly, ignoring the ache in her

ribs. God, what was a little pain to brighten their day. She didn't

understand why seeing her made them so happy. She was the one that

had crashed the car, after all, so she was the one that had killed

Janet.

 

"We made you some cards...and all our friends signed it too!" Cassie

announced, pushing the big piece of paper in front of Sam.

 

"Wow, it's beautiful." She complimented, touching Cassie's cheek

lightly.

 

"Look...that's you...that's me...there's Charlie and Jack...and

here's Janet with my Mom and Charlie's Mom." Cassie pointed to three

figures with wings.

 

Sam didn't even realise there were tears on her cheeks until Cassie

reached up a gentle hand and touched the salty wetness with

compassion.

 

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered, licking her lips.

 

"It's okay." Cassie told her, confused.

 

"You don't have to say sorry for crying," Charlie added, "It's not

bad."

 

"No, I know it's not bad." Sam couldn't stop the tears.

 

"Hey...why don't you two go and get a chocolate bar for Sam...I'm

sure that will cheer her up." Jack's voice reached them all. Cassie

looked like she was about to protest, but Charlie agreed, sending his

Dad a very pointed look.

 

"What? You here to yell at me for crashing? I wasn't responsible

enough to keep the damn car on the road? Woman shouldn't be driving,

even less in the airforce?" She bit out, her eyes flashing.

 

"No, I'm  not." Jack said softly, realising that it was his own fault

she was like this with him.

 

"Then what are you doing? Other than making my life a living hell."

 

"I...I wanted to say sorry." Jack shuffled his feet and looked at the

floor.

 

"For what?" Sam lifted her own head and stared at him, disbelief and

fury on her features. "For treating me like shit? For being a bastard

and the worst damn CO in history?"

 

"Yeah, pretty much."

 

"And what, you want me to forgive you?" She demanded, anger clouding

her eyes.

 

"Yes." He whispered hopefully.

 

"God you've got nerve." Sam nearly snorted in laughter. She ignored

the pounding in her head and stared at him. "You want *my*

forgiveness?" She asked again, suddenly realising something. "You

don't need it."

 

"What?" Jack glanced up with a start.

 

"Nothing you can say or do to me will ever equal what I've done to

you. I should be the one asking for forgiveness." She closed her eyes

again, shifting slightly on the bed and grimacing in pain.

 

"For what?" Jack couldn't be more confused if he tried.

 

"I killed Janet." She said simply. "I was driving...I killed one of

your best friends and you're here asking me for forgiveness." Sam

sniffed, her eyes glazed.

 

"Carter...Sam...no one blames you. That other guy, he was speeding.

Nothing you could have done would have saved Janet. If anything, you

tried." He approached her bed slowly and gently reached out to get

her more comfortable.

 

"What?" She blinked at him, confused.

 

"You could have turned the car so that she was the one facing him.

You didn't, you took the full impact." Jack admitted.

 

"She still died though."

 

"Yeah. The car spun...you were already out of it - apparently - and

hit a tree. She just got unlucky. Chances are, if that tree wasn't

there, she'd still be walking today." He told her gently, wiping away

her tears with a tissure and smoothing her hair, much like he would

have done to Charlie.

 

"So why are you suddenly so keen to say sorry?"

 

"Well...for Janet mainly." Jack admitted, forcing himself not to

run. "She...she wasn't happy with me." He stated mildly, remembering

Janet's fury at his behaviour. "She wanted me to say sorry...she said

I was being unfair to you and missing out..."

 

"Were you?" Sam asked softly, studying him carefully.

 

"Was I what?"

 

"Being unfair to me?"

 

"Yes." Jack nodded, deciding to be completely honest. "I hated you

because you were alive and Sara wasn't." He said simply, hating the

cold truth. "Janet wanted me to tell you...but I was embarrassed. I

didn't want to...admit I was wrong." He struggled to keep his stance,

to not run away in fear.

 

"And now?" Sam looked at the roof.

 

"I'm sorry. I hated you because of my anger towards Sara...and I

didn't let myself get to know you...and I think Janet was right when

she said I was missing out. Everyone else loves you..." He trailed

off.

 

"They shouldn't. I don't love myself." Sam said matter-of-factly.

 

"For crying out loud, Carter...no one blames you for the accident..."

 

"I do. I should have been paying attention to the road...I should

have been going slower...I shouldn't have been so careless..." Sam

listed, refusing to look at Jack. "My second time, huh." She added.

 

"What?"

 

"The last accident...I can't remember what happened. I do remember

when I was driving before the accident, and I remember not paying

attention and having a close call with a truck." She shuddered

involuntarily. "They should ban me from the roads."

 

"Carter..."

 

"Colonel, I really don't feel like arguing with now, okay?" She

sighed, closing her eyes.

 

"But you're wrong..."

 

"I don't care. Sir." She didn't look at him. "No matter how much you

argue, you're not going change the fact that I'm the one who killed

her. Even if you guys forgive me - which you shouldn't - I'll never

forgive myself. Never." Sam stated closing her eyes.

 

"Okay." Jack sighed, standing up. "So...are we okay now?" He asked

hopefully.

 

"What do you mean okay?" Sam yawned, forcing her eyes open.

 

"Okay as in no more hating each other?"

 

"Friends, you mean?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"No." Sam shook her head. "I'm not your friend, Colonel, and you're

not mine. I can be civil to you...I can treat you with respect but I

don't know if I can ever be your friend, not after how you've treated

me."

 

"Can I be your friend though?"

 

"What? If you want to waste your time, go ahead." Sam closed her eyes

and slipped into sleep.

 

"Dad?"

 

"Mm?" Jack turned to Charlie.

 

"Are you friends with Sam now?"

 

"Yes, I'm Sam's friend now."

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 4: Turn Back Time

 

 

Turn Back Time

Performed by Aqua

(Used without permission. Blame my brother. He was listening to the

song and just sort of got it STUCK IN MY HEAD!! Thank goodness it's

gone now.)

 

 

Give me time to reason

Give me time to think it through

Passing through the season

Where I cheated you

 

                         *******************

 

"But..." Sam protested, her eyes weary as she glanced around the sea

of stubborn faces.

 

"No buts, Sam. It's the logical choice." Her Dad said firmly. "It's

for the best." He added.

 

"Since when do you care about what's for the best?" She asked

waspishly. She was tired. She was grouchy. She was mad at herself.

She was mad at Jack O'Neill. She was mad at her father. She was mad

at Janet for dying. But most of all, she was mad at herself for

putting herself and everyone in this position, and because they were

all right.

 

"May I please have a moment alone with the Major?" General Hammond's

gentle tones surprised her. Narrowing her eyes she glanced at him

suspiciously, but kept silent as the people all filed from the room.

One by one they left through the open door: O'Neill, Daniel, Dad,

Charlie, Cassie, the doctor, a nurse or two.

 

"Major...Sam." He licked his lips. She'd never seen the General like

this before.

 

"What is it?" Okay, so there was no reason for her to get snappy, but

hey.

 

"I know that you and the Colonel don't get along very well."

 

Sam snorted. Okay, so *that* was an understatement.

 

"But," He continued, ignoring her immature outburst, "It's the best

thing to do at the moment." He said gently. "Cassie's already staying

with him. It would be impractical for you to go to your apartment for

a number of reasons. There's one room only. You need someone to look

after you. What about Cassie?" He asked her pointedly.

 

"I know." Sam sighed, rubbing her forehead gingerly. "I just wish it

wasn't the only option."

 

"I know, and I'm sorry." He said gently. "He's volunteered to be your

carer, so I've given SG-1 two months down time while you recuperate.

We'll see what happens then, okay?" General Hammond touched her

shoulder.

 

"I'm sorry I'm being so difficult." Sam smiled a watery smile.

 

"It's okay. Just don't bring that attitude back to work." He grinned

at her and turned to go.

 

"Could...could I talk to him alone, with the kids?" Sam asked

hopefully.

 

"I'll send them in." Hammond agreed.

 

She watched warily as the three requested people marched in.

 

"Are you and Cassie going to come and stay with us?" Charlie got

straight to the point.

 

"For a little while." Sam nodded her head, unable to look at O'Neill.

This was more embarrassing than....well, anything.

 

"Great." Jack smiled hopefully at her. She tried, she really did, but

why couldn't she find it in her to smile back at him?

 

                         *******************

 

I will always have a cross to wear

But the bolt reminds me I was there

So give me strength

To face this test tonight

 

                         *******************

 

Sam settled herself gingerly on the sofa, closing her eyes with

relief as her aching body was cushioned gently.

 

"Can I get you a drink?" Her eyes flew open. How long had he been

standing in the doorway?

 

"Uh...yeah...tea'd be nice." She knew it was pointless to demand

anything stronger, even though she felt she could use it.

 

"Okay." Jack smiled slightly and returned to the kitchen. The smile

faded from his face as he flicked the kettle on and grabbed two mugs.

No tea-cups, mugs would have to do.

 

He frowned as he waited impatiently for the water to boil. He'd seen

the pain on her face as she'd read the story to Cassie, as Charlie

had hugged her gently and as she'd leant back into the couch once

they'd left. He'd seen her tiredness, her determinedness for him not

to notice, and her obvious wariness of him.

 

His own fault. The truth taunted him.

 

"Here." He took the tea into her. Strained. The conversation,

silence, even the knowledge of the other being present was all

strained. They had no idea how to talk to each other, he realised,

other than to trade barbed comments and insults. What on earth had

possessed him to do this to her?

 

Two weeks. She'd been with them for two weeks already. At first she'd

been incapable of walking anywhere by herself. He'd had to keep an

eagle eye on her, carrying her everywhere before she had the chance

to damange herself further by trying to walk.

 

She hadn't asked him for anything, only accepted his help grudgingly

when she had no other choice, and then coolly thanking him for it. He

knew she hated accepting help from anyone, most of all him.

 

"It's late." He said, sipping his tea slowly. He hated tea.

 

"Mm." She agreed, mentally throwing up as the liquid washed down her

mouth. What she wouldn't give for a cup of coffee.

 

"I was thinking maybe we should all go out tomorrow. Like the park or

something?" He asked hopefully.

 

She glanced at him quickly, and he saw surprise mingled with

curiousity on her features.

 

"It's just that Cassie's been begging me for a while now...the dog

needs it, she told me." He smiled slightly, thinking about Cassie

and 'Hanka'.

 

"What?" She asked, seeing his smile.

 

"You know how I told her every kid has to have a dog?" Sam

nodded. "Well, she asked me how come Charlie doesn't have one."

 

"What did you say?" Sam asked, unable to curb her curiousity.

 

"That he'd have to share Hanka for now."

 

"Oh." Silence settled on them again, but it wasn't as strained as

before.

 

Watching her slowly drink her tea, her face expressionless, he felt a

sudden impatience flare up in him. Why wouldn't she forgive him? Why

couldn't they be friends?

 

"Is it good?" He asked mildly.

 

"What?" She looked up, confused again. He loved the way her eyebrows

moved when she was confused. Where on earth had that thought come

from?

 

"The tea. Is it good?" He asked her hopefully.

 

"Best I ever had." Sam said truthfully, acknowledging the fact

without adding that she didn't like tea anyway so it didn't really

matter what it tasted like.

 

He smiled slightly and drained his cup. She followed suit, and left

the two of them sitting in another strained silence.

 

"I think I'll go to bed now." Sam said, moving forwards slowly as she

placed her mug on the small coffee table.

 

Jack moved swiftly, dumping his own mug next to hers and firmly but

gently scooping her up in his arms, despite her protests.

 

"No." He shook his head as her demands to put her down were quite

loudly voiced. "You did too much today, I can tell." He stated,

daring her to argue. Sam fell silent as he climbed the stairs

quickly, allowing him to take her into the room she shared with

Cassie.

 

"Thank you." She acknowledged him, forcing a smile of thanks onto her

features.

 

Jack smiled in return, and wish ferverantly that her smile wasn't

forced, that one day it would be natural. He left the room quickly

after giving the sleeping Cassie a peck on the forehead and bidding

Sam Carter goodnight.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam stretched out languidly on the blanket, closing her eyes as the

warm sun evoked a sleepiness in her.

 

"Cassie!" She heard Charlie's indignant squeal from a distance,

followed by a shriek, a giggle and the definate sounds of little feet

pounding after one another.

 

"Hey." O'Neill dropped onto the blanket next to her. She tensed

involuntarily.

 

"Hey." She opened and eye and watched him nervously as he dug around

in the basket. He was, she had realised with surprise, surprisingly

domestic. Packing a picnic basket, a rug, the usual type of ball

games and even remembering food for the dog.

 

"Come on, you look like you need a walk." He told her matter-of-

factly.

 

Sam sighed as he took a hold of her hand and helped her to her feet.

A walk. She really didn't feel like she needed a walk.

 

"You okay?" He asked her, his narrowing as he realised something was

up. She never gave in this gracefully. Not usually.

 

"Yeah. Fine." She smiled fleetingly, but it was a pretty lame

attempt, even for him.

 

"Oh yeah, and look there's an alien." He rolled his eyes.

 

"Ha ha. Very funny." She glared at him, pulling her hand out of his

when she suddenly realised he was still holding it.

 

"You're awfully quiet, even for you." He prodded.

 

"What do you mean, even for me?" She asked him, not even bothering to

get angry at him this time.

 

"Okay. Something's definately up. You're not mad at me." He smiled

slightly and was amazed when she really smiled at him, shaking her

head in amusement. "Come on, you can tell Uncle Jack."

 

"Well, okay Uncle Jack." She might as well tell him now. "Say hello

to Dr. Samantha Carter." She told him.

 

"Come again?" He completely missed it. "Why Dr? Aren't you a Major

first?"

 

"Was a Major first." She sighed, walking again.

 

He watched as she made her way forwards, an uneven gate as she tried

to keep the weight off her bad leg.

 

"Was?" He quickened his pace and caught up with her.

 

"As in past tense. Previous life time. History." She agreed with him,

still not looking at him.

 

"So what, you retired?"

 

"Honourably Dishcharged, actually." She informed him, hating the way

her eyes were starting to sting with unshed tears.

 

"Why?" He could be so dense sometimes. Needed everything in black and

white.

 

"Not fit for duty. Never will be." She smiled bitterly, her eyes cold

as she looked at him. "That phonecall I got this morning? The physio.

Latest tests and developments show that I'll never be fit for active

duty again. I'll be lucky if I lose the limp, even luckier if I can

run again." She said dully.

 

"So what are you going to do?" He was stunned. Sam, not in the

military anymore? Not his 2IC? Heck, he'd even been getting fond of

her lately, despite what his actions had depicted.

 

"Hammond's offered me a job as a civilian. S3."

 

"Like Daniel."

 

"Like Daniel. Only no more exploratory missions." She sighed, not

looking at him.

 

"You accepting?" He asked as they drew to a halt next to the small

pond. He bent down and picked up a few stones, skipping them along

the surface.

 

"I don't know. I love the work...loved it...but I don't know if I

could cope staying home all the time."

 

"Action-woman." He realised, sparing her a glance as she heard his

comment.

 

"Yeah, I guess so." She smiled again, a real smile despite her

mood. "I hated being left the first time. Now I know what I'm missing

out on." She sighed.

 

"But...you've experienced it at least." He comforted.

 

"I know...I'll have to think about." She turned away from him, their

moment shattered as Charlie and Cassie appeared from behind the trees

and whooping as they ran towards them, Hanka in the lead.

 

"Ice Cream! Can we have ice cream, please?" Both kids begged,

latching themselves onto Jack while Sam merely smiled slightly,

watching the children with an emotion in her eyes that was unreadable

to Jack.

 

"Sure." He agreed, his eyes never leaving Sam as she slowly turned

and walked back up the path to where the blanket was lying abandoned,

Hanka devotedly following at her heels.

 

                         *******************

 

If only I could turn back time,

If only I had said what I still hide

If only I could turn back time,

I would stay for the night... for the night

 

                         *******************

 

"Jack, would you please stand still?" Daniel sighed, pushing his

glasses up on his nose.

 

"What was that?" Jack turned half an ear towards Daniel as he shifted

his weight onto his other foot.

 

"I told you to stop fidgeting." Daniel groused, confused by Jack's

behaviour. Normally the man had extra energy, his fingers always

fidgeting and jiggling. Now it was unbearable, as if he couldn't stop

moving for just a second.

 

"What?" Jack's attention was gone again.

 

"What's bothering you?" Daniel demanded, his eyes following Sargeant

Lewis around the dim room.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Don't lie to me, Jack." Daniel sighed, rolling his eyes. "You're

worried about something."

 

"I don't think I should be here." Jack admitted, turning his

attention to Daniel.

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't trust Carter yet...she's probably over-doing it already. And

I don't think I should have left her behind with the kids alone.

They're on holidays at the moment and I don't think she'll cope..."

 

"She'll be fine, Jack." Daniel couldn't help smiling slightly. "Since

when do you care about her anyway?" He joked slightly.

 

"What if something happens Daniel, and the kids get hurt? I'd never

forgive myself." Jack completely ignored Daniel. Daniel felt his

hopes sink. The kids. It was still about the kids with Jack, never

about Sam.

 

"She'll be fine Jack, the kids will be fine. Her Dad will check on

them, you know that." Daniel soothed.

 

"You think so?" Jack asked, needing to be reasured.

 

"Positive." Daniel nodded his head confidently.

 

"Hey, Dr. Jackson!" Sargeant Lewis suddenly called. "We've found

something!"

 

Jack rolled his eyes and followed his friend to the discovery.

 

"What is it?" Daniel asked, studying the horrible sulpture like thing.

 

"It is a warning, Daniel Jackson." Teal'C stated calmly. "It is

placed on a world by Jaffa once it has been destroyed. It says it is

unsafe and to leave this place immediately."

 

"Okay...that's it." Jack turned around. Daniel was gone. "Daniel." He

sighed.

 

"Just a minute Jack, just one more quick look around." He swung the

video camera back and caught sight of Jack looking at him angrily.

 

"Five minutes." Jack agreed. "No more."

 

                         *******************

 

"Hello, Daniel? Where are you?" Jack felt that uneasy feeling in his

gut. Why wasn't Daniel answering him? Where was Daniel?

 

"I can't see him anywhere, Colonel O'Neill." Sargeant Lewis said,

sounding concerned.

 

"Damnit. Split up and look for him." Jack ordered, readying his gun.

 

                         *******************

 

"General..."

 

"Negative Colonel, return immediately. I'll send out search and

rescue straight after you get back." Hammond disagreed, concern

growing in him. Dr. Jackson had been missing for nearly an hour,

according to O'Neill.

 

"Yes Sir."

 

                         *******************

 

Claim your right to science

Claim your right to see the truth

Though my pangs of conscience

Will drill a hole in you

 

                         *******************

 

"Uh...okay." Daniel raised his hands warily above his head. So this

was not supposed to happen.

 

"Daniel?" A shockingly familiar voice assailed his senses.

 

"Sam, what are you doing here?" Daniel nearly fainted in surprise.

She was fine. No bruises, no limp.

 

"What do you mean what am I doing here?" Her face was pale, no,

drained would be a better word for it. "What are you doing here?"

 

"I work here, remember?" He frowned slightly.

 

"You...you're dead, Daniel." She told him, completely thrown. He

stared around the gateroom. He looked at her, confused. Why was she

so stunned?

 

"No I'm not." He raised an eyebrow. Everyone looked so stunned to see

him.

 

"Yes you are...you died months ago." She whispered, close to tears

again.

 

A door hissed and he gaped in surprised as Jack O'Neill entered the

room on crutches.

 

"What happened to you?" Daniel was completely surprised.

 

"What happened to you?" Jack shot back, confusion present on his face.

 

"Uh...you left me behind."

 

"You died." Jack faltered, fear suddenly on his face, and disbelief.

Daniel watched in amazement as Jack's face contorted in pain briefly,

before he had time to reel in his emotions and hide them behind that

military mask.

 

"No I didn't. What made you think I died?"

 

"Uh...we saw you die." Jack suggested. Carefully he hopped forwards

on his crutches.

 

"Oh. When was that?" Daniel couldn't have been more confused.

 

"Like I said....months ago." Sam told him again, staring at him as

though he was going to disappear any second. Slowly she walked up to

him and touched his arm hesitantly.

 

"No, I didn't." Daniel shook his head. "Jack, you just left me behind

there. Okay, so I took ten minutes more than you gave me...but

leaving me?"

 

"I didn't leave you anywhere. You died. Burned up. Period." Jack

shook his head, backing away suddenly. Sam, on the other hand, threw

her arms around Daniel and hugged him tightly, completely and utterly

bewildered but indescribably happy to see Daniel.

 

"Who are you?" General Hammond demanded, appearing in Daniel's sight.

Even the General was pale and shock etched deeply onto his features.

 

"I'm Daniel Jackson, SG-1?" Daniel frowned. What was going on here?

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel rubbed his head with his hands. "Come on Janet, you know me.

I'm not dead...confused granted...but dead?" He protested. "You're

the one who's supposed to be dead." He added, squeezing his eyes

shut. Unable to help himself he reached out again hesitantly and

touched her, convincing himself she really was sitting in front of

him.

 

"Beg yours?" Janet Fraiser gaped at him in disbelief, surprised as

his hand traced her face and then help on tightly to her hand.

 

"You heard me."

 

"So what are you trying to say? That you're alive and I'm not?" She

blinked. What was going on?

 

"Yeah." Daniel blinked. What? "Huh?"

 

"Sorry to point this out to you Daniel, but I'm very much alive and

breathing."

 

"So am I."

 

                         *******************

 

"Okay." Jack narrowed his eyes, glancing at Daniel suspiciously. "So

how come he's not dead?"

 

"You sound as though you want me dead." Daniel sounded defensive,

studying Jack closely. "What happened to you anyway?"

 

"Had a little run in with a glacier in Antarctica...what happened to

you?" Jack asked again, rubbing at his face with his hands.

 

"Nothing. I was just on P3R 889 and you left me behind. I waited

twenty minutes, looking for you, dialled home and stepped right

through." Daniel shook his head slightly, trying to think straight.

 

"So...what were you doing on P3R whatever anyway?" Jack demanded. "We

visited that place about a week before Antarctica happened you

weren't there...you were still playing dead." Jack narrowed his eyes

and studied Daniel. "Are you sure you're really Daniel?"

 

"What do you mean Antarctica happened?"

 

"I mean that Carter and I were shipped to Antarctica accidently when

the gate jumped or something." Daniel watched in amazement as Jack

raised his eyebrows, a look of query on his face as he glanced over

at Sam. Now things were strange.

 

"Let me get this straight...you're asking *Sam* to veryify something

you've just said?" Daniel nearly fell off his chair.

 

"Of course. She's my 2IC." Jack blinked in surprise. "Why?"

 

"You hate Sam. Sam hates you." Daniel glanced between them.

 

"No...I don't hate you." Jack held his hands out innocently, his eyes

large as he glanced at Sam.

 

"I don't hate you either, sir." Sam studied Daniel carefully.

 

"Yes you do...you're only living at his place because you can't take

care of yourself and Cassie at the moment, and your Dad needs a place

to crash." Daniel watched them.

 

"You know Cassie?" Sam opened her eyes wide.

 

"Course." Daniel looked around in surprise.

 

"What the *hell* is going on here?" Jack demanded, completely

confused as he stood up and flung his chair backwards, anger on his

face as he studied the so-called Daniel Jackson in front of him.

 

                         *******************

 

"So let me get this straight....alternate realities are real?" Jack

asked slowly, studying Sam with a look of concentration Daniel had

never seen before.

 

"Yes. We think that Daniel...this Daniel...might be from one." Daniel

was slightly embarrassed to see her sniff discreetly and wipe a tear

from her eyes.

 

"Okay. So what does that mean?"

 

"It means that 'our' Daniel, for lack of a better description, is

still dead. It means that he doesn't belong here, so we have to get

him home again." Her voice caught over the words as she whispered

them. "I...oh...why did you go and die?" She demanded angrily. Jack

touched her shoulder lightly before facing Daniel.

 

"How?" Jack asked bluntly. "Why are you here and how did you get

here?" Jack asked, his voice strangled. Ghosts. The last thing he

needed now was dead people from his past floating around

actually 'alive'.

 

"That mirror thing from P3R 889..." Daniel realised.

 

"What mirror?" Sam studied him intently.

 

"Well...I heard Jack, 'my' Jack, yelling for me to hurry up, when I

noticed that this mirror was shimmering, I guess, it wasn't doing

that before. I touched it, it shocked me slightly, and then I decided

to leave.

 

"That's how you died you know." Jack said thoughtfully, a frown on

his face, a far away look in his eye as he relieved the horror.

 

"Pardon?"

 

"That's how you died. You touched something you shouldn't have

touched."

 

"Where?" Daniel asked curiously.

 

"P2F 529" Sam said softly, licking her lips and studying her hands.

 

"Small and red?" Daniel asked hesitantly.

 

"Uh huh." Jack agreed, looking angry now. "Why do you always have to

touch things?" He demanded, jumping as quickly as he could to his

feet.

 

"'My' Sam stopped me from touching that."

 

"We were nowhere near you, Teal'C saw what happened." Sam sounded

confused, and he saw the guilt suddenly cloud her eyes again.

 

"No, you and Jack argued...so you - she - came to talk to me and

stopped me touching it. We found out it was a mine later." Daniel

admitted.

 

Sam and Jack closed their eyes simultaneously, he wondered if they

even realised it.

 

"So how do we send you home?"

 

"Well...I'm guess P3R 889 would be a good starting point." He

suggested.

 

"P3R 889?" Sam suddenly had that look on her face again.

 

"Yeah..."

 

"We received a message from that quadrant of space before we went to

visit the planet. We couldn't find anything though." Business. They

were both doing it, he realised, forgetting emotions and turning

military.

 

"What did it say?" Daniel asked, curious.

 

"Don't know. We couldn't translate it." Sam admitted. "Want to

listen?" She asked hopefully.

 

"Sure." Daniel agreed, following her out of the room.

 

                         *******************

 

"Beware the destroyers....they come from..." He

stopped. "Pulses...beats or something."

 

"Yeah...we analysed them...numbers. Six numbers."

 

"A stargate address...They coded it!" Daniel realised, grinning at

Sam.

 

"You need seven points though." Sam frowned.

 

"We've got them. Six plus the origin! Here...I've got the DHD from

P3R 889 on video." His eyes opened wide. "What about my world....?"

He paused, watching them.

 

"We'll figure this out and then try and send you home, okay?" Sam

smiled a slightly twisted, bitter smile.

 

"Okay." He smiled again tightly, and turned back to his translation.

 

                         *******************

 

I've seen it coming like a thief in the night,

I've seen it coming from the flesh of your light

So give me strength,

to face this test tonight

 

                         *******************

 

'Oh damn. How do I tell her this? How do I tell her I just lost her

best friend?' Jack's fingers drummed incessantly on the steering

wheel. 'Enough stalling. Get a grip O'Neill.' He pulled his

sunglasses off and looked at the house lit up with lights inside.

Outside was dark, and he could make out shadows of Cassie and Charlie

in the lounge, watching T.V. Where was she?

 

"Are you coming inside or staying out?" Her voice shocked him, scared

him even.

 

"Huh?" He jumped, banging his elbow on the door.

 

"You coming in or staying out?" She repeated, he could see concern in

her eyes now.

 

"Uh...coming in." He watched as she shuffled backwards and he stepped

out, pulling the bags of groceries with him. Oh yeah, Mr. Domestic,

that was him.

 

"What's wrong?" She demanded, studying his face intently.

 

"Am I that see-through?" He asked, half serious, half joking.

 

"Yes. What's wrong?" It was obvious that she wasn't impressed by his

incredibly quick wit.

 

"Uh....later." He muttered, relieved to see Charlie and Cassie

appearing in the doorway, both wearing pyjama's and waving furiously.

 

She glared at him but followed him silently back up the small garden

pathway to inside.

 

                         *******************

 

"So. Are you working tomorrow?" Sam asked, setting her empty mug down

onto the table.

 

"Uh...yeah." He swilled his last mouthful of coffee around without

managing to meet her eyes.

 

"What happened?" She asked him.

 

He studied her. They were civil now, not constantly shooting off

insulting comments at each other. Still, there was no love lost on

him for her part, but he was beginning to feel a certain amount of

affection and protectiveness for her...not a good sign considering

she hated him because of how he *used* to treat her.

 

"Well..." 'Uh, I lost your best friend on a planet?' No, that

probably wouldn't do.

 

"Colonel." She used that warning voice she sometimes used with Cassie

and Charlie when they were pushing her too far.

 

"It's Jack." He corrected her mildly.

 

"What?"

 

"My name. It's Jack." He hoped she'd forget about her line of

questioning. No such luck. The woman was worse than Hanka when he had

a bone.

 

"Stop avoiding the issue, *Jack*."

 

"Uh..."

 

"Something happened to Daniel, didn't it?" He couldn't believe that

colour could drain from a person's face that quickly.

 

"Well...we don't *know* that for certain yet..."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" She demanded, her eyes large and fear-

filled.

 

Daniel was, he realised with a jolt, probably her only friend other

than Teal'C. It wasn't that she was unfriendly or didn't make

friends...she just seemed to be working so often that people didn't

really get to know her.

 

"Well...we were on this mission today and..."

 

"Just get to the point, Colonel." She snapped, her eyes flashing with

concern turned to anger.

 

"He just disappeared. I mean, one minute he was there, walking

through this doorway, the next ten minutes later there was absolutely

no trace of him. Like he'd never been there." Jack shrugged,

admitting his own puzzlement over the situation.

 

"Why aren't you looking for him?" She demanded, icily.

 

"Hammond sent me home. I've been looking all day." Jack realised he

was tired, struggling to hide a yawn from Sam.

 

"So what? You want the slippers and pipe routine because you've had a

hard day's work?" He never realised what a sharp tongue she had. Much

sharper than Sara's.

 

"No, I don't. What I really want is to be out there looking for him

because I was stupid enough to lose him in the first place.

Unfortuneately for me, I am human and *do* happen to need sleep, no

matter how much I don't want to. Hammond knows this, so he sent me

home for sleep - which I probably won't do because I'll be so wracked

with guilt that..." He stopped abruptly, his face turning cold and

hard as he realised what he'd been revealing.

 

"I...I'm sorry." She whispered, pain in her eyes.

 

"For what?" He snapped, standing and roughly gathering the mugs with

a crashing sound.

 

"I'm being selfish...I'm blaming you and it's not your fault."

 

"You don't know that for certain."

 

"Yes I do. I know he's your friend and you care about him. I know

that you would never have lost him on purpose."

 

"Yeah, well, let those happy thoughts entertain you for however long

you want. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He stalked off and left a

very confused and bewildered Sam Carter sitting on the couch, feeling

very much like someone who has just realised for the first time that

the world is, in fact, round.

 

                         *******************

 

Jack turned roughly on his bed, kicking his sheets off angrily. The

only thing that stopped him from jumping up and throwing his bedside

table over (along with any other furniture in close proximity) was

the knowledge that Cassie, Charlie and Sam were all in the house with

him, and probably getting some much needed sleep.

 

A subtle bump caught his attention. Freezing in his bed and listening

intently, he concentrated. Just after he began to think he'd imagined

the noise, he heard it again. A slight shuffling sound and a dull

clump.

 

Without a thought for himself, Jack bolted out of his bed, grabbed

his firearm from in between his mattress and put his Black Ops

training to full use as he worked his way through the house.

 

The loungeroom was dark, but his eyes adjusted to it eventually, and

he realised there was no one present. Slowly he made his way to the

kitchen. The light from the digital clock on the microwave and stove

threw a light blue luminscent glow over the kitchen and the cold from

the tiles worked it's way up through his feet.

 

He shivered involuntarily, the adrenaline pumping.

 

A scuffle from above his head caught his attention. He glanced up at

the roof curiously. Nothing there, unless the light fixture had

suddenly decided that it was going to come alive. Seeing as that was

*really* an option...

 

A definate clunk of a solid object impacting with wood above his head

told him where the intruder was. His deck on the roof where he'd kept

his telescope at one stage.

 

Carefully he crept out through the back door and made his way up the

narrow stairs till he reached the roof.

 

"Carter!" He jerked in surprise, pulling the gun off her when he

realised why the shock of blond hair gleaming silver in the moonlight

looked so familiar.

 

"What you want?" She demanded. He narrowed his eyes.

 

"Carter, are you drunk?"

 

"No. I'm just tipsy." She defended herself, unusually open with her

emotions in her voice. She sounded so forlorn that Jack had to stop

himself from patting her on the head reassuringly.

 

"Why would that be? You're not even supposed to be touching alcohol."

 

"So? I'm drowning my sorrows, okay?"

 

"No, that's not okay." Jack clicked the gun back to safety and

carefully set it on the ledge, dropping down to sit next to her in

the small area that was his balcony.

 

"Oh hey, you're not intruding or anything." She said sarcastically,

taking another swig out of her nearly empty bottle.

 

"My house, my deck, my beer and isn't it supposed to be my sarcasm as

well?" He asked her, snatching the bottle off her and lifting it to

his own mouth for a needed gulp.

 

"Don't, you'll finish it!" She complained, reaching for it.

 

"Take another one. I see you've taken them all anyway." He gestured

to the two empty bottles carefully placed in a line and the three

remaining full ones.

 

"You said to make myself at home." She reminded him, taking a new

bottle.

 

"And you do this at your place?" He nearly laughed. Carter? No way.

She was as straight as they came.

 

"Course." She sounded surprised.

 

"Oh." He didn't realise she was actually telling the truth. Come to

think of it, considering how low her tolerance of alcohol was

supposed to be mixed with those drugs, she was holding out pretty

damn well. Three bottles and still coherent.

 

"So what are you doing up here in the middle of the night drinking my

beer?" He asked her, draining the last of her bottle and setting next

to the other empty ones.

 

"Getting sloshed." She responded glibly, taking another

swallow. "Sozzled, pissed, whacked, boozed..."

 

"Carter...the aim of drinking is to be aware of the stuff going down

your throat. You're not even taking the effort to appreciate the good

quality booze that this stuff is." He stated matter-of-factly,

enjoying the fact that she had let down her guard a little even

though it was an alcohol induced state.

 

"I see you have better tastes that Skaara's moonshine." She grinned

to herself, obviously remembering his reaction.

 

"Oh yeah." He smiled slightly, thinking of Skaara.

 

"You liked him, didn't you?" Sam asked, completely forgetting about

her promises to herself to not talk to this man about anything

important.

 

"Yeah. Reminded me of Charlie." Jack admitted, leaning back against

the wall. He shivered as his back came into contact with the coolness

of the wall.

 

"What are you wearing...oh." They both seemed to realise for the

first time that he was in his boxers, nothing else.

 

"At least someone around here thinks sometimes." He grinned ruefully,

catching sight of the quilt she was wrapped in. She reminded him of

an eskimo, all rugged up.

 

"I'm paid to think." She shrugged simply, then stopped. "Was paid

to." She remembered.

 

"Come on, Carter...you don't know that for sure." He tried to comfort

her in vain.

 

"Oh yes I do. I'm not stupid, Colonel." She sighed, glancing at him.

 

"What?"

 

"You're making me cold." She complained, taking another gulp of her

beer before looking at him. "Here." She starting unwrapping herself

from her little cacoon.

 

"No, you need it." He shook his head, holding out his hands in

refusal.

 

"You're going to catch pneumonia and then you won't be able to bring

Daniel back." She snapped, her eyes flaring.

 

"Okay." He relented. "We'll share it though."

 

"We will?" She raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "I don't think so."

 

"Why not?" He was curious, and getting straight answers out of her

for once.

 

"Because, I can't stand you." She managed to get out before shrugging

the quilt off her shoulders. "Second, the quilt's not big enough and

third, I'm still in my sweats so I'll be warm anyway." She threw the

quilt at him.

 

"That's not very scientific." He stated, hurt that she'd told him she

couldn't stand him.

 

"It's all true though." She sniffed arrogantly, pulling her knees up

to her chest and huddling into the corner.

 

"If I can prove you wrong on one of those points, would you share?"

He grinned.

 

She glanced at him. "Sure, cos I'm right." She shrugged carelessly.

 

"You have a huge ego." He stated. He quickly threw the quilt around

his shoulders and then took a hold of her hand.

 

"What are you doing?" She snatched her hand back and glared at him,

wobbling slightly as she fought for her balance even though she was

seated on the ground.

 

"Proving you wrong. This quilt is big enough to share, come on." She

was too drunk to even realise what he meant until she suddenly found

herself sitting between his legs with her back against his chest and

his arms wrapped tightly around her, the quilt covering them

both. "See?" He smirked in her ear triumphantly.

 

Fighting back a shiver as the hair next to her ear stirred, Sam

struggled tiredly against his warm hold. "I still don't like you."

She informed him when he chuckled at her feeble attempts to escape.

 

"Wrong again." He told her. "You didn't want me to catch pneumonia."

He stated. "That's caring about someone."

 

"Yeah, caring about Daniel." She fired right back.

 

"What's this got to do with Daniel?" His voice turned emotionless,

and she realised that Daniel's absence was affecting him just as much

as it was affecting her.

 

"You've got to find him. You can't do that if you're sick." She

whispered.

 

"Do you trust me to find him?" Jack asked softly, amazement in his

voice.

 

Sam remained silent, her eyes closed as she listened to the sound of

his heart beating against her. "Yes. You're his friend too..." She

admitted.

 

"I'm sorry for losing him." He said sincerely.

 

"I know...I just..."

 

"Needed someone to take it out on. I know." Jack sighed,

unconsciously pulling her against him in a tight hug.

 

What felt like hours later he felt her wriggle against him. Loosening

his hold on her, he was surprised when she turned against him and

snuggled back into his hold, burying her head beneath his chin.

 

"You tired?" He asked.

 

Sam blinked.

 

"Hello, Sam?" He tried again.

 

She sighed against him, hoping he'd talk again.

 

"What?"

 

"You rumble when you talk." She told him matter-of-factly, enjoying

his warmth far more than she should have.

 

"Oh." He was confused for a second, and then realised what she meant.

He chuckled lighly, dropping an unthinking kiss on her hair as she

snuck her arms around his waist.

 

"No, seriously Sam, are you tired?" He asked eventually.

 

"I can't sleep." She admitted, not even bothering to look up at him.

 

"You should go to bed." He said gently.

 

"I don't want to, Jack." She mumbled. "I don't want to think about

Daniel and what's happened to him."

 

"You don't have to...besides...we don't know what's happened to him."

 

"I know...and that's the problem." She hiccuped against him and was

startled to feel a hot drop of water land on his skin.

 

He cupped her chin his hand and looked down at her. She was crying.

 

"Don't look at me." She sobbed, burying her head against him.

 

"Why not?" Why was this woman so damn strange?

 

"Because I'm crying. Like a baby." She snorted in disgust, trying to

avoid looking up at him again. He cupped her chin again and looked

down at her, studying her amazingly lucid blue eyes.

 

"You're drunk, Sam, an unhappy drunk." He told her firmly. "Unhappy

drunks cry. It's what they do."

 

"I'm not drunk." She said calmly, not looking away.

 

"Oh yes you are. You just drank three and a half bottles of beer, not

to mention all that medication they've got you on."

 

"So? That doesn't mean I'm drunk. It just means I'm well lubricated."

She stated, daring him to argue.

 

"Okay. If you weren't drunk, would you be letting me hold you like

this and talk to you like this?" He demanded pointedly.

 

"If I was drunk I wouldn't be talking." She responded. "I'm only

tipsy, and that's why you're getting away with this." She added,

trying to glare at him but unable to.

 

"Would you let me kiss you?" Okay. So where on earth did *that* come

from?

 

"Why would you want to do that?" She sounded completely and utterly

surprised.

 

"Well...you're a female - an attractive female - I'm a male, we're

both 'tipsy', upset..."

 

"Probably not." She told him.

 

"But you considered the idea for just a smidgeon of a second." He

grinned.

 

"I did not!" She denied hotly, colour flooding her cheeks.

 

"Oh yes you did. You're blushing."

 

"I didn't, and you can't prove it!" She stated.

 

"Bet I can." He whispered, claiming a kiss.

 

Sam froze as his lips met hers, angry that he'd even considered

kissing her. Now he was kissing her...and it was nice. No. It was

more than nice. It was really really really nice. Great. Wonderful.

Amazing. Wrong.

 

She pulled back, her eyes wide in the moonlight as she stared at him

in shock.

 

"I'm sorry!" Jack gasped, shame flooding through him. He'd had no

right to do that, none at all, but he really wanted to do that again.

 

"Why did you do that?" She demanded.

 

"I wanted to." He admitted honestly, trying to calm himself

down. "I'm sorry."

 

"It's okay." She blinked, confused that she'd just told him it was

okay. No, it wasn't okay. It was wrong, he'd had no right to do that,

but she really wanted him to do it again. "I was just..." She glanced

at him, wishing she could read his eyes in the darkness.

 

"We're both drunk." He stated, and she didn't argue this time.

 

"We're both emotionally unstable." She added in agreement.

 

"Confused."

 

"Lonely."

 

"Adults."

 

"Not thinking straight." She sighed as he kissed her again.

 

"We shouldn't be doing this." He whispered, breaking the kiss but

resting his cheek against hers.

 

"I know." She breathed, her eyes still closed. "But..."

 

"I know." He kissed her again, and she completely threw logic out of

the window.

 

                         *******************

 

If only I could turn back time,

if only I had said what I still hide

if only I could turn back time,

I would stay.

 

                         *******************

 

"Well...what about the Nox?" Daniel suggested.

 

"Oh...you met them too, huh?" Jack grinned a crooked grin.

 

"Yeah. Why, what did you do?" Daniel narrowed his eyes, watching them

suspiciously.

 

"Well...a few people on our team, not mentioning names of course,

wanted to catch Apophis..."

 

"Did you?" Daniel raised his eyebrows.

 

"Sort of....only the Nox interfered and we got into their bad books

so now they don't want anything to do with us."

 

"Oh." Daniel looked at Sam. "What does that mean?"

 

"They told us we're too young and immature. They buried their gate."

Sam sighed, a look of disappointment flashing across her face.

 

"Well...they did help the Tollans." Jack pointed out.

 

"The who?"

 

"The Tollan...you haven't met them?"

 

"No." Daniel shook his head. "When did you meet them?"

 

"Shortly after we found Cassie." Sam explained.

 

"No. You were in the car accident a while after we found Cassie and

so SG-1 was put on downtime." Daniel studied her. "So you say the Nox

can't help you?"

 

"No."

 

"They might be willing in my reality..." Daniel's eyes opened a bit

wider.

 

"Are you saying they didn't bury their gate on you?" Jack asked

hopefully.

 

"They didn't." Daniel agreed. "Apophis snuck up on us, nearly killed

us, they saved us and shipped Apophis back to his own world. After

that they let us hang around for a while and showed us their sky city

in the distance and then sent us home."

 

"So the gate's still open?"

 

"It was last time we checked, but we don't really go to them that

often because they're scared we'll contaminate their children

with 'bad ways', and General Hammond respects that." Daniel explained.

 

"Oh." Sam narrowed her eyes. "Do you think that if they agree to help

you in your reality, they might somehow be willing to help us contact

them in *our* reality? That way we still stand a chance." Sam

realised hopefully.

 

"Only way to find out is to come for a visit to my reality and see

for yourself." Daniel girnned.

 

"Lead on Danny-boy."

 

                         *******************

 

The bolt reminds me I was there

the bolt reminds me I was there

 

                         *******************

 

Sam's eyes flew open.

 

"What?" She heard O'Neill's tired, bewildered voice somewhere near

the vacinity of her own head. "Really? Oh...Okay...I'll be

there....what?....I have to though.... General!... Yes Sir....

Okay... I'll tell her.... yes Sir, thanks. Bye." She heard what

sounded suspiciously a phone being hung up and then realised where

she was.

 

"Oh shit!" She gasped, jerking upright and clutching at the sheets to

cover herself.

 

She caught sight of O'Neill's slightly guilty face then, but what she

saw there the most obviously was relief.

 

"They found him." He said softly, closing his eyes and leaning back

against the headboard, seemingly unconcerned about their

current 'state'.

 

"Daniel?" She asked stupidly. Of course he was talking about Daniel.

What was wrong with her thinking? Quite a lot actually, considering

that she had just found herself in his bed with him, neither of them

wearing clothing and with some pretty detailed memories of the night

before.

 

"Yeah." O'Neill opened his eyes and looked at her then, studying

her. "Apparently they found *us* too."

 

"What?" She looked around, expecting people to be watching them and

accusing.

 

"Oh...not *us* us, another us."

 

"What?" Okay, so that wasn't helping.

 

"Some reality thing...two of us..."

 

"Alternate Realities?" Sam's eyebrows shot skyword, amazement on her

face as the words and his nod sunk in. Completely forgetting about

her situation, a grin formed on her face. "So there are another me

and another you back on base?"

 

"According to General Hammond. Apparently I've got a broken leg and

you're fit and healthy." He winced as the words slipped out of his

mouth and the sudden excitement faded from her eyes. Fit and healthy.

How could he be such an ass?

 

"Oh...don't tell me...we get along in this reality?" She asked

snidely, pulling the sheets up higher and shuffling away from him.

 

"Apparently." He looked at her. "We were getting on pretty well last

night, if you remember."

 

"I was drunk." She stated coldly. "You took advantage of me."

 

"You were only tipsy." He defended himself. "Besides...I'd had a few

too and you agreed to it." He reminded her.

 

"You shouldn't have..."

 

"Neither should you." He didn't let her finish.

 

Sam glared at him and then sank back against the headboard on 'her'

side of the bed.

 

"Well...I think this settles it then." She said eventually.

 

"What settles what?" Jack showed confusion on his face as he looked

over at her. She wasn't looking at him, she was staring across the

room at his wall.

 

"I want to take Cassie and move back to my own apartment." She said

softly, still not looking at him.

 

"Why? Because you can't trust me anymore?" He bit out.

 

Sam opened her mouth....and then closed it. She sighed.

 

"Sam...you can't go." Jack was surprised at the tone of his voice. He

sounded....desperate.

 

"I have to." She said simply.

 

"You can't." He argued with her. "Your Dad's still at your place and

looks like he intends on staying for a while. You're still not

allowed to drive anywhere and you've only got one room in your

apartment." He listed to her.

 

"What do you suggest I do then?" She surprised him, asking him

honestly and seriously for his opinion.

 

"What I really want you to do?" He questioned, checking to make sure

she wasn't being sarcastic.

 

"Yes." She nodded.

 

"I want you and Cassie to stay here." He admitted.

 

"Why?"

 

"Well...You're like a Mom to Charlie...he needs a Mom." He said

softly. "I love Cassie, so does Charlie - he also loves you. And I'm

starting to get used to you as well." He admitted reluctantly.

 

"I can't..."

 

"Please stay." Both Sam and Jack jerked their heads guiltily to the

doorway. Charlie stood there, a pleading look on his little face as

he studied Sam.

 

"I..."

 

"Please Sam..." Charlie trailed off, glancing at his Dad. "I don't

want you to go too." He whispered.

 

Oh damn. Sam closed her eyes. "I...Charlie...it's not that easy..."

 

"But you and Dad are friends now...aren't you?" He narrowed his eyes,

daring his Dad to argue with that. "Please...then me and Cassie can

be brother and sister and we'll all be happy." He begged.

 

"Charlie." Jack started in freshly, "How about you go downstairs and

put the kettle on, then wake Cassie up and come back here. I'll talk

to Sam, okay?"

 

"You're gonna kiss her and then she's gonna stay!" Charlie crowed

happily, remembering his Dad kissing his Mom and her promising to

stay.

 

"Maybe." Jack shot a look at Sam which she seemed to understand.

 

"Okay, I'll go make you some tea."

 

"Coffee." Sam inserted promptly, shooting a haughty look at

Jack. "Show some understanding here, *honey*, I want coffee."

 

"Coffee it is. Charlie, two coffees. You and Cassie can have some hot

chocolate if you want."

 

"Okay." Charlie raced out of the room.

 

"Oops." Jack turned apologetically towards Sam.

 

"So now what do we do?"

 

"We?" Jack raised and eyebrow.

 

"Your son just found us in bed together - butt naked I might add -

and heard you begging me to stay with you guys. Now he's assuming I'm

taking over role as mother, just because he happened to find you in

bed with me. How long do you think it's going to be before *everyone*

knows about this?"

 

"Uh..." Jack swallowed. "Here." He realised suddenly, throwing her

his shirt that was lying crumpled on the floor next to the bed.

 

Sam looked pointedly at him until he looked away. Once the shirt was

on she got out of the bed, not looking at him as she gathered up all

their stray clothes and hastily shoved them underhis bed, just

slipping on her panties before grudgingly sliding back into bed next

to him. She was relieved to notice that he was now also dressed -

wearing his boxers. Again.

 

"So what are you going to do?" He asked softly. "Stay, or go?"

 

"If you had any idea how much I just want to slap your face right

now, take Cassie and leave, you wouldn't even have considered that

question." She glared at him as he chuckled. "And laughing isn't

changing my mind either."

 

"Then why aren't you going?"

 

"You have one son that has me wrapped around his little finger, and

he's not letting me go that quickly." Sam smiled ruefully.

 

"The O'Neill charm." He told her matter-of-factly.

 

"Where'd yours go?" She shot back goodnaturedly, and then caught

herself as she realised she was flirting with him.

 

"Sam...what are you going to do?"

 

"You do realise that if I stay here, we'll be forced to show

affection for one another because even kids aren't stupid. They know

if they catch two adults in bed together then the adults are pretty

much getting along."

 

"On." Jack grinned at her, relieved now that he knew she was going to

stay.

 

Sam blushed and rolled her eyes. "Well, we're not going to be getting

on if I stay here." She warned him.

 

"I know that." He sighed, for some reason feeling disappointed and

slightly rejected that she'd told him that.

 

"Okay. If, and let me just make sure you understand that if part of

it, *if* I stay, what type of relationship are we going to present to

them?" She asked seriously. "I mean, Charlie already thinks we're

busy 'getting on' at the moment."

 

"Well...would it let them hurt to think that?"

 

"I don't think it's a good idea, that's all." Sam said honestly.

 

"Why?"

 

"How long are Cassie and I going to stay here?"

 

"Forever." He said smoothly.

 

"Jack." She sighed, rubbing her face in her hands. "We can't. We

can't just pretend to be some big happy family because we're not."

 

"Why not? You can pretend to be Mom, I'll pretend to be Dad and the

kids can pretend to be kids." He looked pleased with

himself. "Honestly now, do you really hate me that much that you

couldn't at least pretend to like me?"

 

"Well...no." Sam sighed, hating herself as the words formed on her

lips. "You've changed."

 

"Towards you." He admitted softly, pained as the memories flashed

across his eyes.

 

"How do I know you're not going to do that again?" She asked softly,

her blue eyes serious.

 

"We've got the kids to worry about, and I like you now." He added

defiantly.

 

Sam shrugged back a laugh. "So what are we going to do?" She asked

again.

 

"Have you kissed her yet?" Charlie's voice assailed their ears. Both

people turned to face him, flushing slightly guiltily.

 

"You have!" Cassie grinned, her eyes still sleepy and her movements

slow, but the enthusiasm was present.

 

"Are you going to get married now?" Charlie demanded, taking Sam a

mug of coffee. She took his hot chocolate as well while he clambered

onto the bed and seated himself between Sam and Jack's legs.

 

"Are we going to be a family?" Cassie asked hopefully after settling

herself against the headboard between Jack and Sam.

 

"I..." Sam glanced helplessly at Jack who just looked back at

her. 'Your decision.' His eyes told her. She took a deep

breath. "Yes." She agreed softly.

 

"Great." Jack told her, leaning over and kissing her softly on the

lips, earning giggles from Charlie and Cassie as they watched

happily.

 

                         *******************

 

If only I could turn back time,

If only I had said what I still hide

If only I could turn back time,

I would stay for the night... for the night

 

                         *******************

 

"Sorry I'm late, General." Jack swaggered into the meeting room, his

eyes glancing around for Daniel. "Danny!" He grinned, grabbing Daniel

and giving him a hug. "What have I told you about touching things!"

He scolded, letting the surprised younger man go.

 

"Uh...don't?" Daniel asked hopefully.

 

"Funny, you passed the theory test. You flunked the practicle though."

 

"Why are you so happy this morning?" Daniel asked suspiciously.

 

"Aren't I allowed to be happy?"

 

"Uh...I guess." Daniel glanced over at Teal'C.

 

"Daniel Jackson is correct, O'Neill. You are unusually 'happy' this

morning."

 

"Oh...uh....hey! Whoa!" He caught sight of his counterpart and Sam's

counterpart watching him curiously. "Wow. What happened to you?" Jack

demanded, studying the bright blue cast with suspicion.

 

"We accidentally arrived in Antarctica, and ice is really hard when

you're going really fast." His counterpart replied.

 

"So how are we going to know who we're talking too?" Daniel inserted

suddenly. "If I say Jack, both of you are going to answer."

 

"Well...just call one of us something else." The alternate reality

Jack suggested.

 

"Okay. Let's just call you Happy." Daniel grinned at 'his' Jack.

 

"Hey!"

 

"I like that." Everyone else in the room, barring General Hammond

answered.

 

"Where's Dr. Carter?" General Hammond realised suddenly.

 

"Oh...Sam had to get Cassie and Charlie ready for school so Airman

Andrews is picking her up on his way here. She should be here in

about...ten minutes." 'Happy' Jack glanced over at his counterpart

who had suddenly drained of colour. "You okay?"

 

"Yeah, fine." Jack blinked, swallowing roughly.

 

"It was a possibility." Sam said softly, touching his shoulder.

 

"I know." He shook her hand off and turned around to look out of the

window.

 

"What?" Happy Jack asked, confused.

 

"Uh..." Daniel put his hand on Happy Jack's shoulder and guided him

to another part of the room. "That Jack's son accidentally shot

himself with Jack's gun." Daniel said in a whisper.

 

"When?"

 

"Just before Abydos. That's why he went on it. You went on it because

Sara left and took Charlie with her."

 

"Oh." Happy Jack closed his eyes, only able to comprehend a small

amount of what that man must have been going through. "Is his Sara

still alive?"

 

"Yeah." Daniel squeezed Happy Jack's shoulder slightly and then

turned back to the conversation.

 

"Sorry I'm late, General." Another Sam's voice broke through their

thoughts.

 

"You're early." Happy Jack announced, surprised.

 

"No I'm not...you're all here already." Sam shot back.

 

"So are you." Happy Jack grinned and watched with a certain amount of

affection - which scared the hell out of him - as her face lit up

with that look she got when something incredible had just happened to

her and she was going to try and figure out what it was.

 

"Wow!" She said eventually, grinning like an idiot at herself.

 

"Okay, so now we have two Sam's, and two Jack's." Daniel said

unnecessarily.

 

"Okay people, let's settle down now and discuss this." General

Hammond ordered, pleased as everyone took their seats. He was curious

to note that Dr. Carter accepted Happy Jack's as he pulled her chair

out. Daniel nearly fell out of his chair when he saw that.

 

"Okay, so what's happened?" Daniel glanced at them curiously.

 

"What do you mean, what's happened?" They asked innocently.

 

"Did I just see you guys acting civilly, if not helpfully?"

 

"So? We made up last night." Sam defended herself.

 

"So what does that mean?"

 

"Sam's staying at my place with Cassie for a while longer, instead of

leaving."

 

"Oh." Daniel digested the information.

 

"If you've quite finished." General Hammond looked slightly pleased.

 

"Sorry Sir." Both people responded instantly.

 

"Now. The situation, as I understand it, is that our world is

apparently under threat by Apophis."

 

"Yes." Daniel agreed, turning to explain to his Sam and Jack. "When

we used the quantum mirror..."

 

"The what?"

 

"It's a mirror that we believe transports us between realities.

Seeing as we're in this one and not our own, I'd say that's been

pretty much proven." Captain Carter explained.

 

"Anyway, when we were using it, we accidentally went to the wrong

reality. This one had us being attacked by Apophis. They couldn't

translate the message either, so they didn't know what to expect.

Now, we were thinking that maybe we could get the Nox to help us out

on this one." She finished off, winding up his story.

 

"The Nox don't fight though."

 

"I know. But they also don't like things being killed or persecuted

for no reason."

 

"Okay, so that I get." Happy Jack looked around. "But why - and no

offence intended - are they still here?" He motioned towards his and

Sam's counterparts.

 

"Well...they kind of stuffed up with the Nox so they were wondering

if..."

 

"They could borrow ours? No way!" Jack shook his head instantly.

 

"Colonel." General Hammond warned.

 

"Sorry Sir."

 

"We just want to talk to them and find out of they maybe have some

way of helping us to get in contact with the Nox of our reality." Sam

explained.

 

"OH." Happy Jack looked slightly relieved.

 

"I don't think that will be a problem." General Hammond smiled,

standing up. "SG-1, with Captain Carter as an extra, you have a go."

He nodded.

 

Dr. Sam Carter glanced at the alternate reality Jack who was also

unable to go on the mission. Great. Stuck at home with another Jack.

And she was only just starting to get used to the first one.

 

                         *******************

 

"How long do you think they'll be?" Jack asked Sam as they watched SG-

1 leave without them.

 

"A few hours, five at most." She shrugged.

 

"That short?"

 

"Missions to the Nox are always short...they don't like a lot of our

ideas and would rather we didn't influence their young." She hobbled

away from the window, ignoring the sympathetic looks she was getting

from a lot of the personnel there.

 

"What are you going to do now?" Jack asked her, studying her

curiously. This Sam was so different to his. She was stand-offish,

didn't laugh at his jokes, refused to go near him, very impersonal

and not as bright or happy as his own Sam.

 

"Wait for them to come back." Sam said absently, running her hands

over the computer keyboard.

 

"I meant in the long run. You're not in the military anymore." His

eyes lingered on the jagged scar on her forehead.

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"The SGC?" He studied her, the pain obvious to him, even on this

different woman.

 

"I don't know." She snapped. Irritated? Sam irritated already, with

him?

 

"You really don't like me in this reality, huh?" He realised dully.

 

"I hated you at one stage." She admitted, grinning ruefully.

 

"But?"

 

"I nearly died. You - Jack took me and Cassie in because I had no

where else to go and he's starting to grow on me." An unreadable look

flitted across her face.

 

"And you don't want him too."

 

"No."

 

"It's the O'Neill charm." He told her simply.

 

"He told me that this morning." Sam shook her head, smiling despite

herself.

 

"Why don't you like him?"

 

"He was a complete ass to me." She said pointedly. "Apparently he

took his anger with Sara out on me because I looked so much like her."

 

"Then what?" Jack asked, fascinated by the differences in their lives.

 

"She died. School shoot out." Sam tapped her fingers on the desk. "He

had to get Charlie." She smiled fondly as she thought about

Charlie. "What's wrong?" She asked, concerned by the look on his face.

 

"Uh...Nothing."

 

"Don't lie to me." She snapped, annoyed.

 

He glanced at her. "Sorry." He muttered, turning away.

 

"Why, did Sara die in your world as well?" She asked gently.

 

"What? Oh no. Sara's still alive and living, still hates me more than

death itself."

 

"Then what..."

 

"No. The one who's dead is my son." Jack's eyes were so angry and

bitter when he looked at her, she was scared.

 

"I'm sorry..."

 

"Why? It wasn't your fault. It was mine." He shook his head

slightly. "Do me a favour, okay? Tell your Jack to keep guns out of

the house. Don't take them anywhere near Cassie or Charlie, okay?"

 

"Oh God." Sam's eyes widened.

 

"Yeah. My gun. My son shot himself with my gun." He gave a bitter

laugh and bashed his crutch against the wall. "You know what the

funny thing is?" he asked, gaining control of himself.

 

"What?"

 

"I haven't even told Sam - my Sam. She knows about Charlie, but she

doesn't *know* about Charlie. She's my best friend and I haven't even

told her about my son. Taboo subject."

 

"You should tell her about it." Sam advised gently, surprised at this

man holding so much hurt. He was so much like her Jack - where had

that 'her' come from? Anyway, he was so much like the Jack from this

reality...but so different too.

 

"Yeah, but how?"

 

                         *******************

 

"Thanks." Sam fell into step next to Jack.

 

"No worries." Jack glanced at her oddly.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing. It's just that you're so...nice to me." He blinked.

 

"Why? Aren't I in this world?"

 

"No." He smiled slightly.

 

"Why not?"

 

"I treated Sam like...well...I gave Sam reason to hate me so I don't

hate her for hating me."

 

"Oh." Sam smiled up him, amusement on her face.

 

"What?" Jack looked surprised, curious.

 

"You're different to my Jack. Not as closed off - or bitter." She

said dryly.

 

"Oh." Jack looked at her sideways. "Do you like your Jack?"

 

"What?" Sam looked slightly flustered. "Of course I like my Jack."

She answered defensively.

 

"No. I mean do you like like your Jack." He grinned.

 

"Why? Do you like your Sam?"

 

"I asked you first."

 

"So?" She raised an eyebrow.

 

"And so we both get our answers." Jack sighed, smiling slightly as he

shook his head.

 

"Don't you dare tell!" She warned him, feeling like a teenager.

 

"Could I ask you a question?" He asked suddenly, feeling ridiculously

shy and stupid.

 

"I guess." She looked at him, understanding his hesitation.

 

"If you really really really disliked me...what would I have to do to

make it up to you?"

 

"I don't know." Sam went quiet as she thought about it.

 

"Okay, let me try a different question. How would I have to go about

getting your trust?"

 

"Prove yourself trustworthy."

 

"And how do I do that?" He waited.

 

"I don't know." Sam sighed. "What are you getting at?"

 

"Okay. Here's the deal, you're not allowed to tell anyone." He made

her promise again.

 

"Okay." She waited.

 

"Uh...well...you know Daniel went missing?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

"Okay. Well. Uh...we were both kind of upset. Sam was...upset about

other things too..."

 

"Like?"

 

"Being discharged from the military...Janet's death...her guilt I

guess...I don't know...Anway, she got herself drunk - she says she

was only tipsy - and I also happened to get slightly tipsy..."

 

"Drunk." Sam grinned.

 

"Was not. Only two and a half bottles of beer." He defended himself

as the Stargate came into sight. "Anyway, to cut a long story short,

we slept together." He took a deep breath. "Charlie sort of...caught

us in bed together. We weren't doing anything, just sitting at

opposite ends of the bed having a serious and civil discussion for

once, and he jumped to conclusions. Cassie too...so now somehow Sam

and I have sort of created this charade of friendship - if not more -

and we're all going to be a big happy family." He finished up.

 

"Okay, so you don't want it to be pretend." Sam caught on pretty damn

quickly.

 

"Well...I don't know if I want anything with Sam...I mean we've both

done some pretty awful things to each other..."

 

"Like?"

 

"Well....Daniel and Teal'C had to physically hold the two of us back

at one stage."

 

"You would have hit her?"

 

"She challenged me to hand to hand, I wouldn't have hurt her." He

said honestly. "Also the way we treated each other..." He clenched

his jaw.

 

"So you just want to at least be friends?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Okay. Sleeping with her was a bad idea. Very bad idea." Sam started

out.

 

"I know that...but..."

 

"Okay, okay. Talk to her."

 

"Why?"

 

"I hate not knowing things and I'm willing to bet she does too. We

need the facts, all the angles, everything, and then we sort it out

in our mind and figure out what to do and where to go from there."

 

"Oh." Jack blinked slightly.

 

"Be honest, don't try and push her and make sure you don't try to

take advantage of her again." Sam raised an eyebrow.

 

"You're not too upset that I took advantage of her..."

 

"I'm not stupid...she's not stupid." She said cryptically.

 

"Hey Jack..." Daniel interupted. "So how does it feel to have a

civilised conversation with Sam Carter?" He grinned.

 

"Fine." Jack shrugged nonchanlantly. "Dial us home Danny, and then we

can send these good folks home."

 

                         *******************

 

If only I could turn back time,

If only I had said what I still hide

If only I could turn back time,

I would stay for the night... for the night

 

                         *******************

 

Jack looked over at Sam.

 

"You okay?"

 

"Yeah." She sighed.

 

"Sure?" He studied her.

 

"I'm fine Jack." She faced him. "I'm going back." She admitted.

 

"That's good." He smiled at her. "Place wouldn't have been the same

without you." He said honestly.

 

"What, less fighting?" She tried to grin.

 

"No...less smiling." He stood up self consciously. "I'm going to turn

in now..."

 

"Me too." She walked up the hall way with him.

 

"Sam..."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you."

 

"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you." She grinned slightly.

 

"What?"

 

"We were both sloshed, O'Neill." She grinned properly this time.

 

"Mind if I say goodnight to Cassie?" He smiled in relief.

 

"No." She led the way into the room and watched as he leant over to

drop a kiss on Cassie's forhead.

 

"Night Cassie." He murmered.

 

"Night Jack." She turned over and sighed.

 

"Goodnight Sam." He kissed her cheek as well and walked out of the

room.

 

"Goodnight." She called after him softly as the door clicked shut.

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 5: I Don't Wanna Fight

 

 

I Don't Wanna Fight

Performed by Westlife

(Used without permission. Didn't even know we had the CD until I went

scratching through our pile to find a song with 'suitable' lyrics. I

love the piano music...and the words are okay too!!)

 

 

I can't sleep, everything I ever knew

Is a lie without you

I can't breath, when my heart is

broke in two

There's no beat without you

 

                         *******************

 

Sam splashed the cold water onto her face. Grabbing the towel she

furiously scrubbed the water away and then studied her reflection in

the mirror.

 

Two large blue eyes ringed with with tiredness stared back at her.

Despite the healthy red glow her cheeks were emanating from the rough

towel drying they're received, it was obvious she was too pale.

Patches where the red was started to fade and the tingling sensation

lessening were already going a pale, milky white colour.

 

Glaring at her reflection, Sam hung the towel up and padded back to

her room - the room in Jack's house house she was sharing with

Cassie. It came out of left field, hitting straight for a home run

towards the bathroom where she successfully scored a hole in one with

the great white porcelain god.

 

Groaning she straightened herself and once again followed the

procedure of rinsing her mouth out, scrubbing her face with her hands

and then rubbing it dry roughly with a towel.

 

"Sam, are you okay?" Cassie's voice sounded slightly worried.

 

"Fine Cassie, I think I've just caught a tummy bug or something." Sam

managed a smile as her stomach roiled again. "Would you get me a cup

of tea, no sugar or milk please?" She gasped, clutching at her mouth

as her stomach settled again.

 

"Do you want me to get Jack?"

 

"No honey, just the tea. I'll be fine, honest." She smiled tightly

again and leant against the door frame.

 

"Okay." Cassie studied her and then jogged off to the kitchen to make

a cup of tea.

 

"Damn." Sam cursed, pushing herself towards her bedroom. Damn damn

damn damn damn. "Not good." She muttered, digging around in the back

of her cupboard - the back of the cupboard in Jack's spareroom that

she was sharing with Cassie.

 

"Sam, you okay?" Jack's voice startled her.

 

"Huh?" She blinked, guilty.

 

"Are you okay? Cassie said you weren't feeling well." He added,

studying her determinedly.

 

She managed another small smile for him.

 

"Fine. I think too much beer is the cause of this." She added lightly.

 

"I told you to only have one." He frowned, reaching over and feeling

her forehead. "Lie down for a while, Cassie'll bring your tea up,

okay?" His eyes were so concerned. It was so sweet.

 

"Sure. Thanks." She shoved the small packet back in her cupboard -

the cupboard in Jack's house - hastily and then climbed back into bed

under his watchful eye.

 

"Stay there until I say, okay?" He checked before leaving.

 

"Damn." Sam cursed, glaring at his back as he left.

 

                         *******************

 

"No." She warned herself, forcing herself to continue staring at the

bathroom mirror. "Don't you dare look down, don't you dare look at

it. Don't!" She could feel her resolve fading, her eyes straining to

just have a peak downwards.

 

"No!" She lifted her head higher, denying her eyes the view they

seeked. "Oh damn. Not good. Really not good!" She panicked. Catching

sight of her face in the mirror she slumped. "I told you not to

look." She snapped at her reflection. Another sigh. "Houston, we have

a problem."

 

                         *******************

 

Sam paced around the room. Okay. So this changed things. This really

really really changed things. Oh damn.

 

"Sam?" Charlie's voice sounded curious.

 

"Huh?"

 

"What are you doing?" He asked,watching as she stopped walking in

circles and turned to look at him with completely confused eyes.

 

"What are you doing?" he asked her again.

 

"What am I doing?" She looked around the room blankly, thinking about

the answer. "Thinking."

 

"About?"

 

"Uh...nothing really." She lied, smiling brightly.

 

"Are you feeling better now."

 

"Yes." NO!

 

"Good. Dad wants to go to the park. You going to come?

 

NO! "Sure."

 

Oh Damn. Houston, we need some help out here.

 

                         *******************

 

'Uh Jack, I have something to tell you...' No, that wouldn't work.

 

'Jack, I'm...' Oh no, nothing like that.

 

'Jack...do you remember...' Oh boy, she remembered that. Boy, did she

ever remember that. Damn. 'How do I tell him?'

 

"Sam, you okay there?" Jack's face popped into her vision.

 

She jerked upright, spilling her cordial all over herself.

 

"Sam?"

 

"Fine. Just startled me." She smiled tightly and gave a strangled

laugh.

 

"Are you sure you're okay?" He narrowed his eyes. She was

soo....jumpy.

 

"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She placed her empty glass carefully on

the grass, smoothing the green blades down so that she had an even

surface.

 

"You're pregnant."

 

Her eyes flew up guiltily and met his. Oh damn. Houston, do you

remember me? I had a little problem. Big problem now.

 

"Uh..."

 

"Uh..." He licked his lips and studied her. "Now what?"

 

"We play happy families." Sam reminded him, grinning suddenly as

Charlie and Cassie appeared in view.

 

"What do we do?"

 

"I don't know about you, but I'm not going to get rid of him." Sam

said firmly.

 

"So it's mine?"

 

"Of course."

 

"How do you know it's a him?"

 

"How did you know I was pregnant?" Sam responded, realising he'd

guessed somehow.

 

"You're throwing up in the mornings, incredilby tense and fidgety and

you had this dreamy look in your eye a second ago when you were

smoothing the grass out." He listed.

 

"Oh." Sam studied him discreetly out of the corner of her vision. A

dreamy look in her eye? "So what do you want to do?"

 

"What do mean me?" His eyes were openly questioning her.

 

"Well...do you want to be a part of his life or not?"

 

"Sam..." Jack reached over and took a hold of her hand. She glanced

down at it, noticing how his darker, more calloused hand just seemed

to envelope hers. He looked down at the object of her scrutiny and

seemed to realise he had no right to hold her hand. Reluctantly her

let go and sat up straighter. "Sam...Why are you even asking me that

question?" he whispered, hurt in his eyes.

 

Sam looked across the park, watching as Cassie and Charlie waved to

her and Jack.

 

"Sam...you know how much I love Charlie." He shook his head slightly,

as if to shake some  reason into it.

 

She looked at him. Yes. She did know how much she loved Charlie. She

knew the extrodinary lengths the man was willing to go to just so

that his son was happy and safe. Why had she asked that question?

Because she was Sam, not Sara.

 

"I just had to be sure." She told him, smiling slightly.

 

"Of what?"

 

"Of you. Circumstances are a bit different..."

 

"You mean because we're not married? Sam, would you marry me?" He

asked promptly grinning at her.

 

"Jack!" She nearly jumped off the blanket in surprise.

 

"What?"

 

"You don't just ask a question like that off the top of your head.

You're supposed to think these things through, make sure that you

know what you're doing..."

 

"Are you implying that I don't know what I'm doing?" Jack

asked. "Don't answer that!"

 

"Jack, this isn't something to joke about."

 

"Sam...think about it. It's a good idea. That way Cassie and Charlie

have stability in their lives...two parents who both love them, and

then this little guy will also have that." Jack nodded towards her

stomach with his head.

 

"But..."

 

"But what? It's a good idea." Jack frowned, confused.

 

"We're supposed to love each other if we get married." Sam reminded

him.

 

"Well...we don't *hate* each other. Not anymore at least. We could

work on it I suppose..." He trailed off, watching her eyebrows hike

another couple of metres towards her hairline. "We obviously don't

find each other repulsive...certain *things* are just proof of that."

He had the cheek to grin at her.

 

"Jack..."

 

"Please Sam. A normal, happy family. We can be happy? We can be

friends, can't we?" Jack pleaded.

 

"I don't know, Jack." She sighed, holding her head in her hands.

 

"Could I ask you something?" He watched her closely.

 

"That's not a question, is it?" She smiled ruefully.

 

"No." He agreed, smiling slightly. "If you say no, what are you going

to do?" He asked softly.

 

"Huh?"

 

"You're going to be a single Mom with two kids. If you work on base

you're going to have to pay for their food, clothes, school and

everything else, as well as having to pay a baby-sitter." He pointed

out softly. "If we were married..."

 

"I'm not being a housewife."

 

"I wasn't going to suggest that. I was just going to point out that a

combined income would make it a lot easier. You won't have to buy

another apartment because your current one is too small, and you can

always rely on me to look after the kids if something's up."

 

"What's in it for you?" She asked him suspiciously.

 

"Well...Not only do I get a beautiful daughter, ready-made, I get a

gorgeous wife with a tongue on her that could seperate a Go'auld out

of a human, I get a mother figure for Charlie who he likes, I get

someone who's not expecting too much out of the relationship...just a

permanent situation of how things are now." He shrugged.

 

"Why not keep it that way?"

 

"I don't believe in having kids if you're not married." He said

simply, surprising her.

 

"You don't?"

 

"No. I don't normally sleep around either." He grinned dryly.

 

"Oh." Sam looked around, her eyes focusing on Cassie and Charlie now

running towards them. "You'd do that for the kids, wouldn't you?"

 

"Do what?"

 

"Sacrifice the opportunity to be with someone you love for the

kids..."

 

"Sam...if there's someone in your life..."

 

"There isn't. It's just you're eliminating the possibility of that

ever happening." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I didn't ask to be a

mother you know, I didn't ask to get myself pregnant and I certainly

didn't ask Janet to die so I could have Cassie..."

 

"Sam...if you ever find anyone...I won't hold you to the marriage."

He said gently.

 

"Okay." She closed her eyes. It wasn't about love. It was about

convenience. And pretending to two kids who were fairly innocent, in

relativity of course.

 

"Hey...what's up?" Charlie plopped down on the blanket, draping

himself over Jack's legs.

 

Cassie sat down between Sam and Jack. Jack watched with a slight

smile as Sam unconsciouly draped an arm over the girls' shoulders and

hugged her. No, Sam didn't ask to be a mother and he didn't want to

take her freedom or the rest of her life away from her, but sometimes

things were worth sacrificing for. And she was a good mother.

 

"You telling them or me?" He asked, grinning at her. He was relieved

to see an answering smile on her lips, even though her eyes were

suspiciously bright. The kids, he knew, would mistake those tears for

joy. He knew better. She was signing her 'life' away.

 

"You can." She squeezed Cassie's shoulder again.

 

He frowned slightly. Taking her hand in his own - had to make the

whole situation seem real and believable to all concerned - he faced

his kids. "Well...uh...Sam and I..."

 

"You're getting married?" Charlie asked, his eyes suspiciously happy.

 

"Uh...Yeah." Jack blinked. Man the kid was smart. Way to smart for

his own good.

 

"When?" Cassie squealed, bowling Sam over in a hug.

 

"Uh...don't know..." Sam replied. A muffled noise sounded against

Cassie, and Jack knew it was a muffled sob.

 

"Careful." Jack eased Cassie off of Sam, a sudden fear shooting

through him.

 

"What?" Both kids looked at him. He pulled Sam up gently and held her

in his arms, wishing she wasn't quite so tense.

 

"How do you feel about a little brother?" Sam whispered, wishing she

could stop crying.

 

"You're going to have a baby?" Charlie gaped, his face completely

amazed.

 

"Yeah." Jack grinned, letting Sam hide her face against him while she

cried.

 

"Are you okay, Sam?" Cassie touched Sam's shoulder lightly.

 

"Yeah. I'm just...happy." He flinched as she lied to the kids, and

she flinched as well. He hugged her tightly, acknowledging her

sarcrifice, and dropped a kiss on her head that wasn't for show.

 

"Cool." Charlie grinned then, a contented sigh as he sprawled over

his Dad's lap again. "So after I have a brother...is Cassie gonna get

a sister?"

 

                         *******************

 

You're not gone but you're not here

At least that's the way it seems tonight

If we could try to end these wars

I know that we can make it right

 

                         *******************

 

Sam blinked furiously.

 

"You okay?" Jack's gentle tone nearly caused her to burst into tears.

 

"I'm fine." She lied, forcing the tears away as she felt the familiar

stinging sensation underneath her eyelids.

 

"Liar." He smiled slightly and grabbed a hold of her hand. She looked

up at him. Friends. They were nothing more than friends. That's all.

This was just a comfort thing, and quite frankly, she appreciated it.

 

She smiled slightly at him as they made their way up the corridor.

 

A flash of red hair and a white caught stabbed at her heart.

 

"Janet..." She called, hope on her voice.

 

"It's not Janet, Sam." Jack let go of her hand and put his arm around

her shoulders, pulling her close to him. She could smell his

aftershave as he held her, a now familiar and soothing smell on her

senses, as was his hold on her.

 

"I know. It's just..."

 

"It's okay." He smiled his understanding and dropped a kiss on her

forehead. She smiled again and took his hand before he could offer

it. It was nice, this slight shift in their relationship. They were

friends now, if more affectionate than most friends. That was because

constant pretending in front of Cassie and Charlie for the last month

and a half had turned into reality, a constant during their day, even

when the kids weren't around. Small platonic kisses of comfort, a

soothing hand and a warm hold given by Jack to Sam were deemed

completely natural. Sam, on the other hand, never touched him first.

 

                         *******************

 

"Miller...have you got those results yet? I need them *now*!" Daniel

stalked into the room, his face strained.

 

"Sorry Dr. Jackson but I seem to have..."

 

"You've had nearly a month already!" Daniel howled in

frustration. "If Sam was here then those results would have been

ready before I even needed them!"

 

"Sam is here." Sam said softly, surprising him.

 

"SAM!" Daniel whirled around, a grin on his face. "OH! Wow! It's good

to see you back here Sam!" He grinned, hugging her tightly. "You look

well." He held her at arms length and surveyed her. "Why didn't you

call me?"

 

"I did. Someone hardly ever leaves base. I also have two kids to look

after." She grinned at him.

 

"So you're back then?"

 

"I'm back. Only in the mornings though until Cassie and Charlie

finish school, then I go home with them." She admitted.

 

"You driving then?"

 

"Yeah." She smiled tightly.

 

"You drive over this morning?" He asked softly, concern in his eyes.

 

"No. Jack brought me." She was shocked and disgusted to feel the

tears pricking at her eyes again.

 

"Oh, Sam." Daniel's eyes went soft with compassion as he enfolded her

in a hug and rocked her slightly. "It's not that bad."

 

"Yes it is. I keep seeing her walking down the hallways, I keep

calling out 'Janet' and then everyone thinks I'm crazy." She sniffed,

trying to push him away.

 

Daniel let go. "They don't think you're crazy, they all understand."

 

"I know...but..."

 

"I understand Sam, it's okay." He smiled and reached over to squeeze

her shoulder. "So, how's things going otherwise?" he asked her,

completely forgetting his pressing need for results.

 

"Not bad." Sam glanced at Daniel and then down at her slightly

protruding stomach. Would he guess?

 

"So, how does it feel to be back then?" Daniel small talked, knowing

something was bothering her.

 

"Not that difficult. According to Jack I almost didn't have work to

come back to."

 

"Huh?" Daniel blinked at her light-hearted comment.

 

"Senator Kinsey..." She prodded.

 

"Ah, yes. Him." Daniel curled his lips distastefully. "Yeah. He

nearly shut us down." Daniel agreed. "Good thing I had those co-

ordinates and the Nox did their thing. Mr. President out-voted out

good senator then, using some ambigious story or another."

 

"So what exactly did they do?" Sam asked curiously, having only

gotten a very vague explanation from Jack.

 

"I'm not exactly sure. They did something to the navigational

computers, the weapons and engines of the ship. Also its force

shield."

 

"Oh." Sam frowned slightly. "That doesn't mean they're not going to

attack."

 

"I know...but hopefully we'll find some more allies before that

happens." Daniel admitted. He glanced around the room, relieved to

see that Miller had left. "You know, your replacement is a complete

idiot." He confided, oblivious to the flash of pain on Sam's face.

 

Replacement.

 

"Oh." Sam smiled tightly. "I'm sure he's not that bad."

 

"You're not the one who has to work with him." Daniel grumbled,

settling down for a long talk.

 

                         *******************

 

"Hey!" Jack grinned, catching sight of Sam in the cafeteria.

 

"Hey yourself." She smiled at him absently, turning back to the

figures in front of her.

 

"First day back and already back in those bad habits." He admonished,

raising his eyes at the half eaten sandwich and luke warm coffee in

front of her.

 

"Huh?" She looked at him blankly.

 

"Just to remind you...that's not very good for you right now." He

pointed at the coffee. "And you're not eating enough...considering

that you can't keep anything down anyway..." He dumped his tray on

the table and pushed all her stuff aside. "Here. I got you some real

food." He told her firmly.

 

Sam raised her eyebrow as he deposited a huge glass of milk in front

of her, a bowl of chocolate pudding, some fruit salad and a donut. "I

don't eat doughnuts." She stated calmly, spearing a grape on her fork.

 

"Why not?" He looked surprised.

 

"Because." She shrugged, chewing on the grape.

 

"You have to eat donuts though. How could you not eat donuts?" Jack

was astounded.

 

"Hi Jack." Daniel appeared, glancing down at the amount of food

between Sam and Jack. "Wow."

 

"Uh yeah...as I was saying..." Jack glanced over at Sam who was still

watching him disdainfully.

 

"You're not arguing again, are you?" Daniel asked hesitantly,

disappointment on his face.

 

"Of course we are, Danny." Jack looked mildly surprised that Daniel

would hope otherwise. "Sam here is under the impression that a simple

salad sandwich and half a cup of luke warm coffee is a good meal."

 

"I don't see anything wrong with that, other than the fact that the

coffee is only half a cup and luke warm. It should be a full mug and

really hot." He shrugged.

 

Jack gaped at him. "But look at this. I got her chocolate pudding,

milk, a donut and fruit salad. What does she do? Drinks the rest of

her coffee, eats a grape and tells me she doesn't like donuts." He

complained.

 

"Given the choice out of milk and coffee, I understand why she chose

coffee. Jack, are you feeling okay?" Daniel watched him worriedly.

 

"Fine. Why?"

 

"Why have you gotten Sam all this food? Don't you two hate each

other, or was that just me?"

 

"We've been living with each other for about four months now Daniel,

we've learnt how to interact civilly." Jack rolled his eyes.

 

"And you learnt a big word." Daniel teased him, still watching them

suspiciously.

 

"Well...I'm off to the lab. You guys enjoy the food." Sam stood up,

waving her hand at the food on the table.

 

"But you haven't drunk your milk yet!"

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel watched them suspiciously. He reached over absently and tucked

hair behind her ear, she grinned up at him with none of her earlier

hostility, and then he smacked her on the backside.

 

"Okay. What's going on?" He demanded, barging into the room.

 

"What do you mean?" Jack turned to him innocently.

 

"You two!" Daniel sputtered, waving his arms around. "Two weeks. Two

weeks Sam's been back at work and I've been watching you two. Are you

involved?"

 

"What?" Sam nearly laughed.

 

"Involved. As in 'in love'!" Daniel hissed, glaring at them each in

turn.

 

"No, we're not in love." Jack shook his head, his heart twisting

painfully as the words passed through his lips. He glanced at Sam.

Four and a half months she'd been living at his house. One and a half

months they'd been engaged. No, they weren't in love though.

 

"Then what?"

 

"He's got to find out sometime." Sam sighed, turning away from him.

 

"I told Cassie and Charlie." He inserted, eager to get off the hook.

Sam glared at him, masking the pain in her eyes as she let anger

surface.

 

"Of course." She said sarcastically. She turned to Daniel. "No

Daniel, we're not in love. We're only getting married because I'm

pregnant." She stated coldly and marched off down the hallway.

 

Daniel turned to Jack, shocked.

 

                         *******************

 

'Cause Baby

I don't wanna fight no more

I forgot what we were fighting for

And this loneliness that's in my heart

Won't let me be apart from you

 

I don't wanna have to try

Girl to live without you in my life

So I'm hoping we can start tonight

'Cause I don't wanna fight no more

 

                         *******************

 

"Uh...hi Dad." Sam croaked into the phone. 'How do I tell him this?'

 

"Sam!" He sounded strange, she thought. No, that was just her nerves

playing up.

 

"Yeah, it's me." She repeated, feeling like an idiot. 'What on earth

am I going to say? Why did I ring him?'

 

"So how have you been?" He asked eventually.

 

"Oh...I'm getting better."

 

"Did you want your apartment back?" He asked suddenly.

 

"What? Oh no, nothing like that." She nearly laughed in

relief. "No..."

 

"Oh. So what are you and the little girl going to do?" He asked

suspiciously.

 

"Cassie, Dad, her name's Cassie." Sam avoided the question.

 

"Are you still at O'Neill's place?" He demanded suspiciously.

 

"Yeah. I've been here since I was discharged." She agreed.

 

"Why?"

 

"Well...Cassie's happy here, settled. Charlie's settled as well.

There's no room for all three of us in my apartment and..."

 

"And what?" he was downright suspicious now.

 

"And we're engaged." She said softly.

 

"What?" Jacob nearly screeched.

 

"I'm getting married Dad, in two days time." She sniffed.

 

"Sam? Are you okay?" Jacob was instantly alert. Something was wrong

with his daughter.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine." She lied, trying to hide another sniff.

 

"Then why are you crying?" He asked gently. 'How,' he wondered, 'do I

talk to her? How do I relate to my daughter?'

 

"Because I thought you'd be happy for me." She lied again, not trying

to hide her tears anymore. 'Help me Daddy, please!'

 

"I'm sorry Princess." Jacob sighed, closing his eyes. "I just don't

think that O'Neill is the best choice..."

 

"No one's good enough for you." Sam hissed. "First Jonas and now

Jack!"

 

"I was right about Jonas though. He wasn't right for you. He hurt

you."

 

"You're wrong about Jack though. He won't hurt me. Not ever." Sam

said softly, closing her eyes. Wrong. Jack O'Neill had hurt her more

than anything. Not in love.

 

No, they weren't in love. They were friends, and that's all they were

going to be. The marriage would be dissolved if one of them found

someone else. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. But she

could have loved him. He'd been so easy to like, to get used to, to

enjoy having around. But they didn't love each other.

 

"Sam...I'll be there." Jacob's voice caught her attention.

 

"Thanks. It's at the small church on the corner of Washington and

Newburn. 10am." She hesitated.

 

"Who's giving you away?"

 

"General Hammond offered...but I'd like you too." She asked hopefully.

 

"I'd love to." Jacob bit his bottom lip. "Do you have a dress?"

 

"Yeah." She whispered.

 

"Could I give you the bouquet?" Jacob asked hesitantly.

 

"That'd be nice." The tears were cascading down her cheeks. The house

would be flooded soon.

 

"Okay. I'll see you there pumpkin." He blew a kiss through the

receiver.

 

"Thanks Dad." Sam hung up.

 

                         *******************

 

"Are you okay?" Jack's voice reached her ears.

 

"Why do you always ask me that?" Sam snapped, not even turning to

face him.

 

"You've been quiet lately." He frowned slightly. What was wrong with

her? She'd been so cold with him for nearly a week now, since they

told Daniel they were getting married and decided on a date.

 

"I'm usually quiet." She said snidely, scraping the knife across the

board in a way she knew Jack hated.

 

"No you're not."

 

"I told my Dad." She admitted, dumping the untensils in the sink and

wiping her hands on a towel.

 

"And?" Jack watched as she turned around. Her eyes were red and

swollen. Her cheeks were pale. She'd been crying, he realised. She

really didn't want to marry him. What had he done?

 

"And he'll meet us there." She forced herself to meet his calm brown

eyes, hating the way he had that mask perfected and nothing showed

through.

 

"Oh." Jack looked away. What else could he do? It was all his fault

anyway. That she was unhappy. "Sam..?"

 

She looked at him, something in his eyes that she couldn't

understand. "What is it?" She sighed, frustrated at their lack of

communication.

 

"I'm....I'm sorry, okay?" He swallowed, his eyes darting away from

her nervously.

 

For what? For not loving me? For not allowing me to love you? For

putting us in this situation? Sam blinked, turning her attention back

to the man in front of her.

 

"Yeah." She smiled tightly and stepped past him, a constricting lump

in her throat threatening to burst with a flood of tears that she

couldn't understand.

 

                         *******************

 

How can I leave, when everything

that I adore

And everything I'm living for

girl it's in you

I can't dream, sleepless nights

have got me bad

The only dream I ever had is

being with you

 

                         *******************

 

"So, how do I look?" Sam asked Cassie, licking her lips nervously.

 

"You look very beautiful." Cassie said solemnly, a large smile on her

face. "This is the best day ever!" She announced.

 

"Really?" Sam smiled tightly.

 

"Yeah. We get to be a real family now." Cassie grinned. "Can...can I

call you Mom, Sam?"

 

Sam knelt down in front of Cassie, her eyes threatening to spill over

with tears. "Sweetheart, if that's what you want then I'd love for

you to call me Mom." Sam smiled, pulling Cassie into a hug.

 

"Good." Cassie sighed, holding onto Sam tightly. "And Charlie?"

 

"Well...that's up to Charlie, I think." Sam tapped Cassie's nose

lightly with her finger. "Come on." She took hold of Cassie's hand

and lead the way determinedly out of the room.

 

                         *******************

 

"Jack." A familiar voice sounded behind Jack's right shoulder.

 

"General." Jack dipped his head in respect. So what if the man was

retired, so what if he was going to his father-in-law, Jacob Carter

still demanded and got respect.

 

"I think that's a little formal, considering?" Jacob studied the man

in front of him carefully, his eyes raking in everything about Jack's

nervous posture. "You hurt my little girl, O'Neill, and I swear you

won't live to see another day." Jacob said calmly.

 

"Yes sir." Jack swallowed roughly. What about Sam hurting him? "I

wouldn't harm a hair on her head." He added.

 

"Good." Jacob raised an eyebrow, "That's not what I was talking

about." He added, before turning and leaving Jack to ponder the man's

implication. That threat was assuming that Sam was actually in love

with him, that this marriage was really based on feelings and not

just circumstance or convenience. Jack sighed heavily and took his

place at the front of the small church.

 

                         *******************

 

"There they are!" Charlie announced excitedly as Sam and Cassie

appeared in the doorway.

 

General Hammond smiled slightly at the childish enthusiasm, and felt

tears prick at his eyes as he saw his one time Major walking nervous,

but determinedly up the aisle. It struck him, as he watched her, that

it was the same face she used when stepping through the stargate,

going into battle or faced with a problem she was determined to

solve. Sam Carter considered this whole ceremony a mission.

 

"Dad!" Charlie tugged on Jack's jacket.

 

"What?" Jack tore his eyes away from Sam, realising his frank

admiration of her appearance was probably not a good idea considering

their *real* relationship.

 

"When you kiss her..." Charlie grinned wickedly. "Do it real good!"

 

"What do you know about kissing girls?"

 

"I seen it on T.V." Charlie said knowingly. "They always look real

happy if you kiss them real good."

 

"Charlie!" Jack admonished, shocked and slightly excited by his son's

suggestion.

 

Charlie grinned at Daniel who was also staring at the boy in a

slightly dumbfounded fashion, and then waited for the ceremony to

proceed.

 

"I do." Charlie blinked. I do's already? He looked at his Dad who had

just uttered the words. His Dad, Colonel Jack O'Neill, was *nervous*!

 

"I do." Sam echoed the words a while later, her voice as shaky as her

hands.

 

Charlie watched the proceedings curiously. They didn't look as happy

as the people on the T.V. Then again, this was real life and not

rehearsed at all. Shrugging, he grinned as his Dad tentatively leaned

forwards and kissed Sam. Jack looked apologetically at Charlie as the

tiny kiss ended abruptly, and Charlie rolled his eyes in mock disgust.

 

                         *******************

 

"Thanks." Sam looked down at the dried bouquet of flowers in her

hands. Her Mom's bouquet.

 

"It was a pleasure, Sam. I should have given them to you a long time

ago." Jacob smiled tightly as his eyes rested on O'Neill.

 

Sam sighed, seeing where his eyes were focused. "I still think you're

making a mistake. O'Neill isn't right for you..."

 

"Dad..." Sam closed her eyes briefly. This was hard enough without

her Dad interfering. "Why's he not good enough for me?" She sighed.

 

"Well, for one, he's a lot older than you are..."

 

"So? People used to get married to men old enough to be their great

grandfathers!" Sam retorted logically.

 

"Used to, not anymore." Jacob frowned. "He's divorced, known to be

suicidal, not shy of a drink or two too much..."

 

"Have you had him checked out or something?" Sam gaped.

 

"Of course. His top secret missions and classified record is longer

than both my arms and legs joined together." Jacob looked mildly

surprised. "He's an action junky, someone hell bent on testing the

odds, continually."

 

"Dad...I hardly think that's the case with this posting." Sam smiled

slightly. Oh yeah, definately not just testing the odds. More like

challenging them, ignoring them, defying them...

 

"What? You still expect me to believe deep space radar telemtry is

what you do down there? Please Sam, I have been around much longer

than that." Jack looked at her pointedly.

 

"What else would we be doing?" Sam asked innocently, widening her

eyes ever so slightly.

 

"You're good." Jacob allowed a grin. Sam noticed the grin fading

slightly, looking forced. Jack. He was nearby, she realised.

 

"Of course she's good." Jack's voice said right next to her ear as

his arm slipped around her waist, pulling her against him.

 

Sam tensed slightly, but continued the act, placing her arm around

his waist and leaning her head on his shoulder.

 

"Just don't ruin that goodness." Jacob said pointedly, turning and

walking away after smiling slightly at Sam again.

 

"I think it's safe to say he doesn't like me." Jack commented, not

releasing Sam. She pulled out of his hold, her eyes unreadable. "Must

run in the family."

 

                         *******************

 

I know that we can make it right

It's gonna take a little time

Let's not leave ourselves with no

way out

Let's not cross that line

 

                         *******************

 

"How you doing?" Daniel asked, studying Sam intently.

 

"Me? I'm fine."

 

"Just wondering. You look tired." He added.

 

"Daniel, I'm nearly four months pregnant. Of course I'm tired." Sam

didn't mean to snap, but she couldn't help it.

 

"Maybe you should go home early, you know, take some time off. It's

not a foreign concept."

 

"You sound like Jack now." Sam sighed, rolling her eyes. "He's been

talking to you, hasn't he?"

 

"Well, he did mention you get headaches, throw up, dizzy spells,

don't sleep well..."

 

"It's called pregnancy. A normal thing that a lot of women go

through." Sam tried to smile at him.

 

"Yeah. Why not go home and spend some time with Cassie and Charlie?"

 

"Dad's looking after them today. Said he wanted to get to know his

grandkids better." Sam frowned slightly.

 

"He doesn't like Jack, does he?" Daniel realised.

 

"No, not really." Sam smiled ruefully. "But he loves Charlie." She

added thoughtfully.

 

"I think he's just scared because he's losing his daughter." Daniel

said softly.

 

"Losing me? How?" Sam blinked, surprised at Daniel's words.

 

"Well...you're married, in love, pregnant, living a whole life he

doesn't know about...he's losing you sort of." Daniel listed.

 

"Out of that list you weren't 100% accurate." Sam sighed, smiling

tightly this time.

 

"I was. You do love Jack, you just don't know it yet." Daniel nodded

his head firmly.

 

"Oh, and how do you know that?"

 

"I've seen you, the way you act. Last week for instance, when Teal'C

carried him through the gate you were nearly hysterical for a

second." Daniel studied her, watching the way a defiant and

embarrassed colour rose in her cheeks.

 

"I wasn't." She said, looking away. "Anyway, I've told you, we don't

love each other. Sure, we're sort of friends now..."

 

"The way you guys act though..." Daniel studied her.

 

"It's the act Daniel...the whole thing is just an act." Sam sighed,

leaning back down into her chair.

 

"No, it's not."

 

"Yes, it is." Sam shook her head. "We're acting like we're in love,

we're acting like we're married, we're acting like we're happy.

Sometimes it's easy to forget you're acting, but it still boils down

to the fact that we're just acting." Sam sighed, running her hands

through her hair.

 

"That means you like acting this, that you want it to be real..."

 

"No it doesn't, it just means it's getting strained and too

comfortable. I mean, both Jack and I know we don't really like each

other. Sure, we're on better terms now, but there's so much about us

that annoys the other person..." She trailed off.

 

"Like what?" Daniel waited.

 

"Like..."

 

Sam stopped in mid-speech and snatched up the phone as it rang for a

second time. "Carter." She said loosely, looking at the floor instead

of Daniel. "What?" Her eyes jerked open, colour rushing from her

face. "Thanks, I'll be there." She dropped the phone carelessly on

the cradle and jumped up, pushing her chair hastily backwards.

 

"What?" Daniel demanded, worry screwing his features up tightly.

 

"My Dad just collapsed, he's in hospital." Sam stated breathlessly,

grabbing a hold of her coat.

 

"Where are Cassie and Charlie?" Daniel got up, following her out of

the room.

 

"With the next door neighbours. Charlie ran over there when Dad

collapsed, and they called an ambulance." Sam pushed the button on

the lift impatiently.

 

"You go straight to the hospital, I'll get Cassie and Charlie for

you." Daniel offered.

 

"No need, I've got to go past there anyway." Sam turned to him, her

eyes large and fear filled. "Daniel..." She hesitated.

 

"What?" He asked softly, watching the conflicting emotions in her

eyes.

 

"I...it's nothing. Tell Jack where we are, okay?" She disappeared

into the lift. Daniel rubbed his face worriedly and then turned to go

and locate Jack.

 

He found the man looking none to happy behind his desk, a mound of

paper work in front of him.

 

"Danny, what can I do for you?" Jack looked up hopefully, just

itching to push the pages aside.

 

"Nothing for me..."

 

"Damn. Why is it there's always so much paperwork?" Jack groaned,

picking up his pen.

 

"You have to go, Jack." Daniel stated, jerking his hand towards the

exit.

 

"Beg yours?" Jack looked at Daniel. "You okay there?"

 

"I'm fine. Sam's Dad isn't..."

 

Jack jumped to his feet, worry evident in his eyes. Daniel was pretty

sure that worry wasn't for Jacob.

 

"Where is she?"

 

"She's gone to pick up the kids and then to the hospital." Daniel

informed him, jogging slightly to keep up with Jack's long strides.

 

"Can I borrow your car? Sam and I came together..."

 

"No worries..." Daniel fished in his pockets and handed over the

keys. Jack smiled his thanks, grabbed the small metal objects and

sprinted away. Daniel watched him go, a heavy feeling in his heart.

Sometimes people were just so stupid.

 

                         *******************

 

I don't wanna fight no more

I forgot what we were fighting for

And this loneliness that's in my heart

Won't let me be apart from you

 

I don't wanna have to try

Girl to live without you in my life

So I'm hoping we can start tonight

'Cause I don't wanna fight no more

 

                         *******************

 

"Mom...where's Grandpa?" Cassie demanded, clutching hold of Sam, fear

in her eyes.

 

"He's being looked at now by a doctor, okay?" Sam knelt down,

studying her daughter carefully. Her daughter. Something inside of

her broke loose and turned somersaults. Cassie had been calling

her 'Mom' for a while now, but Sam had just suddenly realised that

Cassie *was* in every sense that counted (Except birth of course) her

daughter.

 

"Where's Dad?" Charlie asked, his own features tense and worried.

 

"He'll be here soon, Daniel told him." Sam touched his cheek lightly

and stood up. "I want to go and find out what's going on. Will you

guys be okay here for a minute?" She looked at them hopefully.

 

"Yeah." Charlie nodded, taking Cassie's hand protectively. "I'll look

after Cassie."

 

"I don't need to be looked after!" Cassie snapped indigantly.

 

"Later guys." Sam smiled wearily and left the two of them arguing on

a seat, understanding their fear and way of releasing it. Making her

way to the reception, Sam forced her nerves to remain calm."Excuse

me, I'm looking for my Dad, he was admitted about twenty minutes ago

in emergency."

 

"What's his name?" The nurse asked kindly.

 

Duh Sam, you need to give the woman a name! "Jacob Carter, probably

General Jacob Carter." She licked her lips. She waited nervously

while the woman fiddled around on her computer.

 

"Yes, he was admitted twenty minutes ago. He's in ICU." The nurse

looked up apologetically.

 

"Can I see him?"

 

"You'll have to ask his doctor that. He's just through those doors

there, first corridor on left. Just check with a doctor before you go

in." The nurse explained.

 

"Thanks." Sam smiled slightly and followed the directions. She

stopped short as she caught sight of her Dad through the glass

partition, his face pale and so still.

 

"Are you Sam?" A voice behind her startled her.

 

"I am." She read the man's tag. Dr. Stephens. "Are you my Dad's

doctor?"

 

"I am." He acknowledged, looking through the window at the

unconscious man lying on the bed.

 

"What's wrong with him?" Sam whispered, tears threatening to spill

over her cheeks.

 

"He hasn't told you then, has he?" The doctor smiled sadly.

 

"What? What's wrong with him?" Sam demanded, panic rising in her at

the resigned look on the doctors face.

 

"He's got cancer, Sam." Dr. Stephens said slowly. "He's been fighting

it for months now."

 

"NO!" Sam shrieked, backing away from the man. "You're lying. He

doesn't have cancer!"

 

"Sam...I'm sorry but..."

 

"NO!" Sam spun around, anger in her eyes. "You've got to help him!"

 

"I can't, there's nothing we can do for him anymore..."

 

"Don't tell me that!"

 

"Sam...Sam...shhh." Jack's arms were suddenly around her, his voice

soft in her ear and his chest pressed against her cheek.

 

"He's dying, Jack!" Sam sobbed, clutching hold of him.

 

"I know, I know." He stroked her hair, his own eyes filled with pain

as the woman in his arms shook with grief.

 

"He can't die now, Jack, he can't. Not now when..." She trailed off,

tensing in his arms.

 

"When what?" Jack pulled away, cupping her face up so he could study

her eyes. They were haunted, pain-filled, but also regretful.

 

"We didn't speak to him." Sam closed her eyes, pulling herself out of

his hold and wrapping her arms around her protectively. "Mark and I,

we wouldn't have anything to do with him...then I had the accident -

the first one - and we talked again...but not yet! I'm not ready yet

Jack!" She hit her hand against the glass partition.

 

"Sam...you can go in and see him." Dr. Stephens quiet voice reminded

her of his presence and alerted Jack to it for the first time.

 

Jack looked at Sam, waiting to see what she was going to do. She

looked so scared, so afraid and so upset that he wanted nothing more

to take her in his arms and just hold her.

 

"I...I can't." She shook her head, backing away.

 

"Yes you can." Jack blinked, studying her and the way she limped

backwards, the limp even more pronounced in her panic and jerky,

hasty movements.

 

"No, I can't!" She shook her head.

 

"Sam!" Jack took hold of her shoulders, forcing her to keep still. He

studied her for a second, and then spoke again, his voice quiet and

tender. "Sam, you can. He's your Dad."

 

"I...I..."

 

"Sam, you've just had a shock. You have to strong now, okay?" Jack

coached her, releasing his hold on her ever so slightly. "Come on,

let's go together, okay?"

 

"Okay." She whispered, biting her lips nervously.

 

Jack held out his hand and warily she placed hers in his hold,

allowing him to lead her into the room.

 

                         *******************

 

 Remember that I made a vow that I would

never let you go

I meant it then and I mean it now and I

want to tell you so

 

                         *******************

 

"Hey Dad." Sam smiled slightly, watching with concern as her Dad's

eyelids flickered open slightly.

 

"Hey yourself." Jacob croaked. He at least, Sam was pleased to note,

had the decency to look slightly ashamed of himself.

 

"You should have told me." She said simply, not letting go of his

hand.

 

"I didn't want to worry you, not with the baby and your marriage and

*your* accident..."

 

"And this isn't worrying me? Stop making excuses. You should have

told me." She said pointedly.

 

"I know. I'm sorry." He agreed softly. Sam raised an eyebrow. Since

when did her Dad apologise so easily. "So, how long have I been here?"

 

"About four hours." She spoke guardedly, keeping her face

determinedly void of emotion. "You do realise they didn't think you

were going to wake up."

 

"No." Jacob closed his eyes, ashamed and scared at the same time.

 

"The kids were really worried...Cassie was crying and Charlie was..."

 

"He was great." Jacob smiled suddenly.

 

"Pardon?" Sam waited.

 

"He did what I told him to, went for help. He's a good kid, Sam. You

look after him, okay?" Jacob whispered, his eyes starting to creep

shut.

 

"Dad!" Sam panicked.

 

"It's okay..." He opened his eyes again slightly. "Do me a favour?"

 

"What?" Sam blinked her tears away. Later. She could cry later.

 

"Don't you dare name your kid after me, okay?"

 

Sam chuckled. "What? Not even Benjamin?"

 

"Not even Benjamin." Jacob smiled again, his eyes crinkling ever so

slightly with laughter. "Sam...I'm sorry." He studied her, touching

her cheek lightly before giving way to a coughing fit.

 

"For what?" Sam asked softly.

 

"For everything." Jacob smiled sadly. "For not picking your Mom up,

for letting you and Mark hate me, for being a bad father, for not

telling you...for telling you O'Neill isn't good enough." He stopped

again briefly, licking his lips. "He is good for you. You're happy.

You stay happy, okay? Don't let him turn into another Jonas..."

 

"Dad..." Sam tensed, valiantly trying to fight the tenseness in her

body but failling miserably.

 

"He's not, is he?" The anger and disblief in Jacob's voice nearly

made Sam laugh.

 

"He's not what?" Jack asked mildly, his eyes darting between Sam's

strained, if not panicked look, and Jacob's anger filled one.

 

"Hitting my daughter. You aren't, are you?" Jacob demanded.

 

"What? Hitting Sam?" Jack jerked, surprised.

 

"That's what I said." Jacob narrowed his eyes. No, O'Neill wasn't

hitting Sam. The innocence and complete shock at such an

insinuation...or the man was a very, *very* good actor.

 

"Hell no. She'd kick my ass so fast..." Jack studied Sam. "Did Jonas

hit you?" He realised, the tightness of his lips giving away his

anger.

 

"It's over now, okay? Jack doesn't hit me Dad, he doesn't do anything

like that." Sam put her hand firmly on her Dad's arm. "And you're

going to rest now, okay?" She put an end to the conversatoin. "The

kids will come in and see you tomorrow, if that's okay?"

 

"Fine." Jacob smiled slightly, his eyes on O'Neill. "You look after

her, okay?" He demanded roughly. "I'm trusting you on this one, don't

you dare let me down, soldier."

 

"No Sir, I won't." Jack said firmly, taking a hold of Sam's hand and

sincerely meeting her eyes.

 

Sam frowned slightly, trying to read his expression, but blinked when

she realised her scrutiny was too obviously.

 

"Go now, I'll sleep for a while." Jacob instructed.

 

"See you tomorrow Dad." Sam smiled weakly.

 

"Go!" Jacob ordered, a slight smile hovering over his lips.

 

                         *******************

 

Neither of them said anything after the children went to bed. She was

too tired, too exhausted and too numb to think of conversing with him

on a civil manner. He, on the other hand, was too busy studying her

and trying to work out just why she had let someone beat her.

 

He watched silently as she rose to her feet and left the room. He

gave her a few minutes, knowing she'd be changing now, in the their

en suite, and then he slowly stood and followed her to their room.

 

Their room. Marriage, the act, everything that went with it. They

shared the same room, the same bathroom, and the same mattress even,

but that was all. There was an invisible wall between the two of them

when they slept. When she sometimes lay whimpering in her sleep, he

had no right to lean over and comfort her or to gather her in his

arms and just hold her. Instead he was forced to listen to the small

sounds of stifled nightmares that had never plagued her on missions.

 

"I'm done." The words hung in the air as she emerged from the

bathroom, her robe carelessly draped over her shoulders and her

swollen abdomen framed by the silky material. He longed to touch it,

to feel their child that she carried inside her, but knew that in the

privacy of their room, in the time they had alone together, neither

one was allowed to touch the other because that would change things.

 

He smiled his thanks and disappeared into the bathroom, also to get

changed.

 

Sam slipped beneath the covers on her side of the bed. Opening her

drawer she pulled out the slim photo album she kept in there, only a

few pictures of the most important people in her life.

 

The first one was her family. Her, Mark, Dad and Mom. She traced the

lines of her Mother's face reverantly, letting her mind take her away

to that place that smelt of warm cinnamon and jasmine. Soon, soon she

would be doing that with her father's image. She touched his face

gently, the scent of a crisply pressed uniform and tabacco smoke

filling her senses. Dad.

 

Biting her lip, she turned the page. Two school friends from the

schools she had attended the longest - a year each - and then Emily,

her college friend. She wondered aimlessly where Emily was, whether

she still kept her hair hanging freely in a waterfall down her back,

whether the long, jingly silver earings and metallic bracelets still

adorned her arms. Probably not.

 

She turned the page and felt a ball of bile rise in her throat as

Jonas' face stared up at her. He was dead now, his own doing and

obsessive dreaming. His controlling nature...and it was her fault

too. Partly. She'd left him, she'd helped get the program that bought

him his death up and running, she'd been there when he'd died and

done nothing about it. She'd hated him.

 

"It doesn't help." Jack's voice startled her. Her head jerked up and

her guilty blue eyes met his where he was standing in the doorway to

their bathroom.

 

"What doesn't?" She croaked out, closing the volume gently and

shutting Jonas' taunting face away, hiding from his cruel words and

harsh blows.

 

"Blaming yourself." Jack said simply, heading over to his closet. She

watched him detatchedly as he hung his jacket up and then made his

way to his side of the bed.

 

"I'm not." She said, opening the door and starting to put the album

away.

 

"Then what's that about?" He pointed to the book. She looked down at

it and then at him, undecided. Show him; bare her soul to him, or

hide it and shut away any chance of friendship with this man.

 

"I wasn't intending on seeing his photo." She sighed, letting go of

the drawer she had started to open. "I don't know why it's still in

here. Souvenier, I guess." She smiled drily without letting it reach

her eyes.

 

"What were you doing?" He asked, curious and making the most of this

unusual openess in her.

 

"I don't know. Just looking, I guess." She shrugged.

 

"Mind if I have a look?" He asked hopefully.

 

Again she hesitated. Her eyes met his brown ones, so sincere and full

of concern that she shakily handed over the suffed book.

 

"Your family?" He asked, opening the first page.

 

"Yeah." She didn't offer more information.

 

"Your brother?" He asked, pressing for information. He still hardly

knew anything about her, other than the fact that she was an aunt

twice over.

 

"Yeah. Mark." She nodded, her throat constricting. When was the last

time she'd called Mark? He probably wasn't even aware of either of

her accidents, or her marriage.

 

"Your Mom?" Jack knew it was a stupid question.

 

"Yeah." Sam licked her lips and he saw the pain in her eyes before

she looked away.

 

"Why did you let him hit you?" He closed the book, not giving it back

yet.

 

"It's not like I wanted him too." She snapped, holding her hand out

for the book. Jack looked down at the volume that contained scant

information of her history, and reluctantly handed it over. The

conversation was over.

 

"General Hammond's given me some down time." He said eventually,

settling down onto the bed.

 

"Oh?" He knew she was just being polite now, not really interested in

his conversation. This was confirmed by the click as she turned off

her bedside lamp.

 

"Yeah. He uh, he said that it would probably be better off for

everyone if we were together..."

 

"...in times like these." Sam finished off, unable to hide the

bitterness and anger from him.

 

"I'm sorry." He said, itching to reach over and comfort her.

 

"It's not your fault." She pulled the covers up tightly. "He didn't

go to the doctor soon enough. I found out that if he'd gone a few

months earlier they might have beaten it or even delayed it for

longer." She said it clinically, calmly.

 

"Sam..."

 

"What?"

 

"I...I am here for you. You know that, don't you?" He asked softly.

 

There was a silence.

 

"Thank you." He barely heard her soft whisper in the dark room.

 

                         *******************

 

I don' wanna fight no more

I forgot what we were fighting for

And this loneliness that's in my heart

Won't let me be apart from you

 

I don't wanna have to try

Girl to live without you in my life

So I'm hoping we can start tonight

'Cause I don't want to fight no more

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 6: If Tomorrow Never Comes

 

 

If Tomorrow Never Comes

performed by Garth Brooks

Used without permission (of course. Who do you think I am? Someone

who *knows* all these famous people to actually *ask* their

permission? Puh-lease...)

 

 

Sometimes, late at night

I lie awake and watch her sleeping

She's lost in peaceful dreams

So I turn out the light and lay there in the dark

And the thought crosses my mind

If I never wake in the morning,

Would she ever doubt

The way I feel about her in my heart?

 

                         *******************

 

She was so brave. He watched her quietly, unable to do anything but

hold her hand tightly and squeeze it occassionaly. He didn't know

what she was thinking as they lowered the coffin into the ground, but

he saw the tears running down her cheeks. Tenderly he reached over

and brushed them away, earning a startled look from her that soon

disappeared as a sob choked in her throat and he gathered her in his

arms.

 

She held onto him tightly, burying her head against his shoulder and

clutching at his jacket with her strong fingers. As each gunshot was

fired into the air, her body flinched, and he pulled her tighter

against him. Was it wrong to notice the smell of her hair, the

perfect fit of her body in his arms, at a time like this? Probably.

 

The echoes of the last shot hung in the air. He breathed in deeply,

smelling the acrid scent of gun powder mingling with the fresh earthy

smell of the ground that had just been rained on. Mostly though, he

noticed her scent, and it taunted him.

 

"Sam?" He heard a stranger's voice, and looked up to see a younger

man watching them warily.

 

She tensed in his arms, and struggled out of them, turning to face

the man.

 

"Oh God, Mark!" She gasped, flinging herself at him and holding onto

him tightly. "I didn't think you'd come." She sobbed, not letting him

go either. Jack felt slightly bereft as she jumped out of his arms,

her soft warmth leaving him open for the breeze to cool him.

 

"I couldn't not come." Mark whispered against his sister's hair. He

pulled back and looked at her, studying the dark circles under her

eyes, the tracks of mascara and the swollen abdomen. "And this is?"

He looked pointedly at Jack who was standing awkwardly behind her

with his hands in his pockets.

 

"Oh...where are my manners?" She tired to smile, stepping out of

Mark's hold and back into Jack's, readying herself to continue the

act. "This is Jack, Mark." She looked up at Jack hopefully, not

seeing any hostilities in his face, and was relieved.

 

"Jack?" Mark waited.

 

"Jack O'Neill..." Sam started.

 

"Mom..." Cassie appeared from behind Jack, looking up at

her. "Charlie's crying." She said simply.

 

"Where is he sweety?" Sam asked, instantly forgetting her brother and

husband.

 

"Over there." Cassie pointed towards the trees in the distance. "Oh,

Cassie, this is my brother, your Uncle Mark." She added nonchalantly,

disappearing off into the direction Cassie had given her.

 

Jack looked at the young man, and felt sorry for a minute.

 

"She's got kids?" Mark gaped, astounded.

 

"Uh, don't forget the husband." Jack smiled slightly.

 

"You mean you're married?" Mark nearly laughed.

 

"Yeah. Have been for nearly five months." Jack couldn't keep the

smile off his face. It was pretty incredible, being married to Sam,

even if they didn't love each other.

 

"Oh...and the kids?"

 

"Well, Charlie's mine and Sam adopted Cassie when Cassie's Mom died

in a car accident..." Jack trailed off, frowning slightly in

confusion.

 

"And now she's pregnant?"

 

"Uh...yeah." Jack nodded.

 

"Oh." Mark took time and studied Jack. "You're military, aren't you?"

He asked, realising it was a dumb question.

 

"Yeah. Colonel O'Neill." He nodded warily, aware of the sudden

hostility in Mark's stance. "Used to be Sam's CO..." He continued.

 

"Used to be?" Mark narrowed his eyes, anger suddenly there. "Don't

tell me you got her pregnant and she had to resign..."

 

"When was the last time you actually spoke to your sister?" Jack

demanded suddenly, shock running through his system.

 

"When she got engaged to Jonas." Mark responded easily. "I want

nothing more to do with the military." He stated bluntly.

 

"Oh. Well, since you neglected to keep informed with your sister's

life, let me fill you in on a few things. She left Jonas because he

beat her. She nearly died in a car accident, was in a coma for about

two weeks. Then, just over seven months ago she had another car

accident in which Cassie's mother died and Sam was put in another

coma, for nearly a week. That's why she left the military, or didn't

you notice the fact that she has a limp?"

 

"Jack." He froze as he heard Sam's quiet voice behind him. "I think

you should go to your son and my daughter." She said calmly, her face

completely void of emotion as she looked at him.

 

"Sam..." He faced her, horror rushing to his face as he realised

she'd heard his outburst.

 

"Just go Jack." She said softly, refusing to let him touch her. She

couldn't, not now, not after he'd just betrayed her to her brother

like that.

 

"Okay." He glared once more at her brother and then left reluctantly

to find his kids.

 

"So, now you know." Sam said simply, her clear blue eyes staring

calmly into her brothers.

 

"I...I...why didn't you tell me?" Mark asked softly, shock in his

eyes as he studied his sister. She was so different. She wasn't the

way he remembered her; determined, happy, sparkling, friendly; open

and loving. She was detatched now, a lot maturer and much, much more

guarded. What had happened to his sister?

 

"Why haven't you told me anything about your life for the past I

don't know how long?" She countered softly. "Mark, I'm sick of

fighting. Our Dad just died, I really don't want to fight." She

sagged, her shoulders slumping.

 

"Sam...I..." Mark leaned forwards.

 

"Mark...I'm fine, okay?" She stepped backwards.

 

"No you're not. Does O'Neill hurt you?" He demanded suddenly, anger

on his face.

 

"No, he doesn't hit me." Sam said neutrally, keeping her face

bland. "He's the perfect gentleman."

 

"You're not happy though."

 

"No, I'm not happy Mark. Neither are you." She countered bluntly.

 

"What happened to you Sam?"

 

"Life. Life happened to me Mark. I suddenly realised that life isn't

about flying rocket ships to the moon, earning medals, getting

honour. It's about living, finding someone you love and being needed.

It isn't some romantic fairy tale where you just keep dreaming and it

all comes true." She said bitterly, a smile twisting her lips.

 

"You don't love him." Mark said simply. "It's a mission for you, to

be married to him."

 

"No, it's not a mission to be married to him. We have a good

marriage, Mark. A damn good marriage. If I could change things, none

of this would have happened. I wouldn't be a cripple, Dad wouldn't be

dead and neither would anyone else I ever knew!" She shouted

suddenly. "Who do you think you are, coming here and telling me how

to live my life?"

 

"Sam..." Mark frowned, confused at Sam's behaviour.

 

"Look, I just want to go home, just put my feet up, have a good cry

and then go to sleep, okay?" Sam held her head in her hands. "I have

a headache now. I just want to go home." She whispered.

 

"Sam...please..." Mark watched as O'Neill apppeared from seemingly

nowhere and put his arms around Sam. He watched as she leant into his

offered embrace and just stood there, letting the man hold and

comfort her.

 

"It's okay." Sam sniffed, not looking at him. "We just need some

time, Mark, to realise we have unreal expectations of each other. As

long as you can't stand the military, you can't stand me." She looked

at him. "I loved my job, I really did. I loved being a part of

something, knowing exactly where I stood and what my duties were. I

loved being a part of something bigger and more important than me,

knowing I was needed. It's a part of who I was, and as long as you

hate that part of me then we'll never love each other." She looked at

him.

 

"I love you Mark, I really do, but this is the real world." She

studied.

 

"Yeah." Mark licked his lips.

 

"Call me sometime, okay?" Sam said as Jack pulled her tighter against

him.

 

"O'Neill or Carter?" Mark asked dumbly.

 

"O'Neill, with two L's." Both people responded simultaneously.

 

                         *******************

 

He found her, sitting on the roof. He hadn't been alone on the deck

with her since that night they thought Daniel was gone. He swallowed

and turned to leave, but for some reason changed his mind.

 

"Hey." He said softly, sitting down next to her.

 

"Hey yourself." She said softly, not moving or changing her position.

He studied her, her eyes far away and the moonlight glinting off

moist tracks on her cheeks where her tears had run.

 

"You okay?" He asked her, concern etched on his voice.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine now." She smiled hesitantly at him and then turned

her attention back to the stars.

 

"So, what happened with your brother?" Jack asked hesitantly,

watching her.

 

"Mark blamed the military for my Mom's death." She said simply, her

detatched manner betraying her emotions. "When I got engaged to

Jonas, he wouldn't have anything to do with me. We fought, traded

insults and accusations. We haven't spoken to each other in years."

She sighed.

 

"Or your Dad." He guessed.

 

"Yeah." She smiled bitterly. "I was wrong you know, my Dad wasn't

such a bad guy." She sniffed slightly.

 

"At least you made up before..."

 

"Before he died. Yeah." Sam leant back against the wall. "It was

tough, seeing Mark there." She continued, surprising Jack with her

openness.

 

"It was?" He asked dumbly. She shot him a look.

 

"I didn't think he'd come. I wasn't ready for him." She added,

huddling to herself again.

 

"That's okay." Jack consoled her.

 

"No, it's not. He's my brother Jack, I'm supposed to..."

 

"Sam, you're not superwoman, okay?" He touched her cheek lightly,

caressing the smooth skin with his finger.

 

"I..." Sam licked her lips, forcing herself to break the contact with

his finger. She couldn't deal with this as well now, this loveless

marriage that was still so full of affectionate actions.

 

"Sam...I told you already, and I'll tell you again, I am there for

you." He whispered, pulling back to himself.

 

"I know. Thank you." She smiled slightly at him, resting her forehead

in her hands.

 

"You sure you're okay?" He asked her, peering at her pale face in the

moonlight.

 

"It's just been a tough day. I've got a headache." She admitted,

smiling ruefully. "Think I'll go to bed now." She accepted his

support as she stood up slowly, getting her balance. "Thanks, I feel

so off balance it's not funny." She grimaced resting a hand on their

unborn chlid.

 

"You don't look off-balance." He told her sincerely. It was true, the

pregnancy was obvious, but she looked very small for someone five and

a half months pregnant.

 

"Yeah, right." She laughed, a genuine laugh. "I'm going to go now

before I get too big to get down the ladder." She grimaced and

disappeared from view. Jack stared at the empty space where she'd

been standing, and then sighed as he leant back against the wall.

 

                         *******************

 

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I love her?

Did I try in every way

to show her ev'ry day

that she's my only one?

 

And if my time on earh were through

and she must face the world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past

gonna be enough to last

It tomorrow never comes

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel grimaced, pushing reluctantly at the beans on his place. What

on earth had possessed him to cook beans for dinner?

 

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'C said suddenly, studying him. "I do not

believe I enjoy 'green beans'." Teal'C stated.

 

"Most people don't." Daniel grimaced again, putting his fork down.

 

"Then why prepare it for comsumption?" Teal'C questioned, copying

Daniel and placing his fork on the plate.

 

"It's healthy. I've just been eating pizza lately, thought I better

get something good into my system." Daniel shrugged, standing

up. "So, what's it going to be? The regular or should be try

something different?" He asked, picking up his phone.

 

"I wish for anchovies like O'Neill." Teal'C said promptly.

 

"Anchovies? Teal'C, you've got to be kidding."

 

"I am not. I enjoy anchovies." Teal'C deadpanned, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Okay, half anchovies, half olives." Daniel agreed, pressing speed

dial button number seven.

 

While waiting for the pizza to arrive, Daniel and Teal'C gathered

their plates and scratched the barely touched greenbeans into the

waste bin.

 

"That was quick." Daniel commented as the doorbell rang. "Stay here."

He instructed, throwing Teal'C a cap anyway.

 

He was wiping the remains of orange juice off his chin when he yanked

the door open expecting to see a delivery man standing there.

 

"Sarah!" He gaped, staring at her in disbelief.

 

"Do you have any idea how hard you were to track down?" She asked

him, not smiling as she studied him. He'd changed a bit, his hair was

shorter and he was more tanned. Maybe he'd been working on a dig.

 

"I...uh...no." He blinked, stepping back and opening the door to let

her in.

 

"Hi." She smiled slightly and stepped past him, clutching her

belongings to herself.

 

"Uh, Teal'C, we've got company!" He called into the house as he led

Sarah towards the loungeroom.

 

"Teal'C?" Sarah looked at him, raising a delicate eyebrow.

 

"Uh, yeah, a friend." Daniel managed before Teal'C stepped into

view. "Uh, Teal'C, this is Sarah." he introduced the two of them,

taking note of Sarah's curiously guarded expression and Teal'C's

usual stoic expression.

 

"I am honoured." Teal'C dipped his head formally.

 

"Thank you. Pleased to meet you." Sarah also stated formally, her

crisp English accent making Daniel smile slightly. He still loved the

way she spoke, even after all this time. What had it been, nearly two

and a half years now? No, just a bit less.

 

"So, what brings you here?" He asked after an awkward silence settled

over them.

 

"Well, uh..." It was the first time Daniel heard Sarah stuttering,

unsure of what to say. The doorbell chose that precise moment to

ring, and chorusing along with the doorbell came the sigh of relief

as Sarah was let off the hook.

 

"Anchovies or olives?" Daniel asked, setting the cardboard box down

on the coffee table between them.

 

"Anchovies." Both Teal'C and Sarah said in unison.

 

"Ugh." Daniel curled his lips back in disgust, helping himself to a

large slice with olives sprinkled over it.

 

"I see you're still not eating right." Sarah said disapprovingly

after her first slice was finished.

 

"That is a mistaken observation. Daniel Jackson prepared us 'green

beans' for dinner, however they were unappetising." Teal'C informed

her, helping himself to another slice. "Pizza, on the other hand, is

much more appealing." He took a bite.

 

"Oh." Sarah blinked, slightly surprised by his odd behaviour. "Well,

yes. I came here to ask you something, Daniel." She said, turning

businesslike.

 

"What would that be?" Daniel asked slowly, narrowing his eyes as he

licked the last crumbs from his face.

 

"Well, remember when we..."

 

"Went out separate ways?" He offered mildly, not at all offended.

Sha're had happened to him, how could he be angry at Sarah? It was

such a long time ago.

 

"Yes." Sarah frowned, her eyes flicking towards Teal'C.

 

"Go ahead." Daniel understood her unease, but felt better with Teal'C

there with him.

 

"Uh...there was something I neglected to tell you." She said,

twisting her fingers nervously in her lap.

 

"What?" Daniel asked suspiciously, watching her. Why now, after all

this time, had Sarah suddenly come to see him?

 

"Uh...I've just been offered the chance of a life time, Daniel, the

opportunity to go and work first hand on some digs with Josef

Callaghan...you do know who he is?"

 

"Of course." Daniel nodded impatiently.

 

"Sorry. Well, uh, these digs will probably last a few years, not just

weeks, so I'm going to be out of the country for a long time."

 

"Yes?" Daniel waited patiently.

 

"So I was kind of wondering if you'd look after out daughter for us?"

She looked at him hopefully.

 

"Beg your pardon?" Daniel didn't even blink.

 

"Her name's Chloe, Chloe Alexandra...She's eighteen months and

absolutely adorable..."

 

"Wait a minute. You did say *ours* right? As in yours and mine?"

Daniel thought he was doing pretty well, not losing his temper.

 

"Uh, yes." Sarah looked slightly shamefaced, he was happy to notice.

 

"And when were you intending on telling me about her?" He demanded,

not moving. Teal'C shifted uncomfortably on his seat, realising that

this probably wasn't the best of conversations to be witness too.

 

"Well...I don't think I would have because I didn't want you to feel

responsible...but..."

 

"Sarah, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Daniel demanded,

jumping to his feet. "You're telling me that all this time I've had a

daughter you never even *thought* to mention to me? Not to mention

let me at least be aware of her existence?" Daniel shouted.

 

"I knew you'd react like this!" Sarah stood up, yelling back. "Always

yelling and losing your temper if you think something's wrong..."

 

"Something is wrong Sarah. You never told me I had a daughter. That's

not like forgetting to mention you bought a pair of shoes, or I won a

ten dollar lottery ticket...it's different!" He yelled.

 

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?" She shouted back.

 

"Only because you want me to look after her while you go and live

your life!" Daniel yelled.

 

"So I take it you don't want her then?" Sarah sighed, sadness in her

eyes.

 

"I didn't say that, Sarah." Daniel rubbed his face. "I don't want to

look after her for a few months and then lose her again when you just

decide to come back because you've had enough of digging around in

the dirt." He told her pointedly.

 

"So what, if you take her now you want her for good?" Sarah asked

softly.

 

"Yes." Daniel looked up at her. "You can see her, that's fine, but I

don't want to just be someone she gets dumped on when you're too busy

with your career."

 

"What about me? I don't live here in America..."

 

"That's tough. You're going to be traipsing all over the world with

your career..."

 

"So are you?" She frowned.

 

"Uh...no, not exactly." Daniel shifted edgily. "Anyway, I'll have a

permanent home here for her and you can come visit when you like..."

 

"So it's settled then?" Sarah asked, genuine sadness in her eyes.

 

"Sarah, why are you making this so easy? Why are you just giving me

our child? Don't you even want to fight for her?" Daniel realised,

horror as he watched Sarah.

 

"I did Daniel, I really did." She sighed, sitting down. "Heavens

knows I don't want my child growing up thinking I didn't want her..."

 

"That's exactly it though. You don't want her." Daniel realised,

anger shooting through him.

 

"No, that's not true. If I could, I would keep her."

 

"Why can't you?"

 

"My career..."

 

"Is more important." Daniel smiled slightly.

 

"What about you? Your career, your theories were more important to

you than I was." She flung back. "Look at you now, you've completely

faded away from the archeological community!" She accused.

 

"I'm happy Sarah. I have a permanent job doing something I love

doing." Daniel said cryptically. "And yes, back then I was wrong.

You're making the same mistake now I made back then." He sighed.

 

"No, I'm not." Sarah shook her head. "I'm not throwing my career away

as well." She walked towards the door.

 

"So where is..."

 

"Chloe. She's in the car. Stephen's looking after her."

 

"Are you and him...?"

 

"No. We tried for a while, but let's face it. He wasn't you Daniel."

Sarah smiled sadly.

 

"I'm sorry." Daniel said sincerely, following her to the door.

 

"I know. Me too." She smiled at him briefly before stepping into the

cold air and disappearing towards the car. "But, what's done is

done." She told him as she returned carrying her daughter and a bag

with her.

 

"So this is it then? You just drop her off and leave?"

 

"It's so cruel, isn't it?" Sarah touched her daughters head gently

before handing the soft warm body over into Daniel's arms. "This is

it Daniel. I'll keep in touch, okay? Somethings just weren't meant to

be - like you and me. I'm just not cut out to be a mother." She leant

forwards and kissed him softly. "I still love you." She told him.

 

"I still love you too." He admitted. But, it was a different love.

The love of a friend, a brother even.

 

"Bye sweety." She kissed Chloe's head and then was gone.

 

                         *******************

 

"So...where's Daniel?" Jack looked around the nearly empty briefing

room.

 

"Don't know." Sam looked around as well. "Probably with Teal'C." She

added, catching sight of the Jaffa's empty chair.

 

Jack smiled slightly as she reached down and touched her abdomen, a

slight smile on her face.

 

"Active today?" He asked her tenderly.

 

"Just a bit." She smiled tightly, knowing the loving look in his eye

wasn't directed at her, but rather at their child. That hurt a lot

lately, knowing that the only reason they were married was because of

this child, and the only reason this child existed was because of one

stupid mistake.

 

"Oh look, here come's Teal'C." Jack attempted to lighten the mood,

realising that her thoughts had turned onto a depressing subject. He

could do that a lot lately, he realised, know when she was upset or

happy by just looking at her eyes.

 

"Hey Teal'C, where's Daniel?" Sam asked as the big Jaffa walked into

the room.

 

"He is coming." Jack could have sworn he saw a smile of amusement

lurking on Teal'C's lips.

 

"Oh?" Jack waited, eyebrows raised. "He's later than usual." He

commented, hoping to draw out an explanation from the Jaffa before

Hammond arrived.

 

"Good morning people." Hammond breezed into the room, smiling

slightly to himself as he caught sight of O'Neill and Carter - why

did he still think of her as Carter? - standing side by side and

looking every inch the happily married couple. "Where's Dr. Jackson?"

He peered around, not too much surprised by the man's absence.

 

"He is on his way." Teal'C said, taking his seat.

 

"He's here." Daniel's puffed voice reached their ears as he appeared

in the room.

 

"With the day care I see." Jack raised an eyebrow at the child held

awkwardly in Daniel's arms.

 

"Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond asked, surprised.

 

"Yeah, I had a little trouble at the checkpoints trying to get in

with Chloe, sorry I'm late." Daniel dropped onto a seat, not letting

go of his child.

 

"May I ask just who exactly Chloe is?" Jack questioned, studying

Daniel.

 

"Oh, sorry, this is my daughter Jack." Daniel grinned up at Jack. "I

have a daughter." He announced.

 

"And where did she come from?" General Hammond asked, shocked.

 

"Where do babies usually come from? Sir." Jack amended, casting a

slightly apologetic look at Sam's amused smile.

 

"I *know* that, Colonel. Bear in mind, I do have two daughters."

General Hammond returned pointedly. "What I'm asking is, where did

she suddenly appear from?"

 

"Well, it's kind of a surprise really, I mean I didn't even know she

existed until last night. Look at this Sam! She's smiling at me! Yes,

isn't Chloe just so cute?" Daniel cooed.

 

"Uh, Daniel, babies really don't like treated like a dog." Jack said

knowingly.

 

"That's not how you talk to a dog. More like a cat." Sam grinned

mischieviously.

 

"Excuse me guys, I'm trying to bond with my daughter at the moment!"

Daniel huffed. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to look after a

kid like this, not to mention feed it?" He continued, ignoring the

grins at his comment. "I mean, I would probably not have coped if

Teal'C hadn't been there. Do you know that you actually have to make

the baby burp?" Daniel opened his eyes widely.

 

"Of course." Both Jack and Sam looked surprised.

 

"Oh." Daniel blinked. "Well, Teal'C's been helping me out..."

 

"Teal'C?" Jack blinked this time, staring at the big Jaffa in

surprise.

 

"He does have a son, Jack." Sam reminded him pointedly.

 

"I suppose...still, I can't imagine Teal'C burping a baby." Jack

shook his head at the image popping to mind.

 

"Uh...I guess not." Sam tried not to giggle.

 

"Excuse me people." General Hammond interjected wearily. "We are here

for a reason you understand?" He stared pointedly at Jack.

 

"Sorry, Sir." Jack apologised humbly.

 

"Dr. Jackson, you are going on a mission in less than four hours..."

 

"What about Chloe?" Daniel realised, his eyes wide.

 

"What about her?" Jack looked at him.

 

"Who's going to look after her?" Daniel panicked, clutching the tiny

child closer to himself.

 

"Uh..." Sam faltered as four pairs of eyes looked in her direction.

 

"Practice." Jack grinned.

 

"Please Sam?" Daniel cajoled, smiling at her hopefully.

 

"I don't know..."

 

"Cassie and Charlie will be home, won't they? They can help." Daniel

suggested.

 

"Wait...I don't think that's such a good idea..." Jack cut in

suddenly. "I mean, Sam is pregnant..."

 

"Sam is also here." Sam reminded them. "And she appreciates being

spoken to."

 

"Sorry." Jack smiled at her. "As I was saying, you are pregnant and

already having to look after Cassie and Charlie..."

 

"I'll only be for a few days Jack, I'll be fine." Sam shook her head,

smiling.

 

"But..."

 

"But what?" She raised an eyebrow, daring further arguments.

 

"Your headaches?" He threw in helplessly.

 

"They're not that bad." Sam rolled her eyes.

 

"Have you been to see a doctor yet?" Daniel asked, concern on his

features.

 

"No, it's just the pregnancy." Sam held her hands up. "I'll be fine

okay? Besides, Mrs. Simpson is next door if I do run into trouble."

She added.

 

"Okay. On one condition." Jack agreed.

 

"What?"

 

"You do what Daniel suggested and see a doctor ASAP, okay?" He looked

at her firmly.

 

"Okay." Sam sighed, shaking her head slightly. "But they're just..."

 

"Ah!" Jack shook his head. "Now, if I remember, you were going to

debrief us on something about something on this planet...P

something...."

 

                         *******************

 

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life

who never knew how much I loved them

Now I live with the regret

That my true feelings for them never were revealed

So I made a promise to myself

To say each day how much she means to me

And avoid that circumstance,

there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

 

                         *******************

 

Daniel studied Jack as the man attempted to light the fire. For the

first time to Daniel's knowledge, Jack couldn't get the little pieces

of tinder to burn.

 

"Here." Daniel pushed Jack out of the way and started building the

little fire.

 

"You really suck at that." Jack sighed, watching the weak little

flames smoke and threaten to die.

 

"You weren't doing any better." Daniel returned, sitting back with an

eagle eye on his little fire.

 

"I guess not." Jack agreed, leaning back against a rock. "So."

 

"So?" Daniel raised and eyebrow, studying Jack discreetly. He looked

edgy, agitated even. "What's wrong with you?" He asked pointedly, his

eyes meeting Jack's and refusing to look away.

 

"Nothing, why?" Jack asked innocently, his own eyes suspiciously

honest.

 

"Well...your wife is going to have a baby in a few months time..."

 

"Two and a half." Jack inserted smoothly, smiling slightly.

 

"And both of you refuse to admit you love each other..." Daniel

continued as if Jack hadn't spoken.

 

"What?" Jack nearly choked on his own bitter laughter.

 

"Oh come on Jack, there has to be something between you. No way can

you both fool everyone else with this act if it wasn't at least a

little bit true." Daniel said smugly.

 

"Well, we've been fooling the whole world about the Stargate, haven't

we?" Jack retorted, feeling his guard raise. "Besides, it's not so

hard. We only really do it in front of people."

 

"Jack, admit it." Daniel rolled his eyes. "You are so worried about

her..."

 

"She's not well Daniel, anyone can see that."

 

"No, not everyone can see that. You can see that because you know

her. You're the one who's married to her, knows who she is. You can

see she's not well because you love her!" Daniel stood up angrily.

 

"Oh. And just how do you know this?" Jack raised an eyebrow, keeping

his face void of emotion.

 

"I was married, Jack." Daniel reminded him. "You're both fooling

yourselves." He sighed, standing up. "Do me a favour Jack, when you

get home and no one else is around, give her a kiss because it's what

you want to do."

 

"I..." Jack blinked, surprise on his face.

 

"Wait, let me guess, you already do." Daniel asked hopefully.

 

"No." Jack shook his head, an odd little smile playing around his

lips.

 

"Jack." Daniel sighed.

 

"Okay!" Jack held up hands up and jumped to his feet, suddenly angry

as he stalked off towards Teal'C and the latest member of SG-1.

 

Daniel sighed. That was probably the closest admission he'd ever get

from Jack until he and Sam sorted themselves out.

 

                         *******************

 

"Mark!" Sam started in surprise as she opened the front door.

 

"Hey, are you busy?" He asked hopefully, frowning slightly at the

sound of a child crying in the background.

 

"Uh...no. I was just getting Chloe's bath ready...come on in." She

offered, smiling up hesitantly at him.

 

"Chloe? I thought it was Cassie." Mark commented as he followed her

through the house. It was strange seeing little signs of Sam all

through the house, like the books in the hallway. He could tell she'd

arranged them because of the way they went from large to small in

complete disregard for hard and soft covers.

 

"It is Cassie, Chloe's a friend's daughter." Sam admitted picking up

the crying girl as she entered the room. "Chloe, this is Mark." She

introduced them.

 

"Mummy!" Chloe screamed, pushing away from Sam's frame with her small

little fists.

 

"When's her Mom coming back?" Mark asked, feeling sorry for his

sister as her pained face stared up helplessly at him.

 

"I don't think she is." Sam said carefully. "Daniel's actually gotten

me to look after her until he gets back."

 

"Daniel?"

 

"Daniel Jackson...a friend." She paused again, giving him that *look*.

 

"What?" He asked her, absently reaching over and holding the child's

arms for her.

 

"Thanks. What do you mean 'what'?" Sam asked him, pulling a T Shirt

over Chloe's head.

 

"You have that look on your face..."

 

"What look?"

 

"I don't know. Checking to see if I bought your story." He studied

her carefully.

 

"What story?" Sam frowned, surprised.

 

"Never mind." He grinned suddenly. "I missed you." He told her.

 

Sam was horrified to feel the tears pricking at her eyelids. "Damn

hormones." She tucked Chloe's arms through the shirt.

 

"Sam?" Mark studied her as she furiously wiped the tears away.

 

"I missed you too." Sam admitted. "And these damn hormones are making

me so emotional..." She trailed off.

 

"Liar." Mark touched her cheek softly. "I...I don't want to do that

again." He said sincerely.

 

"Do what?" Sam asked, confused.

 

"Live as though I don't have any family. Sam, you're my sister." He

sighed, frustrated. "I mean, look at you. You've nearly died twice in

the last couple of years, broken off an engagement, gotten yourself

married, have a whole family and now you've got a baby on the way."

He paused, unsure. "I..."

 

"I know." Sam touched his hand softly, her eyes misting again as she

watched him. "I was hurt, Mark. Really hurt."

 

"I know. I'm sorry, you do know that right?" He held her fingers

tightly, his eyes willing her to understand.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Sam bit her lip, chewing on it.

 

"Sure." He waited.

 

"Why wouldn't you forgive him?" Sam whispered.

 

"I...it was his fault, Sam." Mark said helplessly.

 

"No, it wasn't just his fault. It was that drunk's fault for being

drunk as well. It was Mom's fault in a way for not understand him or

trying too..."

 

"Sam, I don't want to hear this!" Mark cut in, letting her hands drop.

 

"No, you've got understand Mark." Sam shook her head, turning to look

at Chloe who was now happily playing with her dolls in a corner. "Dad

is...was only human." She hiccuped slightly as the words passed over

her lips. "He made mistakes too. Don't you think he blamed himself?"

 

"I...Sam, it's over." Mark shook his head angrily, pacing around the

room.

 

"No, it's not over. You expect me to forgive you because you've got a

grudge. If you can't get over your grudge, how can you expect me to

forgive you?" Sam shook her head sadly.

 

"What is it with you? You never used to be this philosophical."

 

"I never used to be pregnant either." Sam smiled drily. "Stop

changing the subject." She added half-heartedly.

 

"What's wrong?" Mark pounced instantly.

 

"It's nothing. Just a headache." She waved her hand slightly, sinking

down onto the couch and holding her head between her hands.

 

"Are you sure?" Mark watched her, concern on his face. "I mean, I

know you're gonna get headaches because you're pregnant, but this

bad?" He studied her anxiously.

 

"I'm going to the doctors tomorrow." Sam smiled up wanly at him.

 

"Why not now?"

 

"Because I have three kids who need looking after right now. Cassie

and Charlie are going out with Mrs. Simpson - our nextdoor neighbour -

 tomorrow, so I'll just have Chloe with me." Sam licked her lips.

 

"What about your husband?" Mark narrowed his eyes.

 

"He's on a mission at the moment...Mark!" Sam snapped as her

brother's face revealed his anger.

 

"He's gone on a mission, leaving you home with three children when he

*knows* you're getting these headaches and you're pregnant!" He

snapped.

 

"I told him to go. He didn't want too..."

 

"What kind of a friend would dump his child on you anyway just

because he happens to be away as well..." Mark continued, staring

pointedly at Chloe.

 

"Mark, you shut up right now and listen to me or you can just leave

as well. I really don't need this right now!" Sam yelled, standing up

and clutching at her head as the pain escalated.

 

Why was he here? It was obvious he wasn't ready to forgive

the 'military' for what it had done to them.

 

"Sam?" Charlie appeared through the doorway with Cassie in tow.

 

"Hey." She smiled weakly, sitting back down.

 

"You okay?" Charlie studied her and then looked at the man in the

room with her.

 

"This is my brother, Charlie. Mark, this is Charlie." She introduced

them, watching as they sized each other up. She knew Charlie had

heard the argument she'd had with Jack the day after the funeral,

when he'd said she should go and see Mark.

 

"Mom, what's wrong?" Cassie asked, coming up to Sam and touching her

arm lightly.

 

"Have you got another headache?" Charlie demanded suspiciously.

 

"It's fine honey. Why don't you guys go get us all a cup of coffee..."

 

"Tea." Charlie shook his head. "Dad said you're only allowed to have

tea."

 

"He's not here now Charlie..." Sam sighed.

 

"So?" Charlie watched her expectantly.

 

"Okay. Why don't you go and get Mark a coffee, you two a hot

chocolate and a *tea* for me?" She smiled hopefully.

 

"On one condition." Charlie inserted smoothly, grinning at her.

 

"What?"

 

"You go to the doctors tomorrow, like you promised." He studied her.

 

"I will!" Sam held her hands up. "What is it with all of you guys?"

She leant back in the couch, closing her eyes slightly.

 

"You promised." Charlie reminded her, disappearing out of the room.

 

"Cassie, why don't you get some games out or something?" Sam turned

to her daughter.

 

"Okay." Cassie hopped up and disappeared out of the room.

 

"So what are you doing tonight?" Sam watched her brother warily,

trying to ignore the aching pain in her head.

 

"Nothing." He shrugged. "I'm catching a flight back tomorrow

afternoon..."

 

"Why don't you hang around here for a while then? Get to know my

kids." Sam suggested.

 

"Sure." Mark looked slightly uneasy.

 

"It's a truce for now Mark, but we're going to have to sort this

out." She sighed, closing her eyes as she leant back into the couch.

 

"We will. I promise." Mark sat down opposite her. "So, Cassie, how

about you and me against Sam and Charlie?" He grinned as the girl

walked in carrying a pile of boardgames.

 

"Okay." She smiled hesitantly and set the boards on the

floor. "Monopoly!" She announced.

 

"Here we go." Sam sighed, grinning.

 

                         *******************

 

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I love her?

Did I try in ev'ry way

To show her ev'ry day

That she's my only one?

 

And if my time on earth were through

And she must face the world without me

Is the love I gave her in the past

Gonna be eonugh to last

If tomorrow never comes?

 

                         *******************

 

Sam studied the white wall nervously. Why were walls like this always

white? Either white, grey or that really sickly green colour that she

didn't even think mould had done crime enough to be.

 

"Mrs. O'Neill?" A voice startled her out of her thoughts. She licked

her lips, smiled tightly and followed the dark woman through the

corridors.

 

A whole heap of little worms were wriggling around in her, making her

feel even more queasy than she usually did this time of day. Why was

she nervous? There was nothing wrong with her. She was fine....wasn't

she?

 

"Good morning." She smiled nervously at the Dr. What was his name

again? Stephens, that's it, Dr. Stephens.

 

"Hi yourself." He smiled at her. Not good, that smile *really* wasn't

good. Oh God. What was wrong with her? Nothing. Absolutely nothing

wrong with her, other than the fact that she was pregnant - nearly

six and a half months.

 

"So." She raised her eyebrows, surprised at the steadiness of her own

voice and the cheerful note she managed to push into it.

 

'Oh, come on Sam, stop kidding yourself. You know something's wrong,

that's why you're so nervous. That's why you've been putting this

off - you *know* that something is wrong.'

 

"Would you like to sit down?" He pointed to a chair.

 

When they asked you to sit...then you know.

 

"Thanks." She smiled again. A firm kick from her baby brought forth a

gasp which he immediately questioned with a raised eyebrow. Smiling

at him slightly she touched her stomach so he'd know, and she was

scared to see a very sorrowful smile tinging his lips. Oh God,

please, no.

 

"Uh...Okay, let's see now. Where would you like me to start?" He

shuffled his papers. Lots of papers, looked like some of those X-

ray's and scans he'd taken the other morning. Uh oh.

 

"At the beginning." She said promptly, glancing at her wrist-

watch. "Is this going to take long?" She licked her lips.

 

"Well...it's not going to take five minutes..."

 

"I'm really going to have to get home soon." She licked her lips

again.

 

"Mrs. O'Neill...Sam." It was his voice, the way he said her name that

made her pause.

 

"It's bad, isn't it?" She slumped in her seat, holding her throbbing

head in her hands.

 

"Yes." He met her eyes steadily.

 

"How bad?" She asked softly, closing her eyes and licking her lips

again.

 

"You have a brain tumour..." He started off.

 

Her eyes flew open, not shocked, not horrified, just a sad acceptance.

 

"You knew, didn't you?" He felt respect in him for this woman, her

strength.

 

"No, I guessed." She looked at the desk between them and then met his

eyes.

 

"How long?" He asked her softly.

 

"A few months." She shrugged. "I don't know, not sure really. I

thought it was the pregnancy at first, but they got worse." She shook

slightly.

 

"There are options..."

 

"I'm not doing anything to hurt my baby." She told him firmly, her

eyes calm.

 

"I didn't think you would." He put the papers down.

 

"How serious is it?" She needed the facts now, he realised that. From

what Jacob had told him about his daughter, he knew she'd sort

through them and then come to her decision. The month or two before

Jacob died, he'd gotten to know her pretty well. She was smart, very

smart.

 

"If, if we were to start you on Chemo now, or radio therapy, then

we'd have a pretty good chance at beating this thing..."

 

"But because I won't do those by the time I have this baby it will be

a no win situation." She realised, finishing for him.

 

"I'm sorry." He said sincerely.

 

"Hey, it's not your fault." She shrugged, her blue eyes studying the

desk again, resting on his family portrait. "I...I didn't think that

I'd die this way. This slowly." She said softly, smiling bitterly.

 

"No?"

 

"No. I always thought I'd go in combat." She admitted.

 

"You were military, weren't you?" He sat back in his chair,

understanding her need to talk.

 

"Yeah. Nearly my whole life." She agreed. "My work...it was very

dangerous." She revealed, and he was surprised. What work? Even Jacob

hadn't known exactly what she was doing. "Is this a hereditary thing

or..."

 

"No, I don't think so." He shook his head. "It's a possibility that

the head injuries you suffered before hand - the coma's - play a

large part in this. I'm not sure though, but it doesn't look like a

hereditary thing." He admitted, watching the pain flash briefly

through her eyes.

 

"So how long do you give me?" She asked eventually, breaking the

silence between them.

 

"It's hard to say. I'd say six months, a year at best." He admitted

gently.

 

He watched as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, steadying

herself.

 

"I...I don't want my kids to grow up without a Mom." She whispered,

her eyes large with unfilled tears as she looked at him. "I...I

needed my Mom, and she wasn't there." She gulped, visibly gathering

her emotions.

 

"Sam...your Dad talked to me quite a bit about you and Mark...your

lives..."

 

"He told you he sucked as a Dad?" She asked, smiling slightly despite

her tears.

 

"Yeah."

 

"He did, you know. He felt so guiltly, and Mark and I blamed him so

much..." She shuddered slightly. "I was wrong though. I'm

happy...happy we made our peace before he...he..."

 

"It's not going to be like that for your kids." He said gently.

 

"It's not?" Sam blinked, confused.

 

"I've met your husband Sam, I know Jack nearly as well as I know you.

He loves your kids more than anything...he'll look after them." He

leant over and touched her hands reassuringly.

 

"I know he will. I don't doubt that for an instant." Sam said

sincerely, her thoughts wandering to her husband, to Jack. "That's

why we're married." She added, surprised at her confessing this to a

relative stranger.

 

"What? Because he loves kids?"

 

"No. Jack and I actually disliked each other. Hated would probably be

a better word for it." Sam smiled slightly, remembering the thoughts

and anger that used to play through her, and felt ashamed of

them. "We uh, we clashed. Badly actually." She laughed slightly this

time. "Then Charlie's Mom died, and things got worse. Only, Charlie

sorted 'adopted' me to be his fill-in Mom, so I was there all the

time. It was hell, trying to be civil to the man in front of his

kid." She paused, frowning slightly.

 

"Then I had my accident and Cassie lived with him and Charlie while I

recovered. Then, against my better judgement, they moved me in with

the three of them." She stopped for a while.

 

"It wasn't that bad, come to think of it. I still resented him

because of the way he treated me, and I didn't know how to relate to

him, but he was so damn *nice* to me..."

 

"You fell in love?" Dr. Stephen's asked softly.

 

"What?" Sam snorted. "No! No way." She shook her head, laughing

slightly. It was an odd laugh, she realised, very bitter. "No. We

both had a bit much to drink one night - thought a best friend had

died and just did the 'comfort' thing without thinking about it. That

pretty much ended the hatred thing but we still weren't friends. Just

civil to each other." Sam was mildly amused to notice that the doctor

wasn't all that shocked, just more surprised.

 

"Anyway, things turned out and I realised I was pregnant. The once,

and look what happened." She sighed. "So, Jack did the honourable

thing and proposed. I would have said no, only he threw Cassie,

Charlie and the unborn child into my face, saying they needed a

stable family environment to grow up in. So we got married." Sam

shrugged simply, watching him.

 

"And that's it?" Dr. Stephens asked, confused.

 

"That's it. We act well, don't you think?" She smiled bitterly. "The

thing is, I love him now." She sighed, leaning back in her

chair. "And I kept wishing, hoping, that maybe he...it doesn't matter

now, does it?" She sat up straight again. "I'm going to die in a few

months anyway, so it's probably better that there's not *really*

anything between us." She stood up slowly.

 

"Sam..." Dr. Stephens stood up as well. "Maybe we should talk..."

 

"You know, I don't even know why I told you that. Actually, yes I do.

If I told Daniel that then he'd be on my back about getting things

into the open with Jack because it's too late. I told you because you

can't say anything to me, you can't say anything to Jack and you

can't force me." She stated, gathering her bag.

 

"Sam..."

 

"Please, don't say anything to anyone. I'll be in to see you again

and discuss my 'options'." Her hand rested on the doorhandle.

 

"Are you going to tell them?" He asked.

 

"No." She shook her head. "Not yet. They'll just worry..."

 

"Sam..."

 

"Don't. It's my choice."

 

"I was just going to give you these." Dr. Stephens stood up, holding

two pieces of paper.

 

"What are they?" She asked suspiciously.

 

"Prescription for some painkillers." He told her. "And my number. I

want you to call me if you need *anything*, okay?"

 

"Thank you." Her eyes misted over and she hugged him, thanking him

for his understanding.

 

"You're just like your father." He told her softly. "He didn't want

to tell anyone either, and he was wrong. Just think about that, okay?"

 

"Okay." She agreed, her voice catching in her throat as she slipped

out of the room.

 

                         *******************

 

So tell that someone that you love

Just what you're thinking of

If tomorrow never comes

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 7: Live

 

 

A million stars light

This beautiful night

This is not a night to die

Let me sing and dance

 

Beneath the sky

I have such love to give

To give

For a chance to live

 

                         *******************

 

"You know what?" Jack leant back against the couch, a slight smile on

his lips as he surveyed his 'family'.

 

"What?" Charlie and Cassie were the only ones who answered, though

Sam did manage to turn her head around and face him.

 

"I was thinking..." He started out.

 

"Does it hurt?" Charlie grinned up at him.

 

"Ha ha." Jack rolled his eyes, leaning forwards and ruffling the

brown mop of hair where it was resting againts his knee.

 

"What were you thinking?" Cassie asked, her eyes completely focused

on Jack.

 

"That we should all go to the pool tomorrow for a swim." Jack said

simply.

 

"Really?" Cassie grinned up at him, excitement flooding over her eyes.

 

"Yes, really!" He laughed at her enthusiasm, welcoming the tight hug

she enveloped him in. "What do you say, Sam?" He grinned at her

hopefully, meeting her eyes.

 

"I..."

 

"Oh, come on Sam!" Charlie begged, turning on his little boy face

that he knew would convince her.

 

"I...Okay." She relented, smiling at them.

 

"What? Don't I get a hug?" Jack sounded hurt, his eyes sparking a

challenge at her.

 

Sam froze for a second, suddenly intensely aware of the room she was

in. The scent of flowers hung in the air, roses to be precise, from

the bunch Cassie had picked for her. She was acutely aware of the

golden aura the lamplight threw over the members of her family as

they were piled on and around the couch, fascinated by the way the

lights danced in Jack's eyes and the way his lips curled up in a

smile at her.

 

"Sam!" Cassie encouraged, her eyes wide and questioning.

 

"What?" She blinked, time resuming it's normal cause.

 

"Aren't you going to give Dad a hug too?" Charlie demanded, grinning

at her cheekily.

 

"What? Oh, sure, yeah." She smiled and got up slowly, holding her

hand protectively over her stomach and willing the world to stop

spinning.

 

The tension between herself and Jack as she approached him was

charged with something that she'd been noticing a lot more lately.

She'd tried to put a name to it, tried to realise when she first

fully became aware of it, and then decided that those particular

questions were better left unanswered and unexplained.

 

Cassie jumped out of the way lightly as Sam approached the couch,

giggling conspiratorally with Charlie.

 

"I'm supposed to lean down, am I?" She grinned at him, forcing down

the butterflies. Lately, each miniscule second she spent in his

company, being touched by him, talked to by him had come to mean the

most to her, though he didn't know that.

 

"Of course." He said steadily, not moving an inch.

 

"I am a six and a half month pregnant woman, and you expect me to

bend over?" She continued the play acting, placing her hands on her

hips.

 

"Isn't it too much for a husband to ask?" He smiled lazily.

 

"Of course not." She sighed. He sat forwards slightly and rested his

hands on her hips to help her balance as she leant over awkwardly to

slip her arms around his neck. "Jack!" She squealed, clutching hold

of him as he pulled her into his lap gently.

 

"You stalled too long." He sated, holding her

tightly. "Compensation." He whispered, leaning over and kissing her

lightly.

 

A shiver ran over her as his lips met hers, and for the first time

she acknowledged to herself, the feel of his lips against hers. Her

eyes closed and she leant against him, curling her fingers lightly in

her hair as she let herself pretend for just a few minutes.

 

Jack sighed against her, relaxing against her form. He'd been wanting

to do this for so long now - since that talk with Daniel, actually,

if he was going to be honest, way before that...but he'd never had

the excuse to give her a kiss, not for a long time anyway.

 

"Eeew!" Charlie nudged his knee slightly, bringing them both back to

reality with a jolt.

 

Sam's eyes flew open and she met his, startled and shocked. He could

feel every inch of her trembling and tense, ready to flee. He

couldn't let her though, that would ruin this act they'd been living

for the kids, all their efforts would be destroyed if she ran from

him now.

 

His fingers tightened on her waist, refusing to let her run.

 

She nearly struggled, but realised he was right as his iron grip held

onto her, pressing her close against him.

 

"We are married Charlie." Jack sighed, trying to ignore the feel of

her lying next to him.

 

"So...you're too old to be doing stuff like that!" Charlie shook his

head, rolling his eyes.

 

"Too old?" Jack asked, not moving. He relaxed against the couch, his

hand absently finding it's way under Sam's shirt and tracing a gentle

pattern on her back.

 

"Yes." Charlie grimaced again. "Besides..." He started off.

 

"Besides what?" Sam asked lazily, far too relaxed and comfortable in

Jack's hold.

 

"You were only meant to hug him!" He stated, standing up. "Hey, Dad?"

 

"What?" Jack smiled slightly as Sam rested her head against his

shoulder.

 

"Can we take the ball to the pool tomorrow?"

 

"Why?"

 

"So we can play basketball."

 

"I thought I was too old." Jack commented, earning a chuckle from Sam

and a surprised expression from Charlie.

 

"You're not *that* old!" Charlie corrected, smiling hopefully at Jack.

 

"Okay." Jack agreed. "Bed time." He added, raising his eyebrows.

 

"Goodnight." Charlie leant over and kissed both of them goodnight on

the cheek, a ritual followed by Cassie and then disappeared out of

the room, giggling quietly with his sister.

 

"How do you do that?" Sam made no move to get up and leave his arms.

 

"What?" He asked, shifting slightly on the couch but not letting go

of her.

 

"Just say 'Bed time' and they head off, no complaints at all." She

sighed, snuggling further into his hold.

 

"I don't know. I guess I'm just good." he shrugged.

 

Silence settled around them. Sam sighed slightly as her thoughts

wandered, remembering those first nights she'd been left alone with

Jack for company after the kids had gone to bed. They'd been so

tense, so awkward, and now here they were, completely relaxed on the

couch as she was sprawled out all over him. It was wrong though, but

she still didn't want to be the one to end it.

 

"I think," Jack commented, placing his finger against her lips as she

opened to it to deliver a comment similar to Charlie's earlier

wisecrack, "I think that we should also go to bed now." He said

softly, letting his fingers run gently over her face and tuck a stray

strand of hair behind her ear.

 

"I suppose." Sam sighed, not moving.

 

Jack resisted the temptation to kiss her again, despite Daniel's

words taunting him, and carefully stood up, holding her in his arms.

 

"Someone's been putting on some weight." He commented lightly as he

carried her towards their room.

 

"There's two people here, Jack." She reminded him, rolling her eyes.

 

"I know." He smiled down at her and kicked the bedroom door open with

his foot.

 

He put her on the bed gently, relieved to see her smiling gently at

him. "Gonna be a long day tomorrow." He commented as he made his way

to his side of the bed, grabbing his nightgown and disappearing into

the en suite. "You should get some rest." His voice floated to her

through the doorway.

 

Sam sighed to herself as she lay on the bed. She wanted to tell him,

she wanted to tell him so badly...but she couldn't. Opening her

drawer she quickly grabbed her tablets and popped them into her

mouth, swallowing them without water and grimacing as she felt them

move down through her.

 

"Goodnight." Jack appeared again and sat on the bed.

 

"Night." She whispered, thankful her back was to him so he wouldn't

see the tears in her eyes.

 

"You okay?" He asked as he climbed in, leaning over and touching her

shoulder. She tensed slightly. He never touched her once they were in

the bed, it was the only place where the act could be dropped and

they could have their own personal space.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said sharply, furious as a betraying tremour

slipped over the words.

 

"Don't lie to me, Sam." He said, and she could imagine him frowning

slightly at her, his brown eyes questioning as he studied her for the

truth. "Sam?"

 

"I'm, fine. Really." She lied, unable to hide the sob that arose out

of nowhere.

 

"That's why you're crying." He sighed. A second later she found

herself being tugged into his arms and turned so that she was facing

him, her head buried under his chin and his arms wrapped tightly

around her. "What is it?" He asked gently, stroking her head while

she cried.

 

Even if she'd wanted to tell him, she couldn't. The words were there

in her mind, teasing her and taunting her, but something in her

throat rose when she tried to say them, blocking them from her with a

lump that felt as hard and rough as a rock.

 

He held her while she cried against him, stroking her hair and

showering gentle kisses on her forehead.

 

"I...I..." She tried to say, not trying to untangle herself from his

arms.

 

"You don't have to say anything." He soothed her, stroking her arm

lightly.

 

"No...its...." She stopped, fighting for calmness.

 

"Mark?" He asked softly.

 

"No." She shook her head, relaxing against him slightly as the

painkillers started to take effect and her mind grew fuzzy.

 

"Me?" He asked hesitantly.

 

"No." She mumbled, relaxing in his hold.

 

"What is it?" He whispered, his voice filling her senses. "Sam?" He

asked softly, touching her moist cheek in the dark. "I love you." He

whispered as her breathing evened out and her fingers curled

themselves tightly in the hair at the nape of his neck.

 

                         *******************

 

Jack opened his eyes slowly, his senses gradually becoming aware of

something different. A mop of golden hair filled his vision, and he

realised that the reason he was slightly uncomfortable was because of

the position he was lying in. Sam was pressed up right against him,

her head resting on his shoulder.

 

He smiled slightly as he touched her cheek and she wrinkled her nose

in her sleep.

 

A movement against him turned his attention towards her stomach and

the active inhabitant.

 

"Goodmorning." He whispered to it, touching it lightly with his hand.

He was rewarded by a firm kick and an irritated movement from Sam.

 

Chuckling he worked himself out from underneath her, taking a moment

to study her. She was so pale and the dark circles under her eyes

were clearer than ever. Picking up one of her hands, he looked at it

closely. She was too thin, especially for someone who was pregnant.

 

He jumped guiltily as his mobile sounded and dropped her hand.

 

"What?" He grouched into the phone.

 

"Good morning Colonel." General Hammond's voice sounded slightly

annoyed.

 

"General!" Jack jerked wide awake. "Just a minute sir...Sam's still

sleeping." He ran into the bathroom and closed the door so that he

wouldn't disturb Sam. "Yes Sir?" He grimaced slightly as he caught

sight of himself in the mirror.

 

"We've got a problem Jack." General Hammond sighed.

 

"We do?" Jack frowned. This wasn't good.

 

"The Cimmerians have just gotten in contact with us...their world's

been invaded by the Go'auld." General Hammond admitted. "Teal'C and

Dr. Jackson are requesting permission to go and help..."

"Add me to that list, General." Jack instructed.

 

"Well then you'd better get to the base ASAP." General Hammond smiled

slightly into the phone, worry clouding his voice.

 

"Will do Sir." Jack agreed.

 

"Bye." General Hammond hung up.

 

Jack glared slightly at the mobile phone and then walked back into

his room.

 

"Sam...Sam...come on Sam, wake up!" Jack touched her cheek.

 

"Mm?" She blinked sleepily, her vision blurred.

 

"Sam, I've got to go. There's a problem at base, okay?" He studied

her, watching as her eyes fought and lost the battle to look awake.

 

"Okay." She whispered, grabbing a hold of his hand and turning over,

falling asleep again. He looked at her in surprise. She never used to

sleep this much, this deeply or had this much trouble waking up. What

was wrong with her?

 

"Sam...I have to go. Now." He pulled his hand from hers and sighed.

Charlie. He'd go tell Charlie.

 

"Hey, come on kid!" Jack woke his son up, feeling a pang of guilt as

he realised it was before six am.

 

"What?" Charlie mumbled sleepily, pulling his covers up tighter.

 

"Charlie, I've got to go to work, there's a problem." Jack said

hesitantly.

 

"Why?" Charlie's sleep befuddled eyes opened a bit wider and he

managed to stare at Jack's face.

 

"There's a problem. Sam's still sleeping okay, so I want you to get

you and Cassie ready for school and get Mrs. Simpson to take you.

Tell her I'm really sorry but Sam's not well and I want her to sleep,

okay?" Jack waited for Charlie to agree.

 

"Okay. Put my alarm on, please?" Charlie leant back against the

pillows.

 

"Sure." Jack complied. "I love you." He whispered, leaning over and

dropping a kiss on Charlie's head.

 

"Love you too." Charlie mumbled sleepily.

 

                         *******************

 

Live

For the one I love

Love

As no one has loved

Give

Asking nothing in return

 

                         *******************

 

"No, I don't think you understand..." Sam snapped, spinning around and

facing General Hammond.

 

"Dr. Carter..." General Hammond started to cut her off.

 

"No!" Sam cut her hands through the air. "I thought the agreement was

he was on downtime until the baby was born...no dangerous missions..."

She stated furiously.

 

"It was. He wanted to do this Sam..."

 

"Only because he knew about it!" She countered.

 

"Sam, this is Jack we're talking about." General Hammond said

softly. "You know he would have never forgiven me if I hadn't told

him."

 

"What about me? What if he dies? What about Cassie, Charlie and the

baby?" Sam whispered, fear in her.

 

"I don't know Sam." General Hammond admitted, sinking onto his

seat. "You knew that this was going to happen. The work...Jack's

honour...

*you* honour. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything I can do." He

looked up at her.

 

"I know..." She trailed off, staring at him with a bewildered

expression on her face.

 

"Why don't you go down to the infirmary and have a lie down?" General

Hammond suggested, studying her critically.

 

"I'm fine." She shook her head exasperatedly.

 

"You look like you need some sleep." He raised his eyebrows. "I'll

order you if I have too. Besides, if you have a sleep then time will

go quicker and you won't worry so much." He added gently.

 

"I...I don't want..."

 

"Sam, you can't do anything." He touched her arm gently, amazed at

all the different personalities of this woman. She could be so

strong, so brave and incredibly self-less, and then there was this

part of her that was so helpless, so afraid and unable to cope with

stress.

 

"I..."

 

"Come on, I'll escort you." He offered, taking her arm.

 

                         *******************

 

"Is he okay?" She demanded, grabbing a hold of Dr. Warner's arms as

soon as he stepped out of the infirmary, refusing to let go.

 

Dr. Warner flinched in pain as her bony fingers dug deep into his

flesh, holding him in a vice like grip. Her eyes were panicked as she

looked up him, desperation clawing it's way to the surface through

the agitated pools of emotion.

 

"Dr. Carter..." He tried to remove her hands, gently plucking them from

his arms and holding them while she clutched at his hands instead.

 

"Please!" She begged and he realised that she was close to breaking.

 

"He should be fine. Other than a concussion...it's not really such a

serious injury..." Dr. Warner smiled slightly. "He was quite lucky

actually. If that staff blast had gone any higher he wouldn't be

lying awake in the infirmary right now asking for you."

 

"I can go see him?" Sam froze, shock on her face that was instantly

replaced with relief.

 

"Of course." Dr. Warner smiled at her then, feeling quite happy that

he'd been able to give her good news, that he had the chance to see

their happiness in person. It was true, O'Neill and Carter made

a `damn cute couple', as his interns all said.

 

"Thanks." Sam smiled at him, gave him an impulsive hug and then

bounded into the infirmary to see Jack.

 

"Sam?" Jack's voice croaked somewhere on the right of her.

 

"Hi." She skidded to a halt, nervous tension suddenly in place of her

earlier fear and then elation when she'd found out that he was okay.

 

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

 

Sam studied him. There was something in his eyes she couldn't place,

a kind of hopefulness. "For what? For nearly getting yourself

killed?" She spat at him spitefully, raising an eyebrow. Pain knifed

through her, mentally and physically. Why did his eyes have to darken

in a brief flash of hurt and confusion at her harsh tone? Why did he

manage to get himself so close to her in such a short amount of time?

 

"Yes. For going without telling you." He admitted humbly.

 

Sam narrowed her eyes.  Him, apologising *so* easily? "What if you

died, Jack? What about the kids?" She asked softly, refusing to let

emotions show.

 

He watched her carefully. Nothing showed in those blue eyes he'd been

dreaming about since leaving the day before, no emotions hid in a

hidden smile around her lips. Only her voice gave him a clue as to

how she was feeling. The completely lost, desperate tone coupled with

a strange sound of grief filled him with a sense of foreboding.

 

"They'd still have you." Jack tried to smile, tried to think of

something clever that would make her smile and release whatever fears

she had. He couldn't though, the knot his stomach grew larger.

 

"No Jack. They won't have me." Sam whispered, her shoulders slumping

in defeat.

 

"What?" He frowned. "Of course they'll have you. Just like they'll

always have me..."

 

"Stop it Jack!" Sam snapped, glaring up at him. "I'm telling you,

they won't always have me, and if you don't stop putting your work

before your family then they won't have you either. They won't have

anyone!!" She stopped suddenly, her face pale and horrified as she

realised the words that had just slipped out.

 

Jack's mouth opened slightly and then closed. Leaving him. Leaving

them. Sam was leaving. When? When had she found someone? "Was it

really that bad?" He choked up, his mask falling back into place.

 

"What?" She blinked, wary and ready to flee.

 

"The marriage...what is really that bad?" He whispered, swallowing to

control himself. "I mean, I know we don't love each other but...I

thought we were friends." He forced himself to meet her eyes.

 

"What?" Sam flinched. I mean, I know we don't love each other but... He

didn't love her. Just as well...

 

Sam? I love you.

 

The words. A dream. All of it, just more hallucinating. A mere dream

brought on by those damn drugs. No, he didn't love her, and it was

better this way.

 

"Why?" He asked.

 

"Why what?" Sam shook her head slightly, completely confused.

 

"Why are you leaving me?" She stared at him, her lips parted in shock

and a frown of confusion present as she studied him.

 

"Where'd you get that from?" She asked eventually.

 

"You said you weren't going to be there for the kids...you're not

leaving?" He asked, and she was amazed at the sudden hopefulness she

saw flaring in his eyes before he his it again.

 

"What? No, I'm not *leaving* you..."

 

"Then what?" He demanded suspiciously, confused now and his confusion

making him angry with her.

 

"I..." Sam faltered, looking at him with that same lost expression

she'd first faced him with minutes ago.

 

"What is it?" he asked softly.

 

"Uh...well..." Sam swallowed, looking down at her feet.

 

"Carter, spit it out." He commanded, impatience edging his voice.

 

Sam looked up then, and met his eyes determinedly, the anger present

warning him that calling her 'Carter' and commanding her had been a

bad move.

 

"I'm not going to be around much longer after the birth of my baby,

Colonel O'Neill, simply because I won't be alive." She threw at him,

ashamed as a lone tear trekked down her face. She lost her nerve

then, and ran from the room as fast as a six and a half month

pregnant woman could run.

 

                         *******************

 

Free

Free to find my way

Free to have my say

Free to see the day

 

                         *******************

 

Sam froze for a second as she heard the front door open, her

shoulders tensing involuntarily as the fly screen slammed shut and

his footsteps sounded over the wooden floor.

 

"Sam! Dad's home!" Charlie squealed, hopping up and sprinting from

the room, Cassie once again in tow.

 

"Hey!" She heard Jack laughing and could picture him swinging first

Charlie and then Cassie in the air. She felt a momentary pang of

concern for his injury, but brushed it from her mind. Didn't love

each other. They didn't love each other. He didn't love her and *she*

defineately didn't love *him*.

 

"Where's Sam?" She refused to look away from the computer screen,

though her eyes begged her too, her neck straining to turn towards

the doorway where she knew he'd appear in a minute and smile at him,

cry and ache for him to hold her in his arms.

 

NO. She couldn't do that. She didn't *want* to do that, either.

 

"Hi." Jack's voice reached her. He sounded hesitant, but angry at the

same time, she could tell.

 

"Hi." She didn't glance at him.

 

"Sam, aren't you happy that Dad's home?" Charlie asked, sounding

unsure.

 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam asked, her fingers stilling on the keyboard.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she swivelled around and looked at them. He

looked great, she realised with a shock. The last time she'd seen

him, two weeks ago, he'd been lying in that infirmary bed the colour

of rainclouds after they've just had the times of their lives

flooding out countries. Completely grey and washed out, depleted of

life and excitement. Now his colour was back, he looked sturdy again.

But his eyes, his eyes were so distant, so confused and masked from

her...She looked at Charlie.

 

"Mom was always mad at Dad when he came back..." He trailed off,

glancing unsurely at Sam and Jack.

 

"I'm not mad at your Dad, Charlie." Sam sighed, looking at her hands.

No, she wasn't angry at Jack. She was angry at herself. Angry for

crashing the car twice, angry for caring about Jack O'Neill and angry

for dying. No, she wasn't angry at Jack.  *He* was angry at *her*.

 

"You're not happy though." Cassie whispered, hiding behind Charlie.

 

"Of course I'm happy." Sam smiled tightly, not fooling them.

 

"Guys...could Sam and I have a moment alone?" Jack asked awkwardly,

shuffling nervously on his two feet.

 

NO! Sam's eyebrows shot skyward. Not now. She couldn't deal with Jack

now.

 

"Sure." Charlie smiled hesitantly, glancing at them both fearfully

before following Cassie out of the room.

 

"Why didn't you come to see me?" He asked softly, keeping his hurt

well hidden from her.

 

"I didn't think you'd want to see me." She answered stiffly, staring

at the floor. A lie. A big, fat, blatant and *very* lame lie. Didn't

want to see her. Ha! Who was she trying to kid? More like she didn't

want to see him because that would mean talking to him

seriously...confronting the problem.

 

"You thought wrong." He said mildly, narrowing his eyes as she

refused to look up at him. "Sam, what the hell is going on?" He

demanded, shifting his weight onto his other foot. Despite two weeks

gone by, his side still hurt like hell where that staff blast had

grazed him.

 

"Nothing is going on, Jack." She said coldly, her voice monotonous.

 

"You know, I thought we were getting somewhere." He stated angrily.

 

"Where? I think we've gotten about as far as we'll ever get." She

returned, her voice bland as her uninterested eyes looked up and met

his for the first time.

 

"I don't get you!" Jack exclaimed suddenly.

 

"No, you don't. You don't get me at all!" She yelled suddenly, anger

blazing in her eyes. "You haven't 'gotten' me since we first met

becaue to you I am just some geeky scientist who keeps crashing cars

and killing off people she loves!"

 

"What?" Jack stepped back in confusion, shock shuddering through

him. "No! That's not what I think at all. I..."

 

"Save it Jack, because I really don't want to hear it." Sam spun

around, trying to stop her shaking.

 

"Sam..."

 

"Don't waste your breath."

 

"Samantha O'Neill!" Jack hissed, grabbing her arm and spinning her

around to face him again. Her eyes were clouded with pain, he

realised dimly.

 

"Stop yelling at me." She whispered, closing her eyes and contorting

her face as she desperately tried to fight the pain.

 

"What's wrong with you?" Jack asked, holding her arms and studying

her intently as her pale hands pressed harshly onto her face.

 

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me." She denied furiously.

 

"Sam...please." He pulled her hands away gently, studying her.

 

"NO!" She shook herself from him blindly, nearly falling over her

chair in an attempt to escape from his hold. "Don't touch me!" She

hissed, shaking violently while her breath rasped in her throat.

 

Jack stiffened in shock, hurt turning to anger in his stance as he

watched her leaning against the wall.

 

"Do yourself a favour Sam, go see a doctor." He spun around on his

heel, starting to march out of the room.

 

"I have." She whispered, her voice reaching him as his hand touched

the doorhandle.

 

He faced her, that knot in his stomach threatening to rise up and

suffocate him.

 

"It's too late, Jack." She smiled slightly, a broken smile of pain

that had nothing to do with her headache.

 

"For what?"

 

"I have a tumour, Jack. A brain tumour." She admitted softly, defeat

washing over her as she finally acknowledged she wasn't okay.

 

Jack opened his mouth and closed it, completely stunned. For the

first time Sam saw him completely and utterly shaken.

 

"No you don't. You can't." He shook his head, blinking and rubbing

his ear as if to clear it so that he could hear her again denying the

fact.

 

"Yes, I do." She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I..."

 

"What about treatment?" Jack asked desperately, unable to cross the

distance across the floor to reach her.

 

"No. I don't want to hurt the baby." She shook her head.

 

"Damnit Sam, what about you?" He demanded harshly, taking a step

towards her.

 

"I'm going to die. In a few months time." Her voice was clinical, too

well rehearsed and robotic.

 

"No. That's not an option." Jack rubbed furiously at his face,

suddenly feeling so tired and haggard again.

 

"It's the only one there is, Jack." Sam said coldly, studying him

emotionlessly.

 

"How can you just be so...so calm about it?"

 

"I've had a while to get used to it." She admitted, smiling bitterly.

 

"But..." He stuttered again, studying her. His eyes bored into his

head, almost as though he was trying to locat and destroy that little

mass of cells that was slowly killing her.

 

"Look. The facts are I'm dying Jack. I need you to be there for the

kids when I'm gone, okay?" She studied him intently, determination in

her features as she held his gaze.

 

"But I don't want..."

 

"It's not about what we want Jack, it never was." She reminded him,

stepping backwards as he moved towards her.

 

"Sam...What are we going to do?" He asked softly, horrified to feel

tears pricking at his eyelids. He blinked, refusing to let them come

into their existence and cut through his defences.

 

"The show must go on." She smiled weakly, sinking against the wall

again.

 

"What are you going to tell them?" Jack asked.

 

"I don't know." Sam admitted, not looking at him.

 

He watched her in the strained silence. Why had it taken him this

long? Then again, her news and the obvious fact that her feelings to

him were still less than lukewarm reminded him that it was pointless

to finally acknowledge his feelings to himself - or to her.

 

"I supposed we'd better start by trying to convince them nothing's

wrong." Jack said eventually, smiling crookedly at her. She saw

through his act though, how couldn't she? It was impossible to miss

that shaking of his hand, the sudden tenderness in his eyes when he

looked at her. Of course he was going to feel like that now, out of

sympathy because despite all their denials, they *were* friends.

 

"Time for Act Two." Sam agreed, allowing him to take her hand and

lead her towards the kitchen where they knew the two children were

undoubtedly waiting for them.

 

                         *******************

 

Be

Like I used to be

Like a wild bird free

With all of life in me

 

                         *******************

 

Sam rubbed tiredly at her forehead and then abandoned the pointless

massage. Instead, her hands fumbled over her desk as her vision

blurred. Her fingers brushed over cool sheets of paper, scattering

them franticallly in her mad dash to locate the small bottle of

tablets that would bring her relief from this blinding pain. A crash

roared in her ears as she knocked her mug off the table, it's white

porcelain smashing into a million shards on the floor.

 

"Sam?" Daniel's voice sounded so far away, but she ignored him as the

room started growing darker and her fingers closed over small, cool

plastic bottle. "Miller! Get help! QUICK!" Daniel yelled as he burst

into the infirmary. "Sam?" He questioned again, racing to her. The

rattle of the tablets in the bottle filled her senses as she fought

to undo the lid.

 

"Hurts." She whimpered, spilling most of the tablets on the floor as

her body started convulsing in siezures.

 

"Come on Sam, hold on, come on." He encouraged as her hand containing

several tablets somehow rose to her mouth and safely delivered it's

contents. He held her tightly while she shook in his arms, the

violent bouts slowly becoming less violent and more lethargic.

 

"Jack." She whispered, moving slightly in his arms and then slumping

as she lost the battle with consciousness.

 

                         *******************

 

"Sam? Can you hear me?" He sounded so agitated, so scared, she

realised.

 

"Go away." She muttered, not even bothering to open her eyes. She

couldn't deal with Jack now and the pain at the same time. She

couldn't pretend to himself and herself that she didn't care about

him.

 

"Sam..." His hand cupped her cheek, his fingers caressesing her cold

skin with a comforting warmth.

 

Sighing, she opened her eyes, determined to make him leave.

 

"Sam? What is it?" Jack demanded, panic on his voice.

 

"I...I can't see." She whispered, fear clutching at her and turning

her blood into ice water. She'd known this would happen, that her

sight would go. But she hadn't thought it would be this quick and so

soon.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Well unless someone's turned all the lights off..." She snapped

sarcastically, sending a strained glare in the direction of his

voice. His hand pulled away from her abruptly, it's absence marked by

numbness that settled on her skin where his fingers had been resting.

 

"Dr. Carter..." She heard another familiar voice.

 

"I can't see." She admitted, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and

very open. They could all see her, but she could only hear them when

they chose to make a sound.

 

"This wasn't supposed to happen yet!" She heard Jack's angry voice at

the foot of the bed now. When had he moved?

 

"Colonel, we didn't give you definite dates..." Dr. Warner returned,

and she flinched in surprised as someone touched her

forehead. "Sorry, Dr. Carter." Dr. Warner apologised softly.

 

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, unable to hide the fear and panic

from her eyes.

 

"He's shining that torch thingy in your eyes..." Jack explained for

her, now standing on her otherside.

 

"Why didn't you call someone, Sam?" Daniel's voice reached her from

the foot of the bed.

 

"Daniel?" She checked anyway.

 

"Yeah, it's me." His voice sounded so sympathetic she nearly burst

into tears. Nearly.

 

"So?" Jack demanded inpatiently.

 

"Well..." Dr. Warner hesitated.

 

"Wait!" Sam called, hope on her voice.

 

"What is it?" All three men asked at once, anxiety spread keenly

throughout the room.

 

"Shine the torch in my eyes again." She demanded, her eyes bright

despite their obvious uselessness.

 

Dr. Warner complied to her request. Jack watched her screw up her

face in concentration, determination clearly etched onto her features.

 

"Well?" Daniel waited, unsure of what else to say.

 

"I...I thought I saw something." She admitted. Jack started to reach

out for her, to hug her when he saw how scared and helpless she

looked. "Jack..." She started out, turning her face around the

infirmary.

 

"Yeah?" He snatched his arms back to his side. She didn't need his

comfort.

 

"What are we going to tell Charlie and Cassie?" She asked softly,

looking at his dirction. It was disconcerting, at best, to have her

speaking to him, facing his general direction but having her faze

focused firmly on his collar bone.

 

"What's wrong?" Daniel demanded, fear gnawing at him suddenly.

 

"Nothing. This should pass." Sam replied instantly, glaring at Jack

before he could open his mouth.

 

"Dr. Carter, with all due respect, this isn't nothing." Dr. Warner

inserted hesistantly, watching them. "I had to look up your medical

files while you were unconscious and..."

 

"I'm fine." Sam interupted testily. "Aren't I, Jack? I'm just fine."

She begged him for support.

 

"No Sam, you're not fine. It's time you told me what's going on."

Daniel demanded, interupting before Jack could back Sam up.

 

"It's nothing Daniel." Sam shook her head, dismissing it. Daniel

wasn't fooled, he saw the panic and the fear in her eyes.

 

"Sam..." Jack sighed softly, touching her hand.

 

She jerked as his unexpected contact with her gave her a surprise.

Jack pulled his hand back, ashamed and hurt that she'd react like

that just because he touched her.

 

"Shut up Jack." She ordered curtly, gazing around the room again,

trying to see something.

 

Daniel watched her with a heavy heart. Her movements were jerky and

agitated, erratic spasms that, along with the startled blue eyes

framed by a pale face, gave her the effect of a startled wild bird

that had woken up for the first time in captivity.

 

"Sam, we have to tell him." Jack said softly.

 

"Why?" She demanded, sounding like a little child told to eat her

vegetables.

 

"Because, just in case you've forgotten, Samantha, Daniel is our

*friend*. He has a right to know."

 

"Fine. Go ahead. Tell him, oh, and while you're at it, go and

announce it on the intercom so that the WHOLE DAMN BASE KNOWS AS

WELL!" She screamed suddenly, flailing out at him with wild

movements. Her fists connected with thin air, throwing her off

balance. Jack caught her easily and held her as she started sobbing,

but she fought against him, refusing to let him hold her. "Let me

GO!" She yelled, trying to hit him.

 

Jack stroked her hair, holding her tightly against him while she

cried.

 

Daniel watched, feeling like a voyuer as she clutched tightly at Jack

and held on, long after her sobs had subsided, but filled with a

horrified curiousity. What was wrong with Sam?

 

"I'm scared, Jack." Sam whispered as the drugs Dr. Warner had

injected into her system started to take effect.

 

"I know, Sam, I know." He whispered, holding her tightly against him.

 

"I'm not going to see them again, am I?" She sniffed, her fingers

tightening on him sporadically.

 

"Who?" He asked her gently, still stroking her hair with a helpless,

vulnerable expression on his face.

 

"Charlie...Cassie...Oh God. Jack, I'm never going to see my baby."

She choked on her sobs again, pure grief pouring itself out of her

system.

 

"Sh.." He whispered, ashamed to feel his own tears prick at his

eyelids again. "There is a good chance this isn't permanent." He

reminded her, kissing her cheek gently as he pulled away.

 

"I won't see him grow up though, Jack." She sank back onto the bed,

defeat evident on her features. "I won't be at Cassie's wedding or be

there to see Charlie driving his first car...I won't be there to

watch the baby take his first steps, to see his first tooth, his

first bikeride..." She trailed off, looking bewildered. "I don't want

to die, Jack." She shuddered, and he took a hold of her hands,

sitting on the bed next to her.

 

"I know. I don't want you to die, either." He admitted holding her

hands close to himself.

 

"Promise me you'll be there for them, Jack? Please? All of them?" She

murmured as he eyelids grew heavy and started to cloes over her

unseeing eyes.

 

"I promise." He told her, kissing her forehead gently.

 

"Thank you." She whispered, smiling a relieved little smile and

slipping into unconsciousness.

 

Daniel remained silent as Jack sat next to Sam, watching as his

friends fingers traced over her face, her neck, touching her hair

reverantly and then gently kissing her hands before he let go and

stood up.

 

"Jack?" He asked, his voice cracking unsurely.

 

"She's dying, Daniel." Jack managed, contorting his face and deciding

on the expression he wanted to wear. "She's got a tumour."

 

"Oh God." Daniel sucked his breath in sharply.

 

"How can that happen?" Jack asked forlornly. "How can a part of her

be killing her? So slowly?" He demanded angrily.

 

"I don't know." Daniel put a hand on Jack's

shoulder. "Jack...how...how long...?"

 

"A few months. After the baby's born." Jack ground his teeth as his

eyes rested on his wife's swollen stomach. "If she wasn't having that

baby then..."

 

"You wouldn't be married to her. You wouldn't have a family and you

probably wouldn't have fallen in love with each other." Daniel

reminded him slightly.

 

"But then she wouldn't be dying...or if she was she'd at least be

having treatment..."

 

"But you wouldn't care Jack. You'd still hate her and she'd still

hate you. You wouldn't appreciate just how lucky you are, knowing

her." He reminded Jack.

 

"But I know now, I know how important she is. I knew before she got

the tumour...so why does she have to have it?" He demanded angrily,

glaring at Daniel.

 

"I don't know, Jack." Daniel shook his head softly, unable to stop

the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

 

"What do I tell my children?" Jack slumped against the wall, sinking

to his haunches and holding his head in his hands.

 

"Something you should have told them a long time ago." Daniel said

gently, sitting down next to him.

 

"That's not helping. I already *know* that I should have told them. I

just don't know...how." He finished off lamely.

 

"Wait for Sam before you decide anything, okay?" Daniel suggested.

 

"Okay."

 

                         *******************

 

Live

For the one I love

Love

As no one has loved

Give

Asking nothing in return

 

                         *******************

 

Sam opened her eyes slightly, and was met by darkness. Quickly she

closed them, wondering why she couldn't just wake up again and find

it was all a bad, very bad, dream.

 

"Sam?" She heard somone's voice to the left of her.

 

"Charlie?" She asked incredulously. What was Charlie doing here?

 

"What's wrong?" He sounded so scared, so worried.

 

"She's sick, Charlie." Jack's voice was low and soft, the tones

rumbling over her and calming her sudden agitation.

 

"I made you a card, Mom." Cassie said hopefully from next to her. "Do

you want to see?"

 

Sam froze. Do you want to see? Such innocent words, such

unintentional pain..."I'd love to Cassie...but...I can't." Sam

whispered, feeling another tear sneak out from underneath an eyelid.

 

"Why not?" Charlie asked, defensive and angry at this strange,

frightening behaviour from his parents.

 

"Charlie..." Sam opened her eyes and her breath caught in her throat.

 

"What?" Jack asked instantly.

 

"I...I thought I saw something again." She admitted, her voice

slightly desolate as the darkness remained as black as night.

 

"What's wrong, Mom?" Cassie demanded, and Sam felt her crawling onto

the bed next to her. She fumbled a bit before placing her arm around

Cassie.

 

"Want to hop up, Charlie?" She asked, looking in the last direction

she'd heard his voice from.

 

"What's wrong with you?" Charlie demanded, and she was embarrassed to

realised he'd moved.

 

"I can't see, Charlie." She said softly.

 

"Why not?" he demanded. Sam hugged Cassie close for strength and to

try and calm herself.

 

"I...There's something inside my head, Charlie..., cells that grew

wrong and now..."

 

"You have a brain tumour." He stated, his voice dull.

 

"I'm sorry." She whispered, imagining his face as he smiled and

laughed.

 

"You said she wouldn't die! You promised!" She heard him yell and

could only assume that he had turned on Jack.

 

"Charlie!" She called out, frowning slightly. "Your dad didn't *give*

me this brain tumour, any more than I wanted to get it. No one can

say whether you're going to get cancer, whether you're going to die

when you're ten or 100, no one knows."

 

"But..." Charlie stopped and looked at Sam. He really looked at her.

There were shadows under her eyes and her lips were tense. Pain. She

was in a lot of pain. He could see in her eyes that she was scared,

and it scared him.

 

"Don't fight with Jack, please?" She asked softly.

 

"Okay." He agreed, not moving.

 

"Charlie?" Jack dropped down next to him and looked at his son.

 

"Why does everyone always die, Dad? First Mom, then Janet, then

Grandpa Carter and now Sam..." He stopped hesitantly, studying his

dad. "Are you..."

 

"I don't intend on dying for a long time." Jack said gently, hugging

Charlie.

 

"I'm still going to be around for a while, Charlie." Sam smiled

crookedly, holding onto Cassie. "First we're going to have this baby,

and then I'll still be around for a while. I need to make sure you

guys can look after him first and then..."

 

She sniffed slightly as the salty tears burned into her eyes. It felt

as though they were blurring the darkness ever so slightly, but she

remained silent. False hope...chances were she wouldn't *see* them

again.

 

"Come here." She said gently, beckoning with surprising accuracy

towards Charlie.

 

"What?" He approached the bed hesitantly, afraid of her and that she

might suddenly die.

 

"I want to see you with my hands." She whispered, holding her hands

out.

 

"Okay." He held her one hand slightly, but she let go and her fingers

framed his face.

 

"You have a small scar here." She smiled slightly, tracing the barely

visible line with her fingers. "And you've got your Dad's nose...and

chin...and is this a bruise over here..sorry..." She apologised as he

flinched when her fingers touched a lump on his forehead.

 

"Can you see me?" He asked her curiously.

 

"In my mind. You're smiling now." She told him.

 

"No I'm not." He frowned.

 

"Don't frown, I want to see you smiling." She told him pointedly. He

grinned for her and felt relief creeping through his bones.

 

"Now me!" Cassie instructed, feeling jealous.

 

"Okay!" She grinned, giving her the same treatment. "One small,

button nose!" She grinned. "Long, soft hair...no scars or bruises on

this face my dear." She held Cassie's head and dropped a kiss on her

forhead. "You smiling?" She checked.

 

"Yeah!" Cassie hugged her tightly. "I don't want you to die." Cassie

whispered.

 

"Cass...look at me..."

 

"I am."

 

"Oh." Sam blinked, then grinned slightly. "When you go home with Jack

and Charlie..."

 

"Aren't you coming?"

 

"Not tonight, no. The doctors want to look after me for a bit longer.

But, when you go home, tonight you and Charlie take Jack up that deck

and get him to help you guys pick a star, okay?" Sam checked.

 

"Can we pick Hanka?" Cassie asked softly.

 

Sam flinched.

 

"Hanka's a dog, Cassie." Charlie rolled his eyes.

 

"No it's not!" She argued.

 

"Yes it is." Sam nudged Cassie. "But...I'm sure that if you look up

the star constellations then Jack should be able to show you which

constellation or group Hanka is a part of." She hoped.

 

"Sure." Jack sighed in relief. As guilty as he felt for keeping it a

secret from Charlie...he couldn't tell his son. It was the rules.

 

"So what do we do with the star?" Charlie asked, frowing with

confusion.

 

"Well...haven't you ever seen a movie...the Lion King for example. In

the movie, Simba talks to the stars because his Dad told him

that 'all the great kings of the past' are up there. So...you can

talk to me that way."

 

"Will you listen?" Cassie asked, wide-eyed.

 

"Of course I'll listen. And if you guys are lucky I might even be

your angel!" She grinned slightly, feeling the back of her throat

tighten.

 

"Well...Janet's already my angel, and Charlie's Mom is his angel...so

who's will you be?" Cassie asked.

 

"Well...I'll share Jack and the baby, okay?"

 

"Okay." The children sounded satisfied.

 

"I love you." Charlie surprised her, his arms suddenly wrapping

themselves around her.

 

"I love you too." She smiled into his hair, hugging him. "And Cassie,

and the baby, and Hanka and...Jack." She coloured slightly as the

words passed over her lips.

 

"Good. I love the lot of you too, you know." Jack chimed in, sitting

on the bed. Sam felt it sag with his weight and was expecting his

hand to alight on her stomach. She wasn't expecting his other hand,

however, to rest on her leg in a gesture of affection and

possession...maybe even...no...that was just stupid.

 

                         *******************

 

Though this world tears us apart

We're still together in my heart

I want the world to hear my cry

And even if I have to die

Love will not die

Love will change the world

 

                         *******************

 

Noisy. So noisy. When was the noise going to stop? Sam mumbled

angrily and turned herself carefully onto her hip. A pinprick of

light, a delicious glow in the distance. She blinked quickly, forcing

the hope down. Her eyes opened again, and there is was again. A

slight changing of black to grey. No colous, not forms, no

movements...just *light*.

 

She lay on her back again, drowsy from the medication and the

stacatto of noise and pain drilling a hypnotic pattern in the back of

her mind. Blinking slowly she opened her eyes again. A glow. Fainter

than before, but still there.

 

Voices yelling in the distance. Trolleys rushing through halls.

Alarms. Beeping. Screeching calls of machines. Breathing. Human

warmth. Movement. Her eyes slipped shut and the noise faded away.

 

                         *******************

 

"Hey Sam, how are you doing?"

 

Jack. Jack was here. Again. When had he come home?

 

"Jack?" She blinked. There it was again. A glow! "Jack!!"

 

"What?" He blinked, surprised. She never reacted so excitedly, so

happily for a visit.

 

"I can see. Well, not *see* per se, but there's this light...like a

glow almost. If I had to put a colour to it then I'd say grey, but

it's not actually coloured...more like a glow of some sort. Just

*light*!"

 

"Slow down!" Jack laughed, relief the rumble as they washed over her.

 

"When did you get home?" Sam asked, leaning back into the pillows and

concentrating on the glow that seemed stronger now than it had last

night.

 

"Last night sometime. There was a mining accident on Nasyia and we

brought a few of the locals home with us for treatment." He explained.

 

"You okay?" She asked hesitantly.

 

"Other than a bang on the head and a few stitches, just fine." Jack

admitted truthfully. "Some of the others weren't so lucky though. One

guy was completely crushed...he didn't make it. The others that are

here...burns from the explosion...broken limbs, concussion and one

spinal injury. Doc Warner doesn't think he'll walk again." Jack said

softly.

 

"How are the kids?"

 

"I don't know. Haven't been home yet." Jack admited. "Thought I'd

wait around until you woke up. Just to make sure you're okay."

 

"I'm fine, Jack." She smiled slightly. "A bit sore, a bit tired, but

fine." She shrugged slightly. "Doc Warner said something about

letting me go home for a few days...but they want me to get checked

up everyday, with the baby being so close."

 

"About time. What's it been, a week?" Jack studied her. She looked

worse. The weight was just peeling off her. Everyday her eyes seemed

to grow bigger, her hair more ragged and her skin shades lighter. But

she was still beautiful.

 

"It's strange to think that in a few - three - weeks time I'll have a

baby." She said softly, touching her stomach gently.

 

"You won't think that when you have to get up at night to change it's

diapers, give it food...and the rest." Jack grinned slightly. "How is

junior anyway?"

 

"He's fine. Very restless last night. Kept me awake actually."

 

"You were sleeping when I got back. I checked on you."

 

"I was vaguely awake at some stage when there was a lot of activity

around, but I was out of it again pretty quickly. No, he woke me up

at about four in the morning."

 

"Just after the rush. I can tell we're going to have a night owl."

Jack sighed, rolling his eyes and then remembering that Sam couldn't

see him.

 

"Jack!"

 

"What?"

 

"Wave your hand in front of my face. Quick!" Jack complied. "I saw

it! I saw the shadow of your hand go down and then up!" She

squealed. "I think it's coming back!" She laughed, joy bubbling up

inside of her.

 

Jack smiled as well as he saw her relief. She was going to see her

kids again. Hopefully.

 

                         *******************

 

Live

For the one I loved

Love

As no one has loved

Give

Asking nothing in return

 

                         *******************

 

Sam opened her eyes slowly, savouring the blurred white with the dark

smudges of colour that was her bedroom roof with it's light fixtures.

 

"Morning." Jack's voice greeted her from the doorway. She lowered her

eyes and grinned slightly as she saw his tanned, smudged blob of

colour moving towards her from a black hole in the white smudging.

 

"Good morning."

 

"You seeing better?" Jack asked hopefully, studying her intently.

 

"Yeah. I can see these blobs in your head when you're up close, and

I'm assuming they're your eyes." She told him, grinning.

 

"Better than last night then?" He asked, placing a tray next to her

on the bed.

 

"Yeah. Defineatly. I can actually tell you've got toast with some

soft of jam on it on the tray." She told him happily. Movement at the

door caught her eyes. "Hey guys!" She called to them.

 

"You can see?" Cassie asked hopefully.

 

"Not properly yet, better than last night though." She grinned. "Come

on, want some breakfast? Jack so thoughtfully made enough for

everyone."

 

"Sure!" Charlie and Casse bounded into the room, scrambling up onto

the bed.

 

"Whoa!" Jack warned as they bounced slightly. Carefully he sat on the

bed next to Sam and gathered her into his arms, pulling her onto his

lap. She didn't argue as he rested his hands on her stomach and his

head on her shoulder, cuddling her close.

 

"Toast?" She asked him, offering a slice.

 

"Thank you." He opened his mouth and she rolled her eyes slightly. "I

can tell you've got your mouth open, but you're going to have to do

the aiming yourself." She told him.

 

"Sure." He leant forwards and took a bite of the toast while she held

it steadily.

 

"Are you coming home tonight again? Cassie asked through a mouthful

of toast.

 

"Probably." Sam agreed, taking a bite of the toast herself.

 

"Hey, that's my slice!" Jack complained.

 

"Feed yourself." She retorted smugly, taking another bite.

 

"I sincerely hope our child does not have your manners." Jack stated

dryly.

 

"What, you want him to have yours?" She responded lightly, offering

him the toast as he took another bite.

 

"Okay, I get your point." He acknowledged, relaxing against her.

 

"What are we going to call him?" Cassie asked, watching them.

 

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it, have we?" Jack

realised.

 

"No." Sam agreed, leaning back into his hold and smiling contentedly.

 

"Wait there!" Charlie called suddenly, grinning.

 

"What?" Sam blinked. She saw him running into the room a minute later

and realised he was clutching something.

 

"NO!" Jack laughed despite himself.

 

"What?" Sam blinked, confused. She couldn't make out what Charlie was

clutching.

 

"Camera. Look out -"

 

FLASH.

 

Charlie grinned and snapped again.

 

"What are you doing?" Sam demanded. "We are in our pajamas, I'll have

you know!" She told him smoothly, not moving out of Jack's hold.

 

"So?" Charlie asked cheekily.

 

"You give me those photo's." Jack demanded as Charlie studied his

handiwork."They're actually not that bad, Sam." He told her

truthfully. Actually, they were very deceptive. They looked happy in

the photo, happy and in love. Very much the happy family everyone

thought they were. "Can I borrow them?" He glanced at Charlie.

 

"Okay." Charlie agreed.

 

"Jack!" Sam complained, "What are you going to do with them?"

 

"Wait and see." He grinned at her, dropping a kiss on her nose before

leaning back against the headboard and taking her with

him. "Now...how about a nice cup of..."

 

"Coffee." Sam inserted, daring him to argue with her newly

perfected 'I'm-a-dying-woman-so-give-me-a-break' look.

 

"Coffee." He grinned at her and hugged her tightly for a second

before relaxing again.

 

"Come on Cassie." Charlie sighed, rolling his eyes and sliding off

the bed.

 

"Okay." She agreed, trotting happily after them.

 

"What?" Jack asked softly as Sam sighed happily against him.

 

"I don't know. I just feel so..."

 

"I know." He whispered, resting his head against hers.  "I know."

 

                         *******************

 

"So I can go home again tonight?" Sam asked hopefully, flinching as

Dr. Warner shone the torch into her eyes again.

 

"Yes." He smiled at her. "So you say you're sight's much better?"

 

"Yes. It's nearly fine. It's still blurry and and a bit dim, but I

can basically see things properly."

 

"That's good." He wrote something on his pad. "I'll see you again

before you go this afternoon, Dr. Carter."

 

"Call me Sam, please?" She sighed. The same thing, every time. He

couldn't physically call her Sam. It was always 'Dr. Carter'.

 

"Okay." He smiled his usual smile and left. "I'll see you at..."

 

"14:30." Sam said. "I'm going with Jack to pick the kids up from

school."

 

"Good. Okay, see you then Dr. Carter."

 

                         *******************

 

"I'll meet you up at the car, Jack." Sam told him. "Dr. Warner just

wants to check me again before I leave."

 

"Okay." Jack looked up. "I'll meet you there then. Just got to go see

Daniel first."

 

"See you then." Sam waved and made her way to the infirmary. "Excuse

me, have you seen Dr. Warner?" She asked hopefully as an intern

passed her.

 

"He's just busy with someone, ma'am. Said we were to expect you. If

you'd just like to wait over here..." The intern showed her towards a

small bed with the curtain drawn around it. "I'll go and-"

 

Both Sam and the intern looked around in surprise as one of the

machines started screeching. Sam followed the intern as he ran

towards one of the beds. "Give us a hand?" The intern begged as he

started reading the machines.

 

"No pulse." Sam fought to remember her basic first aid

training. "He's not breathing either." Without thinking about it, Sam

started mouth to mouth. Suddenly the man grabbed her hand, his

fingers tangling into her her and digging into her scalp. She

struggled against him as the man seizured and felt bile rise in her

throat as *something* slithered up her mouth and cut through her

throat. The burning sensation quickly disppeared as darkness once

again clouded in on her vision and she collapsed over the dead man.

 

                         *******************

 

Jack glanced at his watch as he leant impatiently against the car.

Where was she? He kicked against the car and stormed off towards a SF

that was watching him. "Do me a favour, would ya? Call down to sub-

level 23 and find out where Dr. Carter is?"

 

"Yes Sir, Colonel O'Neill." The man saluted hastily and ran off

towards the phone. Jack followed at a more sedate and reached the man

in time to see him hanging up the phone.

 

"Well?" Jack waited.

 

"She's in the infirmary, Sir. She blacked while she was helping treat

some patient..." Jack didn't wait for the man to finish. He turned

and ran back through the stairs and made his way down to sub-Level 23.

 

"What's going on?" Jack demanded as he barged into the infirmary in

time to see an intern pulling a sheet over a dead figure.

 

"One of the Nasyians started siezuring...he didn't make it, Sir." The

intern informed him.

 

"And my wife?"

 

"Dr. Warner is looking at her now, Sir. She just collapsed while she

was helping me out...and we can't wake her up."

 

Jack cursed and ran through the infirmary, feeling a slight relief

when he found her.

 

"What's wrong with her?" Jack demanded as he looked at Sam's pale

face and the slight trail of drying blood on her lips.

 

"I don't know, Sir." Dr. Warner looked at him. "It's almost as if

she's in a deep sleep..."

 

"A coma?" Jack asked wearily.

 

"No. She's just in a deep sleep and I can't wake her up."

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't know, I haven't actually dealt with..."

 

"Jack?" Sam croaked, opening her eyes slightly. A look of horror and

distaste washed over her but she quickly schooled her features.

 

"Sam, what the hell were you thinking?" Jack demanded, relief turning

to rage at her stupidity. What, exactly, it was that she had done

that was so stupid, he didn't know. But he was still mad at her for

doing it.

 

"What do you mean?" She frowned, confused. "I...Jack!" She looked up

at him, terror in her eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"I...I need to talk to you alone." She whispered, shaking slightly.

 

"Sam?"

 

"Please!" She begged, desperation in her voice.

 

"Would...would you excuse us please?" Jack asked eventually,

confusion marring his features as he gazed down at Sam's terror

stricken face.

 

"Of course. I'll come when you call." Dr. Warner agreed, not happy

about leaving but knowing he couldn't do anything about it.

 

"What's wrong?" Jack looked at her.

 

"Jack...you remember when Daniel found Sha're on Abydos? When she was

pregnant?" Sam swallowed slightly.

 

"Yes." Jack frowned, confused at what this had to do with her current

predicament.

 

"Okay. Well, you know how Amounet 'slept' in Sha're because if she

didn't, the baby would be born premature?"

 

"Ye-es."

 

"Okay. Jack, do you trust me on this?"

 

"On what?"

 

"Do you trust me?" Sam demanded, her fear growing.

 

"Yes. You know I do. With my life." He said sincerely.

 

"Okay. Jack...I've...uh..."

 

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

 

"*I'm* fine."

 

"Sam..." He sighed.

 

"No..I'm fine." She argued.

 

"Sam, I really hate to be pessimistic, but you've got a brain

tumour..."

 

"No, I don't." She shook her head.

 

"What?" Jack raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay?"

 

"Jack....There's...a Tok'ra..." Sam frowned, confused.

 

"A what?"

 

"Tok'ra. It means resistence." Sam frowned again, still confused.

 

"Sam, what are you talking about?"

 

"Promise you trust me?" She begged him, fear in her eyes.

 

"Yes. I promise."

 

"Okay. That Nasyian man, Jack, the one who just died..."

 

"What about him?"

 

"He...he was a host. Well, not a host per se, but..."

 

"What are you saying, Sam?"

 

"There's a Tok'ra inside me...a 'good' Goa'uld."

 

"What?" Jack snorted, disbelief on his face.

 

"I'm serious. There's a Goa'uld in me..."

 

"Then why are you...you?"

 

"I'm pregnant. Jolinar doesn't want the baby to be hurt..."

 

"You're serious."

 

"I said so, didn't I?"

 

"So you're telling me you've got a dormant Goa'uld in your head

because you're pregnant?"

 

"Yes." Sam whispered.

 

"Oh God." Jack stepped back, shock flooding through his features,

washing the colour out of his skin. "How the hell...?"

 

"I don't know!" Sam snapped. "I'm telling you I'm fine. The cancer's

gone...I don't know how or why I know...I just know it's gone. I'm

fine. I'm healthy. I can see better, even hear and *smell* better

than I ever have before. Jack...there's a damn Goa'uld in me and

you're just standing there!" She yelled, panicking.

 

Jack blinked, watching her. "Damnit, get a scan done or something if

you don't believe me, but I'm telling you Jolinar is in here."

 

Jack swallowed. "I've got to get Hammond." He said softly.

 

"Get him then! Damnit, I don't want this Goa'uld in my head!" She

yelled, standing up.

 

"Sam..." He paused. "You mean you don't have cancer?"

 

"Yes!" She paused, a smile suddenly lighting up her face before it

disappeared again with an intensity that worried him. "Jack...this is

a problem. There is. a. Goa'uld. in. my. head." Sam started shaking.

 

"It's okay."

 

"No!" She stepped back from him. "Don't touch me...I don't want you

to be...you know...it might jump again." She shuddered. "I...I want

to throw up..."

 

He grabbed a medical container of some sort in time for her to throw

up in. Ignoring her warning, he stepped up to her and helped her

while she retched until nothing was left in her system.

 

"Go and get Hammond. You'd better get some guards here as well." She

whispered, sorrow lining her eyes.

 

"Sam..."

 

"You have to Jack, I'm a risk."

 

"At least we know it's you though..."

 

"Until the baby's born."

 

                         *******************

 

I'll love until love wears me away

I'll die and I konw my love will stay

And I know my love will stay

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 8: If That's What It Takes

 

 

You're the bravest of hearts, you're the

Strongest of souls

You're my light in the dark, you're the

place I call home

You can say it's alright, but I know

that you're breaking up inside

I see it in your eyes

Even you face the night afraid

and alone

That's why I'll be there

 

                         *******************

 

"How is this possible?" Hammond demanded, studying Jack's pale,

strained face and Daniel's defeated one.

 

"I don't know, Sir." Jack rubbed his face.

 

"What was a Goa'uld doing with the Nasyians anyway?" Daniel asked. "I

mean, none of them were really acting Goa'uldish, if you know what I

mean."

 

"I don't care what a Goa'uld was doing there. I want to know why

*Sam* of all people has one of them inside her."

 

"Is it not called a Tok'ra?" Teal'C frowned slightly.

 

"Sam said something like that."

 

"The Tok'ra are legend among the Jaffa. A group of renegade Goa'uld

who despise the System Lords and are seeking to destroy them."

 

"Tok'ra. It means resistence." Daniel looked up, relisation dawning

on his features.

 

"Sam said something like that too." Jack frowned, running his hand

through his hair agitatedly. "Look, as much as I'd love to find out

*why* exactly Sam's got a Goa'uld in her...I'd much rather find out

how to get it *out* of her."

 

Daniel looked slightly guilty at that. "Well...why don't we ask it?"

He asked hesitantly.

 

"What do you mean 'ask it'?" Jack nearly laughed. "It's a Goa'uld,

Daniel. One of those slimy things that infest people without

permission and take over whole planets. Why should we ask it

anything? It won't tell us the truth at anyrate."

 

"I believe you are incorrect, O'Neill." Teal'C said quietly. "If this

is indeed a Tok'ra, then it would be a very valuable ally or hostage."

 

"Valuable or not, I really don't want it in Sam's body!" Jack

snapped, glaring at Teal'C.

 

"Why don't we go talk to Sam...she seems to be able to access its

mind like Sha're could do with Amounet." Daniel's face blanched as he

spoke the words, but he was proud that he managed to keep his

emotions in check for once.

 

"It could well work." Teal'C agreed.

 

"Daniel, how about you and Teal'C go and talk to Dr. Carter and find

out exactly what's going on. Jack...stay here a minute please."

General Hammond asked softly. Jack glanced at his CO, anxious to

leave but knowing he couldn't deny General Hammond's request.

 

"You do know that I'll do everything in my power..." General Hammond

started off.

 

"I know, Sir." Jack smiled slightly, his fingers twisting themselves

into a knot.

 

"Jack, what can I say to you? I'm sorry this happened."

 

"It's not your fault, General." Jack looked up, confused. "I was the

one who brought those men back from Nasyia. No one else, me."

 

"We couldn't have known, Jack."

 

"No, we didn't know." Jack agreed, looking up at the General. "Sir,

what do I tell our kids?"

 

General Hammond startled, surprised.

 

"I mean, they know Sam's sick...well, according to her she's not sick

anymore, but I know that Cassie and Charlie are curious enough but

stuff already, Charlie especially."

 

"I..." General Hammond looked up at Jack. "Maybe it would be for the

best if they went away for a while."

 

"What?" Jack asked incredulously.

 

"Well...I've got some family in sunny California..."

 

"So does Sam. Why would we send them away?"

 

"Tell them she's not well, she needs a break and you're going to have

your hands full looking after her. Besides, I'm sure that Mark and

his family will be more than happy to look after them..."

 

"I know. But Sir, if we lose her then they'll hate me for sending

them away and taking whatever time they had left with her away from

them."

 

"It's your call, Jack." General Hammond said softly.

 

"I...I think it would be better." Jack sighed, rubbing his

eyes. "Sir?"

 

"What is it Jack?"

 

"They'll want to say bye, and I can't force them to leave without

saying bye." Jack whispered.

 

"We'll ask Sam, okay?"

 

"Okay." Jack stood up, smiling tightly. "Thanks Sir."

 

"It's not a problem Jack."

 

"Yes it is a problem. A big problem."

 

                         *******************

 

"Sam?" Daniel and Teal'C entered the room. Sam got up from her chair

and smiled tightly at them, still shaky and tense.

 

"Hey Daniel, Teal'C." She looked behind them, but Jack was no where

to be seen.

 

"Uh..."

 

"You want me to tell you everything I know about Jolinar?" Sam asked

gently, understanding the awkward expression on Daniel's face.

 

"Yes, if you don't mind." Daniel said politely.

 

Sam cracked up.

 

"What?" He demanded.

 

"If I don't mind?" She snorted in laughter, but it was a sad laughter

of bitterness and defeat. "Why couldn't she ask that, damnit!"

 

"Sam, I'm sorry."

 

"It's okay, it's not you." Sam shook her head, sitting down

carefully. "I don't know. I just get bits and pieces, little flashes

if you like...but nothing concrete."

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't know. The pregnancy I guess."

 

"Why do you think that?" Daniel asked curiously, frowning. "I mean, I

can understand Amounet 'sleeping' when Sha're was pregnant - both her

and Apophis wanted the child - but this Jolinar sleeping so that your

baby will be okay?"

 

"She's a Tok'ra. I don't know. I know she doesn't want to harm the

baby...she feels...compassion for it. For me." Sam frowned slightly,

confusion on her face. "And she's sorry too."

 

"For what?" Daniel asked.

 

"I don't know. I just know she's sorry for...something." Sam

blinked. "Daniel...what am I going to do?"

 

"I don't know, Sam. We thought maybe if you could communicate with

her then..."

 

"I can't." Sam shook her head. "If she stops 'sleeping' then the baby

will be born, and it's going to be two weeks premature. Besides, once

it's born you won't know who you're talking too. Whether or not you

can trust the words that come out of my mouth." She said softly,

looking up at them.

 

"I..."

 

"Daniel...when the baby's born...nothing I say anymore will be

believed by you or anyone. I..."

 

"Legend has it, Dr. Carter, that Tok'ra do not take hosts against

their will and control them; they blend. They share the body with the

host, giving both the chance to have control and have equal say in

things." Teal'C said softly.

 

"But how would we know it's not just another Goa'uld trick?" Sam

shook her head. "I want you to promise me that you won't believe me

once the baby's born...okay?"

 

"Sam, I can't promise that." Daniel shook his head.

 

"You have to, Daniel, you have to." Sam tried to rattle the bars

keeping her captive. "When I..." She stopped, catching sight of Jack

as he walked into the room, his shoulders slumped and muscles tensed

with strain.

 

"Sam...Oh God." He pushed at his forehead with his

hands. "I...General Hammond suggested, and I think that given the

circumstances...I don't want to do it but..."

 

"What, Jack?" She asked him gently, a smile tinging her lips as she

watched him sadly.

 

"We're going to ask Mark if he'd mind looking after Cassie and

Charlie for a while..."

 

Sam's face drained. "I...what are we going to do?" She whispered.

 

"Ask Mark to look after them. We'll tell them you're not doing so

well and I've got to look out for you without distractions..."

 

"But..."

 

"General Hammond's gone to get them from school already, Sam. They're

coming in to say goodbye..."

 

"NO!" Sam shook her head. "Don't do that!"

 

"Why not?"

 

"What if something goes wrong, Jack? What if this snake does

something while they're here? What will they think if they see me

behind these bars?"

 

"No, Sam. We're not leaving you in here. We're taking you to an

isolation ward and putting guards on post. Nothing will happen to

them because even if something happens it'll be a while before the

baby's born and things get nasty." Jack said lamely.

 

"Jack..." She whispered, confused and desolate.

 

"Sam, I don't want to do this to them." Jack looked at up her, pain

lacing his eyes. "It's the best alternative though."

 

"Sending them away?"

 

"What else can we do?"

 

"I don't know." She leant against the bars.

 

"We need SG-1 to help here. We're going back to Nasyia to find out

about how you go infested...why that man had a Goa'uld in him...why

it was in him and how to get it out of you." Jack told her

gently. "I'm not going to be able to look after them as well."

 

"I...Okay." Sam agreed softly.

 

"Thank you, Sam." Jack placed his hand over hers on the bar. "Thank

you." He smiled slightly and reached through with his other hand to

brush the hair from her face.

 

"I...I think it would be better if you stay away from me." Sam

stepped backwards looking away from him so he wouldn't see the pain

on her face. "I don't want this thing jumping hosts again." She

missed the pain in his eyes as she stepped even further away.

 

"I...I'll get the guards and get you set up in your ward, okay?" Jack

turned away.

 

"Okay."

 

                         *******************

 

"Wait!" Daniel called up the hallway, running to catch up with Jack

and his two kids.

 

"What is it, Daniel?" Jack asked testily. Daniel glanced at the

subdued children with obvious tear-tracks down their faces and

motioned urgently for Jack to talk to him in private.

 

"I've been thinking and it would probably be better if we took them

in one at a time." He said softly.

 

"Why?" Jack frowned, confused.

 

"You know Cassie. As hard as she tries, it's so easy for her

something to blurt out when she's in such an emotional state.

Especially thinking that Sam is dying because she's sick. Her real

mother died because she was sick, and that could make things awkward

with Charlie there." He explained breathlessly.

 

Jack frowned slightly and mulled it over.

 

"Okay. We'll take Cassie in first...then Charlie I guess."

 

"Thanks." Daniel smiled reassuringly at Jack, trying to convince both

of them that it would be okay.

 

"Cassie...you can go in first, okay?" Jack stopped outside the heavy

door and looked at the two kids.

 

"Why can't we both go in?" Charlie demanded, upset.

 

"Because Sam's tired, too much excitement won't be good for her."

Jack explained gently.

 

"But I don't want to leave!" Cassie shook her head defiantly.

 

"Cassie...I know you don't want to leave. I don't want you to go

anymore than Sam wants you to go, but we don't have another choice."

Jack sighed, punching the security code in discreetly. "Come on,

we'll wait for you outside." He sighed, touching her shoulder

briefly. She glared up at him balefully before slipping into the

room, followed by Daniel.

 

"Hey Cassie." Sam smiled at Cassie, not moving from her position on

the bed.

 

"Are you okay?" Cassie asked softly, her voice small and afraid.

 

"I've been better." Sam half lied, half told the truth. Only thing

wrong with her was that she was nine and a half months pregnant and

had a snake in her head. Other than that, she was fine. The scans had

proved it.

 

"Mom..." Cassie froze, her eyes widening in shock.

 

"What is it?"

 

"You're...you're a Goa'uld." She breathed, fear on her face.

 

Sam paled, fear clutching at her heart.

 

"Cassie, no!" Daniel caught hold of Cassie before she could bolt out

of the door. "Listen to me Cassie, Sam isn't a Goa'uld."

 

"Yes, she is!" Cassie screamed, struggling in Daniel's hold.

 

"Cassie, Cassie!" Daniel shook her slightly, calming the hysterical

girl down. "There is a Goa'uld in Sam." He said softly. "BUT, but

it's not controlling her."

 

"It's not?" Cassie glanced back at Sam fearfully.

 

"No. It's not controlling Sam because she's got the baby, and it

doesn't want to hurt the baby."

 

"But Goa'ulds are bad..."

 

"Cassie...we don't think this Goa'uld is a bad Goa'uld. Just like you

have bad people and good people, you get bad Goa'uld and good

Goa'uld." Daniel blanched inside. Yeah, right.

 

"But..."

 

"Cassie...we're going to try and get the Goa'uld out of Sam, okay?"

Daniel said gently.

 

"How?"

 

"We don't know yet. That's why we need Jack here all the time. He can

help us because he's the best." Daniel stroked her hair softly,

studying her. "We thought it would be better for you and Charlie to

go to Sam's brother so that Jack doesn't have to worry about you guys

as well, okay?" Daniel studied her.

 

"Okay." Cassie sniffed, glancing over at Sam who was watching her

with a sorrowed expression. "Will you get the Goa'uld out?" She asked

softly.

 

"We don't know, Cassie. We're going to try." He said gently. "You

can't tell anyone though. Not Charlie, not even Sam's family."

 

"Okay." Cassie hesitated. "Mom?"

 

"Yes sweety?" Sam blinked back her tears.

 

"Can...can I give you a hug?" She asked softly.

 

"If you want to." Sam smiled briefly through her tears that were now

burning her eyes, and stood up carefully.

 

"You're not sick?"

 

"No." Sam smiled slightly. "This Tok'ra inside me somehow fixed me

up..." She trailed off.

 

"Mom...I still love you." Cassie whispered, burying her head against

Sam's shoulder.

 

"I love you too, okay?" Sam smiled a watery smile and clung tightly

to Cassie. "No matter what, I still love you."

 

                         *******************

 

When the storm rises up, when the

shadows descent

Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day

without end

Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise

I make

Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's

what it takes

If that's what it takes

 

                         *******************

 

Sam's eyes flew open and she jerked herself upright on the bed.

Struggling off the bed, clutching at her stomach protectively, she

made her way to the door and banged on it.

 

"Dr. Carter?" A voice asked hesitantly.

 

"I have to see Jack. Or Daniel. Or the General." She said

determinedly, hope uncurling itself like a slender flame inside her

heart.

 

"Sam? What is it?" Jack demanded, studying her as he entered the

room. Her eyes were bright, he realised, with hope.

 

"I had a dream..." She licked her lips, her eyes flicking from his to

General Hammond's and then back to his again. "I think Jolinar was

trying to talk to me..."

 

"And?" Jack stepped closer, his being humming with unacknowledged

hope.

 

"I saw co-ordinates...of a planet...the Tok'ra homeworld." She said

softly.

 

"So what do we do with this?" General Hammond frowned.

 

"Sir...they can get Jolinar out of me!" Sam stood up, holding her

hands out.

 

"How do we know they're not just going to capture us and use us as

hosts?" Jack asked suspiciously.

 

"They won't, Jack. They won't." Sam said emphatically. "You said you

trusted me. You promised me you'd believe me..."

 

"But that's before you had a snake in your head!" Jack blurted out,

regretting it as the words crossed his lips. Sam's eyes narrowed,

anger and hurt flashing deeply.

 

"Dr. Carter, as much as I'd love to take your word for it..."

 

"Send me then." Sam said simply.

 

"I can't do that. If that Goa'uld tries anything..."

 

"It's not a Goa'uld, General. It's a Tok'ra." Sam nearly stamped her

foot in impatience. "Why won't you believe me?" She demanded. "No,

wait, don't answer that!"

 

"General...I'd like to request permission to go through to

this 'world' that Sam's deamt about." Jack jumped in, his mouth

curving at slightly as Sam walked around cursing herself.

 

"Colonel, I can't do that..."

 

"Why not, Sir?" Jack asked amiacbly.

 

"Because we have no idea what kind of reception you'll get." General

Hammond pointed out.

 

"Look, I'm telling you, they won't do anything to you!" Sam stamped

her foot this time, glaring at them both. "Jolinar *wants* to leave

me as much as I want her to leave me." She said simply.

 

"So...you're telling us that this snake in your head is telling you

it's okay?" Jack said slowly.

 

"Yes. And I *know* she's not lying."

 

"How?"

 

"I just *do*!" Sam took a deep breath. "Look. As soon as this baby's

born then any chance I have of communicating with you is out of the

window because you won't know whether to believe the words that come

out of my mouth, and quite frankly, I wouldn't *want* you to believe

them."

 

"Then why are you so sure that this Jolinar is telling you the truth

now?" General Hammond said softly.

 

"Because I can *feel* what she's thinking, not hear it...it's hard to

explain...I can even sort of remember things...like a dream or

something...but she's telling me the truth." Sam slumped. They didn't

believe her.

 

"General, please." Jack stepped forwards suddenly. "I trust Sam, and

I trust her judgement." He said softly.

 

"You do?" General Hammond studied the man. "Colonel, how can I know

this isn't because of your personal involvement? How can I know that

you're not just willing to risk other people's lives because your

wife is in trouble?"

 

Jack blinked. "I wouldn't do that Sir." He said, surprised that

Hammond had thought him capable of that.

 

"I know that, Colonel." General Hammond smiled slightly. "But others

don't. Give me one valid reason..."

 

"He doesn't love me." Sam said softly from behind them.

 

"I beg your pardon?" General blinked, facing her again.

 

"He doesn't love me." She repeated softly. "We didn't get married

because we're in love. We got married because we both had children to

think of and it was the most convenient thing, given the fact that a

few too many drinks let to an unintentional act which led to my

standing here with a bulge the size of Texas poking out of my

stomach."

 

"What?" General Hammond gaped. "Is this true?" He turned to Jack,

shock on his face.

 

"Yes Sir." Jack swallowed dryly, ashamed because it was the truth.

 

"So why are you so willing to do this for Dr. Carter?" General

Hammond asked eventually, still stunned.

 

"She's my kid's mother. And she's my friend." Jack said simply, not

glancing at Sam who wasn't watching him either.

 

"Then why the big act?" General Hammond couldn't help but ask.

 

"We thought that it'd be for the best, considering the fact that

Charlie and Cassie needed a stable home environment. Besides, we both

think it's wrong to have kids outside of a marriage...so who are we

to go spouting morals and then have a kid without the vows?" Jack

shrugged lightly.

 

"I'm disappointed in you." General Hammond shook his head slightly,

gazing at the two of them. "I really thought more of you." He added

softly. "Okay Colonel. It's a go." He confirmed the mission as he

walked out of the door.

 

"I'm sorry." Sam said softly, knowing that General Hammond's

disappointment had cut deeply into Jack.

 

"Me too." Jack agreed before following Hammond out of the room.

 

Sam sighed and sank against the wall. He hadn't denied it. He hadn't

denied that he didn't love her.

 

                         *******************

 

"I just love these sandy planets." Jack remarked absently, gazing

around the planet. So. This was the Tok'ra homeworld then? Looks like

they needed a few tips on decorating. Obviously missed on their

little Goa'uld buddies tastes...no trees anywhere. "Okay, let's move

out."

 

They walked together in silence. Teal'C with his easy, steady lope.

Like a packhorse, Jack mused, watching the large Jaffa eat up the

ground with his huge strides. Then there was Daniel, head stretched

slightly forwards, neck arched eagerly as he clumsily wiped at the

sweat already forming on his face. A thouroughbred, if Teal'C was a

packhorse. Always excited, eager to get there. Looking to his right

Jack caught sight of Miller. The man reminded him of one of those

little miniature ponies, even though the guy was nearly the size of

Teal'C. When he walked, he sort of barreled along, his large eyes

peeking out shyly, but curiously from beneath his mop of unruly sandy

coloured hair. And Jack? What was Jack? Just an old nag, a hack along

for the ride.

 

"O'Neill!" Teal'C only had time to speak before the sand seemed to

come alive around them and surround them.

 

People, wearing garments the colour of the sand, were surrounding

them, staff weapons held threateningly towards them.

 

"Lower your weapons!" A man ordered.

 

"If you lower yours." Jack returned.

 

"We outnumber you. Lower your weapons." The man shot back, completely

unphased.

 

"Jack...there are about twenty of them and four of us."

 

"I thought Sam said they wouldn't hurt us." Jack complained, lowering

his weapon reluctantly.

 

"Who are you?" The man demanded again, his squat form reminded Jack

very much of a bulldog. What was it today with people reminding him

of animals? Dogs and horses?

 

"Uh...I'm Jack. This is Teal'C, Miller and Daniel." Jack

grinned. "And you are?"

 

"Silence!" The man swung the staff weapon towards Jack.

 

"Are you the Tok'ra?" Daniel piped up, and Jack nearly turned around

and killed Daniel, saving these fine folks the bother.

 

"What do you know of the Tok'ra?" Another man asked, sounding a bit

more friendly than the first.

 

"Uh...well, we know...sort of at least, one of them." Daniel didn't

know when to shut his mouth, Jack fumed.

 

"Oh?" The new man studied Daniel with an interest.

 

"Yes. Her name's Jolinar, I think..."

 

"You know Jolinar?" The man asked, instantly curious as he studied

Daniel.

 

"Well, we don't really know her but one of our friends, my wife

actually, is really well acquainted with her. As in 'in the head'

acquainted. Personally, we'd prefer it if the two of them weren't so

close." Jack inserted coldly, glaring at the man. "Now, are you or

are you not Tok'ra, because if you're not we're wasting our time and

then we'd like to go."

 

"Where is Jolinar?" The second man asked, not taking his eyes off

Daniel.

 

"On our homeworld." Daniel said carefully, glancing at Jack

hesitantly.

 

"Why do you have Jaffa in your midst?" The first man asked suddenly,

glancing at Teal'C in distaste.

 

"Uh...he's helping us fight the Goa'uld. Now, are you or are you fine

folk not Tok'ra?" Jack rolled his eyes.

 

"Why do you search for the Tok'ra?" The man once again neatly evaded

the question.

 

"Look. Like we've told you buddy, my wife has a Goa'uld in her head

called Jolinar. We want the Goa'uld out."

 

"Jolinar is no Goa'uld." The second man said coldly, glaring at Jack.

 

"I couldn't care what she is. She's a slimy slithery thing that takes

over peoples' minds. That, to me, is a very, *very* Goa'uldish trait."

 

"Jolinar is not a Goa'uld." The man repeated.

 

"Then what, pray tell, the hell is she doing in Sam's head?" Jack

demanded, losing his temper.

 

"We wish for you to return her to us."

 

"Na uh. You return Sam first, my dear boy, and then we'll give the

worm over to you." Jack shook his head angrily.

 

"How long as Jolinar been on your world?" The first man asked

suddenly.

 

"About three weeks, I think." Jack blinked. "Why?"

 

"The Ashrak will be close." The second man whispered, paling

visibly. "We have to trust these people."

 

"What's an Ashrak?" Daniel asked curiously.

 

"It means Hunter." Teal'C supplied helpfully.

 

"What's that supposed to do with Carter?" Jack demanded, itching and

wishing the sun wasn't *quite* so hot.

 

"The Ashrak is hunting Jolinar."

 

"I beg yours?" Jack waited again.

 

"It will kill Jolinar, and your friend if we don't find her soon."

The men moved agitatedly.

 

"Okay, so I'm willing to assume we're going to work together on this

one, right?" Jack looked around and saw a reluctant nod. "Good. Now.

How about you kind fellows lower your guns because I'd before not to

be fried if one of those goes off accidentally."

 

"I am Martouf." The second man stepped forward.

 

"And I am Kordesh." The first man introduced himself. "Come, we must

go to the High Council at once and decide on a course of action."

 

                         *******************

 

Dr. Warner glanced around the infirmary, his gaze settling uneasily

on the empty bed.

 

"Nicks!" He called to one of the interns.

 

"Yes Dr?"

 

"Who moved the patient on bed four?"

 

"I don't know, Sir. Would you like me to find out?"

 

"Yes please. And find out where the man's been moved to." Dr. Warner

glanced around uneasily again, and then left the room.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam wished, for the millionth time, that fate hadn't decide to dish

all this out to her. Really, how much was it going to throw at her

before deciding she'd had enough? First, her Mom died. Then she got

engaged to the world's biggest creep after completely throwing her

family relationships away. Then she had a car accident, followed

closely by meeting the worst prick in the world (Who she was now

married too), another car accident, the loss of a good friend, the

loss of her father, a brain tumour and now this. A snake in the head.

Someone up there *really* had it in for her.

 

Sighing, Sam shook her head and told herself firmly to stop feeling

sorry for herself. Jack would find the Tok'ra and then they'd get

this stupid snake out of her head. A noise outside the door startled

her, and she looked up. A funny glow was shining through the window,

and then it disappeared.

 

Insider her she felt movement. She felt the terror of the Tok'ra as

though it were her own.

 

<I am sorry, Samantha>

 

And then she wasn't herself.

 

                         *******************

 

You can sleep in my arms, you don't

have to explain

When your heart's crying out, baby,

whisper my name

'Cause I've reached out for you when

the thunder is crashing up above

You've given me your love

When you smile like the sun that shines

through the pain

That's why I'll be there

 

                         *******************

 

"So you're telling me there's another snakehead amongst those

patients who's on a mission to kill Sam, for absolutely *no* reason?"

Jack demanded, gazing around himself in disbelief.

 

"On the contrary, there is a reason. She is host to Jolinar..."

 

"I DON'T CARE!" Jack yelled, stamping his foot much like Sam

had. "Now. *How* do we stop this?"

 

"The first thing to do is to remove Jolinar from any risk."

 

"Hello, aren't you listening? What about Sam?"

 

"Colonel O'Neill, if you are going to be persistently rude and

interuptive..."

 

"You'll what? Kick us out? Just in case you've forgotten, Garshaw,

we've got the co-ordinates and the codes for that planet, not you."

Jack responded.

 

"Jack, just shut up now." Daniel hissed, pulling on his arm.

 

Jack glared balefully at Daniel, feeling much more like a donkey than

a nag, and kept his mouth shut.

 

"The Ashrak will not wait much longer, it is unusual for him to have

waited this long as it is. I suggest immediately removal of Jolinar

and her host from the planet." Martouf put forwards.

 

"No. Sam's not leaving earth with that...that...*thing* inside her."

Jack shook his head.

 

"Then we must travel there immediately and try to discover the Ashrak

and destroy him before he destroys her." Kordesh said eventually.

 

"Well let's go then." Jack turned around.

 

"Wait. Once the Ashrak is taken care of we have another problem to

solve." Daniel reminded them.

 

"Later, Daniel. Once the Ashrak is taken care of. Now come on!" Jack

yanked on Daniel's arm and started leading the way out of the room.

 

"This way, Colonel." Martouf's voice halted his hasty flight out the

wrong door and brought colour to his cheeks.

 

                         *******************

 

Memories. So many memories. Her own and Jolinar's. Sunsets on planets

she had never been to. Eating spaghetti-O's with Mark and her cousin

Alfred. Getting fired from her day job. Killing a Jaffa. Tying up her

shoelaces. Someone strange smiling at her. The feel of the hot wind

blowing in her hair and the silken, powderlike grains of sand beneath

her back as someone held her tightly, loving her.

 

<I am sorry, Samantha.> That voice again, inside a mind that was no

longer just hers.

 

"Get out!" She screamed, but her lips didn't move, her voice didn't

sound out around the room. Instead the scream chased itself around in

her mind, taunting her, teasing her.

 

<I am sorry.> Jolinar spoke again, her calmness soothing Sam. <We are

in danger.>

 

"What?" Sam blinked. She tried to blink. But the body that wasn't

hers anymore never moved.

 

<The Ashrak...> They doubled over in pain.

 

"My baby!" Sam gasped, the words slipping through her throat as her

muscles suddenly belonged to her again.

 

<He will kill us, Samantha. And your child!> Jolinar's words were a

whisper on her mind, hiding as the Tok'ra retreated again to that

dark recess of her mind where it was merely an observer.

 

Panicking, Sam lunged for the emergency alarm on the wall. A second

later the klaxons filled the air as she bent over again, gasping in

pain. A rattle at the door and she sank to her knees, the

contractions coming fast and furious.

 

Images of other people, all Tok'ra. Flashes of fear. Tones of

laughter. Tears. Lightening. Water like ice on bare skin that had

been heated by the sun. Memories of previous hosts, longing for

Martouf...it all washed over her.

 

<Hurry> the Tok'ra crept forwards again and delivered the message,

once again retreating.

 

"Dr. Carter?" The door flew open and three SF's stepped in, panic on

their faces.

 

"Get Dr. Warner! And General Hammond!" Sam panted. Helpless on the

floor, vulnerable as they all left. A scream sprang from her lips.

Memories of pain, burning blindness, aching limbs and

incomprehensible exhaustion.

 

<It is too late.>

 

The pain was still there, but the body wasn't hers anymore.

 

<So. Jolinar of Malkshur.> They cringed in fright as the shadow fell

over them, it's eyes gleaming in the dark of the room. <I have hunted

you for a long time now. By the decree of the Systems Lords, you die

with dishonour...>

 

<Here this. The Tok'ra grow strong each day. Soon they will over run

the System Lords and banish their ways for ever!> They spoke, their

voice harsh and metallic as the sound grated unwillinginly against

her throat. Another scream rose up in her, but the Tok'ra choked it.

 

<You are weak. Weak and pitiful. You will suffer.>

 

The lights played in the dim room, transfixing them both as it slowly

got lowered towards them. They watched with a horrified fascination

as the light hovered over her forehead. Suddenly the pain flared in

her head. Numbing everything else, it slowly crept over her. Burning

it's mark into her mind, her sight, her hearing...everything.

Everything except the pain ceased to exist. She longed to cry out, to

let forth her agony in a blood curdling scream, to let them know what

was happening...she was dying. But the Tok'ra stopped it, holding her

mouth shut firmly, only unable to stop the smallest grunts of pain

escape from her throat.

 

Dimly they were aware of other sounds. She felt the Tok'ra lose hold,

she felt her body belong to herself again, and she still felt the

pain. It was dark. So dark. Martouf, where was Martouf?

 

"Sam? Come on Sam, open your eyes! Damnit it, Sam!" Jack. That was

Jack. Who was Martouf? Why did it hurt? Where was her baby? "Sam,

open your eyes, please Sam! Come on, don't die on me now, I haven't

told you yet!"

 

Told her what? Her eyes flickered open. He was blurred again, more

than one of him, but Jack was there. i love you jack.

 

                         *******************

 

When the storm rises up, when the

shadows descend

Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day

without end

I will stand like a rock, I will bend

till I break

Till there's not no more to give, if that's

what it takes

I will risk everything, I will fight,

I will bleed

I will lay down my life, if that's

what you need

Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise

I make

Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's

what it takes

 

                         *******************

 

"I'm losing her!" Dr. Warner yelled, panicked as the breathing

suddenly stopped.

 

Jack watched in a daze as the Dr. flew around, giving out nearly as

many instructions as he was doing CPR on Sam. Her eyes flew open

again, her face so pale.

 

"The baby!" She gasped, clenching her face in pain again. But it

wasn't Sam talking. It was the snake.

 

"Another contraction!"

 

"Get the EEG on, STAT!" Dr. Warner bellowed, shoving gloves onto his

hands. "Shit! It's crowning already!" He yelled.

 

Jack blinked mildly, still stunned. He'd never heard Dr. Warner swear

before.

 

"Come on, come on!" He encouraged. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"The EEG...there's *two* signals!" Some *bright* intern annouced,

sounding shocked. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"Seperate them! Come on, come on! I need some help here people!" Dr.

Warner looked around, panicked. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"Oh...here we come...come on...that's right. A boy! We have a boy!"

Dr. Warner announced triumphantly as a wail split the air. Jack held

onto Sam's hand.

 

Jack watched mutely as the baby was passed to a nurse. His baby. His

son. His and Sam's son. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"We're losing her!" Someone yelled. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"NO!" Dr. Warner shook his head, starting CPR again. "Come on, don't

give up, Sam!" He begged. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"The parasite..it's dying and taking her with it." someone realised.

Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"Don't let her die." Jack begged, seeing the Dr. step back from the

bed. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"There's nothing we can do." Dr. Warner realised, his face pale as he

gazed at Jack. Jack held onto Sam's hand.

 

"It's dead." Someone whispered. Jack held onto Sam's hand. And her

eyes opened.

 

"Sam!" He smiled, his lips shaking. "You did it Sam, you beat her!"

He realised, grinning.

 

"No. She gave her life for me, Jack." Sam whispered, her eyes

flickering closed. Jack flinched and let go of Sam's hand.

 

                         *******************

 

Through the wind and the rain, through

the smoke and the fire

When the fear rises up, when the

wave's ever higher

I will lay down my heart, my body,

my soul

I will hold on all night and never

let go

Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise

I make

Baby that's what I'll give, if that's

what it takes

 

                         *******************

 

[Hey, it's Jack here.]

 

[How's Sam?]

 

[She's fine. She's better. Doctors say she'll be okay.]

 

[You mean the cancer's gone?]

 

[...Yes.]

 

[How?]

 

[Uh....not exactly sure the specifics of it...Could I talk to our

kids?]

 

[Sure. Just hold for a minute...]

 

[......]

 

[Dad?]

 

[Hey Charlie. Sam's okay.]

 

[She is? That's great!!]

 

[I've booked you guys a flight home in two days. She needs some rest

and I thought it would be better if you guys just waited a while.]

 

[DAD!]

 

[Sorry Charlie. Doctor's orders.]

 

[They suck.]

 

[I know. But I'm gonna stay with Sam until you guys get home.]

 

[Okay. Cassie wants to talk to you.]

 

[Put her on. Oh, and Charlie?]

 

[Yeah?]

 

[Be good.]

 

[Ha ha. Bye Dad.]

 

[Bye Charlie. See you Friday.]

 

[Jack!]

 

[Hi Cassie.]

 

[So Sam' s okay?]

 

[Yeah, we got the Goa'uld.]

 

[Good. I was scared.]

 

[I know honey, I know. Hey, did you know you've got a baby brother?]

 

[Really? Wow! What's his name?]

 

[We were thinking Benjamin Joel.]

 

[Cool.]

 

[Cool?]

 

[Yeah, cool. Charlie always says it!]

 

[You never did though.]

 

[So?]

 

[So what, huh?]

 

[Hey, Dad?]

 

[What is it Cass?]

 

[I love you and Mom.]

 

[I love you too, sweet heart.]

 

                         *******************

 

If that's what it takes

Every day

If that's what it takes

Every day

 

                         *******************

 

Choices We Make 9: Everything I Do (I Do It For You)

 

 

Everything I do

Performed by Bryan Adams

(Used without permission. Great song. Nothing more to be said.)

 

Look into my eyes

You will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart

Search your soul

And when you find me there

You'll search no more

 

                         *******************

 

It's calm. The water is cool. Silk smoothing away the grime and blood

from my skin. The colour of emeralds glistening in the sun, the

twinkling sound of windchimes as the birds sing on the breeze

smelling of scented flowers and sweet fruits.

 

"Martouf..."

 

"Sam?" Jack blinked, watching as she moved slightly on the bed.

 

Her eyes flickered open, confusion in their depths. For a second he

saw a hint of emotion in them, a vestige of the person she was. Then

they darkened again, an empty blackness with no hint of recovery.

 

"Cassie and Charlie will be here later on today. Their flight's

coming in at three. Cassie's so excited about Ben, she can't wait to

see him. Ya know what? Sam, Cassie called me Dad. I was so happy..."

Jack trailed off, frowning in frustration as her empty eyes gazed

blankly at him. "Come on Sam, where are you?" He demanded, standing

up and banging his fist on the wall in impatience.

 

"Jack?" Daniel's head appeared around the door curiously, his eyes

wary as he took in the state of his best friend. Jack's hair was

messy, unbrushed. The clothes he wore were rumpled and grubby, he

hadn't changed yet.

 

"What?" Jack snapped, feeling sorry instantly as he saw the flinch of

pain on Daniel's face, but steeled himself against it. Why should he

apologise? Nothing good was happening.

 

"Ben's crying again." Daniel said softly, backing out of the room.

 

"Stay here Sam, I'll be right back." Jack said sarcastically before

following Daniel out of the room and found his child.

 

Ben was perfect, Jack realised with a pang of love as he looked down

at the red, scrunched up face of the crying baby. His tiny fingers

were so soft and delicate, like silken little catepillars. And his

hair was so soft and fine, the colour of gold already, the texture of

butterfly wings against Jack's calloused hand. But the eyes, the eyes

of his new son were the same colour that Charlie's had been, and

Charlie's eyes were brown now. Ben would have brown eyes too.

 

"Come on, how about we go introduce you to your mother?" Jack glanced

around guiltily. Okay, so perhaps it wasn't a good idea to take the

baby away from all the funky medical gear that he needed around in

him case of an emergency, but he figured that keeping Sam and her

baby seperate probably wasn't such a good thing.

 

"Sam...I've got someone here who wants to meet you." He said gently,

his finger jammed in Ben's mouth as the baby sucked at it

hopelessly. "Come on, Ben wants to say hi." Ignoring the warnings Dr.

Warner had given him not to force Sam, he sat down next to her on the

bed and touched her face gently. "Sam, this is your baby. His name is

Benjamin - after your Dad of course, and Joel - Daniel's

suggestion...not mine. I hope you don't mind." Jack said sincerely,

putting the baby next to Sam.

 

He watched wtih amazement and satisfaction as a single tear formed in

her eye and spilled over, running slowly down her cheek and landing

on the pillow where it turned the fabric into a small patch of

dampness. "He's got your hair." Jack continued softly, smiling

gently. Carefully he took Sam's hand and moved her fingers over Ben's

hair, guiding the slender limb to rest on her baby's stomach. "And,

if he's lucky, he'll have my undeniable charisma and charm and your

brains. Even a tiny portion of your brain will be better than mine."

Jack said matter-of-factly.

 

Another dark mark on the fabric as another tear fell.

 

"I'll be okay, Sam. It'll all be okay." Jack whispered, leaning over

and kissing her temple gently, curling his fingers in her hair.

 

"I know." She whispered softly, a sad ghost of a smile touching her

lips briefly before her sorrowed eyes turned to her son again. "She

died for him. And for me." She said simply, leaning forwards and

kissing Ben's head gently.

 

Jack said nothing for a second, understanding what she'd said but

unable to comprehend why this was affecting her so much. It had,

after all, only been a snake.

 

"He's hungry." Jack smiled slightly as Ben suddenly scunched his face

up again and started pumping his flailing little arms angrily in the

air. "Want to feed him?" Jack asked hopefully.

 

"I can?" Sam blinked, looking more like her old self, even if she was

a little too quiet.

 

"You're fully equipped." Jack cracked, unable to help himself.

 

She looked up at him blankly, not smiling or showing any  humour

towards his lame comment.

 

"Come on, I'll help you sit up." Jack carefully helped her upright,

moving the pillows behind her for support. Placing the baby in her

arms he moved himself behind her again like he had that morning when

she'd fed him her toast. Things had changed since then, she mused

idly, as his heart settled into a rhythm behind her and his arms

helped her hold the baby in her own, shaking limbs.

 

They sat together in silence while she fed him, both absorbed by the

tiny life they had created, and feeling strangely content in each

others' arms.

 

                         *******************

 

Don't tell me

It's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me

it's not worth dyin' for

You know it's true

Everything I do

I do it for you

 

                         *******************

 

"Come on, there's a good girl. Open wide...that's right!" Daniel

grinned, chuckling with delight as Chloe grinned up at him.

 

"Dada!" She exclaimed impatiently. "More!"

 

"Okay. Here comes the train...open wide!" He stuck the spoon in her

mouth again and she grinned happily at them.

 

"So Chloe, what are we going to do today?" He asked her once she'd

finished her lunch and started practising her drumming skills with a

spoon.

 

"Pok!" She announced emphatically.

 

"Pok?" He blinked, confused.

 

"Want Pok!" She told him in no uncertain terms.

 

"Who's Pok? What's Pok?" Daniel frowned, trying unsuccessfully to

decipher her meaning.

 

"Pok!" She squealed at him angrily. "Me wan Pok!"

 

"Pok?"

 

"Pok!" She giggled at him, waving her arms.

 

Daniel put the bowl in the dish. Pok. Pok? Puck? No, couldn't be

that. Pack? What pack? Sighing, he turned to her.

 

"You want Pok?" He clarified.

 

"Pok."

 

"Okay." He shook his head slightly. "I'll call Polly then, and find

out what Pok is, okay?"

 

"Polly Pok!" She squealed.

 

"A Polly Pocket? You're too little for one of those." Daniel picked

up his phone and dialed Polly's number.

 

[Hello, Polly here.]

 

[Hey Polly, it's Daniel.] He ducked as Chloe's spoon flew towards him

with surprising accuracy.

 

[What's going on?]

 

[Nothing much. Chloe's just decided she's going to practise having a

domestic for when she's all grown up and she threw

her...NO!....sorry...that was nearly her juice all over the floor.]

 

[You okay?]

 

[Yeah...fine. Actually, no, I'm not. What on earth is a Pok?]

 

[Pok?]

 

[Yes Pok, she keeps asking for it...wait on, doorbell's just

rung...hold for a minute.] Daniel jammed the phone under his chin,

picked up his indignant daughter and made his way to the front

doo. "Sarah!" He blinked, shocked to see her.

 

"Nice to see you too, Daniel." She smiled tightly, her eyes locked on

Chloe.

 

[Uh...Polly...yes, what was I saying?] Daniel blinked again as he

showed Sarah inside.

 

[Oh! She wants Pokemon.]

 

[Pokemon? You mean that...*thing* all the kids are on about?]

 

[Yeah. Normally comes on after I've given her lunch...]

 

[You let her watch TV?]

 

[Of course! Any healthy kid watches TV!]

 

[What time?]

 

[There's about five minutes left of the show.]

 

[Great. Thanks Polly.]

 

[No problems, Daniel. Ring me whenever you need a sitter, she's cute.]

 

[Thanks. See ya.]

 

Daniel hung up the phone. "Just a minute, Sarah." He ignored the

woman slightly and dashed into the loungeroom. He plonked Chloe on

the couch and flicked the TV on. Amazingly enough, it was on the

right channel.

 

"Pok!" She squealed, grinning up and waving her arms.

 

"Busy?" Sarah asked dryly, a slight smile on her face.

 

"Uh...no, actually not really. Just getting reacquainted with life at

home." Daniel admitted.

 

"You've been gone for a while, haven't you?" Sarah said slowly.

 

"Uh...not recently no." Daniel shook his head, suspicious.

 

"I'm not here to argue, Daniel." Sarah sat down on a chair at the

table. Daniel followed suit, careful to keep an eye on his daughter.

 

"So why are you here?" Daniel asked bluntly.

 

"I don't know. I just wanted to see Chloe..."

 

"What about your dig?" Daniel couldn't help the bitterness in his

voice.

 

"I'm still busy there, I just took a couple of weeks off." Sarah

shifted nervously on her chair, looking at the TV screen absently.

 

"So what brings you to my door?" Daniel frowned, pushing his glasses

up on his nose.

 

"I told you, Daniel, I don't know!" Sarah clenched her fists

slightly, biting on her lip. "This was a bad idea...I should get

going..." She stood up.

 

"Sarah, tell me the truth." Daniel said softly, and she turned to

face him with hesitation written clearly on her features.

 

"I just wanted to know if it's okay if I could see Chloe sometime."

She whispered, tears in her eyes.

 

Daniel smiled slightly. "You don't even have to ask that, Sarah..."

 

"But you said..."

 

"I *had* to say that. I knew you'd come back though...you couldn't

not." He grinned slightly, looking at her sheepishly.

 

"So what do we do?" Sarah sighed, rubbing her face with her hands,

looking tiredly at Daniel. "It was so hard, Daniel, so hard." She

closed her eyes again, leaning back against the chair as she sat down.

 

"I know." Daniel said softly. "What do you want to do now?"

 

"I don't know." Sarah shook her head. "I gave her to you. I can't ask

for her back."

 

"No. You can't." Daniel agreed gently. "But you can ask for visits

and I won't say no. Not everytime anyway." He smiled slightly.

 

"So what now?"

 

"Well..." Daniel glanced at his watch, his eyes widenly

slightly. "Oh!" He gasped.

 

"What?"

 

"I'm supposed to pick up Cassie and Charlie from the airport..." He

jumped up. "Say, Sarah?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"You want to meet some friends of mine?" Daniel asked hopefully.

 

"Pardon?" Sarah raised a delicate eyebrow in surprise.

 

"Well, I'm assuming that now, despite your earliers convictions,

you'd still very much like to be a part of your daughter's life, am I

right?"

 

"Well...yes." Sarah agreed softly.

 

"Well, seeing as Chloe is going to be living with me, my friends are

going to be a very, *very* large part of her life." Daniel said

simply. "So, you might as well get a head start and meet them now."

 

"Okay." Sarah agreed hesitantly.

 

"Great. Come on, let's go get Cassie and Charlie." Daniel grinned and

flicked the TV off, much to Chloe's disappointment.

 

                         *******************

 

"So....your friends, what do they look like?" Sarah's eyes strayed

back to the baby girl being held firmly in Daniel's arms.

 

"Huh? Oh, well, Cassie's got longish reddish brown hair and this

adorable little nose. Charlie on the other hand has brownish blond

hair, brown eyes and walks like he owns the place...what?"

 

"An adorable little nose?" Sarah asked in disbelief.

 

"What?" Daniel blinked.

 

"I can't believe you've changed that much."

 

"I beg your pardon?" Daniel shook his head slightly, completely

confused.

 

"Talking about your friend's wife like that, I mean, really!" Sarah

shook her head in disgust.

 

"Sarah, Charlie and Cassie are..."

 

"DANIEL!!" Cassie's scream pierced the air.

 

"Children."

 

Sarah blushed furiously, her face over-powering the colour of her

hair. Daniel couldn't help the laugh from escaping as he turned to

greet the two children. "Hey guys!"

 

"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel!" Cassie flung herself into his arms, her

eyes glowing with excitement. "Guess what?"

 

"What?" Daniel grinned widely at her enthusiasm.

 

"Uncle Mark and Aunt Steph are here too!" She squealed. Daniel looked

up and came face to face with a tall man he had seen at Jacob's

funeral.

 

"Hi, I'm Mark." The man introduced himself, smiling hesitantly.

 

"Daniel Jackson." Daniel grinned smiled slightly as well, measuring

up this man who was a weird mix of Sam and her Dad.

 

"And I'm Steph." A short, petite woman introduced herself, accepting

Daniel's handshake with a warm smile.

 

"This is Sarah..." Daniel motioned to Sarah, "And my little girl,

Chloe." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

 

"Nice to meet you. We've been hearing all about 'Daniel and Chloe'!"

Steph immediately turned her attention to the baby.

 

"Don't you have children?" Daniel realised, remembering an earlier

conversation with Sam.

 

"Yeah, but my Mom's looking after them for now. We thought that it

would be better to maybe get them out later, we weren't sure if we'd

be welcome." Steph chattered happily, throwing a casual arm around

Cassie's shoulders.

 

"Of course you're welcome. I'm sure that Sam's gonna be thrilled."

Daniel said hesitantly.

 

"Well, we've actually booked a motel already...so..." Mark said

uneasily, fingering his collar.

 

"What are we standing around here for?" Daniel asked, smiling

brightly in an attempt to ease the air. "We should get going..." He

stopped suddenly.

 

"What's up Daniel?" Charlie asked, leaning nonchalantly against a

pillar.

 

"Uh...Sam's still on base at the moment...with Ben and Jack." He said

slowly.

 

"Oh?" A curious triplet of frowns met his gaze. "Uh...we only have

clearance for Cassie and Charlie to go through..." He licked his lips.

 

"That's fine. I'm sure that the three of us can entertain ourselves

and babysit your *gorgeous* little girl." Steph said airly, waving

her hands in the air and pushing them off at a walk.

 

"You sure?" Daniel watched their amicable nods. "Great, see, I'm not

exactly sure when Sam's going to be released." He said softly.

 

"You're not?" Mark asked, frowning.

 

"No. She wasn't...happy." Daniel said lamely.

 

"I was depressed after Chloe was born." Sarah said softly, offering

him a shy glance.

 

"You were?" Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

 

"It's a perfectly natural thing, Daniel." Steph chimed in, completely

agreeing with Sarah. "I'm sure that Sam will be just fine in a few

days...she's such a bright sunny person..." Steph trailed off. "Well,

last time I saw her..."

 

There was an awkward silence until Charlie spoke up, "She's still

happy."

 

                         *******************

 

"Finally." Jack said with feeling, flopping down onto the couch and

resting his head in his hands.

 

"You sound as though you mean that." Daniel smiled slightly, also

leaning back into his chair.

 

"I do. Oh, I do." Jack nodded his head, looking up at Daniel with

bleary eyes. "So. Sarah's back, is she?" He asked unecessarily.

 

"Yeah. She's got Chloe at the moment...I should get going and..."

 

"Hey, Daniel?"

 

"Yeah?" Daniel glanced up, surprised at Jack's serious expression.

 

"Do you still...you know....love her?"

 

"I do...but not like I used to." Daniel said slowly, frowning as he

looked for the words. "I met Sha're, Jack, and nothing I ever felt

for Sarah compares to that. Nothing I ever will feel for Sarah can

compare to that."

 

"So you guys aren't gonna get back together then?" Jack smiled a

twisted smile.

 

"No." Daniel said gently.

 

"Oh." Jack looked up at his friend. "What about Chloe?"

 

"I don't know. I've told Sarah I don't mind letting her see Chloe as

often as she wants...but..."

 

"Daniel, do me a favour, never keep her away from Chloe, okay?" Jack

said softly, closing his eyes. Daniel studied Jack as the man fought

for control again and then looked up. "It's not right."

 

"I know, Jack. I'd never do it to her. To either of them."

 

"Good. Say, she's not maybe interested in babysitting for me?"

 

"Babysitting?"

 

"Yeah. I was thinking that while you're at work and I'm gonna be with

Sam and Ben, someone's gonna have to watch Cassie and Charlie until

school starts and things get back to normal."

 

"That's not a bad idea...I could ask her. She could watch Chloe too!"

Daniel grinned, then stopped suddenly.

 

"She doesn't exactly strike me as a babysitting kind of person

though." Jack realised what conclusion Daniel had jumped too.

 

"I can still ask though."

 

"You can."

 

                         *******************

 

"I'm fine, honestly." Sam protested, sitting upright and ignoring the

incredulous looks both General Hammond and Dr. Warner were shooting

at her.

 

"Dr. Carter, just in case you seem to have forgotten..."

 

"No, I haven't forgotten." Sam stated curtly. "I'm better. You've run

the tests, you know the facts. No more cancer..."

 

"I wasn't talking about the cancer, Dr. Carter." Dr. Warner said

softly.

 

Sam froze for a second, tensing up. "I know. But other than the

protein markers you said yourself that there is no permanent damage."

 

"Dr. Carter, I don't think that you should be walking around yet.

That device the Ashrak used on you *did* cause some physical damage.

Unless you want to damage something permanently, I'm going to

suggest..."

 

"Dr. Warner, I'm telling you that I'm *fine*, and I'd like to get up

and go for a walk." Sam snapped, getting angry for no reason.

 

"What's going on?" Jack poked his head around the corner, grinning to

see Sam glaring angrily at one annoyed Dr. Warner.

 

"Your wife won't listen to reason, Colonel." Dr. Warner stated.

 

"As much as I don't know about medical matters, I'd say she was

fine." Jack said simply, grinning at General Hammond's roll of the

eyes.

 

"I'm sure you would." Hammond said with a bitter twist to his voice.

 

"General?" Jack frowned slightly at the look on Hammond's face.

 

"Nothing, Colonel." General Hammond narrowed his eyes. "I do,

however, want you both to know that I'm very disappointed with you."

He turned around and marched out of the room, his back ramrod

straight.

 

Jack and Sam glanced at each other guiltily and then looked away,

both slightly uncomfortable.

 

"Okay, Dr. Carter. If you decide to get up and wander around out SGC,

then fine, go ahead, but I *won't* take any responsibility if

something does go wrong. You'll be on your own then." He told them,

shaking his head.

 

Sam watched him leave, feeling very much like a ten year old who'd

just been told off for something.

 

"So. How were the To'kra?" Sam asked lightly, making conversation.

 

"Pardon?" Jack asked, glancing at her.

 

"The To'kra, how were they?" She asked again, sitting up straight.

 

"Oh...just peachy." Jack glanced at her.

 

"General Hammond told me about the spy."

 

"That why he was in here?" Jack asked, glancing at her.

 

"Ye-eah." Sam agreed hesitantly.

 

"Oh. Well, that wierd guy Martin something was asking about you."

 

"Martouf?"

 

"How'd you know his name?" Jack asked jealously.

 

"He was Jolinaar's...mate?" Sam blinked as the word floated to the

surface. "How is he?"

 

"I don't know, coping I guess."

 

"Coping?"

 

"Well, he wanted to see you and ask you about Jolinaar, but seeing as

they were being pretty busy, General Hammond and our good friend

Garshaw decided it wasn't such a good idea."

 

"Oh." Sam swallowed, looking around.

 

"So, Doc Warner says you'll be home soon."

 

"Yeah." Sam nodded again, her thoughts elsewhere. On a planet with

golden sand and sparkling green water.

 

"Sam?"

 

"Hm?" She looked at him, but didn't really see him.

 

"Uh...Cassie and Charlie told me to say hi." He said lamely, pushing

his hands into his pockets.

 

"Oh. Yeah, tell them I said hi too." Sam smiled absently before

frowning slightly. "Jack?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"What does, did the To'kra world look like?"

 

"Uh...sandy?"

 

"With green water?" Sam asked.

 

"No, they had water inside, but not outside." Jack shook his head,

worried. "Why?"

 

"No reason..."

 

"Sam, don't lie to me."

 

"I keep seeing these images of places *I* haven't been to, but I know

that Jolinaar has been to them..."

 

"Sam?"

 

"Jack, I've got a whole lifetime in my mind, memories of hundreds of

years that I haven't even lived!" She stated, standing up and swaying

unsteadily.

 

"Are you sure you're okay? Maybe that Ashrak did damage something!"

 

"Jack, I'm serious!" Sam shook her head, pushing him away.

 

"Sam..." Jack said softly, glancing at her with *something* in his

eyes that she couldn't quite place. "So what? So what if you're

suddenly remembering places that you haven't been too, so what if

you've suddenly got a whole lot of memories in your mind..."

 

"That's easy to say, Jack, so what? So what that I have to sort

through feelings and emotions that aren't even mine? So what that I

feel as though I am madly and deeply in love with Martouf, and I've

never even *met* the....person." Sam hesitated at the look on Jack's

face. "Jack...I'm feeling things that I've never felt before. I look

at Teal'C and I feel revulsion. I feel disgust because his people are

so stupid they can't even figure it out for themselves that the

Go'auld aren't Gods. I look at us, the humans and I feel so snide and

arrogant and superior because the To'kra have technology that we have

no idea of..." She stopped suddenly. "See, I even think of myself as

To'kra sometimes."

 

Jack stood still, his eyes locked on her face. "What are you saying?"

He asked softly.

 

"I don't know." Sam slumped suddenly, falling against Jack. "I don't

know Jack. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what's me and

what's Jolinaar. I don't know where she ends and where I begin." She

whispered.

 

"Yes, you do know that." Jack said, holding her tightly. "You know

that it's *you* who loves Cassie and Charlie, that it's *you* who had

that baby, that it's *you* who made up with your father. Sam, you

know who *you* are! We know who you are."

 

"I know, Jack, but..." Sam started before trailing off and letting

him hold her. "I'm tired Jack. I'm tired of everything. Of

pretending, of lying, of not knowing what's true anymore."

 

Jack tensed as he held her.

 

"What are you saying, Sam?"

 

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

 

"Well, I want to know what you're hinting at."

 

"I'm not hinting at anything, Jack." Sam shook her head, frustrated

as she pulled back to look at him, confusion shining in her eyes. "I

told you, I'm sick of pretending to everyone, playing happy families.

We're not happy families Jack, far from it in fact." She laughed

bitterly, turning around.

 

"So what do you suggest we do?" Jack asked, his shoulders slumping as

she turned away from him.

 

"I don't know. I just want to take my babies and go home." Sam kicked

at the wall angrily.

 

Jack swallowed roughly, watching as she made her way drunkenly around

the room, venting her frustration on anything and everything within

reach.

 

"Uh...I'll talk to Doc Warner for you, Sam." He said softly before

turning around and leaving the room.

 

                         *******************

 

"Cassie and Charlie have planned a huge homecoming for you." Jack

said stiltedly in the car.

 

"Oh." Sam gazed out the window, trying not to cry.

 

"Yeah." Jack agreed lamely, glancing over at her in concern. Her eyes

were hidden behind those damn sunglasses, he had no idea what she was

thinking, what she was looking at, what she was feeling even.

 

"How have they been?"

 

"Good." Jack nodded slightly, flicking on the indicator. "Missing you

like crazy." He smiled slightly.

 

"I've been missing them too." She hesitated, her voice catching in

her throat.

 

"What?"

 

"I...I was scared." She ventured eventually.

 

"Scared of what?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes in concern, a habit

she was very used to.

 

"That Cassie...the To'kra...she knew..." Sam garbled, a sob choking

her throat again. "And I can't stop crying." She slapped her fist on

the dashboard.

 

Jack pulled over and stopped the car. Unbuckling her seatbelt he

pulled her into his arms, holding her while she cried again. "It's

okay Sam, no one expects you to be perfect." He crooned.

 

"Yes, yes they do." She moaned, holding onto him tightly. "Everyone

expects it to be perfect. They expect me to be the perfect mother to

Charlie, Cassie and Ben. They expect me to be the perfect wife, the

perfect scientist...I'm tired of it Jack. Don't they *know* that I

have faults too?"

 

"Shh." Jack hushed her, stroking her hair gently. "I don't expect you

to be perfect." He whispered.

 

"I know. That's what..." Sam stopped, tensing in his arms as she

fought to control her sobs.

 

"That's what what?" Jack frowned as she pulled away from him,

refusing to look at him. Reaching over her pulled the sunglasses from

her face and forced her to look at him.

 

"Nothing. I'm just screwed up at the moment, Jack." She smiled

tightly, and Jack recognised the end of a conersation if he'd ever

heard one.

 

                         *******************

 

Sam refused Jack's help as she staggered up the footpath towards the

house. Seeing her determination and will to make it on her own, Jack

decided to go ahead and check that everything was okay.

 

"Sarah? Cassie? Charlie? Hello..." He yelled into the house, slightly

surprised that no one was there to greet them.

 

Sam's head jerked up as she heard him. Sara. What? Sara...but...

 

"Sam, are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She smiled and continued the walk up the

footpath, shaking his hand off her arm as she passed him. "Who's

Sara?" She asked stiffly. Jealous, and he didn't even love her; Sam.

She had no right to be jealous.

 

"Sarah...Sarah, the..."

 

"SURPRISE!" What seemed like a million people suddenly jumped into

the room as Sam entered it. 

 

"MOM!" Cassie launched herself at Sam, followed closely by

Charlie. "Look Mom! Look!" She hugged Sam tightly and managed to

point at all the people simultaneously. "Everyone's here! Uncle Mark,

Aunt Steph, Daniel, Sarah, Ben, even General Hammond and Teal'C!" She

grinned as Sam gaped around the room.

 

"You should have told me!" It was so easy to slip back into that role

of pretense, to punch Jack lightly on the arm and fall back into his

hold as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

"I did." He told her dryly, but for some reason not feeling the usual

happiness he felt when he was around his 'family'.

 

"OH..." Sam blinked, remembering his earlier words. "Mark!" She

blinked again.

 

"And Steph." Mark grinned at her, hugging her gently over the top of

Cassie.

 

"Steph!" Sam smiled shyly. "I haven't seen you for...a long time!"

 

"That's going to change though." Steph said firmly, grinning at her

happily. "You have beautiful children." She told Sam honestly.

 

"I know." Sam looped her arms over Cassie and Charlie's

shoulders. "So, where's my baby?" She looked around, searching for

someone holding Ben.

 

"Sarah's got him..." Someone told her. Sara. Why did she feel so

jealous and scared and nervous and really really really anxious?

 

"Oh." She forced the smile to stay on her face.

 

"I made you some muffins because I know you don't like cookies..."

Cassie announced.

 

"Really? Thanks Cass." Sam hugged her daughter a bit tighter.

 

"Come on, sit down." Jack's arms suddenly descended around her again

as he guided her towards the couch where he proceded to sit down next

to her, not once letting her go.

 

"So. Home again." Daniel said, breaking the silence that had settled

over the group of people.

 

Sam smiled. Home. Where was home now? Jack didn't love her, how could

this be home?

 

Jack stiffened involuntarily as she only smiled. An uncontrollable

spasm of panic in his arm clutched her tightly against him, fear

suddenly making his heart beat a million miles an hour.

 

Daniel met Jack's terrified eyes and then glanced at Sam's perfectly

school features. To the inexperienced eye, those who didn't know

them, they looked happy. Daniel, however, knew they weren't happy. So

did General Hammond, but it wasn't up to them.

 

Jack swallowed as Daniel looked back into his eyes, those blue eyes

seeming to read his very thoughts.

 

'Tell her' They beamed at him like some telepathic device delivering

the words righ into his mind. 'You have to tell her. NOW.'

 

Jack shifted and let go of Sam. "So, who's having what do drink?" He

asked cheerfully, standing up and glancing back down at Sam.

 

A chorus of answers met his question and he hastily left the room

before he forgot everything instead of just a few.

 

A strained silence settled onto the occupants of the livingroom.

 

"Mom, can Cassie and I go outside?" Charlie asked, looking at her.

 

"Sure." Sam's eyes misted over. Mom. He'd called her Mom! Where was

Jack? "Uh...I'm just gonna help Jack with the drinks..." She stood

up, swaying slightly but greatfully accepting Charlie's steadying

hand as he helped her to the kitchen door.

 

Sam entered the room silently, and came face to face with Jack

hugging another woman. Another woman that had curly auburn hair and

was holding her baby. "You'll be right." She heard Jack's voice,

muffled against the woman, and then he let her go.

 

"Hi." The woman looked at Sam, hesitation on her perfect features.

 

"Hi, I'm Sam." Sam kept her voice civil, even slightly friendly. She

couldn't care. She couldn't care less that this woman and her

husband...that this woman and *Jack O'Neill* were...

 

"I know. I'm Sarah."

 

Sarah. She'd known that the woman was trouble.

 

"I see you've got Ben." Sam smiled again, not moving forwards.

 

"Yeah, he's just eaten AND spewed up all over me." Sarah wrinkled her

nose delicately as she grimaced.

 

"Mind if I..?" Jack asked, holding his arms out.

 

"Not at all." Sarah all but dumped the baby in his arms before

turning back to Sam quickly with an apologetic look. "Chloe's still

half dressed...I'm going to run back to her quickly..."

 

"Sure." Sam smiled again, her eyes locked on the woman's retreating

back.

 

"Well well well." Jack turned to her with a grin, his eyebrows raised.

 

"Well well well what?" Sam demanded waspishly, the civilness fading

from her face as he gazed at her.

 

"Who would have guessed?" Jack nearly laughed.

 

"Guessed what?" Sam demanded. It was bad enough that he and Sarah-cat-

got-the-cream-smugness were...no, didn't bear thinking about. He had

no right to still carry on and tease her like this.

 

"No, I don't think I would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with

my own eyes." Jack told Ben matter-of-factly, ignoring Sam suddenly.

 

"What are you talking about?" Sam demanded tiredly, leaning against

the wall as she glared at him.

 

"I'm having a perfectly legitimate conversation with my son, thank

you very much." Jack told her pointedly, grinning slightly.

 

"*Our* son." Sam snapped. Okay, so why did she just have to go and

say that?

 

"Yes, I do believe that I'm right." Jack said smugly, looking up at

Sam innocently.

 

"What? No, you know what, I don't want to know." Sam stood up

straight. "Are you going to get the drinks or am I going to?" She

demanded.

 

"What on earth has happened to your manners?" Jack sounded shocked.

 

"Don't use that tone of voice with me, Jack, I really *don't* need it

right now." She told him tiredly, moving over to the cupboard and

starting to pull the mugs out.

 

"No, I don't you do." Jack's voice was surprising calm and serious.

Sam turned to him with an eyebrow raised, questioning his sudden mood

change. "I do, however think, you need this." He said before cupping

her face with his free hand and delivering a gentle kiss to her lips.

Sam stood frozen, completely stunned.

 

"Then again," Jack continued, barely breaking the kiss. "Maybe this

would be better." He rained silvery kisses along her jawbone and down

her neck. "But," He breathed in her ear, pulling her closer to him

and holding Ben between them ever so carefully, "Maybe I'm wrong."

 

Sam quivered against him, resting her head slightly against his as he

threaded his fingers through her hair and waited for her to answer

him. Oh...oh...so this wasn't what she'd been expecting...oh...oh..

 

"OW!" Jack jerked backwards, shock in his eyes as he gazed at her and

held his stinging cheek.

 

"Don't you ever, EVER do that again!" Sam yelled at him, tears

blurring her vision.

 

Jack gazed at her, shocked. He was wrong. She didn't want it, she

didn't love him...what had he done...this was terrible...

 

"Do you know what it felt like to walk in here and see you...with

her...I mean..." Sam swept her arms out dramatically, nearly

overbalancing herself and leaning heavily on the cupboard.

 

"What?" Jack found his voice, a little squeaky maybe, but a voice

nonetheless.

 

"I thought...I'm so stupid...do you know how much I hate you?" Sam

laughed suddenly, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her

face against his neck.

 

"Uh...no?" Jack hesitantly put his hand on her back again, completely

confused. "Sam, forgive me, but I'm a little confused..."

 

"Serves you right. If I ever catch you alone in the kitchen with

another woman again..."

 

"I was right! You *were* jealous!" Jack realised triumphantly,

turning to look at his baby son who was gazing at him innocently.

 

"I was not!" Sam denied hotly, colour flushing her cheeks.

 

"Sure, sure, and Ben here is a girl."

 

"He wasn't last time I checked. Unless, of course, there's something

you're not telling me..." Sam grinned at him, not letting go of him.

 

"You were jealous." Jack stated matter-of-factly.

 

"Was not."

 

"Were too."

 

"Was not."

 

"Were too."

 

"Was not."

 

"Hey, Sam?"

 

"What?" Sam smiled breathlessly as Jack's face lowered towards her

again.

 

"That thing about me being alone in the kitchen with another

woman..." He started off.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Does Cassie count? OW!" He laughed as her fist connect with his

shoulder.

 

"You are so stupid!" She told him, shaking her head.

 

"So...does this mean we're okay?" Jack asked hesitantly.

 

"Okay?"

 

"Yeah, as in, no one's leaving?"

 

"Who was leaving?" Sam blinked, surprised.

 

"I thought you were..."

 

"What made you think that?" She frowned, turning back to the drinks.

 

"Well, you said you were tired of pretending..."

 

"I am." Sam said softly.

 

"Oh." Jack turned to the baby in his arms. "Here, you take Ben and

I'll do that." He told her.

 

"Thanks." She took the infant and stood back, watching him make the

drinks. "Jack, I'm not leaving." She said softly before leaving him

in the kitchen with the kettle nearly boiling.

 

                         *******************

 

"Sam?" Jack approached her hesitantly.

 

"Hey." She smiled slightly, a warm, tingling sensation running

throughout her as he approached.

 

"I was thinking." He started off, placing a finger over her lips

again. "And before you say it, I'm not taking an aspirin because

there is no pain. Yes, it is becoming a rather regular occurence and

no it's not all that strange either."

 

"I wasn't going to say it." She told him, smiling as he moved his

finger over her chin and cupped it with his hand.

 

"What you said, about pretending?" He licked his lips nervously,

mirroring her movements.

 

"Yes?" She waited, swallowing roughly. Time seemed to expand as she

waited for him to continue, and her senses suddenly became aware of

everything. The cloud sailing over the moon, the stars seeming to

brighten in response and the scent of his aftershave fingering it's

way through the cold air towards her. Aware of him, standing in front

of her, holding not only her face with his warm, gentle hands, but

also her heart and her future.

 

"I don't want to pretend anymore, either." He whispered roughly,

bringing his other hand up to cup her face properly and wiping her

tears away with his thumbs. "I don't know why I ever did." He added

before leaning down and kissing her gently.

 

Sam sighed as he kissed her, melding herself against him and wrapping

her arms around him, holding him close.

 

"I don't either." She whispered as he pulled away and she rested her

head against his chest, his arms around her and his hands drawing

patterns on her back.

 

"And, I still don't expect you to be perfect." He grinned slightly as

she chuckled against him.

 

"Good, because you'd be disappointed even now."

 

"Why?"

 

"In the perfect movie, the couple is always bathed in moonlight.

Unfortuneatly for us, the moon is not available tonight." She grinned

as he chuckled in turn.

 

"So what. Makes the stars look brighter. Hey, have I ever shown you

my telescope?" He asked her suddenly.

 

"No." She shook her head, surprised. "You have one?"

 

"Of course." Jack grinned at her expression. "I'm not *that* stupid."

 

"I know." She told him. Grinning, he took her hand and led her to the

back porch.

 

"I keep it here, we can go set it up on the deck...it's perfect up

there this time of year." He grinned.

 

"Perfect, huh?" She laughed slightly. "You know what, this is

perfect. It wouldn't mean as much if it hadn't been so..."

 

"Intense?"

 

"Yes. At least I know ahead of time what a bastard you can be." She

grinned.

 

"And I know how...imperfect you can be!" He smiled at her, dropping a

kiss on her nose. "I love you Sam, the way you are. Which means

you're perfect." He told her sincerely, his eyes holding her

steadily.

 

Sam blinked as she looked up at him. "I love you too, Jack. I have

for a while now..."

 

"Really? I knew it wouldn't take too long before my charm and

charisma, not to mention my startling good looks and brilliant

personality, won you over..."

 

FINIS!!!

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